Too Old, Too Dangerous
by remuslives23
Summary: Tonks wasn’t the first to hear those words given as an excuse for avoiding a relationship. Eighteen year old Remus has just joined the Order after leaving school and discovers that the hardest battle he will fight will be for a woman's heart.
1. Chapter 1

_Hiya! This is something that came to me in a lightning bolt moment - I'm not even sure where it came from. All I know is that my muse got off her lazy ass, began to write and has yet to stop, so I'm going with it. __This is UNFINISHED! I have only ever posted two fics that I haven't completely finished and edited before uploading and they were a lot further through than this one but I want some feedback to keep me going. _

_Dedication: To **MahsaFF** who's incredible knack for erotica convinced me to give a story involving the pink haired menace a try and **DragonDi** who listens to my constant whining and sends back encouragement and pictures of my beloved David. Both are cool chicks (read their stories, people, they are fantastic) who inspire me to try harder._

_WARNING: Rated M for a reason - which will not make itself clear for a couple of chappies. Sorry._

_Disclaimer: Blah, blah, blah! If I were JKR, I would buy an island, kidnap David Thewlis and Gary Oldman and make them act out my every HP fantasy. As I am not JKR, I'll have to settle for just writing about it and using my very vivid imagination._

_SORRY for the epic A/N - on with the story..._

* * *

Chapter One

'And this is Remus Lupin…'

Remus looked nervously around, nodding at the somewhat imposing looking people gathered in the room who were staring at him. He glanced over at his friends, slightly annoyed when he saw Sirius' and James' supremely confident faces.

_Doesn't anything ever phase them? _

He looked past them and saw that Peter looked terrified and felt a little better.

_I might be nervous and more than a little intimidated, but at least I don't look as though I'm about to wet myself._

* * *

The Marauders had gotten serious for the first time in their seven years of comradeship to become members of the faction known as the Order of the Phoenix - a group consisting of a mix of Auror's, Ministry workers and other interested parties who didn't believe the Ministry of Magic was doing enough to combat the evil that was invading their world. Their former Headmaster, Albus Dumbledore, had suggested the four talented eighteen year olds, who had not long finished school, join the fight against the dark wizard, Voldemort, who'd been terrorising wizards and Muggles alike for several years now. He was gaining strength every day and the side of the Light needed new recruits to boost their rapidly depleting numbers (all of them trying very hard not to think about the reasons behind the Order's falling membership).

Remus had been at a loss when he left school. Being a werewolf severely limited his employment options but despite his lack of other opportunities, his friends had to talk him into doing this. Not because he was a coward - he wasn't - but because he still had his pride, compromised as it was right now, and he needed money. Being a member of the Order of the Phoenix might _sound_ glamorous but the pay was more a sense of satisfaction that you were helping to save the world rather than an actual monetary reward.

He didn't have a trust fund like Sirius, or wealthy parents like James and Peter to fall back on…he _had _to work to provide himself with those pesky necessities of life - food, water, shelter.

He hadn't said anything, offering weak and unbelievable excuses as to why he couldn't offer his services to the cause full time, but his friends knew him well. James and Dumbledore hatched a plan behind his back - James would provide a monthly stipend in return for Remus working full time for the Order and moving into Headquarters so that someone was always there overnight to call on.

He'd refused immediately to accept the 'charity', leaving James' parent's house in a childish huff, but Prongs had sought him out, talking him around and although he still wasn't happy about the arrangement, he'd less than graciously accepted the offer, feeling resentful that the condition that had been violently forced upon him was yet again making him surrender his principles.

* * *

Now, he wondered briefly if Dumbledore had told his new colleagues exactly what he was. Looking around, he didn't see any condemnation or disgust in their eyes but then, they were spies, Auror's, experts in their field…they would be adept at hiding their emotions and thoughts.

They all seemed so much older than he and his ex room mates; so much more capable than four teenagers just out of school. The man introduced as Alastor Moody looked especially threatening, his face scarred even more badly than Remus' and his dark eyes were narrow as he silently evaluated the new members.

'Sit,' Dumbledore said to them and there was a scraping as four chairs were pulled out simultaneously.

Their backsides had barely touched the seats when they were startled back to their feet by voice uttering a loud and very clear profanity then the door flew open and hit the wall with a loud bang. Wands were drawn and the woman who'd almost fallen through the doorway looked surprised when she saw them. She looked around at the others then burst out laughing.

'Sorry to disappoint you, boys,' she said cheerfully, kicking the door shut behind her. 'But you won't get your first kill inside the heavily warded and protected Order of the Phoenix Headquarters.'

She moved as she spoke, throwing herself down next to Moody then passing him a note. 'And I'm going to hex whoever left those boots in the middle of the hall.'

Remus put his wand away, embarrassed, but Moody admonished the blonde. 'The first rule of battle is to always maintain _constant _vigilance,' he barked, glaring at the woman. 'Some of the older and more experienced members here would do well to remember that.'

The woman either didn't hear the rebuke in his voice or had decided to ignore it because she just chuckled again and leant back in her chair.

'I apologise for being late, Albus,' she said, changing the subject. 'And for making such a…dramatic entrance…'

She glanced over at the teenagers with a hint of mirth still in her eyes before she turned back to the men. 'But I do have good reason for my tardiness.'

She gestured to Moody, who spread out the parchment she'd given him and started to talk.

* * *

A lot of the content of the meeting went over their heads, Remus using the time to observe the other people at the table, still searching for any censure in their faces but they all seemed focused on Moody. He glanced over at the woman who'd come in late; she seemed young - not as young as him but still younger than the others at the table. He realised no one had introduced her but was sure she must be an Auror; she spoke with enviable self assurance about Voldemort's next moves and what actions she believed should be taken, jabbing her finger into the table vehemently at one stage to make her point. Obviously intelligent, confident and courageous…

_And not at all hard on the eye._

Remus frowned, berating himself for noticing her pretty blue eyes, her short curly locks, her nicely rounded chest…

_Cut it out, Remus!_

He looked over at the others: James' hazel eyes seemed glazed behind his glasses, the way they usually did when he was thinking about his fiancee Lily who was ill tonight and couldn't come; Peter still looked like he wanted to run away screaming, but it was the predatory look on Sirius' face that made him perk up and pay attention. Following his gaze, he saw his eyes were fixed exactly where Remus' had been thirty seconds earlier; somewhere between the blonde's chin and waist.

Nudging his friend, he frowned and shook his head when Sirius looked over to try and tell him that this wasn't on. He wasn't sure why; perhaps because she represented authority and Remus had always been very respectful of authority figures, but it made him uncomfortable to see Sirius leering at this woman.

Sirius made an 'I can't understand you' gesture but Remus knew damn well he understood - they'd been through this exact pantomime too many times for him not to. His frown deepened and he glared at the brunette, who tried to look innocent.

'I think he's trying to tell you to stop gawking at my chest, Black,' a feminine voice said at the same time they heard the scraping of chairs along the ground.

Both Remus and Sirius looked at her as several of the now departing group laughed. Remus stifled his groan of embarrassment but Sirius wasn't anywhere near as humiliated as he should rightly have been.

_That man has far too much confidence for one person._

'You know my name,' Sirius noticed, not at all ruffled at being caught perving.

'I do,' she agreed, gathering some files into a pile as the others traisped out. 'Don't feel special; I know all of your names. I was the one to do your background checks.'

She looked up and pointed at them one at a time. 'Peter Pettigrew. James Potter. Sirius Black, and Remus Lupin.'

Remus didn't know if it was his imagination but her eyes seemed to linger a second longer on him than the others and he realised that if she'd been checking up on them, she knew about his lycanthropy. This was confirmed by her next words.

'Lupin, it was my responsibility to organise a safe place for your transformations.' She pointed her wand at the pile of files and shrunk them, putting the postage stamp sized square in her pocket before turning to him.

'As you'll be staying here permanently, I reinforced the basement with some wards. I must admit, I wasn't certain how much protection it needed. I've never met a werewolf before.'

There was nothing but a lilt of interest in her even voice and she cocked her head, indicating he should follow her.

'The rest of you stay here,' she ordered, no room in her tone for argument. 'I'm giving you your assignments in a moment. Lupin…'

He dutifully followed her through a door, ignoring the crude hip jiggling actions and dirty hand gestures of Sirius and James, trying and failing not to allow his eyes to fall below her waist to what was actually a quite nice, denim encased ass.

* * *

She waved her wand when she was halfway down the stairs and a light flickered on, shining dully in the almost bare basement. The air was stale, no windows down here, and musty and her nose screwed up.

'I'll show you how to put the wards up,' she said, hands on hips as her eyes darted around the solid stone room. 'Not tonight though. Your mind is probably a bit fried after all that rubbish in the meeting; plenty of time before the next full moon… There's a cushioning spell on the walls and floor so you don't hurt yourself...and the door will be reinforced. So, what else do you need? I was pretty sure you'd be violent when you're cooped up so I wasn't sure what to put down here that you wouldn't break…'

'It's fine,' Remus broke in, sensing she could talk at this warp speed for a long time if not interrupted. 'You're right; I'd tear anything in here apart. It looks strong enough…'

He bit his lip, not used to discussing his condition with a pretty woman.

'The wards will not allow anyone in or out,' she told him after a moment of silence. 'I've put a charm on them so they'll release at dawn but you'll need to set them once you're locked in. I can put more protection on it though, if you think you'll need it.'

She was staring at him and when he glanced over at her, she smiled.

His heart skipped a beat.

_Whoa!_

'I didn't introduce myself earlier,' she said softly then held out her hand. 'Kate Bradley.'

He reached over and took her hand, startled by the tingling that spread from his finger tips and up his arm.

'Remus,' he said then added with a smile, 'As opposed to 'Lupin'.'

Kate giggled (possibly the most beautiful sound he'd ever heard) and his grin broadened.

'Alright, _Remus_,' she said with another stomach clenching smile as she let go of his hand. 'Let me know if there's anything else you want down here.'

_Um, how about you?_

He cleared his throat and nodded, mumbling a thank you as he looked at his feet, trying to hide his flushed face. There was another, slightly awkward silence and he glanced up at her, surprised to see her own cheeks were a little pinker than they'd been earlier.

_It is warm down here but still…_

'We should…um…' She waved her hand towards the stairs and Remus suddenly smiled widely, stepping back to allow her to go first.

Unashamedly watching her swaying ass this time, he wondered if he was imagining this, unsure it was even possible that a woman like Kate might be interested in him but her body's natural reactions couldn't lie.

_I can smell her arousal. She's attracted to me._

* * *

Kate quickly gave them their assignments, all business like again, before she knocked back Sirius' offer to take her out for a drink.

'I'm far too old for you, Master Black,' she murmured almost as if to herself, pulling on her cloak.

She had a funny little frown on her face and her eyes shifted to Remus for a moment before she turned away from him. 'I'll be back tomorrow. I'm to supervise each of you on your first assignments. Don't be late and don't forget to raise the wards Dumbledore showed you after you leave. And remember...'

She pulled out her wand before they'd even noticed her hand move and pointed it at them.

'Constant vigilance.'

They all laughed - she'd mimicked Moody perfectly. Kate grinned and shoved her wand into her pocket as she spun around, giving them a smile over her shoulder as she said, 'Bye,' and disappeared out the door.

They all four murmured words of farewell then almost fell over each other to get to the window to watch her leave.

'God, did you see that ass?' Sirius sighed, looking over at Remus with a hungry expression on his face. 'I _want _that ass. I want to _bite _that ass.'

Remus agreed - that was an ass you could bury your face in - but instead he said, 'She's already told you you're too young for her…'

Then he realised what had been niggling at him about her words - she hadn't really been talking to Sirius, trying to dissuade him; she'd been telling _herself_ that they were too young.

He smiled.

_Well, I'll just have to figure out a way to show her the advantages a younger man can offer._

In fact, his mind was already developing scenario' using various positions...ah...methods in which he could prove to her exactly how mature he could be, all of which seemed to require that Kate be in varying degrees of undress.

'Hey, she didn't tell us her name,' Peter complained, startling Remus from the imaginary situations that were rapidly becoming so pornographic they'd make Sirius blush, and James looked at the werewolf.

'Did she tell you her name while you were downstairs?' he asked and Remus nodded.

'Kate,' he said softly, warmth flowing through him as her name fell so naturally, so… perfectly from his lips. 'Her name is Kate.'

**_Hit me with your best shot! :-) If you got this far, it seems such a waste not to review..._**


	2. Chapter 2

_Hiya! Thanks to all who reviewed last chapter - especially those who:  
a) are giving this a try even though it's an OC and not Sirius (I have a slash coming after this fic, I swear, keep reading), and...  
b) have decided to suspend my membership to the "Tonks is a filthy skank who needs to keep her hands off our Remus" club until they read this through until the end._

_WARNING: Nothing I consider worth a warning but for those with less corrupted minds, brief reference to masturbation and some swearing._

_Disclaimer: Don't want to be JKR - couldn't stand having to claim responsibility for DH epilogue._

* * *

Chapter Two

Kate let herself into Headquarters the next day, wondering if she should be knocking now that someone lived here full time.

_Remus could be walking around naked or something._

Her treacherous heart sped up, heating her body, at the thought of catching the werewolf in his birthday suit but she irritably shook the lecherous thoughts out of her mind.

_He's a teenager! A baby, for God's sake. Get over it, Kate._

* * *

When Moody told her the Order was accepting a werewolf, she'd been sceptical about Remus' motives but she did what she always did when faced with the unknown - she researched. The basics about lycanthropy had been covered at school and Auror training but as she read more, she realised that what she knew barely skimmed the surface of the disease. Moody asked her to do the usual background checks on the 'Marauders' plus Potter's fiancee, Lily Evans - her suspicious, ever vigilant supervisor not taking even Dumbledore's word that they could be trusted.

Kate prided herself on being one of the most thorough researchers in the Auror's office and knew that Alastor trusted her to sniff out any untoward details Dumbledore may have left out due to his affection for his ex-students. He'd told the two Auror's all about the boy's exploits at school and their ingenious at getting out of sticky situations.

'Situations usually created by their own hand by the sounds of it,' Kate had said darkly and he'd chuckled, retorting, 'I seem to recall one or two sticky situations of _your _creation that occasionally came to my attention, Kate.'

Thanks to her research, she now knew more about the teenagers than they might be comfortable with. Black's family history was attention-grabbing but even so, she had to admit that she had been far more interested in Lupin.

Remus had fascinated her; even what little she'd read on paper making her look forward to meeting him but she hadn't been prepared for the shock of seeing the real deal yesterday. The one who'd hit on her, Sirius, was handsome, beautiful even, but Remus...he had an underlying primordial, _raw _quality that had struck some kind of horny, lusty chord in her; a connection that had made her slide her hand into her underwear last night and imagine his face as she touched herself.

There was no denying it: Remus Lupin did wicked, perverse things to her body - things a body shouldn't be capable of feeling from just watching someone move or talk or smile. There was something about him; he was so mild and unassuming at first glance and it was hard to believe he really became a snarling, fierce beast once a month. But she could see that under the benign surface was a man who held on tight to the reigns of his self control and she found herself wondering what it would take to make him loosen those restraints, and if he was the bookworm or the beast in bed.

She'd checked his file again last night, hoping that he'd suddenly aged a few years and it wouldn't seem so…predatory that she was lusting after a child. Alas, he was still only eighteen years and five months old - at least five years too young for the twenty four year old Auror.

_Would it be more acceptable if the situation were reversed? If he was older and I was the teenager? _

Kate had thought about this last night during the long, dark hours she'd tossed and turned, unable to convince sleep to take her. She'd dated men older than her before - more than five years older too - but somehow, it seemed so much more…sordid when the positions were reversed and it was her who was the older woman. It felt like she was taking advantage of him somehow by even _thinking_ about him in anything but a platonic fashion.

It's not like anything could ever happen between them; even if she wasn't appalled by her lustful thoughts of the werewolf, Dumbledore and Moody had made it very clear that relationships of any kind between members of the Order were not encouraged and Kate had always agreed with that policy. Getting involved with someone you fought alongside just made your judgement faulty - you couldn't be objective if you cared too much. It put the whole team at risk.

Remus wasn't the only one who liked to keep himself under tight control. As an Auror, Kate was used to completely containing her emotions and controlling her body's responses…which just made her physical and emotional reaction to Remus that much more unacceptable to her.

_It is completely inappropriate to lust after Remus Lupin. You're an adult. He is little more than a child. You can control this._

* * *

But despite her strong inner dialogue and resolve, when she saw him sitting in the kitchen, even doing something as innocuous as drinking a cup of tea, a little shiver ran through her.

_Oh, for fuck's sake, Kate! Pull yourself together._

'Good morning, Kate,' he said when he looked up, making her knees tremble with just a smile.

'Morning,' she mumbled, a little resentfully, sitting down in a chair as far away from him as possible.

It wasn't fair that he could do this to her - if he was just a bit older, she could enjoy this feeling, act on it and not feel any guilt for doing so but the five years and six months or so that lay between them was too much of a gap for her to be comfortable with - the four little letters _t-e-e-n _in his age widening the gulf considerably.

He was watching her with those deep blue eyes, looking at her as if he _knew_ that he was making parts of her body throb and he was enjoying it. She cleared her suddenly tight throat and he blinked.

'Tea or coffee?' he asked.

She nearly answered, 'Firewhiskey' but bit the response back, instead saying, 'Tea, thank you,' and hoping it would calm her nerves - and cool her libido.

She waited until he put it in front of her, his hip jostling her arm gently, before she asked where the others were.

'Trying to get Sirius out of bed still, no doubt,' he chuckled, sitting next to her then reaching across the table to retrieve his cup. 'Forget Voldemort; having to be up and alert before ten o'clock is going to be his biggest challenge.'

Kate let out a breath of laughter and sipped her tea, feeling Remus' eyes on her.

'How long have you been an Auror?' he asked and she looked over at him.

'Qualified four years ago,' she told him and saw him quickly do the maths.

'So you're twenty four?' he asked and she nodded, watching his face carefully for his reaction to the age difference.

'Not _that _much older then,' he mused, trying not to let on how thrilled he was that the age gap wasn't too wide. He looked at her, their blue eyes clashing. 'You told Sirius yesterday that you were too old for him. You're not that much older than us; than me.'

Kate looked down at her tea and murmured, 'Those few years make a big difference, Remus.'

There was a long pause then… 'It's just a number, Kate,' he said softly. 'Chronological age isn't of great consequence. It's how two people connect that's important…'

'Maturity and the ability to know when something is wrong is what's important,' she argued, then realised the conversation was heading in a direction that she didn't care to go so she frowned and tried to backtrack, turning the conversation back to Sirius.

'Anyway, I don't date younger men. I just hope _Sirius _gets the message before I have to hex him.'

Chancing a glance at him, she saw the disappointment in his eyes and felt like a complete bitch.

'Remus…'

'Morning, Moony…and good morning, beautiful Kate,' Sirius chirped as he, James, Lily and Peter burst into the room.

'Just _Kate_ will suffice,' she said, her tone becoming snappish in her annoyance at their tardiness. 'And you four are late. If it happens again, I'll hex off something that will bring your love lives to a standstill.'

Remus chuckled and finished his drink as James, Lily and Peter muttered an apology but Sirius appeared unashamed saying, 'Maybe next time you could come and wake me up.'

Kate barely glanced at him, just flicking her wand sharply, and suddenly Sirius was on the ground moaning, with his hands between his legs.

'Buy an alarm clock,' she said calmly, taking a long drink of her tea and ignoring his yelps of panic as an invisible band slowly tightened around his testicles - a spell she was rather proud of inventing.

Her wand moved again and Sirius stopped writhing, panting as he stood up, glaring at her and smoothing back his hair as the other's tried to hide their amusement.

Kate appeared oblivious to his dirty looks, calmly finishing her drink then standing up. 'Right, Potter, you're first. As I explained last night, these are short tasks - it should only take you each an hour or two to get the information you need. Make no mistake though…this _is _a test. If you don't succeed, I'll recommend you take on a more passive role in the Order. Pettigrew, Evans, Black, you wait here with R…Lupin.'

Grabbing her coat, she gestured to James to leave then, somewhat reluctantly, turned back towards Remus. 'Thanks for the tea.'

Remus smiled then, after the two had apparated, Sirius turned to him with an appraising gaze.

'She fancies you,' he said, sounding a little disbelieving.

Remus flushed and turned away, collecting the two cups and taking them to the sink to try and hide his pleased smile.

'Rubbish,' he mumbled then changed the subject to the tasks they were expected to perform today, trying to keep all thoughts of Kate out of his head.

* * *

One by one, they completed their tasks, Kate leaving Remus until last and when they returned triumphant, the other's had gone and Headquarters was empty.

'I'm off then,' Kate said, shoving her hands in her coat pockets. 'Well done today. You took the least amount of time to get what you needed. You're good at this; you've got a knack for getting people to talk to you.'

'Thanks,' he said, a grin on his face as he accepted her praise. She turned to go but he didn't want her to leave so soon. 'Can I get you something to eat? You haven't stopped for a break today and I've got a chicken pie that just needs heating.'

She was tempted, her stomach had been grumbling for hours now, but staying here with Remus - alone - was a bad, bad idea. Before she could refuse, though, her stomach let out a loud growl and he took the decision out of her hands. Surprised both by his forwardness and her unusual placidity, she allowed him to take her elbow lightly and lead her through to the kitchen.

'You'll splinch yourself if you apparate on an empty stomach,' he told her and she laughed.

'I'm not sure that's a proven theory,' she retorted.

Remus smiled and looked over at her as he took a pie out of the cooler. 'Maybe not… but you stayed,' he said and for a few moments, the air thickened in the room and it was a little bit harder to breathe.

He put the pie on the table and quickly reheated it with his wand. 'Sit,' he said softly and she did, watching him move around the kitchen. He moved elegantly - the kind of effortless grace she wished she was capable of.

_Would he be so graceful in bed? Such smooth, flawless motion as their bodies moved together…_

She shifted uncomfortably as her body and mind betrayed her and she saw Remus' head turn sharply towards her.

'Alright?' he asked and she nodded, forcing a smile.

He smiled, a little too knowingly, back and set the dishes on the table. A smug little smile played on his lips as he cut the pie, handing her a slice and they ate for a minute in silence. Kate tried desperately to ignore the heat swirling low in her belly and searched for a topic of conversation that wouldn't result in her dragging him onto the table and fucking him stupid.

'Do…do you mind talking about the lycanthropy?' she asked hesitantly and he looked up from his food in surprise.

'Um, well…I don't talk about it usually,' he told her. 'Not all that many people know what I am, but I don't mind discussing it. Did you want to know something?'

Kate poked at her pie then said, 'The books are detailed but unemotional, dry; they aren't written by someone who has actually experienced the transformations. I was just wondering how bad they were.'

He bit his lip…knowing he was a werewolf and hearing about the changes were two different things. Would she hate him if she knew what a monster he became?

'They're pretty bad,' he said softly then, when he saw nothing but empathy and interest in her eyes, he started talking.

* * *

It was as though he'd been saving everything, every thought for this moment - he told her things about the disease, about himself, that he had never told anyone. She listened, asking a question occasionally and before they knew it, the clock was chiming one o'clock and Kate was covering a yawn.

'Oh, sorry,' she said, standing up and pulling her coat on. 'I didn't realise it was getting so late. You really do have a way of putting people at ease…I should go now though.'

'There are plenty of rooms here,' Remus said quietly, testing the waters as he came around next to her and helped her with her coat. 'You could just stay.'

He left his hands on her shoulders, hoping he wasn't completely blowing any chance he might have had with her. He knew she was interested; the scent of her growing arousal had been tormenting him all night and right now, it had peaked again. She wanted to stay - and not in one of the spare rooms.

Kate lost all ability to speak for a few moments, the heat from Remus' hands almost melting her mind but she pulled herself together for long enough to stutter, 'Um, I…I don't think that would be a good idea.'

'Why?' he asked, almost daring her to admit that she didn't trust herself around him.

She took a step back, putting some space between them, and she could breathe a little easier. 'I have an early start tomorrow,' she said casually, turning and walking to the kitchen door.

He went to follow her but she held up a hand, stopping him in his tracks. 'I know my way to the front door, Remus,' she said firmly, having finally regained some control. 'Thank you for dinner… and for the conversation. Good night.'

He followed her to the door anyway and leant close as he murmured, 'Night, Kate.'

She appeared a little unsettled and nodded before apparating away, leaving Remus staring intently at the spot she'd disappeared from and promising himself that one day soon, Kate Bradley was going to be his.

**_Reviews? Please? _**


	3. Chapter 3

_Thanks to all those who reviewed and to all those who are reading and not reviewing (c'mon - give a girl some sugar!)._

_BLATANT PLUG: Not for me (although a few reviews would be nice!) but for two fantastic fics by two great chicks: **'Carnival of Dark and Dangerous Creatures' by DragonDi and 'War and Peace' by Triskelesque. **Maybe if I give them a plug, they'll post again ASAP. :-)_

_WARNING: This chapter will contain mentions of **violence, torture, death, rape of adults and children as well as some swearing. **If this makes you queasy, skip that bit and read the rest._

_Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. I am not JKR. I just want to get Remus laid by someone other than Tonks (shudders in disgust)_

* * *

Chapter Three

'We've been to the Ministry before…couldn't they just have told us whatever they need to tell us at Headquarters,' Sirius moaned, clumping along beside Remus, annoyance evident in every step. 'I could have been banging that blonde from the pub last night and waking up in her bed instead of next to your hairy backside…'

'Not my fault you're scared of things that go bump in the night and decided to crawl into my bed,' Remus muttered as they traipsed through the Atrium of the Ministry of Magic.'And I _don't_ have a hairy ass.'

He looked around, seeing the guard watching them closely. Being here made Remus edgy. Sirius wasn't the only one who had visited the Ministry before - so had he…the Werewolf Registry Department. They weren't memories he enjoyed recalling and he quickened his pace.

'I wasn't bloody scared!' Sirius retorted loudly then lowered his voice when a blonde receptionist turned to look at him.

He smiled at her and she looked him up and down with an appreciative eye.

'I wasn't scared,' he said again softly, eyes on the young woman for another moment before they moved out of view. 'I was bloody sick of alternating between listening to Peter snore and eavesdropping on James and Lily shagging. You'd think they'd be able to give it a rest for one night - they're getting married soon…they've got the rest of their bloody lives to fuck. Next time we all stay over at Headquarters, you either open up another room or don't invite Lily so I can camp in with Prongs.'

'_Prongs _invited Lily, who's presence was also requested at this meeting today and had every right to stay over,' Remus reminded him as he jabbed a finger at the button for the lift. 'And in the seven years I've known you, I have not seen you make a bed or pick up after yourself once; I am not going to tidy up any more rooms than I have to - I'm already little more than a glorified housekeeper for the Order.'

Sirius heard the trace of resentment in the werewolf's voice. He hadn't been sent on any missions yet and was becoming frustrated with just sitting around. The rest of the new recruits had been given small tasks over the past two weeks, mainly helping the Auror's and Dumbledore, but Moody was waiting until the upcoming full moon had past before he gave Remus anything useful to do.

Deciding to drop the subject, Sirius crossed his arms over his chest and yawned widely. 'Who chose this time anyway?' he moaned, checking his watch. 'Bloody sparrow's fart…who's up this early?'

'_I _chose this time,' a female voice said from behind them. 'And I've been here for nearly two hours.'

They turned around and saw a ridiculously alert looking Kate looking pityingly at Sirius. 'I apologise if I've interrupted any much needed beauty sleep, Black. I suppose it must have come as a shock to realise that there's a six o'clock in the morning as well as one at night.'

Before he could answer her back, the elevator doors opened and she herded them in. 'Pettigrew, Evans and Potter have been here ten minutes,' she told them, grasping an overhead handle, frowning in irritation when Sirius jostled her as more people entered the lift.

She shifted but that meant her backside brushed up against Remus' front…not a particularly horrible position to be in but given her body's propensity for threatening to spontaneously combust around the young man, having these particular body parts in close contact didn't seem to be a very good idea…this suspicion confirmed when Sirius bumped into her as the elevator took off and she fell more heavily against the man behind her.

One of his hands moved to her hip to steady her, bracing her with his body, parts of which felt considerably… firmer than they had thirty seconds ago. Kate stifled a gasp as his turgid cock rubbed up against her ass cheek, an ache beginning in her now heated core and she could feel her nipples pebble under her robes. As she tried to move away, his hand tightened on her, holding her where she was. She didn't want to make a fuss in the crowded car so she bit her tongue and tried not to notice that his fingers were scorching her skin even through her robe.

'We were late because Sirius couldn't get his hair to sit properly,' he told her, Kate jumping a little when she realised how close his mouth was to her ear.

He spoke at a normal volume, his voice steadier than she knew hers would be.

'I wasn't the only one poncing about with my hair,' Sirius said defensively, tearing his eyes away from the young receptionist who had followed them into the lift to glare at Remus. 'Besides, they were the only ones who slept well last night - or at least Pete did. James and Lils were up early for…other reasons.'

He smirked and turned his attention back to the woman as the lift stopped and a voice announced the floor.

Under the cover of the movement and noise, Kate hissed, 'Get your hand off me.'

She felt rather than saw Remus smile and the hand slowly slid off her hip, dragging around to ghost over the curve of her ass before it fell. 'You can stand on your own then?' he teased gently.

'For several years now, thank you,' she snapped, taking advantage of the extra room and grabbing a handle further away from him.

However, she couldn't resist sneaking a look back at him, eyes slipping down his body, unable to help but notice the more defined bulge in his jeans. He shifted, turning so she could see every inch of his 'condition' and she looked up, startled to see him watching her, his blue eyes both amused and hungry.

'Something wrong?' he asked, raising an eyebrow and trying to look innocent.

Kate knew her cheeks were pink and narrowed her eyes. 'Just seeing if your hair was worth the time you spent on it,' she muttered, turning back to face the front of the car.

'Was it?' Sirius piped up, smiling flirtatiously at her.

'No,' she snapped, startling them both with the irritability in her voice. 'And I'll warn you now - I only give one second chance and you just used it up. I won't tolerate tardiness without a better bloody reason than trying to decide on which hair product to use. I've got better things to do with my day than spend it chasing up a couple of kids who can't drag themselves away from the mirror.'

The elevator jerked to a halt and she turned to look at them disparagingly. Remus had thrown her off balance by touching her, teasing her so unashamedly and turning her body into a shaking, hormonal mess. She hated how easily he'd been able to turn her into a simpering, pathetic…_girl_, instead of a steady, capable Auror, and she fought back with spit and fire.

'It's time to grow up now, _boys_,' she said in a scathing tone as the elevator stopped and as soon as the doors were open, she walked briskly away, calling, 'Hurry up!' over her shoulder to the astonished teenagers.

* * *

Five hours later, Remus wondered if it really was physically possibly for a brain to turn to mush from information overload. Kate - pretty, sweet smelling, face like an angel, Kate - had a spine of steel and a constitution of solid stone, proving beyond any doubt that she rightly deserved the position of right hand 'man' to the legendary Moody. Allowing them no breaks - not for food, drinks or bathroom - her glare stopped any objections while the words were still forming.

'You think you can just pop out in the middle of a mission for a quick coffee? First one to ask for a break can say goodbye,' she told them, her eyes hard as she stared even the irrepressible Sirius down.

She had, as she put it, 'drawn the short straw' and was expected to take them through all that the Order and the Ministry had been doing to try and combat Lord Voldemort's influence in the United Kingdom and Europe.

'Before we send any of you out on a mission, you have to be aware of what you're facing,' she said, glancing over at Remus, who's face flushed when he realised she'd overheard his earlier complaints.

Kate ran through lists of the known Death Eaters and their family background (Sirius looking grim as she touched on his family tree, although there was no condemnation in her face), their known and suspected hideouts, possible schemes for gathering more followers, and some future planned attacks the Auror's had uncovered (through means she wouldn't disclose) and foiled. Despite her reluctance to reveal anything about Auror interrogation techniques, she spared them few other details - telling them that forewarned was forearmed.

As their stomachs growled and their eyes drooped from weariness, she finally told them about the missions that had taken place in the last six months - successful or otherwise - then slapped a thick file down in front of them, making them jump.

'All of you look at those photo's carefully,' she said, pacing up and down on the other side of the table. 'Do _not _look away.'

James opened the folder that had landed in front of him and recoiled immediately when he saw a wizard photograph of what looked like an eviscerated body, face slashed beyond all recognition, lying in a pool of crimson blood. Lily gasped and covered her mouth, not prepared for the very explicit vision of the viciousness of a Death Eater attack. Peter was silent although he turned an unnatural greenish hue. Kate was quietly impressed when the obviously squeamish boy did not turn away, also gaining a reluctant admiration for Sirius and Remus who remained stoic, Remus taking over flipping the photographs when James turned to put an arm around his distraught fiancée.

'Don't!' Kate snapped as Lily buried her face in James' shoulder. 'Look at them, Evans!'

Remus' hand stilled, his brow furrowing as he looked up at Kate. The expression on her face was intense, raw; it almost hurt to look at it. She'd been steadily becoming less detached throughout the morning as she revealed more and more details of recent missions, and it was obvious the last threads of her restraint were fraying fast.

'I…I…can't,' Lily stammered, shocked by Kate's vehemence but instead of showing the distressed girl some mercy, the older woman leaned across the table, snatching up a photograph of a slaughtered family and slamming it down in front of her.

'LOOK AT THEM!' she yelled, making all of them jump and look down obediently. 'This is Martin Kovich and his wife, Jeanneta. They had two children, Katelyn, who was five, and Abigail, who was three. They were targeted because of their work in the Ministry. The Death Eaters took the kids and made their parents watch as they cut into the five year old and tried to peel the skin off the baby. Then they raped Jeanneta, forcing Martin to watch before they finally killed them all.'

She grabbed another photo and slapped it down next to the first.

'This is Scott Jones…a Muggle. He was caught walking home from work alone by three Death Eaters. He was orally and anally sodomised then tortured before being left to slowly bleed to death in the snow.'

James interrupted her. 'What the hell do you think…?' he began angrily but Kate whipped up her wand and cast a Silencing Spell on him before snatching up another picture, holding it up to Lily's face.

'This is Charlene Maple,' she said quietly, anger still evident in her voice. 'She is eighteen years old. She attended Beauxbatons Academy and was found walking the streets of London, babbling nonsense. Her mind was broken…she's in St. Mungos now; she'll never get married, she'll never have kids...'

There was a long moment of silence. Peter's mouth was hanging open, his eyes darting between Kate and Lily, James was glaring furiously at the Auror, and Sirius and Remus, his eyes fixed on Kate, looked on as she put the photograph down carefully on the table. The anger had left her face and she seemed drained all of a sudden.

Her blue eyes met Lily's teary, emerald orbs as she whispered, 'If you can't even look at death, how are you going to stand up to meet it?'

Kate straightened and her wand flicked up, releasing James. He stood up angrily, Remus jumping up as well and putting a restraining hand on his arm. Lily stood too, turning to her fiancee before he could let loose his tirade.

'No, James,' she said softly. 'She's right. If I can't even look at these photographs, I shouldn't be here.'

She pulled him down, back into their chairs and lowered her eyes to the photo's. Remus sat as well, all five teenagers now staring at the pictures as Remus continued to shuffle through them slowly.

* * *

Kate stood in front of the desk, watching as Remus turned the photographs one at a time. They were all different but the same theme carried throughout - death, destruction, devastation. She could name every person in those pictures and knew exactly what curse or hex had taken their lives. She'd been involved in some of those battles, found some of those bodies, and as they flashed before her eyes once more, she felt the edges of the scab that covered the wounds those deaths had caused lift a little, threatening to reopen and leave her heart to bleed out.

She clenched her fists as Remus flipped over a picture of a fellow Auror who'd been killed right beside her just weeks ago. Despair and anger threatened to flood her once more and she closed her eyes tight for a few moments to force it back.

_I've already lost control once. I can't let it happen again._

'That's enough,' she said quietly and Remus quickly closed the folder, sliding it across the table to her.

She picked it up and held it to her chest, crossing her arms over it.

'You know what you're up against now,' she said softly, not looking at them, instead looking out the window at the magically created bright blue sky. 'The _real _story - not that 'everything will be alright' crap the Ministry spouts through the Daily Prophet. This is why Albus Dumbledore founded the Order of the Phoenix. This is why he continues to try and gather supporters to help in the battle.'

She turned around and put the folder back on the table, laying her hand palm down on it and tapping it lightly, her voice rising and becoming a little shaky.

'_This _is why _I _fight, and it has to be why _you_ fight. Not for glory or renown or to prove something to yourself or others. You have to fight for the ones who can't fight for themselves and for the ones who died trying to win you the freedom you've taken for granted for so long. They can't have given their lives for nothing.'

Kate bit her lip and sighed almost inaudibly. None but Remus were looking at her - the werewolf's eyes following her tiniest movement intently as the others looked at the folder containing the gruesome photos.

'You've got twenty four hours to change your mind about your membership in the Order and then you'll start to be assigned missions,' she told them, her voice steady again. 'Think carefully. You aren't just responsible for your life out there…don't be too proud or stubborn to admit you can't do this. There's no shame in admitting you were wrong.'

She waved her wand and the parchments and files scattered across the table disappeared. Turning her back to them, she pointed her wand at the door which opened immediately.

'Go.'

* * *

The other's stood but Remus remained seated, waving Sirius away when he looked at him questioningly. Once the door shut, he sat silently as Kate, unaware he hadn't left, buried her face in her hands and took several deep, tremulous breaths, muttering, 'Fuck,' under her breath.

'You fought alongside some of those people,' he said quietly, seeing her jolt before she spun around. 'You saw some of them die.'

'I told you to go,' she muttered, blinking away the moisture that had risen to her eyes. 'Don't you know an order when you hear it?'

'You said we have twenty four hours,' he retorted mildly, standing up and moving around the table. 'I don't have to listen to your orders yet.'

The corner of her mouth twitched and she looked down at the ground, pushing a curl behind her ear absently. 'You're right,' she agreed then raised her head. 'However, as I'm going for lunch and you need to be supervised here…'

'...I should come with you,' he finished and she frowned.

_Not quite what I had in mind._

But she didn't argue when he followed her to the cafeteria then back to her cubicle to eat the unappetising food.

The first minute was spent in silence, picking at the food, then he asked, 'Do you like your job?'

Kate looked up at him then put a forkful of salad in her mouth, chewing slowly and swallowing before answering.

'Usually,' she told him, thinking. 'I like researching and don't mind the paperwork. I…I enjoy tracking down criminals; the adrenaline high when we catch them…it's a bit of a rush when you complete a successful mission and I feel more alive than I ever do at any other time.'

Remus was surprised by her flat tone and his eyes searched her face, looking for signs of the passion that her words suggested she felt for her job, the fire that should have been there but was conspicuously absent.

'But now…it's different,' she continued. 'The risk was always there but now... there is too much death.'

She looked at him and sighed loudly. 'I don't know.'

Her eyes fell to her plate but not in time to hide the pain there. Remus acted on impulse, reaching across the desk and sliding his fingers over hers. He wanted to take that pain out of her face and to do that, he had to help stop all the death. Wondering exactly when she'd managed to crawl so deeply under his skin, he squeezed her hand lightly.

'I don't need twenty four hours, Kate,' he said softly. 'I want to fight. I'm ready to fight.'

_**I know - it was long. But since you made it this far...that review button is sooo close now...**_


	4. Chapter 4

_Hiya! Thanks to all who reviewed last chapter. Your comments are much appreciated. If you've read my stuff before, you know I work up to the 'love' so hang in there. I promise mega smut later. Completely unnecessary, gratuitous sex. Interested? Review! Till then, I hope you actually like the story as well._

_WARNING: Um, swearing, sexual frustration...lack of smut...does that need a warning?_

_Disclaimer: Nothing you know and want to shag is mine. Sadly, they belong to a British woman who doesn't know how to treat them properly.:-(_

* * *

Chapter four

'So, what time does the moon rise tonight?' Kate asked a few days later, slopping some peanut butter on a slice of bread.

Remus grimaced and took the knife off her, making her look up in surprise. 'How can you eat that shit?' he asked, throwing the bread in the nearby bin.

'That was my lunch!' she exclaimed, staring at him indignantly.

'That wasn't food,' he said, reaching for a chicken salad he'd prepared last night in anticipation of feeling exhausted today. 'I made enough of this to feed an army. It's better for you.'

She frowned at him, mouth slightly agape as she watched him serve out two plates of the salad. He handed her a plate and smiled widely when he saw her expression.

'You've got a lot of nerve, Lupin,' she muttered, but grudgingly accepted the plate.

* * *

Moody and Dumbledore had asked her to keep a close eye on Remus today; the older wizards were concerned Remus might not be strong enough by evening to get safely to the basement and raise the complicated wards in time.

Kate, although quite interested in the transformations, had argued with them… '_I'm a bloody Auror, not a babysitter!_'' but they had insisted and so here she was - getting admonished by a teenager about her eating habits.

She sat down at the table, silently thinking that the salad looked a lot better than a peanut butter sandwich, and she watched him as he moved around the room.

'To answer your question, the moon will be up around six o'clock but I'll lock myself in the basement well before I get too weak to raise the wards…'

He watched her face closely and hid a smile when he saw the tiny facial tic that told him he'd been right - Dumbledore was concerned he was going to mess this transformation up and had sent Kate to look after him.

She'd looked less than pleased when she turned up half an hour ago, claiming she had a day off and was bored so _'entertain me, Lupin, with your thrilling tales of werewolf transformation'._

Not that he'd been unhappy to see her - to the contrary, all sorts of meltdown alarms and warning sirens had gone off inside him when he'd opened the door and she'd smiled at him, and he was grateful the sweater he wore was long and loose, covering the effect the sight of her in a skirt and scoop necked, cleavage revealing shirt had on him. Or was it the effect of imagining himself ripping that shirt off her...?

His mind wandered for a second, imagining the expression on her face if he ever acted on the urge...then shook himself out of his daze, taking his lunch to the table and seeing that the look she was giving him right now was not one of desire or lust as he might have hoped… it was more like amusement, which was not exactly the feeling he wanted to inspire in her.

'What?' he said, putting down a drink in front of her then taking the next chair.

'You're very domestic,' she shrugged, pulling her drink towards her.

'I enjoy preparing meals, cooking,' he told her with a smile. 'My mother and I spent a lot of time together in the kitchen. I used to measure everything out for her when she baked.'

'Mmm,' she murmured, sipping her juice. 'That doesn't surprise me. You are a very methodical person; orderly and organised.'

He raised his eyebrows. 'Have you been psychoanalysing me, Kate?' he asked cheekily, surprised when she nodded.

'Had to,' she said, stabbing some lettuce and chicken. 'I had to make sure you weren't going to go crazy at the first sign of stress and take everyone out with your super-werewolf powers.'

Remus smiled and took a sip of his drink. She'd studied the new recruits far more closely than he'd realised and he was interested in knowing what she'd thought of him.

He was also interested in seeing her smile that mind melting smile again.

'Really?' he asked. 'Tell me what else you worked out about me, Dr Freud.' He wondered for a moment if she'd understand the Muggle reference, his question answered when she chuckled.

'My mind isn't nearly as filthy as that man's was,' she laughed, poking at her salad again. 'I'm sure your psychological make up is rooted in something other than an oedipal type relationship with your mother.'

'I don't know…I _was _very close to my mother,' he said in mock seriousness and Kate laughed again.

'I stand corrected - maybe your hidden sexual perversions are very Freudian. Tell me, do you date women who remind you of your mother?'

Remus grinned. He loved a woman with a sense of humour…

'My mother hated every girl I ever liked enough to bother bringing home,' he told her, fondly recalling the woman's polite '_I'm sure she's lovely, Rem, but she's not really right for you, is she?_'. 'She used to say they were pretty and nice enough but that they were vapid, that I needed someone to challenge me out of bed as well as in…she was a very _blunt _woman.'

'Sounds like a smart woman,' Kate murmured, sipping her drink and glancing over at him. He had a reminiscent expression on his face with a little sadness in his eyes.

'When did she die?' she asked, her tone gentle.

He turned to look at her. 'Your research?' he guessed, assuming she'd found out about his mother's death in her files.

'No,' she said softly. 'I recognise the look of someone who's lost a parent.'

Remus tipped his head and looked at her thoughtfully. 'Easter,' he said finally, trying to ignore the lump that still rose in his throat even six months after his mother's death. 'She died this past Easter; my dad died a year ago.'

He paused then asked, 'You?'

He saw her thinking about whether to answer him or not then, to his irritation, obviously decided not to. She stood up, apparently unaware of his annoyance and gulped down the remainder of her juice.

'So, do you need anything else in the basement tonight? Food, water…'

'Like a dog?' he snapped, regretting his tone when he saw her stiffen.

'…or bedding and spare clothes,' she finished, stung by his sharpness but deciding to pretend he hadn't spoken. She scraped the remainder of her lunch into the scrap bin then put her plate in the sink. Turning, she started when she realised he'd moved silently up behind her. Goose bumps broke out over her skin when he put a hand lightly on her arm.

'I'm sorry, Kate. That was unnecessary,' he said contritely, giving her arm a little squeeze. She quickly pulled the limb from his grasp and shifted so she could no longer feel the heat coming off him.

'You move very quietly,' she told him. 'You'd be good on stealth missions.'

'Kate…'

'Forget it, Remus,' she interrupted. 'It's fine. Now, what else can I do to make tonight more comfortable?'

* * *

When he woke the next day, he was lying on a fluffy mattress and had a blanket draped over him, and clean robes folded next to him. As usual, before he moved, he tried to focus his mind on identifying where the pain was coming from so he could begin to heal himself. But as his brain cleared, he realised that the usual injuries and pain were missing and that all the discomfort he was experiencing were normal aches and pains that came with the bone breaking transformation. He rolled over and looked down at himself, checking every inch of his body for a cut, a bruise, anything. There was a new scar across his thigh and purpling bruising spread across his chest that was somehow numb and greasy rather than sore to the touch.

'You were bleeding everywhere from the cut,' he heard Kate's voice say softly. 'I healed you earlier and put something on that bruise to numb it. I was worried you might have nicked an artery. I hope you don't mind.'

'No,' he rasped, pushing himself into a sitting position with a grimace, eyes searching for her. '_You _healed me?' He was suddenly very conscious of his nudity and pulled the blanket up to his shoulders.

_Stupid! She's already seen everything you've got - scars and all…shit! She saw my bite…and, fuck, she saw my co…_

'Remus? I'm sorry if I overstepped…'

'No, that's fine,' he told her, knowing he was blushing ridiculously. 'Can you come down? I'm decent.'

She walked down the stairs, approaching him tentatively. Moody had come last night to ensure Remus was safely behind the wards and they cringed together as the Silencing spells broke under the weight of his howls of pain.

'Double the spells next time,' he told her after he repaired them. 'I'll come back in the morning to heal him…'

'No, I'll stay tonight and check on him when it's over,' she told him, knowing there was no way she could go home and leave him alone after hearing his screams of pain.

As it was, sleep was elusive, Kate ending up dozing on and off on the couch then taking down the wards as soon as the first crack of light streamed through the window. She'd been disturbed by the state of him - bleeding, bruised and so tired he didn't even wake when she healed his leg, or the other dozen or so smaller cuts, nor did he wake when she rubbed ointment into his chest which was heavily bruised, and he was still asleep when she levitated him onto the transfigured bedding. She stood there for a minute, staring at him curled up under the blanket, and wondered where someone drew that kind of strength from.

'How are you feeling?' she said now, stopping at the bottom of the stairs. 'Is there anything you need?'

'Did you do all this?' he asked now, clearing his throat, trying to get the roughness out. 'The mattress and blanket…'

'You looked pretty uncomfortable,' she told him, shoving her hands in her pockets and looking down at the stone floor. 'I checked on you when the sun came up…I…didn't see…I levitated the blanket down and… covered you up before I…'

She stopped talking, thinking she was just making this embarrassing situation even worse with her sophomoric stuttering and wished she'd let Moody come and heal him as he was going to.

Remus smiled at her discomposure - he had a suspicion that Kate didn't lose her cool very often and he was gratified to see that he had managed to break through some of that poise more than once now. She wasn't as unaffected by him as she liked to let on. Her unease made him feel less self conscious and he said her name quietly, waiting until she looked up before he said, 'Thank you,' softly.

She smiled back and a funny ache shot through his chest. This time, it was him that looked away, needing to ease that intense pressure behind his ribs that wasn't caused by the transformation.

'Do you need a hand to get up the stairs?' she asked and he frowned.

'Um, I might,' he admitted, and tried to push himself to his feet, his arms and legs buckling for a moment but Kate hooked her forearms under his armpits and hauled him to his feet.

The blanket slid down and both Remus and Kate grabbed for it fast, but not before Kate got an eyeful of a round, oh-so-tasty werewolf ass cheek that made her forget to breathe and her hand itched to slide over the flesh, cupping and kneading until he turned around and slammed inside her…

'Holy shit,' she let slip and a choked laugh/cough escaped him.

Irritated with her slip of the tongue and her erotic thoughts, she steadied him then scooped up the clean robe, helping him into it while keeping her gaze firmly averted.

'Come on,' she muttered, flushing as he slung his arm over her shoulder and leant a little more heavily on her than she thought was necessary as they made their way through the house.

* * *

His breathing was coming faster by the time he reached his bedroom but he doubted it had anything to do with the walk up the stairs. Kate's breast had been pressed against his side and her arm was wrapped around his waist, his entire body tingling with awareness from her close proximity. Remus breathed a loud sigh as he fell onto his bed - relieved that he'd gotten here without kissing her; regretful for the same damn reason.

'Thanks again,' he said and she gave him a quick smile.

'Oh, I've got a pain potion,' she remembered, pulling it out of her back pocket and holding it up. 'You want it now?'

He nodded and she popped the cork out of the vial, sitting down next to him and handing it over. Remus took it, noticing his hand was shaking as he raised it to his lips and drank it in one go.

'Are you alright?' she asked softly, biting her lip as she also saw the tremors.

'Yeah,' he said, gazing at her.

He hadn't been this close to her before - her side was pressed against his and he could see very clearly the green flecks in her blue irises, the long, dark eyelashes, the burnished gold streaked through her blonde curls, the slightly crooked smile and the seven freckles on her nose. Then all of a sudden, her face was getting closer and he could feel her breath on his cheek and he didn't know whether he was leaning over or if she was but all he knew was that his lips were mere inches from hers and she wasn't stopping him...

The front door slammed downstairs and Kate jumped off the bed. 'Jeez, um, I should... go,' she said quickly, moving fast towards the door.

'Kate, don't leave,' he pleaded but before he'd finished his sentence, she was thundering down the stairs, calling a greeting to Sirius and Peter before he heard the door slam again and she was gone.

**_Leave a review? Please? I promise I'll have some smutty stuff soon..._**


	5. Chapter 5

_Hi all! Thanks so much to everyone who reviewed last chapter. I can tell you that I've never wanted to put a chapter up less than I did with that one. I don't know why - I just tend to overthink and overedit, but I hated it. I'm just glad you guys didn't. :-)_

_WARNING: Blood is spilt this night...nothing graphic, I promise. Maybe a swear word or two..._

_Disclaimer: I am not JKR. I do not own Harry Potter. I do, however, quite enjoy twisting the universe for my own perverse pleasure (and usually Remus' perverse pleasure as well - keep reading for examples of this in coming chapters)_

* * *

Chapter Five

**Three months later**

'You've been eyeing each other off for ages now, Moony,' Peter said a couple of weeks before Christmas, looking over at his friend. 'Aren't you ever going to make a move?'

'You wouldn't know what to do with her if you caught her would you, Remus?' James teased, throwing a clump of mistletoe at his reclining friend. 'The older woman and all that; who knows what her expectations would be in regards to performance and endurance. It's a lot of pressure on a young man.'

The werewolf turned away from his parchment to glare at the bespectacled man. 'I'm sure I'd figure _something _out if she'd give me the time of day, Prongs,' he mumbled.

'I could give you some hints if you like - I caught and married the hottest girl in school after all,' he said, kicking Sirius when he snorted then stopped to admire his gold wedding band.

He and Lily had married in a low key ceremony a week ago and the Marauders were already sick of hearing him refer to Lily as Mrs Potter - although Remus had to admit to himself that he was a bit jealous of what his friends had together.

'I'm pretty sure I've worked out what to do by now,' he said mildly, looking back down at his book. 'I just need a willing partner.'

Sirius' bark of laughter caught his attention as the brunette said, 'Anyway, if Moony needs some pointers, he'd probably come to someone who's been with more than one chick like moi,' before a wreath flew at his head.

'Pointers from _you_?' Remus said with a raised eyebrow, glancing up from the hard cover novel. 'Isn't it _you _whose particular charms have earned him several hexes to the precious Black family jewels?'

The others chuckled and Sirius' amusement faded at the reminder of the ball breaking hex that he'd fallen victim to three times before he'd given up his attempts to get into the young Auror's knickers.

'Yeah, well, at least I tried,' he mumbled, tossing some tinsel carelessly at the Christmas tree they were supposed to be decorating. 'Not like some people who are mooning after her from afar like they don't own a set of bollocks.'

Remus frowned but had to admit that they were right…it was well past time to make a definitive move.

* * *

After that 'almost kiss' in his room all those weeks ago, something had shifted between he and Kate, a hesitant kind of friendship had formed, underscored heavily by their mutual attraction. There was a fragile bond between them - one he wanted to strengthen and explore; one she originally wanted to ignore but gradually had begun to acknowledge.

They had been circling each other, an intricate dance that could be destroyed with one misstep. They took turns leading: Remus would pursue then back off as Kate seemed about to flee; then Kate would make a tentative step, Remus treading carefully so as not to frighten her away but his timidity came across as disinterest and she retreated. It was frustrating and arousing at the same time but had grown tired of it and now just wanted to come straight out and tell her that he was infatuated with her, that he dreamed about her, that he couldn't get her out of his fucking mind and that she was driving him slowly but steadily towards insanity.

His physical attraction had developed into a serious addiction to her smile, her laugh, her scent… but he was aware of the need to tread carefully, to not push her for contact that she was clearly uncomfortable with. Her reluctance to turn this into something other than a working relationship was foremost in his mind and he didn't want to do anything to fracture this delicate connection they were forming.

He'd been out on a few missions with her but the others were there too and tracking down Death Eater haunts wasn't exactly conducive to romance, but afterwards…

Afterwards when the others had all gone home, she'd started accepting his offered drink, which had eventually stretched into them eating dinner together and talking into the early hours.

Kate was interested in him in a way no one else had ever been - not the 'shock horror' fascination other people displayed when they found out what he was but real curiosity about the physical and emotional changes he underwent. It wasn't a clinical interest but a human one…he saw the empathy and compassion, but thankfully not pity, in her eyes. She discussed werewolf regulations with him, asking him how they affected his life, what his plans for the future were; she asked his opinion about current events and Order tasks and missions. She didn't treat him as though he needed to be shielded or protected as his friends did which, although he loved them for their concern, made him feel completely useless more often than not.

In turn, she would talk about her job, her colleagues, the Ministry…Kate was so serious about her job and it was like watching a switch flip sometimes. They would be laughing together, and she would be relaxed and laidback then an owl would come or a floo and she'd be brisk and tense and steely spined again. He still knew almost nothing personal about the pretty woman; whenever he asked her about something more intimate than her job, she changed the subject. But they were getting along and Remus had been hoping that their friendship would soon blossom into something more.

Then, a few days before she left on a mission with Moody (three long weeks ago), disaster struck in the form of a teasing comment about Remus' 'glaringly obvious crush' on the Auror from one of Kate's peers, Marlene McKinnon, who jokingly labelled the woman 'a cradle snatcher'.

Remus overheard the remark and noticed that immediately afterwards, Kate, the most interesting yet infuriatingly stubborn woman he knew, had pulled completely away, all the ground he'd been making gone with that one thoughtless sentence.

During those few days before she left, he had tried to get close to her again, although he had made little headway. Kate did her best to ensure she wasn't left alone with him if she could help it, making it very difficult to talk to her about this personal subject. The one time he'd caught her in an otherwise empty room, she tried to bolt, Remus stopping her by blocking her exit.

'_Stay back for a drink?' he'd asked as she gathered up rolls of parchment. 'I'd like to talk to you some more about being an Auror.' _

_She shook her head, scooping up the papers. 'I can't,' she said, avoiding his eye. 'I've still got some work to do tonight before I leave tomorrow…' _

'_You're leaving tomorrow?' he asked, his dismay more obvious than he would have liked. _

'_I'm going on the mission with Moody - it's been brought forward a bit,' she answered, looking up at his face briefly. 'That's who you should talk to about being an Auror…the man's a legend.' _

'_I'm not interested in learning more about Moody,' he said bluntly, annoyed that she was being deliberately obtuse. 'I want to get to know you, Kate.' _

_Her face flushed a little and she moved around him, taking great pains not to brush up against him at all. _

'_Remus, this… crush …you have on me…it has to end…you have to stop this,' she mumbled, edging closer to the door as she spoke. 'I…I am too old for you and…I'm not interested.' _

_He stepped in front of the doorway, Kate startled by his swiftness. 'You_ are _a little older than me,' he said, leaning towards her. 'But I don't care about the age difference so stop using that as an excuse. You_ are _interested in me…I call_ smell _how interested you are.'_

_Kate frowned for a moment then her jaw dropped in horror as comprehension hit. He was a werewolf with an enhanced olfactory sense - he'd been able to smell her arousal when she was around him._

'_Fuck,' she muttered, making him chuckle. _

'_Don't tell me you're not interested, Katie,' he whispered, the cute version of her name slipping out. 'Your body doesn't lie. You want me every bit as much as I want you.' _

_Kate took a shuddering breath then glared at him, her pretty face hardening. 'I'm not interested…and the last person to call me Katie still walks with a limp so I suggest you get out of my way before I hex you as well.'_

He hadn't seen her since - she left the next day as she said she would and no one knew when their team would be back.

* * *

His sigh was louder this time and Sirius looked over. 'Ok, Moony?' he asked and Remus nodded.

'Full moon soon,' he said evasively, using his lycanthropy as an excuse for his moodiness rather than admit that he was hurt that Kate was stomping all over his ego (or was that his heart?). 'I'm a bit tired; I think I'll go lie do…'

'LUPIN!'

The loud, gruff voice rang through the house and all four men jumped, pulling out their wands and stepping out into the hall.

It was the startling sight of a frazzled looking Moody that met them and they lowered their wands as he demanded, 'Is Kate here?'

They frowned, surprise making them speechless - shouldn't he know where Kate was?

'IS SHE HERE?' he yelled, startling them back to life and they shook their heads.

Remus stepped forward. 'Wasn't she with you?' he asked worriedly and was alarmed by the concern on Moody's craggy face.

'She disappeared,' he muttered, pushing past them and limping into the kitchen, looking around as if he didn't believe they weren't hiding her. 'We were checking out an area believed to be used by Death Eaters as a meeting place but we were ambushed. Somehow, they knew we were coming and they were waiting.'

He sat down heavily and Remus sank into the seat next to him, asking urgently, 'What happened to Kate?'

'I told her to apparate,' he said distractedly, yanking a flask out of his coat. 'But one of them grabbed her as she did. I don't know where she ended up.'

He took a long gulp of what smelled like Firewhiskey then pushed himself to his feet. 'I have to go to the Ministry…I thought she'd come here but perhaps…'

There was a loud bang and the sound of stumbling in the hall and Moody pushed the younger men out of the way, leading with his wand as he moved towards the door.

'Remus?' a trembling voice called and Moody rushed out of the kitchen, closely followed by Remus who recognised Kate's voice. 'Alastor?'

When they got into the hall, Kate was slumped against the wall, wand pointed towards them, held in a visibly shaking hand. She saw Moody and relief swept across her face.

'You're alright,' she whispered, her arm falling to her side as she slid down to the floor.

It was then they noticed the blood streaked across the wall behind her.

* * *

Remus managed to catch her head before it hit the ground, horrified by the blood that immediately soaked his hands.

'Get her on the ground,' Moody ordered roughly, kneeling beside him and Remus laid her down carefully, his heart stopping when he saw her blood soaked clothes.

The older man examined her, then waved his wand, murmuring incantations under his breath.

'God, there's so much blood,' Peter whispered, getting a sharp, 'Shh!' from James.

'Pray it's not all hers,' Moody mumbled, lifting her eyelids then swearing loudly.

'Black, go and get the box of potions from the kitchen cupboard,' he demanded curtly, running his hands quickly and efficiently over Kate's body as he checked her injuries. 'Potter, get some towels. I need something else to try and stem this bleeding - the spells just aren't working quickly enough…Pettigrew, a blanket…'

'Kate,' Remus whispered, brushing her hair off her forehead. 'Open your eyes.'

'Lupin, help me,' Moody said harshly and Remus sat up, desperate to do something, _anything_ constructive to help Kate. 'I need you to try healing these wounds. Use the strongest spell you know and keep trying. Dark curses did this - it probably won't work the first time…'

Remus pulled out his wand as Moody ripped open Kate's shirt, revealing the large, jagged wound across her ribs then pressing the towel James handed him to the cut. 'This one's bad but do the head wound first - it's bleeding the most and it's deep.'

Remus nodded, searching through Kate's blood drenched hair to find the gaping wound, grimacing when he saw a flash of white bone through the crimson.

'Deep…Jesus, it's down to the bone,' he gasped then pointed his wand at the cut, mumbling a healing spell.

Moody was right - it took more than ten attempts with a strong spell he used to heal his werewolf wounds before the edges of the injured skin began to knit. Moody was still waving his wand over her and murmuring the almost melodic incantations when Remus started to try and heal the long cut across her ribs.

'Black, take the green potion out and get it down her throat,' Moody said quickly as he checked her eyes again, Remus' hopes rising when he let out a satisfied little rumble.

Sirius fell to his knees and tipped Kate's head back, pouring the foul smelling potion down her throat.

'Lupin, let me finish it,' Moody said quietly and Remus sat back on his heels, watching the Auror heal the last wound.

The old Auror sat back with a relieved sounding sigh, pushing hair off his face and leaving a long, red streak of Kate's blood across his forehead.

'When will she wake up?' Remus asked, staring down at the newly healed ragged looking scar.

'Shouldn't be too long,' Moody answered, frowning down at Kate for a moment then pushing himself to his feet with an involuntary grunt. 'Get her upstairs. I need to get to the Ministry…Lupin, give her another of those green potions in thirty minutes and Floo me if she isn't awake in an hour. Make sure you contact me…she needs further treatment…'

He took a last look at Kate then limped towards the front door, slamming it behind him.

'I'll help you, Remus,' James said but Remus shook his head, sliding his arms under Kate's body.

'I can do it,' he said softly, lifting her against his chest.

* * *

She wasn't small, only an inch or two shorter than him, nor was she particularly thin, her body toned, healthy and athletic, but right now she felt fragile, breakable in his arms. Sirius followed him up the stairs and helped him strip her tattered, bloody clothes off - noticing Remus' agitation as he dipped a cloth in some conjured water and attempted to clean some of the dried blood off.

'You really like her, don't you?' he asked softly and Remus glanced up at him.

'She's a nice woman,' he said evasively. 'I hate seeing her hurt.'

Sirius let out a breath of laughter. 'I see the way you look at her, Remus,' he said. 'Nice woman, my ass!'

'I got this, Pads,' Remus said firmly, letting the other young man know further comment and help was unnecessary. 'Thanks but maybe you lot should go and see if Moody needs your help.'

Sirius snorted but took the hint, leaving him to it.

Nearly half an hour later, Remus was sitting next to the bed, rocking slightly as he waited impatiently for the potion Moody had given Kate to work. Her face, suddenly looking many years younger, was the same shade as the pillow underneath her head, her short blonde curls still stained pink even after Remus used a spell to remove the dried blood. Occasionally her eyelashes fluttered against her cheek but then, she would be still again. He was gripping her hand, willing some of the life inside him to go to her and bring her back from wherever she was… before it was too late for her to return.

**_I solemnly swear to have a little lovin' in the next chapter...I'll only know you want it if you review though (cackles evilly)..._**


	6. Chapter 6

_Hiya! Thanks to all who've reviewed and those who are reading and choosing to let me suffer... Thanks to abigail (my anon. reviewer) and I hope you keep reading and reviewing, duckie. :-)_

_WARNING: (jumps up and down, clapping hands gleefully) FINALLY, A LITTLE SMUT! SMUT, SMUT, SMUT! Ahem, I mean, this chapter contains some adult situations that are not suitable for children. If you are a child, please turn back now._

_Disclaimer__: Hmm... if I was the richest woman in Britain, I'm sure I would be shagging a well hung British actor with long fingers and blue eyes. As I'm not currently shagging said actor, I can only assume I am, in fact,_ not _the richest woman in Britain...so therefore, I must not be JKR. DAMN!_

* * *

Chapter Six

Just as he was preparing to administer the second potion, Kate groaned and opened her eyes, blinking a few times as she adjusted to the lamp light that seemed unreasonably bright after the deep darkness she'd been immersed in.

'Kate?' Remus said, moving to sit on the edge of the bed, taking her hand once more.

'Fuck, my head hurts,' she mumbled faintly and he smiled, sighing in relief as he reached for the potions box.

'Which one is the strongest pain potion?' he asked, holding it open and she tried to prop herself up.

'That darker blue one,' she said then flopped back onto the pillow. 'I feel so damn weak.'

'You lost a lot of blood, Kate,' he told her, uncorking the vial then slipping an arm underneath her shoulders.

'I can do it,' she said irritably and he nodded.

'Sure you can,' he murmured, supporting her anyway as he held the potion to her lips. Her hand covered his and together they tipped the potion down her throat.

'Did I imagine seeing Alastor?' she asked, reclining back on the pillow while she waited for the fast acting potion to kick in.

Remus shook his head. 'He was here. He's fine,' he said, trying not to notice that the sheet had slipped down to her lap, revealing her white bra and, more interestingly, the pale, rounded flesh above it. Clearing his throat, he regretfully tugged the sheet back up.

'What happened?' he asked and she groaned at the thought of the early morning events.

'They knew we were coming,' she told him, her voice gaining strength now. 'Alastor told us to get out of there but someone grabbed me…'

The pain potion was kicking in and she gestured for him to hand her the box. He did and she continued as she rummaged through it.

'I apparated to where we'd been camping…he got a couple of curses through my shields before I…' She bit her lip and frowned. 'It'll all be in my report.'

He guessed what had happened and didn't push her to say it, instead watching her sort through the vials.

'Blood replenishing potion,' she said after a few seconds, pulling it from the box and popping the cork out with her thumb.

She pushed herself up, Remus hastening to assist but she smacked his hand off her. He sat back on the edge of the bed with a frustrated huff then realised the sheet had fallen again. His eyes flickered down, despite what he admitted was a piss poor effort to stop them, and his body stirred.

Biting his lip, he stood up fast. 'I'll go and sort something out for you to wear,' he muttered, not meeting her eye as he escaped from the room before gave into temptation and made a complete fool out of himself by trying to snog her on her sickbed.

He returned several minutes later, having found nothing suitable in the spare clothes in the wardrobe so he'd dug out a shirt and pair of jeans of his own that were a bit too small for him. His breath caught when he saw her sliding out of the bed, dressed only in her underwear.

'Oh…' he said, eyes widening as he let them slide over her, his brain so completely consumed trying to memorise every inch of that skin that he forgot oxygen was rather important to his survival.

'The potion's kicked in,' she said a little self conscious. He was looking at her with such hunger that it took her breath away and she ached for him, her body calling to his. 'I...I feel much better now.'

'Uh huh,' he murmured, eyes still cataloguing each scar, every freckle. A familiar scent hit him powerfully and jolted him out of his stupor, his gaze meeting hers and he couldn't help the smile that tugged at his lips.

Kate frowned then recalled a conversation held weeks ago…and a fresh rush of heat swept through her, the realisation that he could smell her, smell what he did to her, only intensified her need but she fought it back with what felt like the last shreds of her self control.

It took a moment for her to remember how to speak then she cleared her throat and said hoarsely, 'Clothes?'

'Um, I bought you these,' he said, voice cracking. 'I…er…don't know if they'll fit…' He tore his eyes away and threw the clothes on the bed. 'I'll go and…'

He waved his hand, not quite sure how he'd been going to finish the end of that sentence and bolted for the door, shutting it behind him then leaning against it with a groan.

'She is so hot,' he moaned, closing his eyes and trying to tell his body to behave as it went haywire. Sirius was right - he had it a lot worse for Kate than even he had realised.

He was still trying to control his breathing when, a minute later, the door opened behind him. He stumbled back, right into Kate, knocking her over and landing heavily on top of her.

'Ow!' she yelped and Remus quickly rolled off her and onto his side, reaching for her.

'God, Kate, I'm sorry,' he gasped then he lifted her shirt without asking if it was alright. 'Did the cut reopen?'

He checked the wound on her stomach, unconsciously skimming his fingertips along the edge of the still closed scar tissue, oblivious to the heat that seared through her, the goose bumps his touch raised.

'This one's alright,' he murmured then leaned over her as he shifted his attention to her head. His fingers sank into her thick hair and pushed it aside, satisfied after a careful look that the cut was still properly healed.

He looked back down at her face, worry furrowing his brow. 'I'm so sorry, Kate,' he said regretfully. 'I…'

His next words were lost, though, as Kate reached around and grasped the back of his neck, pulling his face to hers and kissing him.

* * *

_Holy hell, what am I doing?_

That was the last sentence to go through Kate's mind before it emptied of all logical and coherent thought as Remus overcame his initial moment of surprise and returned her kiss eagerly, opening his mouth and dipping his soft tongue between her lips. She moaned and met it with her own as it flicked at her lip and a groan rumbled in his chest. He shifted, his body now pressed against every inch of hers as deepened the kiss. Kate allowed it, encouraged it… tasting sugary sweetness and what she imagined Adam tasted when Eve convinced him to try the forbidden fruit.

Sin.

When her teeth nipped at his lip, he counteracted her teasing nibbles by plunging his tongue into her mouth, drawing a long moan from somewhere deep down inside her. His groan sounded tortured as his hips rocked against hers, letting her feel exactly how the kiss was affecting him; Kate feeling her own arousal surge as his rock hard cock rubbed against her and she raised her hips to meet his. He was touching her everywhere; hands rising to touch her skin, her hair, as if all his senses needing to get their fill of her before whatever common sense the fall had knocked out of her came back and she changed her mind. This was pure, unadulterated pleasure the likes of which she'd never felt before but never wanted to live without again.

Their mouths moved hungrily, breathing ragged and loud as they took what they'd both wanted for months. Kate pushed up the back of his shirt, skimming her hands over his bare back and a shiver shook his entire body as a little whine of need slipped from his lips. His mouth lifted off hers, and she made a noise of complaint as he left her feeling bereft. Remus smiled, Kate feeling the grin before he pressed his lips against her jaw.

As his mouth glided along her skin, his hand slid under her shirt, burning a trail over her ribs before his palm curving over her breast. His mouth travelled a moist path down her throat, his tongue pressing against her pulse point for a moment, feeling it thumping fast and hard in her neck. Kate bared her throat to him in an unconscious gesture of surrender and submission. She may have initiated this, but Remus was taking control - and, for now in the confused whirl of sensation, she was letting him.

His teeth nibbled down her windpipe lightly, teasing little bites leaving red marks that his tongue then stroked over, soothing the injured skin. Kate's fingernails clawed at his back and she rubbed her hips against his, gasping when his thumb circled a nipple, bringing it to a throbbing peak. He rolled it between a thumb and forefinger then made a strangled noise before he lowered his head to her breast, taking her cloth covered nipple into his mouth.

His tongue soaked the t-shirt as he lapped at the hard nub, drawing it deep into his mouth before he raised his head and shoved the shirt up, pulling down the cup of her bra impatiently. Warm, demanding lips closed around her and she bucked up, losing all sensation in her extremities…all she could feel was what he was doing to her breast and what she wanted him to do to the rest of her. She wanted him to touch her where she needed it the most; wanted him to try and relieve this ache inside her that becoming an actual physical pain.

Almost as if he'd heard her desperate thoughts, his slightly calloused hands slid over the curve of her stomach, her abdominal muscles clenching. He lifted his head from her breast, his darkened eyes and undisguised hunger drawing a tiny moan from her. He looked older now, his face tense and he appeared almost dangerous in his desire and for a moment, she could see the stirring of something primitive and primal behind his lust filled eyes. Instead of frightening her as it probably should have, it excited her further and she fidgeted as she tried to find a release from the havoc he was wreaking on her body.

'I want you so badly,' he whispered, fingers moving to undo the button on her jeans, to pull down the zipper as he lowered his head and rained kisses all over her stomach. 'You smell incredible…I want to taste you, Katie.'

Heat throbbed in her lower body at his words, making her clit swell and her desire spill over, dampening her cotton knickers. Remus didn't wait…as soon as her fly was open, he slid his hand into her knickers, tracing the crease of her soaking sex then lifting it to his mouth, sucking his fingers with such fervour that Kate thought she might just pass out from the rampant lust that was making her shake like a leaf. This was overwhelming; she needed to try and take control back now, to set the pace.

'Fuck me,' she whispered, hand going to his fly. '_Now_, Remus…I can't wait…'

Her hand shook as her fingers danced over the large bulge of his erection and his hand joined hers, pressing her palm more firmly to his cock, moaning as he rubbed it over himself. His fingers fumbled with his zip then tore the opening apart, sending the button flying under the bed.

'Neither can I,' he breathed then crushed his lips back to hers, breathing coming in pants now as they tugged frantically at each other's pants.

'Are you up there, Remus?'

They froze, trying to silence their heavy breaths as the sound of Peter's voice carried up the stairs.

'Remus?'

He spat out, 'Fuck!' softly before calling out shakily, 'Yeah, I'm just helping Kate with her potion. I'll be down in a minute.'

Kate winced when she looked over and realised the bedroom door was still open…

_God, anyone could have seen us._

She pulled her shirt down as he let out a frustrated growl. 'They have the worst fucking timing…' he grunted, pushing himself off her and straightening his clothes, grimacing when his hand brushed over the throbbing erection in his pants. 'How the bloody hell am I meant to hide how fucking hot you make me?'

'Stick it under the cold tap,' she muttered, having her own problems with a shirt that had a wet spot over her breast. 'Shit…this went too far…I didn't mean…'

'_Don't_!' he ordered, his voice sharp as he glared at her. 'Don't you _dare _dismiss what just happened, Kate. That…connection…or whatever it is we have, doesn't happen all the time and I won't let you brush it aside as if it were an everyday occurrence any longer.'

She was startled by his vehemence and when he stood up and held out his hand to help her, she took it, allowing him to pull her to her feet and draw her close.

'We _will _finish this, Kate,' he told her firmly, hands moving to do up her still open fly, allowing his finger to trace the line of her sex through the denim and smiling wickedly when she unconsciously leaned into his touch. 'I promise you that.'

He let her go, Kate furious that she actually stumbled a little when her knees couldn't hold her steady.

'I'll see you downstairs.'

He disappeared and she heard him thundering down the stairs as she sank onto the bed. 'What am I doing?' she murmured, burying her face in her hands. 'This is so wrong…so very wrong…'

But it had felt so right.

She wasn't an innocent by any means - she'd been with several men in the eight years since she'd lost her virginity; some her own age, some older…some _a lot _older…but she had never experienced the incredible sexual energy and compatibility that she had just now with Remus. No man had ever made her so hot with little more than a kiss and no man had such an instinctive knowledge of exactly what she wanted and how she wanted it.

'This isn't right,' she told herself, rubbing her face hard. 'This is wrong…he's so much younger than me. He's a teenager...god, he could still be a virgin...'

But his touch hadn't been inexperienced…the age difference hadn't mattered one iota from the second their lips had touched. He knew what he was doing, knew a woman's body…he was no virgin…

'Wrong, wrong, wrong!'

* * *

Ten minutes later she joined the four Marauders and Lily Evans in the kitchen where they were having lunch, smiling as she grabbed her jacket from the chair where someone had put it. There were some blood stains on it but right now, she didn't care if she looked unfashionably filthy…she just needed to get out of here - and not just to get some distance between her and Remus. Before their…encounter, she had recalled which spells the Death Eater had hit her with and realised that she needed help that Remus couldn't provide.

Lily was asking how she was and if she could help. Kate was grateful but refused assistance… any Healing skills they could offer were of almost no use to her right now. Moody's potions and incantations were temporary…she needed to go and endure the more permanent solution…a short but painful session with Ministry trained Healers specialising in the healing of Dark Spells. The treatment would ensure no trace of the Dark curse had been left inside her to fester and grow - eating her from the inside out.

'I must have given you all a bit of a fright before,' she said, sliding her arms into the coat, catching Remus' frown. She hated that she had been a tease but she had made a decision about him while she was sitting on the bed upstairs and took a breath before she continued. 'Sorry about that. Such is life as an Auror. Good thing I'm not the relationship kind - I don't know anyone who'd put up with me bleeding all over the floor as often as I do.'

She'd said it casually, smiling when the three young men and Lily chuckled, before her eyes darted over to Remus who was leaning up against the counter, a hardened expression on his face. He'd gotten the message - and he wasn't happy about it.

'I've got to go to the Ministry and do my report,' she said, running a hand through her bobbed curls, trying to make her mop look neat and not at all like the sexiest man she'd ever known had been running his hands through it. 'Thank you all for your help.'

She glanced over at Remus again then turned away.

'I'll walk you out,' Remus said.

'No need…'

'I _insist_,' he ground out, unable to hide his anger and the other's watched him curiously as he followed Kate to the door.

'What was all that shite about?' he hissed and she pulled the coat tighter around her.

'Remus, this is wrong,' she said softly. 'It shouldn't have happened. I'm six years older than you. It's my fault - I shouldn't have let it get this far…'

'I don't give a rat's ass how old you are,' he snapped, trying to keep his voice low. 'Are you seriously telling me that while you were _begging_ me to fuck you just now you were thinking of the difference in our ages?'

'It isn't a good idea,' she insisted, looking over his shoulder to ensure no one was nearby. 'Dumbledore and Moody don't want Order members getting involved with each other…I don't need the distraction of casual sex right now.'

'There is nothing casual about how much I want you, Kate,' he muttered, hand rising to her head, curling a lock of hair around his finger.

She reluctantly pulled away and said, 'I'm sorry, Remus. It should never have happened… and it'll never happen again.'

She turned but he grabbed her arm and stopped her. 'Kate…'

'You're a _kid_, Remus!' she said forcefully, yanking her arm out of his grip. 'A teenager. I had no right to start this. You're only going to get hurt.'

'I wanted it,' he told her. 'I _still_ want it. Kate, I'm not a kid, I'm not inexperienced. I know what this is and I'm prepared to take the chance on us.'

'There is no _us_,' she growled, feeling an urge to stamp her foot. 'Remus, I'm too old for you, my life is too unpredictable, too dangerous…'

'I'm in the Order, Kate,' he snapped. 'I'm a werewolf, for fuck's sake. I know danger - I don't scare easily...'

'Just _leave_ it, Remus,' she said, a touch of a plea in her voice now. 'Please, leave it alone.'

Before he could stop her, she slipped out the door and he watched her apparate away.

'Moony?' he heard James say and he shut the door harder than necessary.

'What?' he growled, turning to look at him.

'We just got a Floo from Dumbledore,' James said, ignoring his snappish tone for the moment. 'He wants you and me to go to Hogwarts - we're going on our first mission.'

Remus stared at him, a thrill of both excitement and dread running through him and, pushing the distracting thoughts of Kate to the back of his mind, he reached for the travel robes that were hanging on a hook near the door.

'Better not keep him waiting then,' he said, moving back towards the kitchen and the Floo.

'Remus, are you alright?' James asked softly as his friend got close to him.

Remus sighed then nodded. 'Yeah,' he mumbled, buttoning his robes. 'Yeah, I'll be fine.'

**_I will accept your wrath now...(bows head to hide her 'Hehe, I'm the daughter of Lucifer' grin)..._**


	7. Chapter 7

_Hiya! Thanks to everyone who reviewed last chapter, including abigail - thanks again, chookie! Kate copped a bit of flack for knocking Remus back but remember, she did make the first move - she's not as immune to his charms as she may seem. She's just very stubborn.:-)_

_BLATANT PLUG: For me - I posted a T rated fic called **'First Kisses'** earlier. Check it out and tell me if I can write sexless fluff. Also, DragonDi's fic **'Carnival of Dark and Dangerous Creatures**'. She updated today and OMFG I sobbed through the first half. That woman can write and she listens to me moan about how much I hate Tonks - I love her! Go and read and review!_

_WARNING: Um...none. Sorry if I got your hopes up._

_Disclaimer: Not mine. Sigh. Imagine how much more interesting that scene in the Shrieking Shack would have been if I owned Sirius and Remus (there would have been a lot more nudity, that's for sure)._

* * *

Chapter Seven

They stumbled less gracefully than they would have liked out of the fireplace in Dumbledore's office at Hogwarts and shook off the soot as Dumbledore came forward, hand outstretched.

'Sit down, James, Remus,' he said, shaking each of their hands. 'Have you met Fabian?'

Remus and James nodded, smiling at the Auror who waved a hand in greeting.

'Are you ready for this?' Dumbledore asked, his blue eyes searching theirs as if he could directly into their souls.

They both nodded again. Up until now, they'd been sent on small tasks, a little, low risk information gathering only and were eagerly anticipating the chance to do something a bit more constructive and…hands on. The fact the Fabian Prewett, who they both knew was a big deal in the Auror department, was sitting here as well sent a little shiver through the younger men…this was the real thing.

Albus smiled, glancing over at the redheaded man. 'Fabian will explain what your mission is and what you'll be required to do. He is going with you…'

His voice faded and Fabian took over, leaning forward in his chair as he told them that Ministry sources in Wales had revealed an usual number of unexplained deaths in a Muggle village. The Auror department believed that they may have found a previously unknown Death Eater hide out.

'We are short staffed right now with Moody's mission going wrong - some of his team were injured…Kate Bradley's in the hospital wing I believe, so…'

'What?' Remus cut in sharply, looking from Fabian to Dumbledore. 'She was fine ten minutes ago…'

'She went from Headquarters straight to the Ministry's own hospital wing. She was cursed with dark magic, Remus,' Dumbledore explained, blue eyes unblinking as he contemplated the brown haired man. 'She needs some intensive Healing but Alastor assures me that she'll be fine…'

He glanced back over at Fabian, who was looking at Remus with some bemusement. 'Kate's a tough chick,' the Auror said with an appraising look in his slightly narrowed eyes. 'She's more than capable of looking after herself. Is your mind going to be on this task, Lupin, or will it be with a pretty blonde?'

Remus flushed and spoke defensively, 'My mind is where is should be.'

Fabian snorted. 'Didn't reallyanswer my question,' he muttered but continued on. 'As I was saying, we decided to use some of you new recruits today to do some reconnaissance work in the village. They won't recognise you so you'll be able to move around more freely than an Auror could. We need to check the area for any abandoned houses and talk to the locals - see if there have been any unusual activities going on lately. We chose to use you two over the others because Kate indicated you were the quickest to complete your test tasks and that you both, you in particular, Lupin, had an ability to get people to open up to you. That's what we need now.'

He glanced over at Albus who nodded then his eyes shifted back to Remus. 'If either of you don't believe you're ready…'

'No,' James said quickly, looking over at Remus who nodded. 'We're ready.'

* * *

They apparated to the outskirts of the small village, startled when two people stepped out of the bushes nearby.

'Ready?' Gideon Prewett asked his brother who nodded.

'Hi Remus, James,' Alice Jones said with a nervous smile.

They mumbled a greeting back - they'd known Alice at school and she was dating their former room mate, Frank. They had both had been accepted into Auror training. Fabian introduced his brother who nodded briskly at them then got straight down to business.

'Right,' Gideon said, passing James and Remus a Muggle watch each and a handful of Muggle money. 'Potter, you go with Jones into the grocery store. Find some old biddy's and ask them about the village - you know…"we're a young couple thinking of moving here and want to know more about the place"…they'll love to tell you all the gossip. Make sure you ask about the crime rate…'

'Don't worry,' Alice teased, linking her arm with James'. 'I won't tell Lily.'

He chuckled as Gideon turned to Remus. 'Lupin, I'm sending you to the Muggle pub.'

James made a noise of complaint. Remus grinned and Gideon and Fabian chuckled.

'You're limited to two drinks, Lupin - one if you're a lightweight,' Fabian warned him with a smile. 'There's a drunk in there - always sits at the end of the bar. I want you to befriend him, talk to him about the strange happenings in the village of late. He's got a big mouth but he'll be too threatened by Gideon and I to open up. You're more…unassuming. He should feel more comfortable with you.'

He fumbled in his pocket and drew out a few more Muggle notes. 'If not, keep the drinks coming and he'll eventually say something interesting.'

'Gideon and I will check the deserted houses around the outskirts of the village…We'll meet back here in…two hours enough, Gid?'

The other man nodded and they set the alarms on the Muggle watches they all now wore. 'Don't be late unless you've got a damn good reason,' Fabian warned, with a glare at them. 'You put everyone's life at risk if we have to go searching for you.'

He looked around at their eager faces and frowned. 'This isn't practice; this isn't school. This is real and you will suffer a real death if you aren't careful. You are responsible for not only your life but the lives of those on your team. Be vigilant; be subtle; be careful.'

All three new recruits took a simultaneous breath and nodded.

'Right, off you go, Potter, Jones. You'll have to walk - the market's in the open about five minutes down this road. Lupin, you can apparate to the back of the pub…'

Fabian pulled out a roughly drawn sketch so Remus would have an idea of where the drinking hole was.

'Right…two hours and you'd better have a Death Eater slung over your shoulder if you're late.'

James and Alice took off at a jog and Remus took a last look at the hand drawn map before closing his eyes and apparating.

* * *

He found the man with no problem…he was one of only two people in the small pub. He must have been in his forties (although he looked considerably older) with a scraggly beard and long hair. He was grubby - the odour of someone who'd long gone unwashed reaching Remus' sensitive nose as he approached. Remus sat down a stool away from him and ordered a whiskey, throwing the notes down on the grubby wooden bar. As he thought, the money drew the man's attention and he cast a few furtive looks Remus' way for several minutes before the werewolf turned to him and nodded.

'Hey,' he muttered and the drunk grunted a greeting back.

'You're not from around here,' the man said, his words slurring a little and Remus wondered how long he'd been in here.

'No,' replied Remus, sipping slowly at his drink. 'I'm passing through…might stay for the night though. Do you know anywhere I can kip down?'

'There's a B & B up the road,' the man answered, hiccoughing a little. 'They'll see you right.'

'Thanks,' Remus said and saw the man's glass was almost empty. 'Let me buy you a drink.'

The man grinned and pushed his tumbler towards Remus. 'Scotch,' he told him happily. 'I'm George.'

'John,' Remus said, using his middle name as his given name was too unusual to be forgotten. He lifted a hand to the barman and said, 'Another Scotch for my new friend.'

An hour later, the inebriated man was telling him all about the town. 'Fucking dump,' he slurred, waving his hand around dangerously. 'Scotch tastes like fucking water…' The barkeeper glared at him but he continued. 'Beer tastes like cat piss.'

He squinted at Remus. 'Funny goings on lately too.'

Remus' stomach clenched and he tried to look casual. 'What do you mean?' he asked and then man tapped the side of his nose.

'The big men are trying to keep it quiet,' he mumbled. 'But there's been bad things happening here…murders…funny murders; people just droppin' dead for no reason. It's a bad business, young John.'

'You think it's a local doing it?' Remus asked and the man shook his head.

'Nah,' he ground out, waving his glass. 'Nah, strangers…there's been new faces and…noises…I reckon that they've got some kind of cult or something going on.'

'A cult?' Remus said, sipping at his drink. 'What kind of cult?'

'Well, I don't know, do I?' George exclaimed. 'But what else would they be doing all the way out there? There's no other houses…no other people….but those noises…' He shuddered. 'Enough to make a man turn to drink.'

He laughed hysterically at his own attempted joke, Remus offering a smile.

'Where is all this happening?' he asked, finishing his drink and sneaking a look at his watch. It was nearly time to go. 'So I know to keep clear. Don't want to accidentally become a human sacrifice.'

George chuckled and waved his arm towards the door. 'Morgan's Road,' he declared. 'You stay away from it, John-me-mate. 'Nother drink?'

He held up his glass hopefully but Remus shook his head, standing up. 'Nope,' he said, scooping up the remaining cash. 'Gotta go.' He threw down a note in front of the drunk. 'Have another on me, though.'

George tipped his empty glass at him and had another drink of Scotch in his hands before Remus closed the pub door behind him.

* * *

James and Alice were waiting when he appeared with a pop. 'Hey,' James said, looking relieved to see him. Remus knew how he felt…he was equally as relieved that his friend was alright.

'Did you find out anything?' he asked and Alice shook her head.

'Every time we asked about crime, they clammed up. They were getting suspicious so we left. You have any luck?'

'Some,' Remus told them. 'I got…'

There was another pop and Gideon appeared. 'Why weren't your wands out?' he admonished them. 'I could have been a Death Eater.'

'I think I know where they are,' Remus blurted out and Gideon stared at him.

'Where?' he asked.

'Morgan's Road,' Remus said and Gideon frowned.

'Morgan's Road,' he murmured, pulling out a map of the area. 'Fabian was checking in that area…'

He glanced down at the face of his watch and the others saw his jaw clench. 'We'll give him two minutes.'

Remus, James and Alice all checked their watches - time was up and Fabian, who had been so insistent that there was no excuse for tardiness, hadn't returned.

The three teens looked to Gideon who, after a minute, calmly folded up the map then shoved it into his pocket.

'Jones, apparate to Headquarters and let anyone there know that Fabian's late back…'

'He's only a minute late,' she cut in and he glared at her.

'Fabian is an Auror,' he snapped, losing control for a moment and letting his concern shine through the calm façade. 'He is _never _late. Now, go back and let them know he hasn't returned and tell them I'll send my Patronus when we need back up. Go!'

Alice jumped and quickly spun, disappearing, as Remus and James glanced at each other. Both had noticed Gideon had said _when _we need backup, not _if_.

'You think something's happened to him?' James asked but the older man didn't answer.

'Take my arm,' he ordered and they didn't hesitate, each grabbing the muscled forearm tightly then the redhead turned.

Darkness fell and a squeezing sensation stole the breath from their lungs but almost before they even registered the discomfort, it was gone.

* * *

They opened their eyes and saw they were in a wooded area, a dilapidated old house in front of them, light shining from one upper floor window. Remus looked over at Gideon who was staring intently at the house then checked his watch quickly in the fading light. He cast a spell, frowning when several human shaped shadows appeared before them.

'Seven,' he muttered, then looked at them. 'We have to assume Fabian is in there with them. Too many - we need help.'

He held his wand up and a silvery thing shot out of it, darting off through the trees. 'They'll come now…You two wait here for them, I'm going in…'

'No,' they both said at once.

'You can't go in alone,' Remus added. 'James can wait here…I'll come with you…'

'No, you won't,' James said indignantly. 'We all go or we all stay.' He glared at Gideon. 'We are all responsible for each other now…remember?'

Gideon looked pained but nodded, running a hand through his hair. 'Protocol. We wait,' he said slowly, turning away from them then looking over his shoulder. 'Lupin.'

He gestured with his head that he should follow him and moved a few steps away from James.

'That was good work today,' he said quietly when Remus came alongside him. 'I…I want to apologise to you. You probably don't know this but when Dumbledore said he was allowing you to join the Order, I…'

'…objected?' Remus finished and smiled. 'Don't worry about it. I would have been stunned if no one had a problem with a werewolf joining the Order…'

'Yeah, well, I want to say I'm sorry,' Gideon interrupted. 'I didn't think you could be trusted…I thought you were a spy for Voldemort. I was wrong, and when I'm wrong, I admit it.'

'I appreciate the apology,' Remus said, taken aback by the man's intensity. 'You didn't have to tell me…'

'Yeah, well, sometimes you've got things you've got to get off your chest before…'

He stopped then smiled at Remus. 'Anyway, Kate was right. You're a good guy, Lupin.'

Remus grinned, a little too widely. 'Kate said that?' he asked and Gideon chuckled, turning and leading him back towards James.

'Beware, young Lupin. That path has been tread by many unwary suitors,' he said with a laugh in his voice. 'Older and wiser men than you have been felled by that woman's sharp tongue.'

'What woman?' James asked curiosity but before either of them could answer, there were several white flashes as back up arrived in the form of Alice, Moody and Sirius.

'Right,' Moody said, taking charge. 'Talk.'

* * *

The tall redhead explained the problem and cast the same spell he had earlier, seeing the same shadows.

'I think that one there is Fabian,' Gideon said softly, pointing to one of the figures. 'The other figures have all moved but that one hasn't.'

He cleared his throat and Moody glanced quickly at him. 'You alright to do this?' he asked and Gideon nodded.

'He's my brother,' he said firmly. 'And I want him back…one way or another.'

Moody nodded curtly and started barking orders. 'They've got some piss poor wards up but I can break those for a minute so we can get in. Black and Potter, you take the bottom floor; Jones, you follow me; Lupin, go with Gideon. I'll take the upper floor. Gideon, you find Fabian. Everyone ready?'

They all nodded, gripping their wands tightly and Moody frowned.

'This is the real thing. They are Death Eaters in there and it's likely they already have one hostage. None of those pissy little hexes you were famous for at school - they won't cut it here. You can't hesitate to kill if you need to because they won't.'

He took one more look at their determined faces and nodded.

'Right…let's go.'

**_Reviews are my oxygen! Don't cut off my air supply...I'll die and you'll never know how it ends._**


	8. Chapter 8

_Thanks to all my reviewers, including my anonymous friend, **abigail,** for your kind reviews. I reached 100 last chapter and was jumping up and down excitedly (well as much as my big ass and D cup boobs allow)!_

_You may notice (I hope you notice) that we've skipped the fight. It wasn't necessary and to be honest, I suck at writing fighting sequences. Instead, this chapter focuses on the emotional aftermath._

_I had a line in mind from **Mahsa FF's **fic **'Had We Never Loved So Blindly' **when I wrote this sex scene and thank her for her fantastic advice which helped me make it flow better. Also, Happy Birthday to **nioshireami **- told you I'd give you smut for your birthday (close to it anyway)!_

_WARNING: I promised sex and I deliver (I only hope you don't send it back). I should also say that there is mention of bloodshed as well._

_Disclaimer: Nope. Still not JKR. Still don't own HP. Still living in small Aussie town where David Thewlis has no hope of finding me and realising I'm his true love…_

* * *

Chapter Six

Kate paced the floor, biting her thumb nail anxiously, unaware of Peter Pettigrew and Lily Potter's eyes on her, following her as she moved backwards and forwards.

'Albus, let me go to them,' she said suddenly, spinning around to stare pleadingly at the man.

He shook his head firmly and pulled out the chair next to him. 'You would be a liability…you are not at full strength,' he told her.

'Then let me call some other members from the Ministry… Emmeline or Benji…'

'Alastor will call if he needs us,' he said then frowned at her as he gestured towards the chair. 'Sit down, Kate.'

His eyes moved to Lily and Peter, who were both pale and ill looking and she understood that seeing her unease was only making it worse for them.

She sat down heavily and sighed.

* * *

Kate had arrived at Headquarters ten minutes ago, hoping for some information after hearing at the Ministry from Emmeline Vance that an Order raid had gone wrong. She hadn't expected Remus to be involved though and was horrified when Peter and Lily had told her James, Remus and Sirius were all in the midst of the trouble.

'Sirius and I were here with Moody when the Patronus came,' Peter explained in a voice a few octaves higher than usual. 'Moody told me to stay here to wait for Professor Dumbledore and Lily.' He looked over at the young woman, who'd been working with Dumbledore when he got the news, and patted her shaking hand.

Lily nodded, staring fixedly at Kate. 'It's not good, is it?' she asked. 'That Fabian didn't come back? That they needed help?'

Kate couldn't force any words of comfort past the lump in her throat so she just settled for a shrug and looked away.

She was worried for all of them, she tried to tell herself and she was…Fabian and Gideon were friends as well as colleagues but the one person occupying her mind, consuming her thoughts was the bloody, irritatingly persistent Remus Lupin. She didn't know what troubled her more: the fact that Remus was in danger or what it might mean that she hadn't ever been quite this terrified before.

_Damn it, how did he do this? How did he become so important to me without me even realising it?_

* * *

The front door banged open and Kate stood up abruptly, chair falling over onto the floor with a clatter as she turned to face the doorway. Dumbledore rose more gracefully as the battle weary members stepped into the kitchen, bringing with them an atmosphere of defeat.

Lily, who'd been standing by the kitchen bench, let out a strangled sob and threw herself at a bleeding James who grabbed hold of her like she was the only thing anchoring him to the earth. Peter had been standing with Lily and stepped forward to clap his friends on the shoulder. Sirius sank into a chair, head in his hands and James reached out, putting his hand on his best friend's shoulder as Lily hugged a crying Alice.

Kate's eyes searched and found Remus who was standing almost hidden behind Moody, and she let out a shaky breath of relief to see he was alright. His eyes were dark and haunted and he looked younger than usual, staring at her blankly as Lily hugged him.

Dumbledore stepped forward and said to Moody, 'The Prewett's?'

Kate looked at Alastor, whose eyes moved from Dumbledore to her own before he slowly shook his head. Cold ran through her and she reached out, feeling for the edge of the table to keep herself steady as her knees wobbled.

'Fabian?' she whispered and Moody looked pained.

'Fabian was blindsided as he checked the property. He fought - bought down two or three on his own by the looks of it,' he said wearily, staring at Kate, who was suddenly finding it difficult to breathe. She and Fabian had been close not so long ago. 'But there were too many. Gideon…'

He glanced over at Remus who mumbled, 'Excuse me,' and quickly left the room.

Kate watched him and made a sudden movement as if to follow but stopped herself, wanting to hear what happened to her colleagues, her friends.

'Gideon and Lupin found Fabian's body,' Moody explained quietly. 'They fought the Death Eaters but they were outnumbered; by the time we got there, Gideon had fallen and they had cornered Lupin. He was hit with a Cruciatus but… we got to him in time. He's alright - we gave him some potions for the pain…he was bloody lucky to get out of there alive.'

Kate felt a horrible churning in her stomach when she realised how close Remus had come to losing his life. Sirius made a distressed sound in his throat and Moody sighed, lowering himself into the chair next to the dark haired boy.

'We took the bodies back to the Ministry but I told Scrimgeour I want to inform the next of kin…'

'No,' Kate said shakily, running a hand over her damp eyes. 'No, I'll tell them. Molly's my friend…I dated Fabian…I want to tell them, Alastor.'

Moody stared at her distressed but determined face for a moment then nodded and Kate picked up her jacket from the back of the chair. 'I'll just…go to the bathroom first.'

She slipped out of the room, taking a few deep breaths then headed for the bathroom.

* * *

Stopping outside the door, she could hear the sound of retching and hesitated, waiting for the sound of the tap running before she entered.

Remus was leaning over the bowl, washing his mouth out, then splashed water on his pale face before he stood up and caught sight of Kate in the mirror. He just stared at her for a moment then turned around. He was silent and Kate could see he was trembling with the effort of holding on, of not letting anyone see how badly he was hurting. She couldn't think of anything to say that would comfort him, instead, stepping forward and reaching out her hand, taking his fisted one.

He stiffened at first, muscle jumping in his jaw as he tried to do this alone, tried to not need her, but his hand opened of its own accord, closing around hers and swiftly dragging her to him, wrapping his arms around her so tightly she thought her very bones might shatter. Instead of pulling away, though, her hands fisted around the material of his shirt, holding him to her just as hard as her face pressed into his chest, breathing in his scent to reassure herself that he was really alright. Remus lowered his head to her shoulder, burying his face in the crook of her neck as he took deep, shaky breaths.

Neither knew how long they stood there but when they parted, Remus' tremors had eased and they'd drawn strength from the other, both realising they'd well and truly stepped over the invisible line they'd marked out between them and not sure if they could now go back to the safety it had provided.

'I'm going to let the family know,' she whispered and he nodded.

'I want to come,' he said, voice rough.

She started to object but he said quickly, 'Please, Kate. I was there; I watched them d…die. I want to be there with you at least.'

Kate bit her lip then nodded. 'Alright,' she said softly, knowing that sometimes, you had to see it all the way through to be able to let go.

* * *

It was late when they returned to Headquarters, both drained from the previous emotional hours as they told the members of the Prewett and Weasley families that their brothers and sons were dead.

Kate was concerned about Remus. He didn't say much at the Prewett's - just that sorry he was for their loss then he watched on as the grief exploded from the close knit family.

Now he stood in the middle of the kitchen, face pale and blank, looking as though he was in the beginnings of shock. She grabbed a bottle of Firewhiskey and took his stone cold hand.

'Hot shower,' she mumbled, leading him upstairs to the bathroom.

She noticed Sirius passed out in the spare room, a half empty bottle of mead lying on the floor next to his bed, Peter snoring in the twin bed next to it. Kate shut their door then pulled Remus into the bathroom, locking the door before turning the taps on fast.

'Drink this while you're waiting for the water to heat up,' she told him, opening the bottle of booze and pouring some into the glass next to the sink. 'It'll warm you up on the inside.'

She handed him the glass and took a long slug of the alcohol herself straight from the bottle, the liquid burning ferociously down her throat. Seeing Remus' hand shaking as he raised the tumbler to his mouth, she put her hands over his, guiding him. After he'd taken a mouthful, she tried to bring the glass away from his lips but he resisted, gulping the lot down in one go before letting her take the empty glass out of his hands.

'Get in the shower,' she said softly and he obeyed, unable to think for himself, and stepped under the spray fully dressed.

If anything, the water made him shiver more violently and Kate stared at him worriedly, wondering if she should take him to St Mungo's. Pulling out her wand, she tried a warming spell first then a calming spell and was pleased to see his trembling ease a little. He was leaning heavily against the wall and, concerned he was going to fall, she made her decision. Toeing off her shoes then letting her jacket fall to the ground, she stepped into the cubicle with him.

'Come on,' she whispered, putting an arm around his waist. 'Let's get you undressed.'

His cold skin started to warm up under the hot water as she stripped his soaking clothes off with little help from him. She paused at his boxers then decided to leave them on, not sure she was strong enough right now to resist what lay beneath. As it was, all she wanted to do was run her hands over his scar littered chest, press her lips to each angry looking mark and bruise that the Death Eaters had inflicted upon him tonight. The desire to soothe him, to offer him comfort was surely just innate human nature…it didn't indicate deeper feelings for him…did it? She'd do this for anyone…wouldn't she? Confusion and a little fear combined, twisting her stomach painfully even as she unconsciously touched him, skimming her hands lightly and tenderly over the clenched muscles in his arms.

'I'm c…cold,' he stuttered, the first words he'd uttered in hours.

The heated water was turning his skin red already so she didn't dare make it hotter, instead, she wrapped her arms around his unresponsive body until the shivering stopped several minutes later.

She knew he was feeling better when his arms moved around her waist. They stood holding each other for several minutes before Remus' head nuzzled hers.

'You must be freezing,' he murmured into her ear. 'Get under the spray with me.'

Her objection died in her throat as he pulled her flush against his body and the warm water hit her. Closing her eyes for a moment, she allowed herself a moment to enjoy the sensation of his thin but firm body pressed against hers then, when she felt hardness pressing into her hip, she came to her senses, pulling away reluctantly.

'I'll get out if you don't need me now,' she said, her body hot in a way that the warm water alone couldn't be responsible for.

'I still need you,' he said, drawing her back to his body. His hands raised to smooth back her dripping curls then cupped her head, stroking his thumbs along her jaw.

'I need you, Kate.'

His touch melted all of her hard fought for resolve in an instant and when he lowered his head to hers, she didn't fight it.

* * *

The first touch of their lips was soft, tentative then when Remus seemed to realised there was going to be no argument, the kiss turned hungry, his urgency infecting Kate as well. Her arms entwined around his neck and she rose to her toes, pressing herself against him as their tongues tangled, the taste of Firewhiskey in each other's mouths making their heads spin. Remus moaned, the friction of her body against his seemed to spark off something within him and he tensed, his hold on her now screaming desperation as if he couldn't wait another moment to be inside her.

'Kate,' he whispered into her mouth, apparently for no reason other than to reassure himself that it was really her that he was with, then he was pulling away, grasping her shirt in his fists and yanking it over her head.

Their hands worked together to peel the remaining clothes off each other then Remus pressed her to the wall of the shower, lifting her leg so he was cradled between her thighs.

'I can't wait, Katie,' he mumbled against her neck, grinding his hips against hers and his little gasps of need sent corresponding shivers through Kate and an all consuming, burning desire swamped her lingering doubt and confusion.

'Then don't,' she whispered, arching towards him, giving him permission to do what he wanted so badly to do and he groaned, bending at the knees then thrusting up inside her, burying himself to the hilt.

'Fuck,' he gasped, awe in his voice, and Kate cried out in unadulterated pleasure, both of them knowing at that moment of joining that nothing else could ever equal how incredible this felt.

This was life.

Remus moved, withdrawing until only the soft head of his cock was inside her, then his long, low moan mingled with hers as he slid forward torturously slow until they were completely joined once again.

Kate's head fell back against the tile and she lost traction, her foot sliding on the slippery tub.

Remus' arms tightened around her and she whispered, 'Don't let me fall.'

He smiled and kissed her gently before he replied softly, 'I'll catch you…I promise.'

Rocking slowly into her, Remus' mouth moved from hers, pressing hot and hard against her neck. Kate's hips met him for every rise and fall, her hands drifting down his back to cup his backside, feeling him tense as her hand touched scarred skin. She pulled him closer and he shook, his breath hitching and a sharp, little exhale telling her that his restraint was unravelling fast.

His next thrust was harder, more impatient and her body responded to the fresh pace, her leg locking around his hips. Remus' fingers bit into her flesh as he buoyed her hips, an urgency now to his actions and Kate's breathing became uneven, ragged as he buffeted her, one arm around her waist, the other braced against the wall so he could plunge deeply into her.

All sensation left the rest of her body to concentrate where they were joined and suddenly, Kate was as frantic as he was, needing only what he was doing to her, not caring that this wasn't pretty or rhythmic, and not thinking about her confused myriad of emotions. She didn't care that for the first time in a long time, she felt out of control…she _needed _this - hungry, life affirming sex that made her feel more alive than she had in a long time - and she needed _him_. She needed Remus and somehow, the terror that came with that realisation only served to push her higher and she moaned desperately.

She dragged her hands up his back, gripping his shoulders, nails biting into his skin as she urged him deeper and harder until the spiralling tension inside her finally snapped and she screamed into his neck, biting down hard as every muscle in her body clenched and her soft inner walls contracted around his cock. Remus let out a guttural, primal sound that was undeniably the sound of complete and utter animalistic pleasure as his orgasm burned through him, exploding with a force that made him shudder violently and the planes of his face hardened as he threw it back in ecstasy.

* * *

As the aftershocks subsided, he leaned against her heavily, both of them trembling and panting hard. Soon, his mouth searched, skimming over her face until his lips joined with hers and they were kissing as fervently as they had been before their releases. Suddenly, he pulled back, tearing their lips apart as he stared at her, eyes running over her body, hands following, large palms and fingers tracing the dips and curves of her figure, cupping, stroking, tickling until he had Kate writhing under his touch again. He looked back into her eyes and smiled, winding a wet curl around his finger.

'You look like a siren standing there. God only knows, I sure as hell can't resist you..'

'Am I calling you to your death? I didn't realise sex with me was _that _dangerous,' she said softly.

'La petite mort,' he whispered, stroking a finger along her jaw. 'Orgasm is sometimes called a 'little death'. It's the way I'd like to go.'

His hand moved to her chin, tipping her face up, murmuring wondrously, 'You're beautiful, Kate.'

Her insides turned upside down and inside out as he gazed at her with dark, impassioned eyes and her hand shot out to flick the water off.

Remus grinned at the hunger in her face. 'Bed?' he suggested and she nodded vigorously.

He chuckled until her hand closed around his already semi erect cock, stroking slowly and firmly, thickening him immediately.

'Shit,' he muttered then grabbed a couple of towels, throwing one over her shoulders and wrapping the other around his waist, trapping his erection between his thigh and the thick fabric.

'Bed it is then,' he agreed, taking her hand and dragging her down the hall to his room, stripping the towel off her as soon as the door was shut and wrapping his arms around her before falling back onto the bed.

* * *

'_Lupin, look out!'_

_Gideon's warning came just in time, Remus dodging out of the way of a red Stunner, shooting his own back at the ugly looking Death Eater. In the short time it had taken for them to remove the wards, most of the enemy had congregated in this lower section of the house - five Death Eaters against just the two of them._

'_Fabian!' __Gideon's desperate call to his brother went unanswered and the nasty dark haired Death Eater laughed. _

'_Do you miss your brother already, Prewett?' he sang chillingly. 'Don't worry…you'll be joining him soon enough!' _

_Streams of coloured light flashed and, as the room lit up, Remus saw Fabian…what was left of Fabian…lying in a pool of blood, long, deep slashes all over his skin, lifeless eyes staring at him. _

'_Gideon!' he yelled and the man spun around, catching sight of his brother's broken body. _

'_No!' he screamed, Remus' fingers scrabbling uselessly on the man's robes, trying to hold him back as he lunged for his brother. 'Fabian, God, no!' _

'_Gideon!' Remus warned, shooting a Stunner at the Death Eater who had raised his wand at the other man. _

_It hit him, sending him crashing to the floor, but green light flashed from behind Remus and hit Gideon in the centre of his chest. _

'_Gideon!' he screamed as the man froze and fell to the ground then pain made his world go black as a Cruciatus curse ripped through him._

* * *

'Remus!'

Hands were on him and he lashed out, fighting them until he felt a sharp slap to his cheek and his eyes opened.

'Wha…?' he began when he saw Sirius' face.

'You were dreaming,' the brunette said, staring down at him with concerned eyes. 'Are you ok?'

Remus nodded, struggling to untangle himself from his twisted sheets, still breathing hard. 'You must have been having nightmares all night,' Peter said, making Remus jump - he hadn't seen the other man there. 'I heard you moaning a bit.'

Remus' eyes widened and his eyes darted around the room, looking for the reason for all his moaning.

'Um, yeah,' he said, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed then hesitating when he remembered he was naked.

Sirius stood up with a grin. 'We'll get some breakfast going,' he said, shooing Peter out of the room. He got to the doorway and looked back with a smile.

'She left just before sunrise,' he said softly. 'And, Remus…_you_ are my new hero. I'll want details in return for keeping my mouth shut.'

He closed the door behind him and Remus sighed. Kate had left without saying goodbye, left after the most incredible night without a backward glance. He stood up, still able to smell her all over him.

Deciding to skip the shower so he could keep her with him all day, he pulled on some clean jeans and mumbled to himself, 'If she thinks she's getting away that easily, she's got another think coming.'

* * *

**_My laptop has DIED!! And my back up disc was in the drive when it did! Before I had a stroke from the stress, I managed to download all completed chapters of this fic onto the site storage so hopefully updates won't be too few and far between. _**

**_Reviews are the only feedback I get, guys...feed me! Make me smile in the face of tragedy..._**


	9. Chapter 9

_Hi all! Thanks for all the lovely reviews for last chapter (thanks abigail!) I'm so happy you enjoyed the smut and found it both sad and a little bit sexy. This chappie is a little shorter with a bit of a leap in time._

_WARNING: Sexual situations. Coarse Language. Feelings of intense dislike towards Kate (I created her and I wanted to smack her)._

_Disclaimer: I wish it were mine...imagine how much more naked Remus and Sirius would have been if it was._

* * *

Chapter Seven

Two weeks.

Fourteen days.

Three hundred and thirty six hours.

That's how long Kate had left him to stew in his own juices.

After their night together, she had stayed clear of Headquarters, not even coming for the last meeting in which Moody had debriefed the Order on how the last two missions had turned into fiasco's. He'd asked after her and had received a glare from the cranky old Auror who told him in no uncertain terms that Kate was working all the hours Merlin sent to catch Voldemort - "And perhaps you could concentrate less on what's in your jeans and more on doing the same, Lupin.'

When she'd walked through the door tonight, he was awash with relief that she was still in one, reasonably unmarked piece. He had approached her but when she saw him coming she joined a group of Ministry workers, turning her back on him. He watched her all night, looking for an opportunity to talk to her but she never gave him a chance to get her alone. Almost every member of the Order of the Phoenix was traipsing through the house tonight, Dumbledore wanted a Christmas Eve gathering to encourage solidarity, and he knew she knew he wouldn't do anything to jeopardise her job or their membership in the group by trying to discuss their tryst in public.

Now he sat in an armchair, glaring across the room at Kate. She was laughing, leaning up against the wall with a drink in her hand, and Remus narrowed his eyes as he watched Benjy Fenwick chatting her up. The man's hand touched her arm then he leaned close as he said something in her ear. Kate grinned and laughed again, Remus noticing resentfully that Benji stayed far too close - and that Kate was allowing it.

_He must be ten years older than her. What does she think she's playing at?_

He threw the alcohol down his throat quickly and reached for a nearby bottle to refill his glass. Benji was still leaning into her and his hand raised to her cheek…

_If he touches her face again, I'll show him how dangerous a fucking werewolf can be…_

Kate was watching the other man attentively with her wide blue eyes and Remus almost growled as he recalled how dark those eyes had looked as they watched him kiss his way down her body or the cheekiness in them as she rubbed her cheek over his erection teasingly.

'God,' he muttered out loud, gulping a bit more wine.

* * *

The night they'd spent together had been…

Remus' mind searched for a word to describe it but came up blank. What word could accurately portray that kind of passion, that kind of heat?

_Incredible_?

No, too overused.

_Amazing_?

Inadequate.

_Overwhelming…_

Hmm, getting warmer…

_Extraordinary, glorious, heavenly_

That came closer to the truth.

They'd barely been able to stop touching each other the entire night, not falling asleep until the early hours of the morning. He'd been a little self conscious about his scars at first, trying to distract her from looking at them by doing what had always worked in the past, focusing on her body, on her pleasure, which wasn't by any means an unpleasant task. But Kate was no ordinary woman - the obstinate Auror actually managing to pin him to the bed as she gave his body the attention he never realised he'd craved until that moment. She held on tight to his wrists until her mouth reached his ribs then she released him, Remus lying obediently, suppliantly under the assault of her sweet mouth.

And then she'd disappeared.

Now, he frowned as he watched her giggling with another man. He didn't like it…not one bit.

* * *

'Stop burning holes into poor Benjy and go and talk to her,' Sirius said, throwing himself down on the couch next to him.

'_She _left,' Remus pouted, crossing his arms childishly over his chest. 'She can come to _me _if she wants to talk.'

'There's that maturity Dumbledore spent seven years encouraging us to emulate,' Sirius teased, sipping his mead. 'Go and talk to her, Moony. You are absolutely miserable and surely, even if she says it was just one night, knowing has got to be better than this uncertainty.'

Remus sighed then pushed himself to his feet.

_Every once in a while, Sirius displays remarkable intuitiveness. He's absolutely right…I think I hate him_

'Fine,' he grumbled, throwing back the remainder of his wine. 'I'll talk to her.'

'Good man!' Sirius chirped, making Remus wonder how many glasses of mead his friend had consumed. 'Go get her, Moony!'

Remus rolled his eyes, making his way across the room. Kate saw him weaving through groups of people and her smile faded as she shook her head almost imperceptivity. He ignored her warning and kept coming, trying to hold onto his temper when he saw her hastily mutter an excuse to Benjy and leave the room.

Not to be discouraged, he followed her, frowning when he looked down the hall - she'd disappeared into thin air. As he stood there, wondering if she'd found a way to apparate through the wards, a hand grabbed his wrist and yanked him into a cupboard. He saw Kate's furious face before she slammed the door shut and they were left in darkness.

'What the hell do you think you're doing?' she hissed as he lit his wand then cast a Silencing spell around them.

'What am _I _doing?' he snapped, losing his grip on his temper finally at the sound of her outraged voice. 'What are _you _doing? We have indescribable sex not once, not twice but _three _fucking times and then you creep out in the middle of the night like a bloody thief. Then, you disappear off the face of the earth for two weeks, and when you _do _turn up, you spend the night letting Benjy fucking Fenwick try to get into your pants.'

'We are not a couple, _Lupin_,' she retorted. 'You have no right to be jealous. If I want to screw Benjy, I will. That night was…something pretty amazing, alright…I'm not going to pretend it wasn't but it was one night. See, this is the problem with the age difference - you see sex as something more that what it is. You see the other night as a lifetime commitment; I think it was fabulous sex with a cute guy - no strings attached and now, I'm done. I've nipped the fantasy of screwing a younger man in the bud and I'm over it.'

He made an angry growling noise and swiftly grabbed a handful of her blonde hair, dragging her face to him and kissing her roughly, slamming her into the wall of the cupboard and pinning her there with his body. His tongue forced itself into her mouth and he was pleased to note that she didn't put up much of a fight, in fact, in only seconds, she was kissing him back just as desperately as he was kissing her.

Their tongues battled for dominance and Remus was surprised by her aggressiveness but even more turned on by it - his cock as hard as steel and throbbing painfully against his zipper. Kate pushed off the wall behind her with her foot, shoving him into the opposite side of the cupboard and pressing herself against him as he had done to her. Remus moaned when her lips crashed onto his then gasped in her mouth when her hands fumbled at his belt, quickly unzipping his pants and yanking them down far enough to release his cock.

'Katie,' he breathed then bit his lip as she fell to her knees, a hand sliding under the stiff denim to clutch his ass as the other curled around his shaft.

'Oh my fucking god,' he whispered as her warm mouth closed around his dick and slid down the not inconsiderable length of him, taking him completely into that velvet softness. Dragging her mouth back up his cock, she swirled her tongue around the smooth head, tracing the ridges then pressing the soft muscle to the tip of him, lapping at the crevasse there, tasting salty precome and moaning.

The vibrations were just about the end of him, the unexpectedness and intensity of their encounter bringing him too close to the edge too soon.

'Fuck, Katie, I'm not going to last long,' he whispered, tangling his hands into the short ringlets and gripping tight.

She moaned again then sucked hard, using her tongue to stimulate the sensitive tip of him at the same time and he bit his lip, unable to muffle his loud groan.

Drawing him far back into her throat again, her nose nuzzled the hair encircling the base of his member before she pulled back and sucked the tip.

It only took a few deep plunges into that tight, wet heat for him to lose control and gasp, 'Shit, I'm coming, baby.'

He reached up with one hand, grasping the hanging rail to keep balance, the other hand clenched tight in her hair as he came hard, bucking into her mouth. Kate drank him, her fingers bruising his ass as his orgasm subsided and she swiped her tongue over his cock one more time before releasing him.

Kate stood and Remus quickly grabbed up his sagging pants with one hand as he bent over and felt for his wand on the floor.

'Don't bother lighting it,' she said, hearing him fumbling around in the dark. 'I'm going.'

'No you're not,' he retorted, putting his arm across what he hoped was the door. 'You don't get to just walk away, Kate. Not now.'

'It was just a blow job, Remus,' she hissed. 'A goodbye blow job.'

He felt a sting on his forearm and cried out, grabbing his arm. 'Fuck, you hexed me!'

But Kate was taking advantage of his distraction, slipping out the door. By the time he did his pants up and came out of the closet, she had left the building, leaving him fuming.

* * *

**Seven weeks later**

'For God's sake, Moony,' Sirius muttered, leaning close to his moody friend in the crowded, noisy Muggle bar. 'It's been weeks. Just get over it already. So she doesn't want to date you - all she wanted was to fuck the hell out of you then blow you in a cupboard with most of the Order inches away…'

He frowned. 'Hang on…I can't remember why I'm telling you not to chase after her…I can't remember why _I'm _not chasing after her.'

'You're not helping, Padfoot,' he grumbled, taking another sip of his beer and irritably pushing a string of paper hearts off the table. 'How did I let you talk me into this? '

'You're a horny nearly nineteen year old,' Sirius said, smiling at something across the room. 'Hoping to meet a poor, desperate girl on Valentine's Day to satisfy your most carnal of needs. And if I'm not mistaken, your itch is about to get scratched. That brunette's been eyeing you off all night and now, she and her friend are on their way over.'

_Shit. This is why I don't come out with Sirius…_

'Pads…' he hissed but it was too late, the girls had reached them and Sirius was inviting them to sit down.

* * *

Several beers later, the brunette, Mandy, was unlocking the door of the flat the two girls shared. Sirius and the friend, Sally, staggered immediately to her bedroom, Sirius winking at Remus before shutting the door behind him.

'My room's this way,' Mandy said, smiling and taking his hand.

Remus smiled a little awkwardly. He'd had enough to drink that his inhibitions were definitely lower and Mandy was pretty with a nice curvy figure but although he'd indulged before, casual sex and one night stands had never been his thing. And this felt…wrong. Like he was doing something he shouldn't, something that would be a betrayal…

_Shit._

He stopped, startled by the realisation that his reluctance to bed the more than willing brunette was because he felt like he'd be cheating on Kate. He frowned, telling himself that was ridiculous but still the blonde's face had invaded his mind and wouldn't just get the hell out.

No matter how spontaneous it had been, he had never intended for that night he shared with Kate to be a one off. It wasn't just his pride or his ego that was hurt by her rejection - he had wanted that night to be the start of something more. That's why he couldn't just walk away like he'd been able to in the past. It wasn't only the sexual connection they shared - he…admired her, he liked her.

A lot.

Too much to just walk away from their night together without a bloody good fight.

Too much to shag random girls just to scratch an itch.

'Um, Mandy,' he said quietly. 'I…I'm sorry. I don't think I can do this. I…there's this girl and…' He sighed. 'I'm sorry.'

Once she'd called him a few choice names and stormed off to her room, he left, apparating right out of the flat then letting himself into Headquarters, hearing voices from the kitchen. He walked into the warm room, his smile of greeting broadening when he saw that Kate was one of the four people in the room. He hadn't seen her, other than in meetings, since that night in the cupboard and his heart began to pound faster at the sight of her.

'Hi,' he said, staring at her for a long moment before he looked around at the others - Moody, Dumbledore and Sturgis Podmore. 'Happy Valentine's Day.'

Moody grunted, obviously not a romantic, but his mood was explained with his next words.

'Benji Fenwick's dead.'

**_Duh, duh, duh! Reviews? Please?_**


	10. Chapter 10

_Hiya all! Thank you very much to all who are reviewing this fic (thanks, abigail, glad you are liking it). And to all those who are reading - there are a steady number of hits to each chapter so I know people are following this. I challenge you to review!! I dare you!_

_Wow, Kate copped some abuse last chapter (not surprising really as I wanted to smack her around a bit). You are all really protective of our werewolf. Hopefully, some of her thought process will be explained this chapter._

_Disclaimer: I own it all! I'm really JKR and I write fan fiction (you all read the DH epilogue, didn't you? FF at its worst!). I'm kidding - I do not own a sexy werewolf or the world he lives in. I just make him bounce from Sirius' bed to mine...ah, I mean, my characters. Hehehe...(looks shiftily from side to side hoping no one noticed her slip)._

* * *

Chapter Ten

_Benji's dead?_

Remus' mouth fell open and he couldn't stop himself looking over at Kate, who he could now see was pale and, as she turned to him, eyes full of pain, he saw the bruises on her face.

'What happened?' he asked, sliding into the chair next to her.

'We were outnumbered - again,' Moody growled, slamming his hand down on the table, making Kate and Remus jump.

He stood up, pacing the kitchen. 'We are getting cut down one by one…They are too strong…'

Alastor,' Dumbledore said calmly, standing also. 'Perhaps this is a conversation we can have elsewhere. I think that Kate should go and lay down right now…'

Remus looked at her, she did indeed seem even whiter than she'd been just a minute before.

'She will be staying here the night, Remus,' Albus said, reaching over and squeezing Kate's hand. 'She has been through an ordeal these last few days and she's had a shock - I do not want her to be alone.'

'She won't be,' Remus said softly.

Albus looked at the young man and his light blue orbs saw far more than Remus was aware of as his feelings for Kate were laid completely bare, written all over his face. Dumbledore nodded then the three men left, leaving the couple alone.

'Kate,' he said, touching her chin carefully. 'Are you hurt? Do you need potions?'

She turned to him and nodded. 'The pain potion Alastor gave me is wearing off,' she said, her voice hoarse.

Remus jumped up and pulled the box of potions from the kitchen cupboard, searching for the correct vial. 'Here,' he said, holding it out and she took it with a grateful smile and a quiet thank you.

After she'd swallowed it, he pulled another vial from the box before closing the lid and standing up. 'Come on,' he said, taking her arm. 'You can shower and I'll find you something else to wear.'

When she stood up, he could see the ingrained dirt all over her, and she obviously hadn't washed in a day or two, dried sweat sticking to her skin, giving her an odour that was far from her usual citusy scent.

'I must stink,' she muttered as they walked up the stairs and he chuckled.

'I've known you to smell sweeter,' he teased lightly.

He lit the lamps in the bathroom, getting a good look at her for the first time in the light. 'Shit,' he exclaimed, realising not all the filth on her clothes was dirt - a lot of it was blood. 'Is that your blood?'

Kate looked down and was horrified. 'Hell,' she mumbled, brushing at the stains. 'I didn't know…' Her movements became frantic and she pulled her jacket off quickly.

'Kate..'

'It's not all mine,' she said desperately, pulling her shirt off roughly. 'It's Benjy's…God!'

'It's ok,' Remus said, voice faltering when he saw the newly healed cuts over her torso, the vicious bruising around her neck. 'Jesus.'

Her breathing was coming fast and ragged as she struggled to get her soiled jeans off as quickly as she wanted. 'I found him,' she gasped, panic etched into her face. 'What was left of him…they k...killed him…they cut him up into little p…pieces…GOD!'

She screamed the last word and Remus steadied her as she lost her balance, twisting and struggling to get the bloody clothes off. She clung to him, suppressed sobs shaking her as he sank to the ground, holding her tightly to him.

'It's ok,' he whispered, more frightened by her uncharacteristic loss of control than he had been facing those Death Eaters. 'Katie, it's alright. I'm here; I've got you.'

She let out a wail of grief, a terrible sound that sent a chill down Remus' spine and then she held him close to her as she buried her face in his chest and cried.

* * *

It was an hour before she appeared in the door way of his bedroom. After she had gotten herself back under control, she'd thrown him out of the bathroom so she could shower. Now, still a little damp with only a towel wrapped around her, she appeared and his heart leapt dangerously at the mere sight of her.

_Uh oh._

'I, um, I'll take the spare room down the hall if that's alright,' she said softly and he stood up.

'I don't…if you want you could stay in here,' he said hastily. 'With me…'

'Remus,' she whispered, lip trembling again. 'I don't want to be alone tonight but I don't need a lover. I need a friend…'

'Kate,' he said, moving swiftly to stand before her. 'I can be whatever you want me to be, whatever you need me to be. Just…'

He sighed and frowned a little. 'Just let me be here for you.'

Kate bit her shaking lip then nodded.

Remus smiled and said, 'Let me get you something to wear.' He turned his back as she changed into a long shirt of his and crawled into bed.

'This is a potion for dreamless sleep,' he told her, sitting down next to her and handing her the familiar potion before she laid down. 'I drink it sometimes after transformations if the pain potions don't work well enough. Drink it, Kate.'

She took it from him but before she drank she looked up at him, saying, 'Thank you. For…being a friend. Am…am I making you uncomfortable by asking you to stay with me?'

'I was never going anywhere,' he admitted with a little smile. 'Even if I had to sleep on the floor outside the door.'

Something flickered across her eyes as she looked at him and her tentative smile faded a little.

She looked down at the vial and murmured, 'Happy Valentine's Day, Remus,' before she raised the potion to her lips and drank.

It worked instantaneously, the vial rolling off the bed and clinking onto the wooden floor as she fell back onto the pillows. Remus shifted her into a more comfortable position then stripped down to his boxers and climbed into bed next to her. He locked the door with his wand, not wanting anyone finding them together, then lay down, staring at her now peaceful face.

An ache began in his chest and he frowned, fearing his earlier suspicions were correct.

_I__'__m worried about her. That__'__s all this is._

But another voice deep down in his gut said that this was more than mere concern for a friend, more than a casual relationship, more than awesome sex.

This was something much scarier than an encounter with a Death Eater…this could possibly be the most frightening thing he had ever done.

He had fallen in love with her.

* * *

His eyelids fluttered a bit as he awoke the next morning, staring blankly for a second before he realised what he was looking at; or rather, _who _he was looking at.

'Morning,' Kate whispered and he smiled, stretching an arm over his head.

'Morning,' he mumbled, trying to stifle his yawn. 'Did you sleep alright? No dreams?'

'Well, if I did, I don't remember them,' she said softly. 'Remus, thank you. I…I was a complete and utter bitch last time I saw you and you would have been perfectly within your rights to just leave me to my own devices last night but you didn't. You were the friend I really needed so…thank you and...I'm sorry I treated you so badly.'

Remus looked worried and touched her bruised cheek lightly. 'I would never have left you, Katie,' he said gently. 'Not while you needed me.'

She could feel her face go red and she wasn't sure if it was because she wasn't used to apologising or whether it was because of the way he was looking at her - like he knew about the turmoil that was whirling around inside her.

* * *

When she'd woken half an hour earlier, the first thing she saw was his face, weak sunlight streaking across it, accentuating the scars etched into his skin. She wanted to reach out and touch them but restrained herself, reluctant to wake him. It wasn't till then, until her hand twitched to touch him, that she realised he was holding her hand, their fingers entwined, and it frightened her that it looked so natural, so right to see his long digits weaved with hers.

The month long mission she'd just returned from had taken its toll on her physically and emotionally. They'd been hunting Death Eaters in Europe, sleeping rough and rarely as they tried to find their hide outs, catch them unawares and take them into custody to be questioned about the Dark Lord. In general, these men and women were cowards - the weak seeking the protection of a bully who was bigger and stronger. Many were in over their heads and cracked at the first application of pressure but some…some were militant - like the Death Eater's they'd stumbled upon earlier today.

Considering how bad it could have been - five against…well, she'd counted nine but she wasn't sure - they had had gotten off lightly. Benji was the only death but certainly not the only injury. Kate shifted carefully, trying to ease the pressure on her still aching ribs. She was one of the most easily repaired - cuts, bruises and broken bones her only injuries. Some were far worse off - the Death Eater's breaking their minds as well as their bodies and the mind is a far more difficult thing to fix, the brain a mysterious organ…one, Kate knew, that does not always allow us to erase that which we desperately want to forget.

Like the sight of a wand pointed between your eyes, malicious laughter ringing in your ears when your antagonist sees the panic in your face; the image of a colleague screaming in agony while you are helpless to stop her pain; the memory of finding a friend in bits - scattered across the room like puzzle pieces thrown by a petulant child. These are things the brain should let you forget lest the memories drive you insane but, alas, sometimes the mind will not allow these visions to be expunged. Perhaps it _is _for the best - the memories can serve to remind those who are losing hope, like herself, of what it is they are fighting for.

She focused again on Remus' face. He had seen so much pain in his life already - he shouldn't have to be here, watching people around him die, fighting and possible losing his own life. He was young - he should be chasing girls, looking for a job, drinking with his mates. Instead, he'd been dragged into a war not of his generation's making and he was here; this _teenager, _and he was doing things to her heart that no one had ever done before.

He was making her care about him; making her _need _him.

So it was unfortunate that part of her job description was not caring about her colleagues, not developing feelings for those who fought alongside her and, as she wasn't about to give up this fight, and she knew Remus was too damn stubborn to give up, she could not allow these burgeoning, _forbidden _emotions to develop any further.

She could not allow herself to get closer to him, to fall even harder for him because the people she loved the most always left; physically disappeared, emotionally withdrew, and she would hurt again. She would left behind to bleed to death from those old wounds if they were opened once again.

The people she loved _always_ left.

That's why she _couldn't_ love, _hadn't_ loved since she was ten years old.

She _wouldn't_ love him.

She would do her _job;_ hide behind her job like she always did.

It would protect her; stop her falling over the edge into the unknown.

But when Remus opened his blue eyes and smiled at her, her resolve disappeared like ice in the hot summer sun - strong, solid until the warm rays hit and melted it into a puddle.

* * *

'Do you want to talk about what happened?' he asked gently and she shook her head.

'No, you'll hear all about it at the briefing,' she whispered. 'No need to go through it twice.'

Remus smiled, understanding. His hand tightened for a moment around hers then his eyes fell to her throat and he winced when he saw the mottled black marks there.

'Who did this?' he asked, reaching across the space between them and stroking the back of his index finger over the bruising.

'Antonin Dolohov,' she answered with a frown. 'He's a nasty piece of work.'

Remus' frown deepened when he realised the darker black marks were from the pressure of fingertips digging into her flesh, into her windpipe.

'I'm alright,' she told him, seeing the combined anger and distress on his face. 'It's part of the job.'

He tried to smile, nodding as he shifted, pushing the corner of the pillow under his head so he could see her face properly.

'Why did you want to be an Auror?' he asked and she looked surprised.

'I…my dad was an Auror - he worked with Moody, helped train him actually,' she said a little haltingly. 'He would tell my older sister and I all about his adventures when we were little. My sister, Jess, grew out of it…became more interested in boys than dad's stories but I was…transfixed. I could sit all day and listen to the tales of him and his team fighting the bad guys and I decided I wanted to be just like them.'

She smiled a little sadly at him, her fingers absently playing with his as she spoke. 'He was killed when I was ten…bad guys won that day.'

Remus moved a little closer, closing his fingers over hers and sliding his foot between her smaller ones.

'I know what it's like to lose a parent,' he said softly. 'I'm sorry, Katie.'

Her forehead creased a little and she whispered, 'My dad called me Katie. He was the only one…it sounded so strange coming from anyone else but when he said it…it was warm and comforting and ok.'

'I didn't realise,' Remus said quickly. 'I'm sorry. I won't call you it again…'

'No, it's alright,' she murmured, face flushing as the words slipped out before she could halt them. 'It…it's fine. It sounds…it doesn't sound strange when you say it.'

She was looking at his chest but when he put his hand on her cheek lightly, she lifted her gaze, meeting his.

'Thank you,' he said then his thumb shifted to trace along the edge of her bottom lip. 'Kate, I know you said you needed a friend but…'

'Please kiss me,' she whispered, hating how weak and desperate her voice sounded but more than anything, she needed to feel his lips on hers.

He did as she asked, his lips meeting hers gently, their kiss soft, tender as they carefully tasted and explored each other's mouths in a way they hadn't taken the time to do before. He moved so he was touching her from mouth to toes, every inch of their bodies tingling in awareness. Breathing became heavy then suddenly, Remus pulled away, groaning a little as he rolled onto his back and threw an arm across his eyes.

'What's wrong?' Kate asked huskily and he groaned again at the obvious desire in her voice.

'As much as I want you…and I _do _want you very, _very_ badly…I can't do this.' He moved his arm and rolled back towards her, chewing at the inside of his mouth as he stared at her.

'I really like you and I don't want this to be a casual fling. I know you're worried about Moody and Dumbledore finding out and I know we can't tell anyone that we're together but…I want to be able to call you mine, Kate - even if it's only you that hears it.'

Kate pulled her hand from his and sat up, drawing her knees to her chest, wrapping her arms around them.

'I…I don't know,' she said, dragging her fingers through her hair and urging herself to say no, to say it was never going to happen but the sentences fell apart as they reached her tongue. 'God help me, Remus, I feel like some kind of pervert but... I like you too. But it could never work out. Relationships between people who work together in these types of situations…they don't work. It's too dangerous for everyone - you lose perspective when you care about someone.'

Remus sat up, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. 'You care about me?' he asked and she made a frustrated noise in her throat when she realised what she had said.

He chuckled in delight (_she cares about me!_) and reached out, taking her hand again. 'Katie, just give it a chance. Give us a chance.'

Kate bit her lip, tempted - so very tempted - to say yes but…

'I need to think about it,' she told him, sliding out of bed and hoping that next time, she'd be strong enough to say no. 'I'm not sure…'

'About me?' he asked, standing up beside her. 'You're not sure about me? How you feel?'

Kate let out a breath. 'I'm not sure about anything,' she admitted, looking at him then shaking her head. 'I'm too old for you, Remus; I'm too damaged by this job; I'm too dangerous - anyone involved in my life will be at risk…'

'I don't care,' he said insistently. 'Katie, I don't care about the age difference - it's not even six years, and…I'm a werewolf. I know all about being broken, about being damaged. I'm dangerous. Are you willing to take me as I am?'

She was silent for a moment then repeated, 'I need to think about it.'

His apprehension must have shown on his face and before she could stop herself, she leaned forward and kissed him lightly.

'I'll think fast.'

A smile broke his serious expression and Kate surprised herself by smiling as well.

She didn't have a clue what she was doing here but for the first time in her life, she thought that whatever it was between them might be worth taking the chance on, that a life with Remus might be worth the risk of leaping over that edge without looking first and just hoping that everything would be alright.

Maybe, this time, she'd found someone who wouldn't leave.

**_Worth reviewing? No? What if I promise smut next chapter? Wow, look at your cursor race to that blue button..._**


	11. Chapter 11

_Hiya everyone! Thanks to all those who are reviewing including my anon. reviewers: abigail - I'm so glad you don't hate Kate anymore, and moonyslover - here's your smut, duckie. If you review again, I'll give you more later. Promise. _

_Sorry about the mix up with uploading then deleting the chapter. This bloody site goes a little bit insane sometimes and it nearly gave me a stroke by not allowing me to edit the fic so I had to upload it, copy and paste it to my word processer so I could edit it, then put it back up again. Phew! I swear, one day I'll get the hang of this computer business._

_WARNING: I promised smut. There is smut. Short and sweet but there it is. I hope you like and I'll make it up to you later in the fic with two whole chappies dedicated just to getting Remus laid._

_Disclaimer: Wish I owned it! Tonks would have never existed, Remus would have spent his days shagging Sirius or Kate (or Sirius _and_ Kate) and the DH Epilogue would have been just a bad, bad fan fiction dream. _

* * *

Chapter Eleven

A week later, the dining room of Headquarters was filled with members of the Order, listening as Moody and Kate presented their report on the latest failed mission. Remus sat stunned as he listened to how they had been surprised by the Death Eaters presence at the supposedly empty safely house. When the Order had burst in, they had pressed their Dark Marks - calling more servants of the Dark Lord to their side. The five Order members managed to get out not long after the black robed reinforcements had arrived…but not before Benji Fenwick was killed. They had gone back with a bulked up team of Aurors as soon as they could but they were gone.

Kate had entered the hideout first with Moody's team and it was her who found what was left of Benji's mutilated body. Remus watched Kate's face closely as she spoke and was surprised by her stoicism, her features not betraying a flicker of the agony he'd seen the night after the murder. Her voice was clear and steady as she set the scene, not a waver when she described the condition of Benji's body - something not all the other occupants of the room managed; Marlene McKinnon exiting the room briefly to compose herself, Sturgis Podmore, who had been on the second assault team and had been the only person other than Kate and Moody to see Benji's body, excused himself and left Headquarters.

Remus glanced over at Sirius who was sitting next to James. Both the brunette's looked sickened; Lily, sitting between them, appeared ill. Peter, between Remus and Lily, had his head down, his expression unseen. Peter didn't usually have a very high tolerance for this kind of thing though, and Remus put his hand lightly on his leg, making the other man jump a little. He looked over at Remus who was surprised by the combined look of guilt and horror on the other man's face.

He mouthed, 'You ok?' to him and Peter gave him a weak smile and a little nod, patting the werewolf's hand.

* * *

The meeting finished soon after, no one lingering long - everyone wanted to get back to their loved ones and try and replace the images of death and destruction with happier memories. James and Lily hugged Remus before they left, James hanging on for longer than strictly necessary but Remus thought he might have shown a bit more enthusiasm with his embrace than he usually did as well. The only upside to living in a time of unrest was that it made you appreciate the people you loved a whole lot more.

Sirius approached, pulling Remus tight to him and mumbling in his ear, 'Do you want me to stay? You shouldn't be here alone so much…'

'I'll be ok,' he whispered back, hoping he _wouldn't_ be alone. 'But thanks.'

With a last offer, 'Floo me if you need me - I'll be at James and Lily's…I don't want to be alone either,' he let go and left.

Peter hung around a bit longer, sidling over to Remus after he bid Dumbledore a farewell. 'I'm going home, Moony,' he said and Remus smiled at him.

'Are you sure you're alright, Pete?' he asked softly. 'You looked strange back there…'

'I'm fine,' he assured his friend. 'It was just a bit of a shock to hear all that, I guess.'

He looked over at Kate and Moody who were talking quietly, Kate seemed agitated and Moody was gesturing sharply.

'Are you still…do you still like Kate?' he asked hesitantly.

Remus turned his head to look at Peter. For a moment, he couldn't answer, couldn't lie outright to his friend then he pulled himself together.

'No,' he told him with what he hoped was a bashful smile. 'I guess I made a bit of an idiot out of myself over her, huh?'

Peter smiled and clapped Remus on the shoulder. 'Not too much. Sirius was worse - at least she didn't have to hex you,' he teased lightly then his face turned serious. 'I think she's... scary. The way she talked about finding the body…it was like she was talking about what she had for dinner last night…'

'Well, she's an Auror. She's supposed to be unemotional, I guess,' Remus said, unable to help defending her. 'I saw her just after, Pete, and believe me, she wasn't unaffected by this.'

Peter nodded and gave Remus an awkward hug. 'Night, Moony.'

'Night, Wormtail,' Remus said, watching the other man walk away then jumped a little when Moody addressed him.

'Right,' the man grunted, turning to Remus. 'Lupin, I want you and your little band of merry men here on Friday at ten o'clock. I've got a little task for you all.'

'Alastor, we haven't fin…' Kate said with a frown but he shook his head and interrupted her.

'Yes, we have. Take a break, Kate,' he said, more gently than Remus had ever heard him speak before. 'A few days at your own place…away from all of this. Go and visit your mother…or Jess….'

When she opened her mouth again, he persisted, his tone firmer now. 'No, Kate. This is official. I don't want to see you until Friday.'

He nodded to Remus then limped out of the room. Kate made a frustrated noise, throwing her parchment onto the table. 'He thinks I'm not up for it!' she exclaimed.

'Did he say that?' Remus asked, feeling a little indignant on her behalf.

Kate shook her head, sinking down into a chair. 'No, but he never gives anyone time off…'

'Kate, you went through a hell of an experience the other night,' Remus said, moving around the table and crouching in front of her. 'He probably just wants to make sure you're alright.'

He slid his hand over hers. 'So do I.'

Her eyes rose, meeting his and he could feel her tension. 'I've been worried about you,' he said softly, closing his hand around hers. 'I haven't seen you all week. You look tired.'

'Yeah, I haven't been sleeping very well,' she told him then looked as though she regretted the admission. 'I'm used to only getting a little sleep, though.'

'It's alright to admit you're not superhuman, Katie,' he said with a little smile.

She tried to smile back but failed miserably. Remus cupped her face then, unable to help himself, kissed her lightly on the lips, surprised that, when he pulled back, she stopped him and pressed her mouth back to his briefly.

'Have you made up your mind then? About us?' he asked when she shifted, leaning her forehead against his.

'I…don't know,' she mumbled and he drew back.

'Kate, you have to be sure,' he told her. 'I can't do the on again/off again thing. I need you to be sure.'

Shaking her head, she closed her eyes and whispered, 'I'm not sure about _any _of this. But…I can't get you out of my head.'

He cupped her face, waiting until she opened her eyes. 'Is that such a bad thing?' he asked, kissing her again then murmuring against her lips, 'I can't stop thinking about you either.'

Kate groaned. 'God, what have you done to me?' she said. 'I've never done this…I've never taken a chance like this…'

'You take chances every day,' he argued and she pulled away, biting her lip.

'Not like this,' she said softly and for the first time, she looked vulnerable, uncertain. She looked…frightened. 'God, Remus, if we do this, promise me you'll be careful… with me, with my heart?'

He nodded, chest tight as he realised that she was, in her own way, admitting that her feelings ran a lot deeper than she'd allowed him to believe. And now it was his turn to make the leap.

'If you make the same promise,' he said gently, taking her hands in his and kissing them each in turn. 'You're not the only one taking a risk with your heart here, Katie.'

She smiled tentatively and nodded. Remus grinned and ran his hands up her legs, coming to a halt at her thighs. 'You won't regret it,' he assured her. 'I promise.'

'I'd better not,' she teased with a proper smile this time. 'That ball banding hex isn't the only one in my repertoire, you know. I know a lot of very useful spells.'

'Really?' he said, wriggling his eyebrows suggestively. 'Am I going to find you a little bit kinky, Kate Bradley?'

'I don't know how you're going to find me, Master Lupin,' she retorted, grabbing his shirt front in her fist and pulling him closer so he was crouching between her legs. 'My idea of kinky might be quite tame to you.'

His hands ran around her hips to rest on her lower back then he lowered his head to her denim covered thigh, breathing deeply. The scent of her arousal was mingling with her spicy, citrusy perfume and the lingering fragrance of her washing powder. With a little moan, he looked back up at her and saw his reflected desire in her eyes.

'Should we go and find out?' he asked quietly and a smile spread slowly across her face.

'I think so,' she agreed, letting him pull her to her feet as he stood. 'We have to keep this quiet, Remus. I…I'm not sure how Moody would react to this, to... us.'

'Quiet?' he mused, a cheeky smile forming on his face as he drew her out of the room and led her up the stairs by the hand. 'It's been a while now, I'm not sure I can manage quiet tonight…'

'Cheeky sod,' she muttered, slapping his ass with her free hand. 'Promise me you won't be bragging to your mates about nailing me.'

'I won't tell anyone if you stop talking,' he bargained, pushing open his bedroom door. 'Kate, there are so many other things I would love for you to be doing with that mouth right now…'

She chuckled and kicked the door shut behind her, tapping the lock with her wand. 'Care to give me a clue, Lupin?' she said, hands moving to his shirt, undoing his buttons swiftly.

'Use your imagination,' he suggested, pulling her t-shirt over her head as soon as his hit the ground.

Hands moved to their pants and within seconds, they were both naked, Kate pushing Remus back onto the bed then straddling him, leaning over to kiss him. Remus pushed himself up to meet her lips, burying his hand in her hair to hold her close. Heat surged through him forcefully and he cursed inwardly at his lack of self control around her.

'I have no fucking stamina around you,' he mumbled, groaning when her mouth moved down his throat. 'I swear, Katie, I usually last longer than I'm about to.'

She laughed, lips closing around his nipple. 'I'll have to take your word on that,' she teased, trailing little nibbles over his ribs as her hand closed around his hard, throbbing shaft. 'You've never displayed a whole lot of staying power…'

He made a growling noise and she giggled. 'Prove me wrong, Remus.'

'Sweetheart, I'm planning on spending a good part of this night doing just that but for right now…'

His hand had been creeping along her leg but now slipped between her thighs, a finger sinking inside her while his thumb slid between the fleshy lips until it brushed over his target, making Kate stiffen and gasp as an electric shock shot through her.

'You c…certainly know w…where every…thing is…oh,' she breathed, closing her eyes as his thumb swirled around her clit then pinched it, making something explode inside her belly. She slapped his hand away then shifted, kissing him hard and fast as she impaled herself on his jutting cock.

'Fuck!' he yelped as the sensation of her body taking him so rapidly was nearly his undoing. 'You're making this really…d…difficult.'

He struggled for control, gripping her hips tight to hold her still but Kate wasn't having it.

'Let go,' she said softly, taking his wrists and pulling his hands away from her, pinning them to the bed either side of his head. 'Don't fight it. I'm right there with you, baby.'

She lowered her lips to his then rocked on him. Remus groaned, closing his eyes and giving into the desire coursing through him, enjoying having control taken from him. He didn't last long, his need far too urgent but as she promised, she was with him at the peak. Remus watched her as she fell, just seconds before him. Her back arched and her head fell back; it was the most erotic, beautiful thing he'd ever seen and he immediately joined her, pushing up deep into her as she rode him through their almost simultaneous orgasms.

Kate fell forward onto his chest when the contractions faded, both of them panting, and it took a couple of attempts for Remus to wrap his unco-operating arms around her, letting them drape heavily over her back and hips. As they caught their breath, he wondered if she'd ever felt anything like this before because he certainly hadn't.

* * *

Every time they were together, it was like fire - catching hold quickly then roaring through them fast and fierce, the heat almost unbearable in its intensity at its peak and leaving everything spent and burnt out behind it. It was unlike anything he'd ever felt before and he was a little embarrassed about his lack of restraint - his continual quick finishes making him feel exactly like the teenager she'd been reluctant to get involved with.

He was no virgin - he was more selective than Sirius, school slut and proud, but he'd had his fair share of partners and had never failed to last as he did with Kate. A voracious reader, his friends had teased him mercilessly when they discovered he'd been 'researching' women's bodies and how to please them, then eaten their words when his first couple of lovers quickly made the fact that 'Lupin knows _exactly _what to do down there' public knowledge. He'd never been left wanting for a date since, nor, when things went that far, had he had a complaint.

He loved women and their bodies - so soft, so sweet smelling, so very sexy - but he'd never wanted to just worship them like he did with Kate; they had never driven him to the brink with just one kiss then joined him there just as quickly. He wanted to get to know every inch of her and swore to himself that next time they were together, he would take control back, he would make her scream his name over and over until she was hoarse.

He splayed his hands across her bare back and he was surprised that for such a formidable person, she was actually quite fine boned, his hands stretching most of the way across her back. She was pressed up against him, her curves slotting perfectly into the angles of his body and Remus smiled.

He and Kate fit - their responses, their needs, their personalities, their bodies - they fit.

* * *

Their breathing had evened out and when he looked down at her, he saw she was drifting off. Smiling, he kissed the top of her head and she stirred, shifting to look at him.

''M too heavy?' she mumbled but he shook his head.

She slid off him anyway, curling up beside him. He rolled over, entwining their legs, wrapping himself around her.

'Kate?' he murmured and he heard her make a little noise of acknowledgement. 'Don't leave this time.'

He looked at her face and saw her force her eyes open. Leaning forward a little, she kissed him on the lips quickly then snuggled into his chest.

'I won't.'

**_Tell me - do you hate Kate less or more now? I love her myself, even when I want to smack her sometimes. Review? _**


	12. Chapter 12

_Hiya everyone. Thanks to all who've reviewed and to those who are reading (abigail - happy holidays and you'll have some catching up to do when you get back)._

_BLATANT PLUG: I posted a drabble called **'You Fill Up My Senses'** last night. Give it a read if you dare (there's no sex - SHOCK HORROR) Tell me if I can write anything but smut and make it readable._

_WARNING: Um...none. Maybe some swearing and smack downs...Jeez, no warnings - that's very unlike me. Maybe the warning could be that I am crap at action sequences so read at your own peril._

_Disclaimer: Not mine. No money is being made off this - I only WISH I was making money off this. I'd buy David Thewlis and tie him to my bed._

* * *

Chapter Twelve

_**Three months later**_

'Kate?'

'Shh!' came the sharp reply and Sirius shut his mouth, knowing better than to try and argue with her.

They were the lead team - about to enter a known Death Eater haunt in search of a wizarding family reported as abducted the day before. The patriarch worked high up in the Ministry and information from one of Moody's informants, had led them here. Several Aurors (all members of the Order thanks to Moody's quick reshuffling of resources) were scattered strategically around the innocuous looking two-story brick house, ready to storm the home in a rescue mission.

Sirius and James had come along on this task - Remus had been sent with Alice and Peter to do a follow up check of the hostage family's house, searching for any signs of dark magic or inappropriate practices. Emmeline and Sturgis had checked the house initially but the more they learned about the kidnapping, the more certain they became that he had been targeted for a reason, his work in the Ministry was not enough to interest Lord Voldemort.

Remus had complained to Kate, wanting to come along with the rescue team, but she and Moody insisted it be only qualified Auror's and the strongest of the Order's recruits that attended.

'_Is this because we're seeing each other?' he'd asked last night, pacing his bedroom floor and glaring at her. 'Is this you trying to protect me or something? I'm not a child, Kate…'_

'_You've just been through a pretty rough full moon and you're still weak,' she told him a little impatiently, annoyed he thought she'd allow personal relationships to affect a mission. 'Remus, if I thought you were up for the job, I wouldn't hesitate to allow you to come, but I will not put the rest of the team at risk so you can feel useful. You are going with Alice and Peter…it's not like you're sitting here twiddling your thumbs.' _

_She put out her leg and stopped his pacing, hooking it around his knees and dragging him to her. 'Now, would you stop whining and come here so I can show you exactly how grown up I think you are?'_

Now, shivering slightly from both the cool breeze and anticipation, Kate cast a spell.

'Homenum revelio.'

Sirius, leaning over her shoulder, frowned along with the Auror when it revealed no trace of human presence.

'That can't be right,' she muttered, then twisted around and snatched Sirius' wand out of his hand. She tried the spell again as she prayed her wand wasn't malfunctioning.

It wasn't - Sirius' wand also insisting that there was no one in the building that was supposed to be housing the kidnapped family. Kate waved it a few more times, checking there were no Concealment or Diversion spells on the property then handed Sirius back his wand as she turned to the others, confusion all over her face.

Moody growled from behind Sirius and James. 'They were supposed to be here…'

'Well, they're obviously not,' she retorted. 'Your information must have been wrong. They must be holding them somewhere else.'

'Could they have known we were coming?' asked James and Kate shook her head.

'If they knew we were coming they would have set up a...'

Her voice trailed off and Sirius watched as Kate's expression changed, confusion morphing into horror and a fear that seemed even more terrible on this woman's face - this woman who had picked up bits of her friend, who had nearly bled to death from dark spells but who had never once looked as frightened as she did right now.

'Shit,' Moody muttered, his craggy, scarred face paling as he also suddenly understood.

'I'll take these two!' Kate told him, grabbing Sirius and James' arms as Moody jabbed his wand to his throat and muttered 'Sonorus', his now amplified voice screaming instructions to the others.

Before the teenagers could fully grasp what was happening, Kate disapparated, yelling out, 'Hurry!' to Moody as she spun.

As they banged against each other, speeding through the darkness, not even the suffocating squeezing sensation could erase the all too logical conclusion that both James and Sirius' minds had just reached.

It _had_ been a trap - but not for them.

* * *

The house in the little village just outside London seemed quiet but when Kate cast the spell to reveal human presence, they all swore softly.

'There must be twenty of them in there,' James whispered, trepidation evident in his voice as they stared at the smoky forms that appeared but Kate looked pained and shook her head.

'Not all of them are Death Eaters,' she said softly, pointing out two huddled groups.

'Three people here…' She indicated the lower floor. 'The smaller figure tells us this is probably Max Young and his family - he has a son…'

Her finger moved, pointing out three figures upstairs - the opposite end of the house. 'This must be R…Remus, Alice and Peter.'

She took a breath and said quietly, 'The Death Eaters knew we'd send someone to double check the house for Dark Magic. How did they know that? It's not common practice...'

'Moody's informant must have been working with them,' James guessed and Kate nodded, her eyes darting about, memorising where each silhouetted person was.

'The way they've set this up…they are making us choose who we're going to try and save first. Both of them are guarded. Shit, what a fucking nightmare.'

Sirius looked at her and asked the question for himself and James. 'Who do we go after?'

It looked as though the words hurt as they left her lips. 'Young and his family,' she whispered, her voice cracking a little. 'That's our protocol. We go after the primary target first and just…pray.'

Several pops and flashes of silvery white light heralded the entrance of the other Aurors, Moody in the lead, and suddenly, shots of coloured light were streaming out of the house like lasers. Dorcas Meadowes was not fast enough to raise her shield and was hit by a Stunner. Kate moved behind Moody's shimmering shield and pointed her wand at the other woman, re-enervating her quickly.

'Six hostages,' Kate yelled to the others over the crashing and burning of the thunderstorm of hexes, most of which were bouncing off the defender's shields harmlessly. This was just a warning. 'The three upstairs to the right are our guys; the three downstairs are the primarys. Anywhere between ten and fifteen combatants.'

Moody stared at her intently for a few moments then turned back to the house. 'The others can go after the primary target. We'll take Black and Potter and go after our lot.'

Kate looked surprised but nodded, suspecting this break in protocol was about her mentor's guilt at unwittingly sending the three teenagers into this trap. Whatever it was that motivated Moody, she was going to waste time reminding him of their code as she might have if Remus wasn't in there. Her brain briefly registered the fact that she was altering the way she did things because of her personal feelings but she pushed it to the back of her mind to think about later - right now, she just wanted Remus out of there.

Moody was using hand signals to indicate that six of the team of ten should break off and head for the left side of the house, when the onslaught stopped. The larger group moved off at a run immediately and Moody joined Kate, Sirius and James as they scurried around the opposite side of the house.

'We're outnumbered, aren't we?' James asked in a low voice and Kate nodded briskly.

'Not by a huge number though. We'll get them out,' she whispered, trying to sound more confident than she felt; trying to ensure she didn't allow herself to remember that Remus was up there in God only knows what condition.

She couldn't let herself think of him - her knees were barely holding her up now. Looking at the teenagers, she could see they were having the same problem.

'You can't think about them as friends,' she told them as Moody searched for a weak spot in the Death Eater's hastily raised wards. 'They're targets…'

'Peter is in there, _Remus _is in there,' Sirius snapped at her angrily. 'I know he was just another dick for you but he's our friend…'

There was a sharp retort as Kate slapped him hard, the force of her blow making the taller and heavier man stagger.

'Don't you dare say that to me,' she spat furiously. 'You have no fucking idea what you're talking about.'

'There's time for this later,' hissed Moody, frowning at Kate who was still glaring furiously at Sirius. 'Get ready - we're going in.'

She took a deep breath; trying to concentrate on the task at hand and not the red hot anger that was making her shake. She'd lost control - just before a task - she'd lost focus and Remus could pay for her lapse if she didn't get it back.

_Damn it! This is what getting close to someone does. This is why you should never get involved._

There was a shimmer then a crack as Moody broke through the wards then they rushed forward under a hail of hexes.

* * *

Everything happened in a blur after that - the cacophony of sounds and kaleidoscope of light making it difficult to tell whether they were gaining ground or not. The four Order members parried the hexes flying at them with their own, Kate accidentally bringing down the first Death Eater with a Sectumsempra spell that rebounded off her hastily raised shield to hit its caster in his chest. The man let out a chilling screech as crimson blood spurted from his suddenly gaping wounds.

She jumped over his groaning, spasming form, ducking to avoid a Stunner and joined James who was fast becoming overwhelmed by two masked opponents. They bought them down together in no time, Kate clutching at a wound on her arm where the last cutting hex had skimmed her. It was burning and bleeding badly and, unthinkingly, she pointed her wand at it to try and stem the flow. Suddenly, she gasped as her head was jerked back sharply and she felt a hand twisting her blonde hair painfully.

'Hello, darlin',' came a rough voice next to her ear as her wand was pulled from her grasp. 'Told you we'd meet again.'

_Dolohov. Bastard._

She struggled then stopped when she felt the pointed end of a wand digging into her neck viciously.

'Tsk, tsk,' he taunted, hot, rancid breath wafting across her face. 'Elementary wand skills in battle, darlin'. You should know to never lower your guard.'

Kate silently thanked her mother for insisting she took Muggle self defence classes before her arm shot up and crashed into his nose, breaking it with a loud crack and splattering the both of them with droplets of blood. His wand fell a little and she took advantage, slamming her heel down hard on his instep and he howled in pain as she tore herself out of his grasp. She ripped her wand out of his hand and spun around, Stunning him before he could recover. He lay still on the ground and she couldn't help herself, anger taking over for a moment, and she kicked him hard in the groin.

'Don't fuck with me again, you prick!'

'You ever lower your wand again, Bradley, and you're fired!' Moody yelled at her as he ran past, shooting a curse at a Death Eater as he did.

They'd made it upstairs now. James and Sirius were opening doors down the hall, trying to find the missing Order members while Kate and Moody held off the remaining three Death Eaters from the top of the stairs.

'Shoot to kill, Kate,' Alastor muttered. 'We still have to get out of here and I'm not sure if we can apparate through the wards, weak as they are.'

She nodded grimly then heard yelling and several crashes from one of the rooms behind them before Sirius let out a shout.

'We've got them!'

'Are they alright?' Kate shouted back and heard Sirius' affirmative answer. Her relief was palpable as she called, 'See if you can apparate them out.'

She was distracted from the man in front of her as she shouted instructions and paid for it - gasping as a curse got past her guard and hit her in the shoulder, an ominous crack resounding loudly in the air. She let out a scream of pain as fire burst through her body and her now numb arm dangled uselessly. Moody threw a shield in front of her but she pushed herself off the wall and lifted her uninjured wand arm, firing off another hex - praying to Merlin it would hit someone.

'Black!' Moody yelled, his voice a little more desperate now as he tried to hold off the three men alone, Kate's hexes barely reaching them as pain took away her concentration.

'They've gone,' they heard James call back. 'They're alright. I'm taking Peter now. Get out of here!'

Moody took a deep breath then shot a string of curses at the Death Eaters, one coming fast after the other. As the sizzling energy of the powerful spells forced their combatants backwards, he grabbed Kate's arm and spun. Everything went black as her injured arm jerked sharply and she let out a groan of agony when she landed hard on the pavement outside Headquarters.

Moody pulled her to her feet, her vision blurring again as he tugged on her arm, now ablaze with pain. 'Inside,' he grunted, hurrying her into the building.

* * *

'Kate,' Remus exclaimed urgently as they entered the sitting room, standing up and looking as if he was going to grab her but he held himself back.

Her eyes ran over him, seeing a couple of cuts and some bruises but he looked otherwise unharmed. Bracing her arm, she stared at him saying, 'Is everyone alright?'

He nodded, holding her gaze and said with a frown, 'You? You're hurt…'

'Are the others alright?' Alice cut in, looking at Moody who was watching Kate and Remus' interactions. 'They were waiting for us, Alastor…'

'I know. I'm going to find out what happened,' Moody muttered, then looked back over at Remus, his small, dark eyes scrutinising before he said, 'Lupin, Kate's got some injuries. Can I trust you to deal with them?'

When a surprised Remus nodded, Moody gestured to Peter and Alice.

'You two alright?' he asked then when they nodded, he said bluntly, 'Good, I want you to come with me. I want a full report now.'

Alice and Peter stood up and Moody looked over at Sirius and James. He gave them a grudging nod.

'Potter, Black…not bad. Go home - I'll talk to you both tomorrow. Lupin, I'll be wanting to talk to _you _later tonight.'

Remus frowned; thinking the man's words to him had sounded a lot more…threatening than they had with the others. He watched him walk out then James stood up.

'I…I'm going home,' he said shakily. 'You sure you're alright, Moony?'

'I'll stay with him,' Sirius told him, squeezing the messy haired man's arm. 'You go see Lils. She'll be a bit frantic.'

With a grateful smile and a mumbled farewell, James left, Flooing home. Sirius looked from Remus to Kate.

'I'm getting a drink,' he said. 'Do either of you want one?'

They both nodded and he left. Remus moved swiftly across the room, seizing Kate's face and kissing her hard and fast.

'Are you really ok?' he asked urgently when he pulled back a little and she nodded, her good hand rising to caress his bruised face. The feel of his skin sent a flood of relief through her, making her feel weak under the onslaught of unfamiliar emotion. 'What about your shoulder?'

'I think it's broken. Are you alright?' she asked, eyes concerned and he nodded.

'Cuts and bruises. Dolohov kicked me around a bit but he was just playing with me,' he said softly, kissing her gently again, resting his forehead against hers. 'We stuffed up. We thought it was empty so we didn't check for human presence first…we should have… I'm sorry, Katie.'

'So am I,' Sirius said from the doorway, watching in amusement as the two of them jumped apart. 'Oh, don't stop on my account.'

Kate was speechless and looked over at Remus, who said quickly, 'Pads, we…'

'…are together?' he finished with a grin. 'Yeah, the snogging kind of gave that away, although the smack down Kate delivered earlier clued me in that you two may not be as finished as you both let on.'

'What?' Remus said, puzzled but Kate winced, recalling how hard she'd hit him.

'I'm sorry,' she said, shamefaced. 'I just…'

'It's fine,' Sirius told her, brushing off her apology. 'I was pretty nasty; I deserved to get a slap. Don't worry, I won't say a word about what's going on to anyone and I've got no intention of staying. I just wanted to know for sure.'

He held up a bottle of Firewhiskey and said with a grin, 'And since it looks as though I'm the only one _not_ getting laid tonight, I'm taking this with me.'

**_Go on! Push the button...I dare you! _**


	13. Chapter 13

_Hiya all! Just a little note for those who are interested. Moody got the information last chapter from his informant, told the Order then Peter let the DE know what was happening so they could set up the trap. Sorry but I couldn't make that clear within the storyline. __Any little Peter betrayal bits are going to be pretty much purely for you guys so you can see the little things he did (and how bloody sneaky he was doing it). He isn't outed during this time. No one suspects him. Little bastard!_

_Dedication: For **DragonDi**without whom this fic would be sitting at the bottom of that big cyberspace rubbish bin, and for talking me off the ledge yet again. Love ya!_

_WARNING: **PURE SMUT**. Little to no plot enhancement. Enjoy!_

_Disclaimer: If it were mine, it wouldn't be Kate with Remus in this chapter. Lucky cow! (sulks)._

* * *

Chapter Thirteen

'Does that hurt?'

'Mmm, a little.'

'Tell me if I'm doing it too hard.'

'I…will…ow!'

Remus made a soft hissing noise and winced, dipping his fingers in the green ointment and applying it a little more gingerly to her shoulder as he mumbled, 'Sorry, sweetheart.'

Kate shook her head, dismissing his apology. She sucked in a breath and held it as his fingers rubbed the thick, cold cream gently into the bruised skin. She'd insisted on fixing his minor wounds first then Remus had repaired her broken clavicle, healed the cuts on her shoulder and her arm before they showered. He was now trying to take some of the ache and stiffness out of the deep, already dark bruising that was spreading across her skin.

Even after a few months together, she felt a little uneasy with his attentions. She still wasn't accustomed to having someone around to heal her cuts and bruises in such a…tender fashion and she wasn't yet sure if it was something she should get used to.

_No matter how much I might want to._

But for now…his fingers felt so very good against her skin and he smelled incredible after his shower so she brushed aside her concerns yet again, figuring there would be plenty of time tomorrow to wonder what the hell she was going to do about all of this.

'That's feeling better,' she murmured, letting her breath out in a rush and rolling her shoulder experimentally, pleased that the dull, throbbing pain had eased with the use of the numbing ointment. 'That should be enough now.'

Remus smiled, stroking his index finger along the curve of the newly healed bone before tugging her shirt back into place. 'Are you sure you don't have any more aches and pains that need attention?' he asked mischievously and Kate grinned.

'Plenty,' she teased, a tingling spreading over her skin as he smiled at her. 'But I want to retain sensation in those particular areas - those fingers aren't going anywhere near me until you wash that cream off.'

He laughed and quickly left to wash his hands thoroughly before heading back to his bedroom, pausing in the doorway to stare at Kate. She was lounging on the bed, eyes closed, wearing only a half buttoned shirt of his and knickers. Her short blonde curls, still damp from her shower, hung ringlets around her face. He smiled; she was the most exciting, sexy, intelligent woman he'd ever met and if he lost her…

Remus' brow creased, the smile dropping off his face. That curse that hit her today…if it had been a little lower; if it hadn't rebounded off the bone…

_Stop it._

He tried not to let himself think about what could happen to her when she went on missions - after his own experiences, particularly today, he had first hand knowledge of exactly what she went though and was even more terrified; she'd had too many close calls for his liking.

* * *

Over the months that they'd been conducting their covert relationship, it had become abundantly clear to him that he was madly, wholly, irrefutably in love with Kate but he had resisted the urge to tell her, fearing she'd pull away from him.

It was the only thing he held back - revelling in being able to freely talk about himself and his lycanthropy for the first time and know that she wasn't going to judge him. She was interested in his condition, his friends, his hobbies, his aspirations...she treated him as an equal, but not yet as a partner; something that irritated Remus as she deflected most of his attempts to learn more about her.

Even after she'd agreed to 'date' him (although they had yet to go out on one date), it had taken nearly all of these last thirteen weeks to get her to start to disclose any personal information, the first tidbit since she'd mentioned her father many months earlier, had slipped out a few nights ago when she'd asked to borrow his copy of 'Romeo and Juliet' to read.

'_I love this play,' she told him when he reached over the edge of the bed and grabbed the hard cover book for her. 'My mum's a Muggle and a Shakespeare fiend. 'Romeo and Juliet' is my favourite.' _

'_I never took you for a romantic,' he teased, pleased she was letting some personal information slip. _

'_It has its place,' she said after a brief pause in which she seemed to realise she'd said more than she'd intended. 'In fairy tales.' _

_He rolled her over onto her back and held himself over her, not content to let this drop. 'You don't believe in romance?' he asked and she smiled. _

'_Such notions are for ingenuous children and Muggle movies, Remus,' she told him. 'Romance is sadly lacking in the real world. When did_ you _last recite sonnets to a woman while you had her bent over the kitchen table?'_

_He grinned, fondly recalling their activities of the previous night._ '_You want poetry, Katie? You want me to recite some Shakespeare to you while my mouth is working its way up your thigh?' _

_Kate chuckled and shook her head. 'I don't need poetry to get in the mood, Remus…' _

'_Maybe not,' he said, thinking. 'But poetry and verse is what you shall get, my lady. Let me think… somehow I don't think "Frailty, thy name is woman" will go down well…' _

'_Damn right,' she said, twisting until he fell onto his back and she swiftly straddled him. 'Do I seem frail or weak in mind or body to you?' _

'_Hell, no,' he murmured, appreciatively eyeing off her breasts. 'You do like getting overpowered occasionally, though.' _

'_Rubbish,' she said then let out a yelp of surprise when he grabbed her around the waist and threw her back down onto the bed, taking up his previous position over her. _

'"_The lady doth protest too much, methinks",' he teased and she grinned. _

'_Even with my stunted romantic perceptions, this is hardly the stuff romance novels are made of, Remus,' she retorted. _

'_True,' he agreed, kissing her gently. 'How about…'"__My heart is ever at your service.__"'_

'_Nice but not exactly poetic,' she said, closing her eyes as his mouth began to travel along the delicate chord of her neck. _

'_Lady you bereft me of all words. Only my blood speaks to you in my veins",' he quoted making her giggle softly. _

'_Mmm,_ _better,' she whispered as his lips trailed hot, open mouth kisses down her sternum to her navel._

_Remus chuckled, running his hands up her legs and gently easing them apart. _

_He bit her inside thigh and said softly, '"Did my heart love 'till now? For swear at sight, I never saw true beauty 'till this night."' _

_Her body tensed a little and he glanced up, wondering if he'd pushed his luck and revealed too much about how he felt. Kate was biting her lip and staring at him quizzically. _

_She opened her mouth then closed it before she smiled tentatively and said lightly, 'Are you lost down there? Do you need some help finding your way?' _

_Remus sighed quietly in relief that she hadn't pushed him away, then reached up and took her hand, bringing it down between her legs and draping her fingers over her slick sex. _

'_Show me the way,' he said with quiet intensity and with a wicked, wicked smile that made his whole body prickle, she did._

* * *

'You going to stand there all night?' Kate asked now, propping herself up on her elbows to look at him, her (his) shirt gaping open, creamy skin and plump breasts partially uncovered for his eyes to feast upon.

His body reacted, swiftly and urgently. This was no mere attraction; this was elemental, chemical; this was primal and wild, and he could no more have stopped it than he could prevent the full moon coming each month. Stepping into the room, he closed the door behind him and tapped it with his wand to lock it.

Pausing at the bottom of the bed, he pulled off his shirt, then his pants and boxers as one. He stood there, as still as a statue, watching Kate's eyes move hungrily over him and he felt heat and tightness building low in his belly. His cock was already dark and engorged just from her scorching gaze and he could see her nipples peaking, thrusting insistently at the thin material of the shirt. They were both ready - and they had done little more than glance at each other.

'How do you do this to me?' she murmured, shifting to her knees to meet him as he crawled across the bed to her.

Remus' fingers traced the edge of each lapel, seeing her flesh pucker from the light touch and felt a sense of satisfaction that he made her as crazy with need as she made him.

'Same way you do it to me,' he said softly, fingers releasing the buttons from their holds.

Her hands moved to help him but he batted them away gently, finishing his task then flattening a hand against her abdomen, sliding it slowly up the mid line of her body - over her stomach, her ribs, between her breasts, around to the nape of her neck, eyes following its leisurely progress. He grasped a handful of the shirt collar and drew it downwards, letting it drop onto the mattress.

The corners of his mouth turned up in a covetous smile as his eyes committed each inch of flesh to memory again, his mind adapting already held images to include the new scars and marks that today's excursion had left on her skin. Each time he saw her, it felt like the first time: the sense of wonder, anticipation still so very fresh; the desire to explore and conquer, to claim her and make her his own still as powerful as if they hadn't made love many, many times before.

'You are glorious.'

Her chest rose and fell faster, breasts heaving as illustrated so often in those bodice ripping romance novels that Lily Potter adored, but Remus realised as his heart jack hammered and his insides twisted into knots, that the actual sight, the very non-fictional effect of that tremulous movement of a woman's chest, was so very ineffectually described in the trashy books.

Palms cupped each breast, weighing them, feeling them tighten in the cradle of his hands as her nipples hardened even further, inviting his touch, _begging _for his touch. Thumbs ghosted over the hardened buds and Kate moaned, eyes closing, teeth biting down on that lush bottom lip. Remus kneaded her breasts lightly, pushing them together then lowering his head to nuzzle his face in the mounds for a moment before drawing both nipples into his wet, warm mouth.

'Oh!'

The noise slipped involuntarily from her lips, as did the molten liquid that he could smell trickling from her core. He could feel her melting and was planning to draw out this delicious torture until she puddled in his hands.

He sucked her nipples deep into his mouth, swirling his tongue around them and was surprised when in a very short time, he heard her familiar, climactic cry and felt the shudders that rocked her body.

'Shit,' she breathed and he released her nipples, blowing air over the moist nubs and making Kate gasp again before he raised his head with a slightly smug smile.

'_How _do you _do _that?' she asked incredulously, voice husky and breath coming in uneven rhythm as she tried to regain a little control after the unexpected orgasm.

'Had a good teacher,' he told her, holding her shoulders firmly and pushing her slowly until her back was pressed against the mattress. 'And it helps to have a very responsive partner.'

He smiled as he pulled down her underwear then he shifted between her thighs, lifting her legs and resting her ankles on his shoulders. He looked down at her, eyes darkening in anticipation as he drank her in, his expression reverent as if he was looking upon a work of art, as if he'd finally found what he'd been craving all his life.

Kate had never been particularly self conscious; she worked hard to keep herself fit and was proud of her body but the way he looked at her, with such passion in his face, made her skin flush and her breath hitch.

A finger stroked and her long drawn out sigh filled the air.

'I can't stop wanting you, Katie,' he whispered, easing the finger between her soft folds, swirling it in the moisture he found there, making her buck up. 'You're always there…in my head…always.'

He leaned over and kissed her stomach, moving his lips back and forth, brushing them down, down, down, his breath teased her throbbing clit. She was already shaking and muttering something incomprehensible, but something that was, unmistakeably, a plea.

'I love how you are always so ready for me,' he said, knowing she was beyond listening to him but also knowing that somehow the words would make their way to her and, as she tensed, curling her toes, he knew she'd heard him.

The first stroke of his tongue was blessed relief and excruciating agony all rolled into one for the both of them. Her needy sex pulsed under his mouth, life itself on his tongue and he moaned in ecstasy, hastening his firm strokes, meeting her need without knowing how he knew how to do it.

She tasted exactly like he imagined nirvana would if it could be reduced to a liquid form and as she arched up, he gave the first indication that his control was fraying, fingers digging hard into her hips as he fought his own need to make her his. He moaned again, the vibrations against her clit making her scream out loud as she was thrown head first into the maelstrom.

As the crashing waves of pleasure ebbed, his mouth trailed up the same midline path that his hand had travelled earlier, kissing her with musky flavoured lips as the head of his now weeping cock pierced her, stretching her swollen flesh exquisitely as he claimed her. No one else fit like he did, he was made to be here.

'Look at me, Kate.'

She did, opening her eyes and as he fell into the cerulean blue, he realised for the first time that even though he'd been pleasuring her, he had never been in command. He was under her spell, she controlled him completely and even more startling was the fact that he didn't care.

He withdrew then plunged and she moaned, hips rising to meet his every thrust, welcoming him. Driving deep into her, his long, smooth strokes soon lost their restrained pace and, as she murmured, 'Harder' and clutched at his shaking arms, he gave over the last pretence that he had ever been in control of this and let her stake her claim on him. He pumped hard and fast, shifting so he could hold her hips at an angle that allowed his cock to hit that elusive spot inside her that he knew would send her soaring with him.

Kate's legs tightened around his shoulders and she urged him on, her voice an audible fuck as she begged, 'More, yes, harder, faster…_please, Remus_,' until with a savage, carnal thrust from him, she shattered for the third time, the powerful tremors of her body sending Remus tumbling over the edge and he was falling, his world exploding as he released himself inside her and whispered her name like a benediction - over and over until nothing else existed but Kate.

* * *

**_All quotes in italicised section belong to William Shakespeare. _**

**_I have gone through this so many bloody times that reading the phone book is a more erotic prospect right now. Please let me know if it was in the least bit sexy. Review?_**


	14. Chapter 14

_Hiya! Thanks to all those who are still reading and reviewing. _

_BLATANT PLUG: I put up Sirius POV for my fic **'You Fill Up My Senses'** yesterday. I'd love to hear what you think about it. And my friend DragonDi has put up a companion piece for it called **'Sensing Love'** which is brilliant! Check them out if you can handle puppy love._

_WARNING: More smut this chapter and swearing. If you want the smut to come, you have to review. It's a dealbreaker._

_Disclaimer: If I was really JKR, do you think Remus would have ended up with Tonks? Seriously?_

* * *

Chapter Fourteen

'How many women have you been with?' Kate asked suddenly, startling him out of his light doze.

'Hmm?' he murmured, lifting his head from her unbruised shoulder.

She looked at him appraisingly. 'I've never asked how you got so good at this sex business,' she said with a little smile. 'You're only eighteen…sorry, nineteen…but you're more in tune with a woman's body than a lot of much older men and I was wondering who I should thank for that.'

Remus chuckled, propping his head up and staring down at her. 'Vanessa Pullman,' he said with a smile. 'She wrote a fantastic book all about female sexuality; you really should read it…what?'

Kate was struggling to contain her laughter but lost the battle, covering her mouth as she giggled. It seemed so typical of what she knew about Remus that he would read up on sex.

'_She _was your teacher?' she asked between chortles.

'You weren't laughing twenty minutes ago while I was applying her good advice,' he pretended to huff, secretly enjoying the sound of her laughter. He shifted, holding himself over her, nibbling down her neck. 'In fact, twenty minutes ago you were saying things like…"please, Remus, more Remus, fuck me into next week, Remus"…'

'I was not,' she argued and he moved his mouth to her ear.

'Harder,' he breathed, raising his voice an octave and punctuating each word with a flex of his hips.

'Faster.'

_Thrust_.

'Yes.'

_Thrust_.

'Please.'

'Cut it out,' she admonished, giggling as she smacked him on the arm.

He laughed and stopped, leaning on his elbow, trying to keep his weight off her while maintaining as much of their full body contact as he could.

'There haven't been all that many women,' he told her, answering her original question. 'Five, I think…no, six since I lost my virginity to Sarah Maple at the beginning of Sixth Year…a couple were just one nighters. No one like you, though. I…it's never been like it is with us with anyone else.'

Kate stroked her thumb over his mouth, smiling when his lips puckered slightly and pressed a kiss to the pad of her digit.

'For me either,' she said finally, having obviously thought about whether she wanted to make the admission.

Remus smiled, then captured her thumb into his mouth, biting lightly then let go. He took her hand and kissed each finger before he asked, 'Do I get to ask about your sexual history?'

'Far too many to remember,' Kate said flippantly then she snorted in a very unladylike way and shook her head. 'Jesus, do you know what I just realised? I lost my virginity before you were even aware that girl bits and boy bits go together.'

His unrestrained laugh rang out and Kate couldn't help but join in; the first time she'd been able to laugh about the six year age gap.

'Well, I know where those bits go now,' he said, still grinning and nuzzling his face in the valley between her breasts.

He reached down to the crux of his legs and wrapped his hand around his semi hard cock. 'See, _this_ is a penis - of which I am quite fond…'

'Mmm,' she said, her hand joining his. 'I'm quite fond of it as well.'

He let go of his dick as he hand closed around him, letting her stroke him into almost instant rigidity.

'Now, there are a number of places I could put this,' he murmured, drawing another giggle from her as he touched her mouth with a finger, raising his eyebrow enquiringly.

She nodded in approval and he moved the finger to her backside, making her shake her head vigorously, then with a playful pout, he touched her ear, making her giggles strengthen and he smiled as he moved the hand between her legs.

'But I must admit my favourite is right about here…'

His finger traced the line of her sex, smiling mischievously when he slid it inside her and felt the moisture already gathered there.

'It's just like a puzzle,' he murmured, lowering his head and biting her nipple gently as he pumped two fingers in and out, letting her push herself down on the digits. 'This bit fits with that bit.'

He shifted his hand, grasping his shaft and rubbed the smooth head of his cock over her slit. Kate groaned and arched up, mutely pleading with him to stop teasing her. He brushed the tip over her clit, feather light touches until Kate snapped, her hand snaking between them to wrap around his and stop his motion.

'For god's sake! You are a fucking tease, Remus Lupin!'

He laughed then touched his cock to her entrance and with one thrust, he filled her.

'God, yes, that's it,' she moaned and wrapped her legs around him.

'See,' he ground out through gritted teeth as her body clenched around him. 'Perfect fit.'

'Will you shut up and fuck me?' came the strangled reply - phrased as a question but essentially an order.

He withdrew slowly then swiftly plunged into her again, both of them losing control. They rutted against each other fast until they exploded together, crying out the other's name hoarsely.

* * *

Ten minutes later, Remus was falling asleep and Kate was trying to make herself get up and leave to see Moody, when there was a sharp retort on the door and they both jumped, eyes snapping open.

'Remus, are you in there?'

'Peter,' he whispered, sliding out of bed and grabbing his boxers as he said loudly, 'Yeah, I just got into bed, Pete. Is everything ok?'

'Moody wants you at the Ministry…he said you'd know where Kate was too. He wants her.'

Remus' eyes slid over the woman as she stood and gathered her clothing. 'He can join the queue,' he mumbled, seeing Kate's little smile as she pulled up her knickers, her amusement at his jest not erasing the crease in her forehead.

'I'll track her down, Peter,' he called, his body, which he thought was done for the night, twitching at the sight of a luscious, lace covered ass. 'I'll just dress and I'll apparate to the Ministry.'

'Alright. I'm going home now. I'll see you later…sorry to wake you.'

Kate gnawed at her lip as she listened to the sound of Peter's footsteps fade. Remus' arms encircled her waist but she pulled away.

'You'd better get going,' she told him, seeing his surprised face as she turned to try and find her bra. 'Tell him I was asleep in the spare room and will be along in a minute.'

'You alright?' he asked, scooping his shirt up and frowning at her.

'Yeah,' she mumbled absently, clipping her bra up with an efficiency that Remus envied (bra's still befuddled him sometimes - all those straps). 'It's just the way Alastor knew you'd know where I was…he saw me slap Sirius after he made that comment about us…'

Remus saw what she was getting at. 'And…' he added reluctantly. 'He did sound a bit funny earlier when he said he wanted to talk to me later.'

Kate looked up at him, biting her lip. 'Shit,' she muttered, pulling on her jeans. 'He is the last person I want knowing about my sex life…'

'He wouldn't…make you quit or transfer you or anything, would he?' he asked worriedly and Kate frowned as she thought.

'He might,' she told him after a few moments of silence, yanking her shirt over her head then watching him zip up his fly. 'Or at the very least, not let me go on any missions that involve you or your friends.'

She sighed and picked up her coat. 'Go. I'll be along in a few minutes.'

Remus nodded, cupping her face with a hand and kissing her. 'Do I look like I've been shagging?' he asked and she smiled.

'You look very satisfied but you could have just as easily been self servicing,' she said and he laughed.

'I'll tell Moody that I was wanking if you also use masturbation as an excuse for your four orgasm glow.'

'Fuck off, Lupin,' she chuckled and he slapped her on the ass before he left the room.

* * *

'Have you seen Kate?' Remus asked Alice two hours later, stifling a yawn.

Moody had talked to Kate first then interrogated Remus about what had happened earlier in the evening with the Death Eaters. It was after midnight before he was satisfied with his statement and had shown him to the door, Remus relieved until the Auror made one last comment.

'_If you care at all for her, you won't want to fuck up her career,' he murmured, holding the door handle so Remus couldn't leave. 'Neither of you are being particularly subtle…either tone it down or call it off.' _

_Remus didn't say anything, just waited for Moody to open the door, his pink face the only indication he had any idea what Moody was talking about. _

_The man turned the knob and as he pulled it open added, 'If it comes down to a choice between you and her job, Lupin, she'll choose the latter. Don't force me to make her break your heart.' _

_Remus couldn't help himself, putting out a hand and pushing the door shut again. 'You're so sure she wouldn't choose me?' he hissed and Moody frowned. _

'_I've got nothing against you personally, Lupin, but she's wanted this since she was a toddler,' he said softly. 'She may like you - hell, she might even love you - but I wouldn't bet on you if it came down to the wire.' _

_Remus glared at him and said quietly,' You're wrong,' not all that sure that the other man _was_ incorrect._

'_Has she told you anything about herself?' Moody asked suddenly. 'Have you met her friends? What kind of music does she like? Does she want children? Have you been to her house?' _

_Remus tried to keep his face straight but the older man saw straight through his facade. _

'_I'm willing to bet she knows almost everything about you but that you know nothing about her. You two are a lot alike in some ways - she's good at getting people to open up to her – but she's even better at not revealing anything about herself. I know Kate, Remus,' he said gently, using Remus' given name for the first time. 'She keeps herself hidden away, has practiced doing this for a long time, and it's going to take something a lot deeper than a good fuck to get through those walls. I'm sorry, Lupin.'_

_He turned his back - the conversation was obviously over._

'Yeah, I saw her,' said Alice now, handing him a tightly rolled piece of parchment. 'She left this for you.'

'Thanks,' he mumbled, quickly leaving the room and after a wild elevator ride, he paused in the Atrium to open the sealed note.

_R,  
__He knows.  
__I don't want to meet at Headquarters.  
__Floo to my place - I'll add it to the network for the night.  
__734 Knightsborough Road  
__London  
__K._

Remus was startled but let out a bark of elated laughter that echoed throughout the almost empty hall, making the guard look up from his Quidditch magazine with an annoyed expression.

'Sorry,' Remus said with a broad smile, moving quickly to the Floo fireplace and calling out her address very clearly.

* * *

For several seconds, he spun wildly then he slowed down and shot out onto a stone grate. He coughed, having managed to inhale some powder then stared up at a nervous looking Kate.

'Hi,' he choked out, standing up and brushing himself off.

'Hi,' she said, shoving her hands into her pockets.

Her whole stance betrayed her agitation and he was surprised at the butterflies in his own stomach. This may not seem like a big deal to anyone else but for Kate to invite him to her home, to allow him to peek over the wall, even for a moment, was an enormous step for the couple.

Remus looked around, trying not to make it too obvious. The house was light - white walls with bright accessories: bright green couch with orange cushions, two bookcases crammed a bit untidily with hard cover novels, some photographs and knick knacks scattered across the available surfaces. The furniture was old but in good condition and the room had a cozy feel to it.

'Do you want a drink?' Kate asked, gesturing that he should follow her when he nodded.

They walked down a wide hall, Remus' eyes soaking up everything he could just in case he was never allowed back.

'Did Alastor say anything to you?' she asked and he hesitated before answering.

'Just that we should either cut it out or learn to be more subtle,' he paraphrased expansively.

Kate nodded. 'Yeah, I got a bit more of an earbashing…'

That was a slight understatement.

'_I can't believe you'd be so stupid, Kate,' he yelled once Kate confirmed his suspicions about her and Remus. 'I can understand Lupin eyeing off a pretty girl but to actually sleep with him; to start up some kind of relationship with him…it's foolhardy Kate. I gave you credit for being smarter than that.'_

'_It's no one's business. It's not affecting my work,' she argued and he snorted. _

'_You nearly knocked Black flat on his back earlier because he made a smart ass comment about you and Lupin,' he snapped. 'You lost concentration on that staircase and you were damn lucky to walk away from it; all because of this…fling you're having.'_

'_It's not a fling!' she yelled then looked startled at the admission._

_Moody narrowed his eyes then took a step closer, talking very softly. 'You will not keep your job if Scrimgeour finds out you are sleeping with a werewolf,' he said. 'The time to choose will come, Kate - your job or Lupin. This will only end in pain for the both of you if you allow it to continue. Do the sensible thing.'_

She shrugged, grabbing a bottle of reddish brown liquid as she tried not to think about Moody's words. 'He didn't insist we stop seeing each other…maybe we'll just have to meet here more often.'

Remus tried to fight back his delighted smile - she didn't want to stop this and she was willing to let him into her private world. This was progress.

He watched her pour a couple of glasses of mead then she handed him one and smiled tentatively.

'What do you think of the place?'

He smiled as well. 'It's nice,' he said, looking around openly now that he'd been invited to offer an opinion. 'It's _really _nice, Katie. Why on earth do you spend so much time at Headquarters when you could be here?'

She raised her eyebrow at him and her eyes flicked down to the front of his jeans, which all at once felt a little tighter.

'Oh,' he said in amusement, flushing a little. 'Right.'

Kate giggled and the atmosphere lightened.

'Want a tour?' she asked and he nodded, taking her offered hand and as she entwined their fingers, Remus suddenly thought that he might just take Moody up on that bet.

* * *

**_Pouting childishly due to many hits and few reviews for last chapter. A happy author is an author who writes fast and indulges in lots of werewolf lovin'. And reviews make me happy. _**

**_You, too, can save a starving author; just click on the button provided and leave a praise laden review. :-)_**


	15. Chapter 15

_Thanks to all those who responded to my desperate call for reviews. I have stepped back off the ledge into safety now. Thanks to anonymous abigail – welcome back and I hope the withdrawal symptoms have been eased now. :-) Slightly longer chapter - hope you don't mind._

_WARNING: No smut! Well, a tiny bit of a suggestion of smut, if that makes sense._

_Disclaimer: (Pats down body) Nope. No bulging wallet. No publication deals. I must still be a poor Aussie who is far too enamoured with fictional characters and not, therefore, JKR. __Bugger!_

* * *

Chapter Fifteen

**A week later**

'Did you think I'd just take it lying down, Alastor?'

'The Minister has had a threat made against his life; I need an experienced Auror to watch over him…'

'He gets threats everyday; you just need to punish me,' she spat and his face hardened. Standing abruptly, he grabbed her arm and weaved his way through the messily arranged desks of the Auror Department until he reached an empty interrogation room. He dragged her inside and slammed the door shut behind them.

'I can't trust you anymore,' he said immediately, trying to ignore the hurt that flashed across her face. 'Kate, you kept things from me…I want, no, I _need_ total disclosure from the people that work with me and I don't trust you not to keep information from me.'

'Whatever is going on between Remus and I has got nothing to do with you, my job or my position in the Order,' Kate insisted but he shook his head.

'Of course it does,' he hissed at her, startling her with his forcefulness. 'On that last mission, you were distracted from the moment you found out Lupin was in danger, and that preoccupation put your team at risk. I won't allow it to happen again.'

'Alastor…'

'No,' he said, steel in his voice. 'Until I can see that you're putting one hundred percent into your missions, I'm not going to allow you to put yourself or other people in danger. Now, you've been given your assignment. If you don't feel like you can do it, then hand your resignation in to Scrimgeour. Otherwise, find the Minister and get on with it.'

'This isn't fair, Alastor!'

He stared at her, eyes boring into hers. 'Since when did you start expecting life to be fair, Kate?' he said quietly. 'It isn't fair that you lost your father so young; it isn't fair that your mother couldn't be a mother to you afterwards; it isn't fair that you have grown up unable to form close relationships and it certainly isn't fair that the first man you let yourself get close to is the worst possible choice you could have made for yourself.'

'He's not…' Kate began but bit her lip. He was right; in terms of her career, Remus was the most destructive choice she could have made.

'He is,' he countered, knowing she knew he was right. 'He's a werewolf and no matter how nice of a man he is every other day of the month, all people are going to see is what he turns into for that one night. It's not right,' he said quickly when she opened her mouth. 'It's not fair but I think we've already established that life isn't.'

'We're being discreet - the Ministry don't need to know.'

'How long do you think that's going to last?' he asked. 'And how long do you think Lupin is going to be happy with that? You are going to have to choose eventually, Kate. I'm sorry but you'll either have to give him up or your relationship will cost you your job.'

He walked to the door, turning back to look at her. 'Just be sure about whatever decision you make,' he advised. 'Because you're never going to be able to take it back.'

* * *

**Two weeks later**

Remus was watching her closely, she could feel his eyes on her as she poked at her dinner but she didn't want to talk about what was wrong. She didn't want to think about what she'd come here to do tonight.

She had been pulling away. She knew Remus could feel it and was confused by it, but she couldn't stop herself.

Kate had never allowed her personal feelings to run her life but when it came to her job, emotions could be dangerous; caring could get you or others killed. She'd been distracted once by her concern for Remus' safety and, as a result, she'd sustained an injury that could very well have been a whole lot worse, and two people had found out about them, one of them capable of crushing her career, the career she'd wanted for as long as she could remember, under his heel.

She had made her choice. Now she just had to find the courage to implement it.

'How was work today?' Remus asked and Kate glanced up at him, trying to avoid looking at those eyes that seemed to be able to see into her very soul.

'Moody has Caradoc and I following the bloody Minister around night and day,' she complained, stabbing her steak with unnecessary vehemence. 'Honestly, if he was any kind of wizard, he wouldn't need protecting. He's as useless as fucking tits on a bull…'

Remus snorted in amusement at her analogy and Kate couldn't help smiling despite her irritation.

'Don't make me laugh, Lupin,' she growled, bumping his arm with hers. 'I want to wallow in self pity for a while longer. It's been a long time since I was given the grunt work.'

'Is there something I can do to help?'

Kate bit her lip. This was it: the perfect moment to do it. 'Remus…'

She jumped a little when she felt his hand on her leg, midway up her thigh and saw a wicked grin spreading across his face

'What can I do to make you feel better?' he said, his voice teasing. 'I'm sure I could think of one or two things that could get your mind off work frustrations for a little while.'

'Remus…' she began again but his hand had slid higher and his knee was nudging her legs apart as a finger traced the edge of her knickers then it was underneath the fabric and…oh, Merlin, that feels good!

With a gasp, she pulled his face to hers and with an agility and speed that startled her, Remus had her on the edge of the table, ignoring the sound of breaking china as their dinner plates hit the ground. He quickly had her skirt up around her waist and she was pulling his clothes off before he pushed her back and used his teeth to rid her of her underwear. Everything after that just a blur of sensation and all thoughts of what she was supposed to be doing tonight dissolved as that very knowledgable tongue worked its magic.

* * *

**Two weeks later**

'Bloody women!' Remus spat, throwing himself down on Sirius' couch.

The brunette grinned, handing him a tumbler of Firewhiskey. 'What did she do this time?' he asked, sitting down more sedately beside his friend.

Sirius and Moody were still the only ones who knew about the now six month old relationship between Remus and Kate and, as Remus would rather face twenty Death Eaters than talk to Moody about his sex life, Sirius became the werewolf's confidante. He was visiting him more and more lately, letting out all his frustration over a Firewhiskey or three.

Sirius smiled now as he listened to Remus rant about Kate's latest transgression - her sister, Jess, had visited and she had made him leave before she arrived instead of introducing them.

'She _says _it not a matter of her being ashamed of me or anything,' Remus fumed, pacing up and down in front of the couch. 'She _says _it's just that she doesn't get along with her sister and doesn't want the inquisition from her about me but…God, she's the most exasperating woman!'

He fell back down onto the couch and picked up his drink.

Sirius smirked. As much as Kate infuriated Remus at times, the animagus knew that his friend was being more challenged and extended than he'd ever been before by a woman and he knew that the other man was happier than he'd ever seen him before.

Usually.

'Is there any possibility she could actually be telling the truth?' Sirius asked with a smile. 'You know…that she _doesn't _get along with her sister and _didn't _want to answer a whole heap of questions about her boyfriend?'

Remus glared at him, taking a big gulp of the whiskey before he answered, 'I suppose there is that possibility. I don't know…I just…I love her, Pads. I want to be able to tell her but she won't even tell me her favourite colour. She shares nothing with me - only what slips out accidentally and it looks like she regrets that even…'

He ran his hand through his hair roughly, leaning forward, forearms on knees.

'She's like a book…' Remus said, frowning in irritation when Sirius snorted.

'Literary reference…typical,' the brunette muttered then waved his hand in a 'go on' motion when he saw Remus' eyes narrow.

'She's like a book that I'm absorbed in…that I can't get enough of and I'm looking forward to what comes next and then all of a sudden, it closes and no matter what I do, I can't pry it open again.'

Sirius was staring at him thoughtfully and Remus sighed. 'Then, one day just when I've given up hope of ever having my questions answered, I find it open again and it lets me read a little more before it snaps shut.'

Sirius was silent for a moment then said, 'Do you remember one day in Sixth year I asked you why you always read so slowly? Why you looked up and just gazed off into the distance sometimes?'

Remus nodded, not sure where Sirius was going with this.

'You said that you didn't like 'devouring' the pages; that you wanted to really absorb each word, each sentence. You said that, after a really good part, you liked to stop for a few minutes and savour what you'd just read, enjoy it, and spend some time anticipating what you thought might be coming.'

Remus was frowning, recalling the conversation, surprised that Sirius did, and wondering exactly what he was getting at.

'Can't you think of Kate like that?' Sirius asked. 'Instead of getting frustrated when the story comes to a halt…savour what you already know and enjoy the anticipation of what is still to come?'

Remus stared at him with his mouth hanging open, apparently speechless, for the good part of a minute. Sirius smiled at him - it wasn't often he managed to befuddle the werewolf and he was enjoying the experience.

'That…that is the most profound thing you have ever said,' Remus finally stammered, still wearing the disbelieving expression. 'When did you grow up and become such a philosopher?'

Sirius laughed, standing up to refill their glasses. 'It's the lack of sex lately,' he joked. 'I'm benefiting from the extra blood in my brain.'

They both chuckled and Remus asked, 'You really remembered that conversation?'

'Yeah,' Sirius replied, also looking surprised. 'I remember thinking that was exactly how I should read my porn…'

* * *

**A month later**

'I feel like I haven't seen you in bloody years,' Remus complained and Kate turned to glare at him.

'Keep your voice down,' she said, looking around the empty dining room. Most of the Order members had already left after tonight's meeting but a few were lingering about the place and might wander in at any moment.

Remus and Kate hadn't seen each other at all for a week, Kate busy at the Ministry, and before that their meetings were spasmodic - falling into bed together for a quick session before Kate rushed off again. Remus was startled by how much he'd missed her these few weeks and had been looking forward to spending some time with her tonight but she had just told him she had to go back to work.

'Can't you stay for a bit?' he asked, hating the whiny tone to his voice but he didn't seem able to shake it.

'Remus, I'm busy, alright,' she explained impatiently. 'More and more threats are coming in each day and I'm stuck with the Minister since Moody still won't let me do anything useful…'

Remus' smile disappeared and he shifted a little closer. 'Is this because of me?' he asked softly. 'Has Moody taken you off active duty because of us?'

She stiffened a little and finished rolling up the building plans in front of her. 'Maybe,' she said evasively. 'I'm not sure…'

'Kate…I…I never wanted to be a problem for you…' he said regretfully. 'What can I do? I don't want you to lose your job…'

She just stared at him, telling herself that this was the time to finally tell him about her decision.

* * *

When it became obvious Moody wasn't going to give her decent assignments, Kate had gone to Headquarters with every intention of calling off her and Remus' secret relationship. Her job meant the world to her and she kept telling herself there was no way she was giving it up for a man. Her first attempt had failed miserably, ending with them defiling the kitchen table and breaking several pieces of crockery.

The next opportunity to break it off came and went also - this time, he gave her a rose before they shared a picnic dinner on his bedroom floor …and then made such gentle love to her (using that rose in the most inventive ways) that her mind had been completely lost.

She had lay there afterwards, staring at his face as he slept, knowing that he was the reason she couldn't do her job properly, that she needed to break this off so she could to get back to doing what she loved, but also knowing that giving him up was the hardest thing she'd ever tried to do.

_He'll leave eventually anyway. He'll turn you inside out until you don't know yourself and then he'll leave. _

But she wanted to believe he'd stay, that he'd be different; wanted to believe that so badly that she'd allowed him closer than she'd ever allowed anyone. She was torn between wanting to give herself completely to him; give herself over and let herself fall desperately in love with him, and wanting to push him away so she was able to get herself back, so she could be the unemotional, in control woman she'd been before they'd met.

* * *

'It's fine, Remus,' she told him brusquely, chickening out again as he looked at her with such concern. 'Look, I've got to go…I've got a shift soon.'

'Katie…'

'_Please_, Remus, just…back off for a while. Please? I just…this is getting suffocating. I…really like you but this is getting too serious.'

Remus was upset, she knew, confused by her hot and cold attitude and, from the look on his face now, she guessed he'd finally reached the end of his tolerance.

_Maybe you won't have to break if off with him; maybe he'll do it for you._

'Too serious?' he said, parroting her words back in disbelief, his temper flaring. 'Kate, I've almost forgotten what you look like this last month! We've been together over six months now and I still know almost nothing about you - you won't tell me anything personal and when I ask, you fob me off. How the hell is this relationship in any way too serious?'

'You know everything you need to know about me,' she retorted, waving her wand at the rolls of parchment in front of her, making them vanish.

'Oh, yeah,' he said sarcastically then let out a growl when she shushed him, eyes darting over to the open door.

'Fucking hell!'

He jabbed his wand towards the door and it slammed shut and locked, a Silencing spell following quickly.

'I know that your dad was an Auror,' he continued furiously. 'I know you like Shakespeare, I know you have a sister, I know your address, I know your favourite position is when you're on top and that when you come you make the most amazing fucking noise in your throat before you say my name. Yeah, I guess I know all the important stuff, don't I?'

'Remus, what do you want from me? A resume? I have to keep parts of myself hidden, it's part of my job…'

'_I'm _not part of your job!' he almost roared. 'I'm not your colleague or your student…I'm your fucking boyfriend.'

'Boyfriend? We're not twelve, Remus. You're not my boyfriend…and if you can't accept that I'm not ready to tell you the story of my life, then maybe it's time to end this.'

'I'm not your boyfriend? Well, what the hell am I, Kate? Your fuck buddy? Your _lover_?' he spat, completely ignoring her suggestion that they should call it quits. 'Some guy you just call on when you're horny and in need of a good screwing?'

'We have sex, Remus,' she said, losing grip on her own temper now. 'The term boyfriend implies an intimacy that we don't have.'

'Bullshit!' he snapped, slamming his hand down on the tabletop and making her start. 'It implies an intimacy that you don't want, that you keep pushing away but it's there, Kate, and that's the reason you're trying to keep me at arms length, isn't it? Because you know it's there and if you acknowledge it, you can't pretend anymore, you won't be able to keep…compartmentalising your emotions anymore.'

'No, I won't!' she yelled over him, her restraint snapping. 'I won't and why can't you see that that's a problem? I was distracted last time. I was hit by that curse because I was distracted, people found out about us because I was distracted. This isn't me…I don't make mistakes like this. I control what I do, how I do it but I can't do that around you.'

He opened his mouth to respond but she turned away from him. 'I can't lose focus when I'm on a mission,' she continued. 'I can't be wondering if this is the last time I'm going to see you and put everyone else at risk because my concentration is shot…I can't do it. I can't change who I am for you…'

There was a long moment of silence then Remus said quietly, 'I'm not asking you to, Kate. I just want to know who it is you really are. I want you to trust me, to let yourself go once in a while. I understand you need to be in control at work but when we're together, you can let go. God, even when we're in bed and I think I'm running things…all of a sudden, I realise that I'm still your puppet.'

'That's not true!'

'Isn't it? You won't let me in, Kate. I want you to trust me; trust me to be your equal when we're fighting, trust me to make love to you without controlling me, trust me enough to show me all of you. Treat me like a partner, instead of a child. Let me take over sometimes, let me see _you_…

She was silent for a moment, looking down at her feet, then said softly, 'I don't know if I can.'

'Can you try? Please? I'm not asking you to change who you are…just to occasionally let me in. I like who you are, Katie…I love who you are.'

Kate looked up in alarm.

_He loves who I am? _

A little thrill of mingled panic and joy ran through her and suddenly she needed to be as far away as possible from Remus.

'I have to go,' she whispered, but he stopped her from leaving, refusing to let her just walk away with that unnerved expression on her face.

'I don't expect miracles, Kate. It took a long time for you to become this closed off and I know it's going to take you some time but…I _need_ you to try to let your guard down. I need you to _want_ to try.'

He sighed at the sight of her stricken face and reached for her hand, stroking his thumb over the delicate bones.

'You told me to be careful with your heart, but you never gave it to me, Kate…you never trusted me with it. Well, I've given you mine and I trust you to do what you will with it. Maybe one day, you'll trust me enough to do the same.'

Remus leaned over and kissed her, buoyed when she didn't pull away but leaned into the lip lock. When he released her lips, she put her head on his chest and sighed.

'I…I don't trust easily, Remus,' she said, her voice a little muffled. 'Hazard of the job. I know I'm holding back…I tell myself not to but…'

'It's tough to break the habit of a lifetime,' he said softly and heard her breath of laughter.

'Something like that,' she said and lifted her head, biting her lip. 'I was going to break it off; I've been trying to break up with you for six weeks.' She saw his immediate panic and put her arms around his waist.

'I couldn't do it. No one has ever meant this much to me, Remus and…and it scares me. Everyone I've cared about…' She bit her lip. 'Just…give me some time. No one ever taught me how to not be in control.'

His arms pulled her close, holding her tightly as if if was afraid she'd disappear and she closed her eyes as she nuzzled her head into the crook of his neck. His embrace felt so right, she felt so safe that she found herself whispering, 'I do want to try,' and felt him smile as he pressed his lips against her temple.

'Perhaps you need someone to show you how to lose control,' he murmured and she smiled, raising her face to his and pecking him on the lips.

'Maybe you can teach me. I'm off tomorrow night…I know there's supposed to be someone at Headquarters all the time but…we could go to my place if you could get someone else to stay here…'

Remus grinned. 'I'm sure Sirius would sleep over if I asked in just the right way,' he said, rummaging through his mental store of bribe worthy material from Sirius' dubious past. 'Are you sure though?'

Kate nodded slowly. 'I've done nothing to earn your trust, Remus…or your heart,' she said softly. 'And I think it's time I did.'

* * *

**_I'm not on the ledge anymore but I'm eyeing off the oxygen tanks - I need reviews to breathe, people. I'm needy!_**


	16. Chapter 16

_Thanks to all who are still reviewing. Your feedback is very much appreciated. Of course, feedback from the others who are reading would be fantastic as well. :)_

_Special thanks to **DragonDi,**who assured me that this chapter wasn't complete crap as I suspected ('good' bumps aside), and puts up with my neurosis and boosts my ego (no easy feat). Check out her fic, **'Carnival of Dark and Dangerous Creatures'** - it is amazing!_

_WARNING: Pretty much entirely **SMUT**. No, actually it is definitely entirely **SMUT**. But you wouldn't like that kind of thing, would you?_

_Disclaimer: Not mine. I own nothing. "Can I borrow them please, Aunty Jo, just to play with for a little while and I promise to put them back when I've finished?"_

* * *

Chapter Sixteen

The next night, they sat silently across from each other; Kate agitated, her eyes looking anywhere except at him. They sipped at their drinks until finally Remus leaned forwards and put his glass down on the coffee table.

'Kate, this isn't going to work,' he said, disappointed. 'Look at you…you're almost bouncing off the walls. I don't want to push you into something you're not ready for; it defeats the entire purpose of this…'

She sighed and stood up. He was right – she felt like she was about to jump out of her skin from nerves. 'I'm just…I don't know how to do this. I don't know what you want from me…'

Remus was quiet for a moment, staring at her contemplatively. 'Come here,' he said suddenly and when she frowned at him, he repeated the instruction. 'Come here.'

Kate moved and as she got closer, Remus stood swiftly and slung her over his shoulder.

'Remus!' she yelped then giggled when he slapped her ass sharply.

'Shh! I'm showing you how to do it,' he teased, walking back to her bedroom, laughing when she stuck her hand down the back of his jeans and pinched his backside.

He tossed her onto the bed and looked down at her as he started to pull his clothes off. Kate's hands moved to her shirt buttons but he stopped her.

'No,' he said firmly. 'I expect you to move out of your comfort zone tonight so the least I can do is join you there.'

She cocked her head questioningly and when he finished stripping, he lit every lamp and candle in the room with a wave of his wand.

'There is one part of me I've hidden from you, hidden from everyone,' he said softly, looking a little nervous now. 'You've never seen my bite properly – the lighting has always been pretty dim when we were together and I've tried to make sure I was positioned so you wouldn't catch a glimpse of it.'

'Why?' she asked softly, almost certain she already knew. 'You have many scars, Remus. Why hide that one?'

' I…I hate it. I hate what it represents,' he answered, forcing himself to keep eye contact with her when all he wanted to do was hide himself away. 'It's a symbol of everything that's dark and ugly inside me and…I try so hard to counteract the notion that werewolves are monsters no matter what time of the month but _it's_ always there…taunting me, reminding me of what I am and of who made me that way.'

Kate was watching him with those eyes that could strip his soul bare, that saw every bit of him, and he couldn't maintain the contact any longer. He looked down at the ground and muttered, 'So, I'd like to show you my bite…if you don't mind seeing it…'

'Show me,' she said softly, scooting to the edge of the bed.

Remus stepped forward until he was directly in front of her then turned, letting her see the large, ugly bite mark on his lower back and hip. Her breath warmed his flesh and he let out a shaky breath.

'I know you've felt it, maybe caught a glimpse of it but seeing it so…clearly…is different.'

Kate was silent. After a second, Remus felt her fingers skim lightly over the mutilated flesh. He shivered a little then heard her say, 'You were only four years old…you must have been terrified, Remus.'

He didn't answer but she hadn't expected a response. Heat spread through him when her hand flattened over the mark, stroking it, soothing the angry skin.

Kate felt his muscle jump and could feel how tense he was.

_He's waiting for rejection. He's waiting for me to be disgusted._

She realised then how hard it had to be for him to talk about his lycanthropy with her the way he had, how he must be always waiting for the other shoe to drop and for his friends or lovers to turn against him.

She understood how difficult it must have been for him to reveal this part of himself, the part he himself was sometimes frightened of. The fact he'd shown her a side of him that he thought was ugly and damaged made her realise how completely he had given himself to her.

All of a sudden it hit her how very selfish she'd been to deny him what he offered so freely simply because she was frightened of being hurt. He had been prepared to take the chance on her (certainly a greater risk), and now it was time for her to take the leap as well.

Leaning forward, she pressed her lips to the puckered skin, surprised when he pulled away.

'Don't…' he said roughly, not looking at her. 'You don't have to do that…'

'Does it hurt?' she asked, seeing him shake his head. 'You don't want me to?'

'I don't want you to do it because you think _I_ want you to,' he rasped and she frowned.

'Have you ever known me to do _anything_ I didn't want to do?'

She heard a breath of laughter and smiled, reaching out and grasping his hips, pulling him back towards her.

'I'm not the only one who needs to let go of some issues tonight,' she whispered, kissing him again on the hip then sliding her hands around to his front: one to his half hard shaft, wrapping her fingers around him, and the other to cup his heavy sac which immediately tightened in her hand. His body tensed as she brushed her lips over his scar. 'You said that you trust me, Remus.'

She saw him nod then pressed an open mouth kiss to his flesh and squeezed his shaft at the same time.

'Shit!'

The whispered curse made her smile and she rained kisses all over his scar while slowly stroking him, feeling his cock thickening fast in her hand.

Lust threatened to floor him, his knees buckling a little under weight of the combined stimulus of her hand moving on his member; skilled fingers carefully rolling each ball with just the right amount of pressure, and, possibly most arousing sensation, her hot lips kissing him where no one else had before. Her tongue laved the rough skin of the bite that a rogue werewolf had given him the night his life changed…and as the soft muscle trailed along the edge of the wound, he knew instinctively that tonight, his world would be knocked off it's usual axis again.

His hand moved behind him to thread through her hair, needing to touch her to keep him earthed and she turned her head, catching his pinkie between her teeth then sucking lightly on it. Remus groaned and heard her muffled laugh before she slid her mouth down over his finger and sucked harder, tongue circling the digit.

'Fucking hell, Katie!' he gasped as his cock released more precome and throbbed painfully.

'Turn around,' she said urgently, pushing at his hips to try and turn him. 'I want you in my mouth.'

'I'm supposed to be taking over some control tonight,' he objected, even as he turned around.

Kate smiled as she stood, manoeuvring him so he was sitting on the edge of the bed. 'Perhaps someone should show me how to let go first,' she suggested, lowering herself to her knees and spreading his legs.

'I could definitely do that,' he murmured and heard her chuckle before she pushed him back onto the mattress and did something far more interesting than talk with that sweet, sweet mouth.

* * *

'So that's how you let go, huh?' she said ten minutes later, sprawled across his chest, and Remus made a drawn out, 'Mmm' noise of satisfaction, a little smile playing on his lips.

Kate giggled and leaned over to kiss him. 'Thank you,' she said softly. 'For showing me your scar. I _have_ seen a little of it before but you always distracted me when I got too close. You didn't have to let me see it...'

'Yes I did,' he replied, sliding an arm around her waist. 'I've asked you to do something that you aren't comfortable doing but you're willing to try for me. The least I could do was reciprocate. And…it worked out rather well for me, I must say.'

He grinned and Kate laughed, letting him pull her back for another kiss then making a surprised noise when he rolled them over so he was lying across her.

His lips met hers again softly, not kissing her but tasting, teasing, exploring. He drew her lower lip into his mouth, sucking lightly, letting his teeth graze the soft flesh. Kate put her hand on his face and tried to kiss him but he made an 'uh uh' sound and removed her hand, pressing it down onto the mattress.

'Don't do anything,' he mumbled, tongue darting out fast to flick at her lips. 'Not a damn thing.'

The insistent tongue forced her lips apart then it swept over hers, Remus moaning before he did it again, slower this time.

'I love tasting myself in your mouth,' he murmured then his tongue traced her lips.

Kate's breath was coming fast and she was forcing herself to stay still, to not grab him and snog him stupid like her brain was screaming at her to do.

Remus felt her tension and chuckled softly. 'This is killing you, isn't it?' he whispered then kissed the tip of her nose seven times.

'One for each freckle,' he told her when he saw her bemused expression.

'You know how many freckles I have?' she asked incredulously, realising she hadn't known that about herself.

'Mmm,' he said, mouth trailing along her cheekbone now. 'I've counted. Seven on your nose…' He kissed her nose again and she smiled.

'One here.' His lips brushed over her other cheek and the tiny brown discolouration there. 'You've got one here,' he murmured, sliding down her body to kiss her thigh. 'And one that you're lying on right now but I'll get to it later.'

Kate watched him as he rose again to press his lips to her neck, confusion and delight mingling on her face.

_He knows how many freckles I have._

Now that she thought about it, she realised how well she'd gotten to know similar little things about him. She knew the pattern of his scars by heart - always able to identify a new one when it appeared and making certain she adjusted her mental image to fit. She knew where to touch him to make him laugh, every spot that made him moan, and the places that made him gasp out loud and throw her to the bed. She knew where he hurt the most after each full moon and the exact amount of pressure she needed to apply to ease the ache in those sore muscles. She knew him inside and out - better than she knew herself…

_God, I'm obtuse. I'm in love with him._

She didn't know how she hadn't realised it before but now she did, it felt like the most natural, simple thing in the world. A smile spread across her face and she giggled to herself.

'Ticklish?' he murmured, nipping at her collar bone and she nodded, not sure she was ready to tell him how she felt yet and besides, his mouth was trailing a scorching path over her skin that quickly wiping all conscious thought from her mind.

* * *

As he reached her breast, Remus could feel her trying to guide his movements: a little pressure on his head where her hand was buried in his hair, the whispered, 'There,' when his mouth fell upon a particularly sensitive spot. Her free hand was wrapped around his wrist, pressing it to her and she was trying to wordlessly urge him to touch her.

He raised his head and looked at her. 'I trusted you, Katie. Do you trust me?' he asked. Kate hesitated for a moment then nodded slowly.

'And you'll let me do this _my_ way?'

Her eyes looked a little uncertain but she nodded again.

Remus smiled then reached for her wand on the side table. Waving it, silk scarves shot out, wrapping around her wrists and pulling her arms above her head as they wound around the posts of her bed head. Kate let out a surprised exhale and her eyes met his.

'Alright?' he asked and after a pause, she nodded.

'Tell me to stop if it gets too much,' he told her then waved his wand again, making her clothes vanish.

'_That_ is my favourite spell,' he muttered, happy to see Kate smile.

He settled between her thighs, skimming his fingers up her leg from her ankle to her hips then flattened his palms against her and ran them firmly over her stomach, her ribs, to cup her breasts.

'God, you are heaven,' he said, eyes devouring her.

He felt her straining against the scarves, pressing herself into his touch and said softly, 'Let me do this, sweetheart. Let me prove how well I know you. Let me make love to you.'

'Ok,' she whispered and returned his smile before he lowered his head to her breast.

* * *

Wave after wave of sensation crashed into her as she handed complete control of her body over to Remus, who did not disappoint. He was everywhere, his hands, his mouth, his body - skin on skin - and he was murmuring reassurance and encouragement, his low voice raising goose bumps as it thrummed right through her body to add to the growing tension in her core.

His touch and his voice made the pressure inside her build until, with a practiced stroke of his tongue, she exploded, the force of her climax tearing a loud cry from her lips. She arched off the bed, fighting her binds as white hot pleasure overwhelmed her and, to her horror, she felt a warm trickle down her cheek from her tightly closed eyes.

Turning her head, she wiped her cheek across her upper arm, hoping he didn't see the tear that she wouldn't be able to explain, that she didn't understand herself. Her arms were suddenly free and her limbs fell to the bed limp.

'Katie?' he asked and she opened her eyes. 'Too much?'

She shook her head and smiled at him as best she could with her trembling lips. He brushed the back of his fingers along her jaw then leaned over to press his mouth to the still damp tear track and Kate flushed when she realised he'd seen it.

'You want to stop?' he asked. Kate shook her head again as she ran a hand down his body and snuck it between them, feeling his renewed arousal.

'It's fine,' he said, after letting out a little hiss as her hand closed around him. 'I don't need…'

'God, Lupin, you are the strangest man I know,' she complained a little tremulously. 'You won't take yes for an answer, will you?'

He chuckled then grasped her hips and flipped her easily over onto her stomach. 'I like to _hear _'yes', just to be sure,' he said, raising her hips off the bed. 'Actually, I like to hear it screamed - along with my name...think you could do that?'

Kate pushed herself up onto her hands and knees, giggling as he pressed his face into her ass cheek, biting lightly.

'Think _you _can?' she challenged and he chuckled.

'I'll give it my best shot,' he told her then reached for her wand again.

'No more binds,' she said quickly, her arms still wobbly but he shook his head.

'Nope,' he said, sitting back with his legs underneath him, waving the wooden stick in a complicated pattern then smiling. 'Turn around.'

She faced the front of the bed and saw he'd Transfigured her bed head into a mirror; her eyes meeting his in the reflected surface.

'You're kinkier than you appear, Mr Lupin,' she said with a grin.

* * *

Remus threw the wand towards the side table and drew her to him so she was sitting on his lap, legs draped over either side of his and her back pressed against his chest. The position left nothing to the imagination and she found herself flushing again.

'Remus…'

'You are gorgeous, Kate,' he said, feathering tiny kisses along her shoulder, eyes drinking her in. 'I want you to watch yourself, baby. I want you to see what I see when you come apart; see how beautiful it is when you lose control. I can see all of you when you let go.'

He touched her chest over her heart. 'I know you, Kate. I might not know your favourite colour, or food, or childhood pet but I know _you._ I know your heart.'

Her breath caught in her throat and she blinked hard, trying not to let him see the tears in her eyes.

He kissed her shoulder then wrapped an arm around her waist and lifted her, both watching the mirror as his body disappeared inside hers and loud groans of satisfaction and completion rent the air.

'God,' he muttered in her ear then pressed his face into the crook of her neck, taking a deep breath.

'Move, Katie,' he whispered against her skin.

She did, raising herself and feeling a loss as his cock slid out of her before she sank back down and he filled her again. She did it again, eyes closed. This was too confronting...she couldn't do it.

'Watch us,' Remus ordered, taking her chin in his hand and lifting her face.

Her eyes clashed with his in the mirror and he held her gaze, gave her his strength and they both watched as she slowly rose and fell on him.

'You are so fucking sexy,' he whispered, his arm tightening around her hips, pulling her harder down onto him as their tension rose.

Her pace increased and became erratic and, as she watched them, she saw herself unravelling and closed her eyes.

'Watch,' came his hoarse voice and her eyes opened again, Kate gasping when she saw the undisguised need etched into her face as he drove her closer to a complete loss of control.

'Remus,' she whispered pleadingly and his hand fell to her thigh, thumb pressing firmly on her clit.

'Watch yourself come,' he said roughly, the angles of his own face becoming more pronounced as he clung to the last threads of his own restraint.

'I…I…' she stammered, so close but not sure she could take that last step over the edge.

'You can,' he said softly, into her ear, eyes holding the reflected gaze of her own. 'Together…'

Kate bit her lip, whimpering when the pressure in her body rose almost unbearably but still, she held back. She could see Remus coming undone and desperately wanted to join him but…

'I love you, Kate,' he whispered unsteadily, his stubbled cheek against hers as he watched them in the last throes of their lovemaking and his words sent her soaring with a loud cry.

Their eyes didn't lose their connection as they both surrendered, watching the other at their most uncontrolled, their most vulnerable, until the shock waves tapered off and they collapsed panting to the mattress.

* * *

Remus closed his eyes tight as he called himself all kinds of names. He hadn't intended to say he loved her. Oh, he meant it; had wanted to say it since their first night together but not until he knew she was ready to hear it. The words had just slipped out in the intensity of the moment and he hoped to hell that him saying it wouldn't make her run away.

He felt her shoulders shake and lifted his head. Kate had her body turned away from his, her face buried in the pillow.

'Kate?' he said softly, startled when she sat up and slid off the bed quickly.

'Just going to the bathroom,' she told him in a falsely casual sounding voice.

'Kate, stop,' he said sharply, moving fast and getting to the bathroom door before her.

She turned away but one hand went to her arm to hold her still, the other to her face to make her look at him.

'God, I knew I shouldn't have done this,' he spat, angry at himself when he saw the tear tracks on her face. 'Kate, I'm sorry…'

'No, don't be,' she said, blinking fresh tears away. 'I'm just being ridiculous…'

'You weren't ready,' he said, moving away and grabbing his clothes. 'You weren't ready and I pushed you into it and…_god_, I've just made things worse now, haven't I?'

'Remus,' she said, watching him start to pull his clothes on. 'It's really not…'

'You said you trusted me and I took advantage…'

'Remus…'

'And then I couldn't keep my fucking mouth shut and told you…'

'I love you.'

'I just keep pushing you too hard…'

'I love you.'

'Kate, I'm so…what?'

He stopped what he was doing as her words finally reached his brain and turned to look apprehensively at her, not quite daring to believe he'd really heard her correctly.

'You're such a prat,' she said fondly, moving over to him and pushing his shirt off his shoulders.

'That's not what you said,' he told her, allowing her to pull his boxers down then seizing her shoulders to still her. 'Kate…?'

'I've never been in love before,' she said softly. 'So I guess I didn't realise it when it happened…but I do…love…you.'

'You love me?' he asked a little disbelievingly. 'I don't want you to just say it, Katie, I want you to mean it. Do you mean it?'

Kate bit her lip and nodded and Remus allowed himself a slow smile.

'You love me,' he murmured then let out a loud whoop, grabbing her around the waist and spinning them in circles until he lost his balance and they fell giggling onto the bed.

* * *

**_I need some feedback this time or I'm never writing smut again. I swear I'll do it (or not do it). _**

**_Alright...that was an empty threat but still... Review? Please?_**


	17. Chapter 17

_Hi all! Thanks to everyone who's reviewing. You know, less than 10 percent of people who read each chapter review? Just an interesting fact for you to mull over while you're reading this._

_WARNING: Smut interrupted...or not, as the case may be. Kinky werewolves who get off on people listening..._

_Disclaimer: You know what...I am JKR. Seriously. This chapter is almost as bad as my epilogue... Ok, so I'm not really her. I wish I was - I could blame someone else for the tragedy that is this chapter. Forgive me...I promise to do better next time._

* * *

Chapter Seventeen

**Six weeks later**

'Wow, you were pretty hot at sixteen.'

'What do you mean I _was _pretty hot? Are you implying I don't have the ass of a sixteen year old anymore?'

'I have never seen an ass like yours on a sixteen year old. I never would have gotten through my classes if I had…I never would have even _gotten _to class if I had.'

Remus' hand crept over the bare ass in question, cupping and squeezing it, and Kate chuckled. 'I'm sure you made good use of your time with finer asses than mine,' she murmured, then cringed. 'God, why would I do that to my hair?'

They were laying as naked as the day they were born across his bed, the sheets all tangled from their earlier, more vigorous activities, skin coated in a thin layer of dried sweat, and the musky scent of sex lingering in the warm air. A mostly empty bottle of wine sat on the floor and Remus reached for his glass as Kate flipped through the pages of the photo album in front of them.

Remus had managed to slowly extract more and more information from that tightly closed but deliciously wicked mouth and had convinced her to show him a photo album with the promise of reciprocating. She'd bought it to Headquarters, Remus unable to get Sirius to stay over tonight - his mind's store of his friend's blackmail worthy crimes had almost run dry; he'd called in many favours over the past six weeks as he spent more and more time at Kate's place.

He was thrilled their first night at her house had turned out so well…snatched from the jaws of possible disaster when Kate returned his 'I love you'. Turning his head now, his eyes ran over her profile, the corner of his mouth turning up as he stared at her. He had never felt this…content, this joyous before and the only thing stopping this from being complete ecstasy was the war that continued to rage on around them.

His brow furrowed and he touched Kate's shoulder blade lightly, fingertip tracing the length of a new scar she'd come home with a few days earlier. Moody had finally relented (more to do with the depleting numbers of Aurors than acceptance of their relationship, Remus thought) and started sending Kate on more missions. She'd come back from the last one bruised and with new scars but with good news - they'd captured a few Death Eaters and suffered no losses. It was a desperately needed win for the side of the Light and they'd celebrated her safe return in a very intimate way, Remus soothing each angry looking mark with fingers and lips and loving promises.

Putting the escalating war to the back of his mind now, he looked down at the photo album, snorting in laughter at a photograph of a toddler Kate and her sister dressed up as reindeer and getting an elbow in his ribs in retaliation. Shifting, he draped his leg over hers and pressed a kiss to the small of her back, slowly working his way along her bumpy spine. He heard her sigh and smiled, resting his chin on her shoulder as he peeked down at the photo album again. As he did, he saw Kate's face blanch at a photo at the bottom of the page and she quickly turned it over but Remus stopped her.

'What don't you want me to see?' he teased, grinning when she flushed. He grabbed her wrist. 'Another hideous Christmas outfit? Terrible haircut? Kate, show me!'

He pulled her hand off the book and turned the page back, surprised to see a photo of her and Fabian Prewett holding hands and waving their hands in a shooing motion at the camera. Watching the couple, he saw Fabian grin then pull Kate close, kissing her full on the lips before releasing the now laughing woman.

Remus looked over at Kate, seeing her watching him a little anxiously. 'You didn't say you and Fabian were involved,' he said softly.

'I think I said we dated…' she mumbled and he frowned.

'You did,' he said slowly, recalling that Sirius had actually been the one to tell him that after the Prewett brothers were killed. 'But…dating him and keeping photographs of him are two different things. You must have been close…?'

Kate shook her head. 'I forgot the photo was in there,' she admitted. 'It was taken while we were out with a group of people from work…I just put it in the album with some others one day. It doesn't mean that Fabian and I were committed or anything.'

Remus frowned, unable to help the feeling of jealousy that twisted his stomach, hating himself for it, for being so resentful towards of the deceased man who had kissed and touched the woman he loved.

'Why did you split up?' he asked a little hoarsely.

Kate frowned, gnawing on her bottom lip before she answered. 'He is…he _was _quite a bit older than me,' she said, looking a little pained at her slip in tense. 'Ready for a settled relationship. He wanted something more serious than I did - marriage, kids… the whole package. I wanted to have some fun with a cute guy that made me laugh.'

She shrugged and closed the book. 'He wanted more than I was ready to give. We decided to part ways...it was all very amicable. It happened not long before I met you actually.'

Remus suddenly recalled the man's appraising look that day in Dumbledore's office when he showed a little too much concern for Kate then asked, 'You don't want to get married? You don't want kids? Or you just didn't want them with Fabian?'

She looked closely at him. 'It's a bit early for this discussion isn't it?' she said lightly but he saw the sudden tension in her body.

'I'm not asking you if you want to have a baby now,' he said hastily. 'I'm asking if you ever want children? We're getting to know each other, remember? Don't close up on me, Kate.'

Kate's face hardened a little and she finally shook her head. 'No,' she said firmly, surprising him with her resolution. 'No kids.'

'Never?' he asked and she heard the curiosity in his voice.

She picked at the edge of the album with a fingernail, avoiding his eye. 'My job isn't exactly great for creating a stable home life, Remus. It's not good for a kid to have to wonder…' She bit her lip, deciding against what she'd been about to say and instead reiterating her decision.

'No kids…not if I can help it,' she said then, after a pause, added flippantly, 'Chances are I won't live long enough to make that decision anyway. Auror's aren't known for their extended life spans.'

'Don't,' he said sharply, rolling off her and sitting up. 'Don't talk like that.'

Kate saw the worry in his face. 'Remus, you know what I do. You know how dangerous it is.'

'I know,' he hissed, rubbing his forehead as he sat on the edge of the bed. 'Doesn't mean I want to hear you talking about it like that. I hate seeing you leave for work and not knowing when or if I'm going to see you again.'

'You knew…'

'I know I knew what you were when we started,' he snapped. He shook his head and took a breath to try and calm himself. 'Doesn't mean I have to like it.'

They sat quietly for a few moments then he twisted around to face her. 'You told me you wouldn't date me because we'd be working together,' he said bluntly and she seemed taken aback.

'Yeah,' she confirmed warily.

'Well, you dated Fabian…you worked together…'

'Fabian and I were on different teams,' she broke in. 'In all the time we were Aurors, we didn't work together once. You and I are working together all the time and us being so close has effected the way I do things but…' She shrugged and touched his thigh lightly. 'I guess you're just too darn cute to give up.'

He still looked rankled and she sighed, leaning over the bed and putting the album on the floor.

'He was a great guy, Remus, and I enjoyed spending time with him but it was never going to be forever. It wasn't a love story. With you…even from that first night we met, you were different. I can't explain it. I just knew you'd be trouble for me, Lupin. Big trouble.'

Remus had moved to lean up against the bed head and had a little frown on his face. 'What's wrong?' Kate asked.

He shook his head and attempted to smile. Their conversation had only reminded him of how tumultuous their world was right now and how people he cared for could be torn from his grasp in a second. The thought of being without Kate, or one of his friends...

'Remus?' she said questioningly, laying her head on his hair sprinkled thigh and gazing up at his furrowed brow.

'I'm alright,' he said, combing his fingers through her curls and suddenly wondering if she and Fabian had talked like this, lain like this together.

He watched as Kate kissed a long scar on his thigh then nuzzled her nose against his balls, closing her lips gently around one and sucking lightly. He grunted softly as his body responded with immediate force. Kate chuckled at his reaction and pressed little kisses up the pulsing vein on the underside of his rapidly hardening cock.

'Tell me you didn't love him,' he said suddenly. 'Tell me you're really mine.'

Kate lifted her head to look up at him, and pinned under her blue eyes, he felt immature and needy but he had to hear her say that she was his because she wanted to be, not by default because Fabian was no longer around.

She sat up, holding his gaze as she straddled his lap, sliding her arms around his shoulders.

'I didn't love him, Remus,' she whispered, fingers tangling into the hair at the nape of his neck. 'I'm yours.'

There was a moment of silence as Remus felt the wolf inside him let out a howl of primal satisfaction then Remus the human crashed his lips down on hers, taking Kate by surprise.

'Mmph!' she huffed then returned his kiss just as heatedly as he leaned forwards and sent them tumbling back onto the bed.

Their limbs tangled, the length of their bodies pressing together with Remus cradled between her thighs. The kiss deepened and grew until it felt as though they were no longer two but one. Remus pressed inside her, claiming her as she did him and they moved with smooth, languid strokes.

Needing to be deeper, to be as far inside her as possible, Remus hooked his arms under her legs, drawing them closer to her chest. He smirked when she moaned long and low, her hands moving over her head to grasp the post of his bed frame and she arched up as he hit every single spot inside her that craved attention. His mouth closed over a peaked nipple and he groaned when he heard her pleading incoherently, the only word he understood was his name, repeated over and over. He shifted his lips back to hers, so close now, his ears so filled with the sound of her voice saying his name, that he didn't hear the knock on the door at first.

'Moony!'

They froze, panting hard, seconds away from the end.

'Come on, Remus, I know you're there, I can hear you banging around…'

He looked down at a flushed Kate who gave him a mischievous grin and pushed her hips up. 'Answer the man,' she whispered, doing it again then closing her eyes as his shaft brushed over her clit.

'Fuck,' he muttered under his breath then called out, 'What is it, Prongs?' as he flexed his hips and filled her once again.

'I have to talk to you,' the muffled voice said. 'Let me in!'

'Ahh,' he uttered, his thrusts becoming more erratic. It was exciting to be in here buried deep inside Kate while his friend was on the other side of the door and he was so damn close that he couldn't have stopped himself now even if the whole Order had burst in on them. 'I'm sleeping.'

Kate tried to muffle her laugh then hissed softly as he hit her G spot. 'If you stop now I'm going to kill you,' she muttered and he couldn't stop his groan escaping.

'You alright, Moony?'

'Fine,' he yelled, pace increasing now as he felt the burn of his orgasm beginning. 'Be…down…soon…'

'Kate,' he whispered urgently, wanting to feel her body tightening around his before it was too late.

He slammed into her hard and Kate slapped a hand over her mouth to muffle her cry, arching off the bed as she came, throbbing around him, and with a loud moan of relief, Remus exploded. He felt a hand press against his lips, smothering his groans and vaguely heard James' threat to break down the door as pleasure pulsed through him. As the sensation ebbed away, he collapsed onto Kate and James' banging suddenly became louder.

'Remus!'

'I'm…just d..dressing,' he called haltingly, trying to draw breath. 'Be down…in a minute.'

He heard the other man's curse and his loud footsteps down the stairs and he and Kate burst out laughing.

* * *

'Pregnant?'

'Yep!' said James proudly, hugging Lily to him. 'I knocked up Lily Evans.'

Sirius and Peter snorted with laughter and Lily shoved him off her. 'Prat,' she snapped at him then put out her arms. 'Where's my congratulatory hug, Moony?'

He smiled and obediently embraced the redhead. 'Congratulations, Lily,' he said softly, squeezing his friend. 'Are you happy?'

He felt her sudden tension and she whispered, 'It wasn't supposed to happen now - the timing is terrible, but, yes, I'm happy.'

He tightened his arms again reassuringly then Lily pulled back, a quizzical expression on her face.

'Did we interrupt anything?' she asked.

Remus shook his head. 'No,' he told her hastily. 'I was napping. I just had a really late night last night…'

'Next time you need to talk to Remus, Potter, could you try getting his attention in a quieter way?' came Kate's voice as she walked down the stairs. 'Some of us were trying to sleep.'

The room fell silent, eyes shifting from Kate to Remus who quickly explained, 'Kate got here early this morning. We talked for a while…that's why I'm tired now…then she crashed in the spare room.'

'Hoping to get a decent sleep before I had to go into work but I guess that wasn't to be,' she said pointedly, pulling her coat off the kitchen chair.

Sirius was smirking at them (smug bastard) but the others nodded, James apologising for waking her. However, Lily's eyes slid from Kate to Remus and she got a contemplative look on her face.

'What was so urgent anyway?' Kate asked, trying to sound casual. She'd seen Remus hugging Lily and was surprised by the possessiveness that surged through her. 'Anything I need to know about?'

'Lily's pregnant!' exclaimed James and the redhead looked annoyed.

'Are you going to let me tell anyone?' she said exasperated.

'Pregnant?' Kate repeated, looking stunned. 'That…that's not the best timing, is it?'

They all stared at her and she bit her lip, cursing for not thinking before she opened her mouth.

'Sorry,' she said, tugging on her coat. 'I tend to think of things in terms of what's best for the Order…forget I said anything. Congratulations, you guys.'

She zipped up the jacket and thought she'd better get out of there before she jammed her foot any further into her mouth. 'I've got to go in to work. I didn't realise I'd slept so late.' She looked over at Remus. 'Sorry, I didn't make my bed…'

'I'll do it, it's fine,' he said, with a smile and she returned it before waving goodbye.

He watched her go, sighing quietly that he didn't get to kiss her goodbye. He hated it when they couldn't say a proper farewell before she left for work…

'Remus,' he heard her call. 'I forgot Moody gave me a note for you…'

He stifled his smile and moved quickly to the hall, seeing her standing near the front door. 'Sorry,' she whispered. 'I just…' She shrugged, a little embarrassed she hadn't wanted to leave without saying goodbye properly but he smiled.

'Me too,' he assured her then quickly glanced down the hall before he gave her a kiss. 'I'll talk to you tomorrow?'

She nodded. 'I'll Floo you when I get to my place after my shift.'

Remus smiled and hugged her quickly, pressing his lips to her neck. 'Be careful,' he murmured and she nodded.

'Always,' she said with a smile then she slipped out the door.

Remus turned, a smile still on his face, until he saw Lily standing in the doorway.

'I knew it,' she said triumphantly. 'I knew there was something going on with you. You've been so distracted lately and I was sure I smelled perfume on you just now…'

'Lily,' he said urgently, his voice low. 'Please, be quiet.' He grabbed her arm and pulled her further into the hall, away from the others.

'Yes, alright,' he whispered. 'Kate and I are together…we have been for eight or nine months now…'

'That long?' she said in disbelief. 'You kept it from us for that long?' Her green eyes looked a little hurt and he sighed.

'We had to keep it quiet,' he told her. 'Moody and Dumbledore don't want Order members getting involved…'

'Does anyone know?' she asked and he nodded.

'Sirius found out,' he said, glancing down towards the kitchen to ensure they were still alone. 'And Moody knows and is pretty pissed off about it. You can't tell anyone, Lily. Kate's already been taken off active duty at the Ministry once because of me. Just keep it quiet, please? Until we're ready to come out ourselves.'

She nodded, frowning a little. 'I don't like keeping things from James…and since Sirius already knows…'

'It's our business, Lily,' Remus said, his voice a little harder now. 'I'm asking you to not tell anyone.'

She nodded and he relaxed a bit.

'Does she make you happy?' Lily asked and he smiled broadly.

'Ecstatic,' he told her and she didn't doubt it - his eyes were shining and she'd never seen him smile like that before.

'Good - you deserve it.' she said, linking her arm with his. 'Now, you're the expert in Marauder wrangling ... come and help me stop James from promising Sirius he can name the baby.'

* * *

**_Take pity on me...I'm spending the 16 out of the next 48 hours in a car with three children. Review and give me a reason to live. :)_**


	18. Chapter 18

_Hi everyone. Thanks to all who reviewed last chapter (including my anon. reviewer, abigail - Ta!). I made it back from my road trip alive and didn't need to throw any of the children out the window. I am sorry that this chapter is up a little later than I usually post - I was shattered last night and it needed a fair bit of work today to get it anywhere near ready._

_WARNING: No sex...I know - shocking after the last few chapters! Some swearing though._

_Disclaimer: I don't recall any shagging in the books so...no...I'm not JKR and HP does not belong to me. I'll bet they wish they did - they all would have gotten laid a whole lot more if I owned them._

* * *

Chapter Eighteen

**A month later**

'So, you and Kate…when are you going to tell people you're together?' Lily asked suddenly, staring at Remus from across the parchment laden table.

He looked up from his Ancient Rune translations, surprised at the abruptness of the question that had broken the silence.

A sigh slipped from between his lips before he answered. 'We're not. I'd like to shout it from the four corners of the earth,' he admitted with a wry smile. 'But Kate's job…'

'Remus, it's not like this is a fling,' she cut in with a frown. 'Surely Moody's got to realise that you're serious about each other? I mean, James and I are married and it's never been an issue.'

'But you're rarely been sent out with James on tasks,' he argued. 'You work with Dumbledore mostly. Kate was in charge of initiating us…she was supposed to be my mentor, not my lover and I think she believes she's let Moody down by getting involved with me. Her job means so much to her…'

'More than you?' the redhead retorted thoughtlessly. Remus flinched and she was immediately apologetic when she saw how her words had stung her friend. 'I'm sorry, Remus.'

'No, it's all right,' he said wearily. 'I'd be lying if I said I didn't often wonder myself. I thought we'd made a…breakthrough of sorts a couple of months ago and she _has_ been much more open with me but it feels like she gets to a certain point then clams up. There's still a wall there – I managed to break it down a bit but I just can't seem to make it disappear.'

'You love her?' Lily asked and he smiled ruefully.

'Desperately.'

'And does Kate…?' she asked carefully and his smile broadened.

'She told me she did,' he said then the smile faded a little. 'Of course, she hasn't said it since…' He sighed again. 'She has trouble talking about how she feels.'

'It wouldn't matter so much that she couldn't say it if she showed it, Remus,' Lily said softly. 'But she won't even go public with your relationship.' She saw the flush spreading across his cheekbones but continued. 'I'd just hate to see you hurt if Kate had to choose between you and the job.'

'She loves me,' he said resolutely. 'I don't care if she doesn't say it, or if she wants to keep us a secret forever…I _know_ she loves me and that's what matters.'

'You're scared though,' Lily said quietly. 'That's why you're happy to keep your relationship a secret instead of insisting on making it public. Because you're not really sure that if it came down to Kate having to choose, you'd come out on top.'

'She loves me, Lily,' Remus repeated, but even he could hear the waver of uncertainty in his voice. 'I'm sure of it and that's all that matters to me. Now, Dumbledore wants these translations today. We'd best get on with it.'

* * *

**A month later**

'What's going on?' a startled Remus asked a fortnight before Christmas, watching as Kate and six other members of the Order surged through the door, all talking loudly and urgently as they headed for what had been nicknamed 'The War Room'.

Kate looked over at him and smiled, taking his arm and drawing him into the kitchen away from the others.

A look of nervous anticipation animated her face as she said, 'We've found the Death Eater's Headquarters and there's a really good chance Voldemort himself will be there tonight. We're going after them - now.'

Remus knew he must look ridiculous standing there with his mouth hanging open but he was speechless. Last he'd heard only a week ago, Moody was despairing of ever finding the Dark Lord, Kate pacing her bedroom impatiently as she told him of the latest dead end. Now, she was just as impatient but this time her body was thrumming with barely suppressed energy rather than frustration.

'Floo the others for me,' she ordered, bouncing on her heels. 'We need them all here to get their assignments. I'm going to get everything ready for a strategy meeting.'

She took a breath and smiled shakily at him. 'We could really get him this time, babe.'

He smiled back broadly, at both the endearment she still rarely used outside the bedroom, and the thought that this war could be coming to an end and they could finally get some normalcy and stability in their lives. Kate giggled at his expression then grasped his face between her palms.

'This could be all over soon,' she whispered breathlessly, echoing his thoughts then startled him by kissing him hard.

Remus was gobsmacked that she had kissed him with other people in the house who could walk in on them at any moment but didn't waste any time wondering about her motives, instead sliding his hands over her hips and drawing her body flush with his as he deepened the lip lock.

'Kate, we need…oh, sorry!'

They parted quickly, seeing Dorcas Meadowe's grinning face before she backed out of the room.

Remus looked at Kate, who looked surprisingly unruffled considering a colleague had just caught them snogging, only a faint blush colouring her cheeks. 'Call the others,' she reminded him as she followed Dorcas, throwing him a wink before she disappeared.

It wasn't often Kate was openly this playful and Remus couldn't help the delighted grin that spread across his face as he quickly moved to the Floo, throwing handfuls of powder into the fire and calling his friend's names.

* * *

'We'll take a Portkey and arrive here,' Moody said, pointing out a location on the parchment that was spread out on the table. 'Dumbledore's set it up, bypassing the Ministry. Then we'll split into teams. There's an entrance here and I'll be leading that group with McKinnon, Podmore, and Pettigrew.'

He turned to the tall, big boned brunette to his right. 'Dorcas, you take Dearborn, Lupin, Charles and Longbottom – Frank, that is, and go around the back. Bradley, your team can come in through the front with me and then I want you to head upstairs. Black, Henry, Potter -not you Lily – and Vance: you go with Kate.'

He looked at Kate, who nodded in approval at the arrangements, before he continued.

'Albus will meet us there in exactly twenty minutes with Doge, McGonagall and Aberforth. Lily and Alice are going to stay here…there's no point arguing, ladies; you are not to take part in active duties until those babies are born. If anyone is injured and cannot fight any longer, do not become a burden for the rest of us or make yourself an easy target…get back here so Longbottom or Potter can heal you.'

He folded up the parchment quickly and looked around at the crowded room as Kate unfurled another map and laid it out. 'Dumbledore's information is that this is Headquarters for the Death Eaters…and that Voldemort himself may be there tonight,' he told them, seeing nervous but determined faces. 'The wards are almost impenetrable which leads us to believe the information is correct…'

'How…?' Frank Longbottom began but Moody spoke over him.

'I said _almost_ impenetrable,' he said sharply, anticipating the inevitable question. 'They did a thorough job but there is one weak spot…and that's where we'll break through. Kate…'

He broke off as Kate stabbed the map with her finger. 'There's an old underground bunker here that is joined to the main house by a tunnel that comes out at a trapdoor right inside the wards.'

Her finger traced the route from the subterranean structure to the house as she spoke. 'My reconnaissance today showed that the wards here are weak. Whoever did them must have assumed no one knew about the shelter or the tunnel. The ground around it is undisturbed so I don't believe they use it; _this _is our way in.'

She looked around, distracted by a ripple of whispering and shuffling as the others murmured support and agreement then Moody's voice rose over the chatter.

'We need for the first person out of that tunnel to check the area for posted guards…Lupin, you'll be doing that. You move quieter than a cat and your lycanthropy gives you a sensory advantage we don't have - you'll be able to hear, see or smell any Death Eaters coming well before anyone else,' he said then peered at Remus. 'You up for that, Lupin?'

His eyes held a challenge as he stared at the werewolf who looked surprised but nodded quickly, accepting what sounded a lot like a dare. Kate, too, was taken aback, gaping at the Auror who shot her a 'shut up and do your job' glare when she opened her mouth to argue.

Biting her tongue, she allowed the rest of his instructions to capture, not kill, Death Eaters if they could help it ('too much paperwork') to wash over her. She'd already heard the lecture; she knew she wasn't missing anything important and she was too pissed off to concentrate what he was saying.

_He didn't think to share that little part of the plan with me earlier._

He had blindsided her and she was furious both that he hadn't trusted her with his plans, and that he was sending a relatively inexperienced member in to lead them. Or was that because _Remus_ was the one he was placing in danger.

_It's not just because it's Remus. It's not - I'd be just as angry if it was Potter or Black...wouldn't I? Fuck. No, I wouldn't. It _is_ about him - every fucking thing is about him these days._

Her eyes shifted to the source of her continual distraction, who was listening intently to Alastor's familiar lecture, and she fought back her frustration with the werewolf. She knew it wasn't his fault he was in this position - Moody had given him almost no choice but to accept the task by asking him in front of everyone.

_That was a real bastard of a thing to do to a man who is always trying to prove himself._ _He'd do anything to gain the respect of these people and Alastor knows it._

Remus glanced over at her and, catching her watching him, the corners of his mouth twitched in a ghost of a smile. The look in his eyes was reassuring but it didn't do anything to assuage the butterflies that were suddenly swooping about in Kate's stomach.

* * *

Ten minutes later, they were all filing out of the room, preparing to take the Portkey at the prearranged time. As he stepped into the hall to collect his cloak, Remus felt a hand on his arm and allowed Kate to pull him aside into the relative privacy of the rarely used parlour.

'Are you sure you want to do this? If you poke your head out first and you might get it blasted off. Let an Auror do it,' she said and he almost growled at her.

'Kate, there are two angry, pregnant women out there arguing with Moody because he won't let them fight. They are prepared to risk their lives; their pregnancies to finally bring Voldemort down and you're asking me if I want to run away like a fucking coward? Do you _really_ have that little faith in me and my abilities?'

As soon as the biting words were out, he regretted them - she looked as though he'd slapped her. She nodded roughly before spinning around to leave. He reached out and snagged her hand, pulling her back to him. Kate didn't usually allow herself to show how concerned she was for him and he didn't want to hurt her for doing it now...fearing she'd never let him in again.

'Katie, I'm sorry,' he said remorsefully, lifting his hand to her face. 'I know you're worried but I need you to believe in me.'

'I do,' she said quickly. 'I'm just…'

She let out a breath, a frustrated sound. She didn't do this; she didn't act like a sooky, panicky woman, clinging to her boyfriend so he couldn't go to work. But she had a feeling; there was an uneasiness that was gnawing deep in her gut and she just knew she didn't want him there tonight. She couldn't put her disquiet into words but he seemed to understand anyway.

'I know, Katie,' he said softly, kissing her gently. 'I watch you leave for Auror business and every single time, I'm terrified that I might never see you again.'

'Kate! Lupin! Who the hell else is missing? Pettigrew! Get your asses in here!'

She almost growled in frustration as Moody's voice rang out.

'Remus…I…be careful. Please,' she whispered and his heart squeezed tight when he saw the rare fear flash in her eyes.

'You too,' he said, pulling her close and kissing her again. 'I love you, Kate.'

'Me too. I…' She bit her lip, unable to force the words past the lump in her throat.

_I love you; I can't lose you._

All the things she couldn't put voice to.

'Bradley!'

'Alright!' Kate yelled back to Moody then she kissed Remus hard, trying to shake off the trepidation she felt.

She felt the back of his fingers skim gently across her cheekbone soothingly before she pulled away, trying to smile at him. They joined the rest of the group, putting a finger on the portkey just seconds before it glowed blue and whisked them across the country.

* * *

They made it through the tunnel, Remus creeping out in the half moon's light and relaying the news that he couldn't see, hear or smell any human scents around the perimeter of the house. Kate and her team joined Moody and his, waiting for the signal to enter the house. She peered through the darkness, trying to see Remus and catching a brief glimpse of several shadows creeping around to the back of the building. Her concern for him still ate at her but she gave herself a mental shake, forcing herself to forget he was here and concentrate on her task.

_I'll be killed if I go in distracted. _

'Right, let's go,' Moody whispered, seeing the white sparks that let them know it was time.

They'd barely taken a step forward when coloured streams of light shot out of every window of the house and rained down on them. Silvery white shields were raised immediately, Pettigrew not quite fast enough and his screech was cut off as he was hit with a Body Bind Hex. Kate watched Sirius duck behind James' shield and cast the counter curse then he assisted Peter back to his feet.

The pre-emptive strike was all too organised to be spontaneous. If they'd set off an alarm or stealth detector entering the property, the rays of light would be random, less... _neat..._ but this attack was almost choreographed.

This was planned.

'This is a fucking set up,' Kate hissed to Moody. 'They knew we were coming. Who was Dumbledore's informant? Bloody Voldemort himself?'

She heard the man grunt in agreement before he called out his orders.

'Split up,' Moody yelled over the myriad of sounds and colours. 'Stick with your teams. Kate, get your lot upstairs.' He turned to look at her. 'It's too late to back down now. They'll have closed the wards…this was a trap and they aren't going to just let us run.'

A corner of his mouth twisted up in a poor imitation of a smile. 'I made a promise to your father that I'd look after you, so don't you die on me, girl.'

She nodded then he let out another shout of, 'Go!' and in they went, under the heavy onslaught of curses and hexes; they rushed the house.

**_Hmm, what do you think? Strategy and fighting scenes are not strengths of mine - I'm a lover not a fighter - so be gentle with me, please. _**

**_Review? :)_**


	19. Chapter 19

_Thanks to everyone who's reviewed and read this fic. Lord, I hope you're still interested after this chapter. _

_Thanks anon. abi for your review!_

_WARNING: Action scenes. Read at your own risk._

_Disclaimer: My dream of owning David (heaven on a stick) Thewlis is closer to becoming reality than my dream of owning Harry Potter is. _

_Mmm, David Thewlis...(drool)_

* * *

Chapter Nineteen

Moody stood fearless in front of the house, seemingly oblivious to the hex's raining down around him, and cast a spell that smashed the door to smithereens. The splintered remains flew through the air, running through an unfortunate Death Eater's chest, sending her slamming into the wall behind her with a cut off screech then sliding to the floor with vacant eyes. There was a similar crash as Dorcas Meadowes led her team through the back entrance, followed closely by Dumbledore who immediately lassoed four Death Eaters with a magical, golden rope then disarmed them as the others rushed the house.

There seemed to be masked wizards wherever Remus looked. They were organised, having spread themselves through the house in every vantage point and they were making good use of their advantage, sending well-aimed curses down upon the intruders. He shot a Body Bind hex at a masked woman who ran at him with a kamikaze cry, then ducked fast when it bounced off her shield right back at him. She followed the Binding hex with her own Crucio, Remus getting his defences up and keeping his head low as the spells crashed into the wall just behind him.

He cast a Stunner, watching it skim the woman's arm and she screeched as blood splashed across the wall next to her. He shot another curse off while she was distracted and this time, it was a direct hit, catching the woman in the shoulder and she fell heavily to the ground. Remus disarmed her and cast the binding spell that Kate had taught them all…making certain she couldn't apparate if she came around. Another hex hit the wall next to him, so alarmingly close to his head that he could feel the streak of heat and he raised his wand, throwing himself back into the fray.

* * *

Kate weaved her way through the battle under her shield, trying to reach the staircase. One by one, her team had been drawn into duels and by the time she made it to her target, she was on her own. A purple streak of light skimmed the edge of her shield and she quickly sent a return Stunner at the large blonde man, little older than a teenager, who had stationed himself in front of the staircase. Her aim was true and he fell to the ground with a crash that shook the floor. She raised her shield again, deflecting a stray hex then moved towards the stairs. Alastor was pushing his way through the fighting and when he reached her, he pulled her down roughly as a green jet of light streamed over their heads.

'Thanks,' she said then groaned when she saw the Death Eaters stationed at the top of the staircase, looking down at them with amusement.

'I'm going to fucking kill whoever set us up when I find them,' she muttered then raised her shield as a storm of hexes came thundering down on them from the upper floor. She threw herself off to the side, out of the line of fire.

'Henry, Potter! I need you,' she called to the nearest members of her team.

Moody shot a spell at the man James was fighting then turned to assist Henry. James cast the binding spell on the fallen Death eater then moved quickly to Kate's side.

'What do we do?' he asked, eyes widening behind his glasses when he checked the staircase, setting off another hail of curses before Kate jerked him out of the way.

Henry pressed himself against the wall on the other side of the stairway entrance. 'How many?' he mouthed and Kate held up ten fingers.

'At least,' she mouthed back and he frowned.

Moody had been drawn into a skirmish with a long dark haired woman and a tall man, leaving Kate to her task. She shot off a hex towards them but the woman parried it with remarkable reflexes, ignoring Kate as if she were nothing but a pesky fly.

Kate looked around. Everyone was occupied - they were evenly matched down here but upstairs there were a number of fresh, raring to go Death Eaters who could enter the battle at any moment and there was still the question of where Voldemort had hidden himself.

'Alright,' she said, resigning herself to the fact that the three of them were on their own. 'I'll hold a shield over us; you two flank me and send any and every spell you know at them. I don't care how we do it but we have to get upstairs. Once we're up there, it'll distract them and the others can follow. Ready?'

They nodded and all three each took a deep breath before they threw themselves towards the staircase.

* * *

Remus saw Kate disappear up the steps, a rainbow of burning colour lighting up the darkened staircase.

_Jesus! What the hell is she doing?_

The Death Eater he was battling crowed at his loss of attention as a Leg Binder curse hit Remus right on target.

He crashed to the ground, but before he could raise his wand arm to defend himself, the man bought his foot down heavily on his wrist.

'I told your father he should have put you down when you were bitten, wolf,' the man Remus now recognised as Walter McNair snarled, leaning over Remus and pointing his wand directly between his eyes. 'But he was too gutless. Now, I get the pleasure of doing it.'

Remus looked into the malice filled pale blue eyes, furious that this man's cold orbs were going to be the last thing he saw.

_God, Kate, I'm sorry._

His mind filled with thoughts of the blonde and he closed his eyes, wanting her face to be the only thing he saw as his life was extinguished.

But the curse never came, a grunt filling the air instead and when he opened his eyes, he saw a foot between the Death Eaters spread legs, slamming into his groin before a red flash made McNair go limp and he fell to the ground next to Remus.

'Thanks,' Remus croaked to Emmeline Vance who smiled grimly as she pointed her wand at his legs and muttered the counter curse. He leapt to his feet and she gestured for him to follow her.

'Don't thank me yet,' she murmured as they made their way through the room. 'You may very well wish he _had _killed you before the night is over.'

Remus looked around - many Death Eaters were magically bound on the floor; the others seemed to be trying to get upstairs. Emmeline snapped an order for Remus to follow her and they headed up the steps, crouching under shields as spells came at them from every angle.

It was chaos up here, Remus and Emmeline immediately inundated with hex after hex, making it almost impossible to get their own curses through. He caught a brief glimpse of Kate battling a tall man before a masked face appeared in front of him, shooting a jet of purple light at him. Remus spun around, avoiding the curse and frowning at the unnervingly familiar figure. They fought for several minutes, evenly matched, until Dumbledore appeared at the top of the steps, calmly raising his wand and Stunning Remus' dark haired combatant.

He smiled at a panting Remus then the bearded man moved away, walking as casually through the frenzied fighting as he would if he were strolling down the street.

Remus searched for Kate again and when his eyes found her, he saw that another man had joined the first…and it appeared that Kate was tiring, her shield only just coming up in time to deflect a Sectumsempra spell. Feeling anxiety rising inside him, he manoeuvred himself closer and tried to Stun one of the men, only to have him raise his defences and send the spell hurtling towards the window, glass shattering as it hit.

The man turned and Remus recognised him as Antonin Dolohov, the man who'd tried to strangle Kate many months ago. He growled, anger making him see red, and the man grinned maniacally at Remus before sending a stream of nasty but not deadly hexes at the werewolf. He let them bounce off his shield, trying to angle the protection so the spells became weapons, shooting back towards their caster. He was successful with one of the Death Eater's own dark spells and Dolohov howled in pain as he fell to the floor in convulsions.

Remus was jostled and spun around, lifting his wand and finding it pointed at Sirius' head. 'Careful there, Moony,' the dark haired boy grinned then he indicated the room. 'They're apparating out...'

They were - the sea of Death Eaters had thinned and Remus briefly wondered why, when the Order had to be outnumbered two to one, they were fleeing. He gave Sirius a quick smile and, as his friend ran off to help Frank, he turned back to Kate just in time to see her fall to the ground as a Cruciatus spell made contact.

'Kate!' he yelled, watching her as her stiff body arced off the ground and she screamed in agony, the chords of her delicate neck straining as her muscles contracted.

Remus raised his wand, casting his own Crucio at the man. It missed as he moved but it drew attention away from Kate to himself. The masked man let the curse he was holding on Kate fade and both men yelled incantations simultaneously, rays of light shooting from their wands and bouncing off each other.

* * *

Kate felt the most intense pain leave her, her whole body left trembling from the shock of the spell. She pushed herself unsteadily to her hands and knees, clutching at the wall as she tried to stand. A stray spell tore chunks of plaster out of the wall near her head and the close call sent a surge of adrenaline through her. She found a reservoir of strength she didn't know she had and stood up straight, taking a shaking step back into the fight.

She sent a spell at the Death Eater who was battling Remus but it missed, hitting the banister of the staircase and sending chunks of wood spraying around the room. Remus fell - slipping as he tried to duck a Stunner – and Kate tried another curse, only just missing the Death Eater this time and the man spun around to throw yet another Crucio at Kate, whose now sluggish reflexes didn't react in time.

Her throat was on fire as the spell ripped a scream from her, the power of the convulsions making it feel as if the muscles were tearing apart from her bones and her head slammed hard into the wooden floor over and over, making everything darken. Her veins were burning, her organs on fire from the excrutiating pain that just wouldn't release her. When she was starting to pray for the darkness to take her, it all suddenly stopped and she lay panting on the ground.

* * *

The curse Remus shot at the Death Eater skimmed his arm and he let out a cry, his wand falling and Kate's arching body fell back to the ground. Remus' relief was short lived as the wand raised again and the man screamed, 'Avada Kedavra!'

He threw himself out of the way, the spell missing him by mere inches but as he rolled, he found himself crammed into the corner of the room, pressed up against the wall. The Death Eater was bearing down on him again and he had no where to go.

_Shit._

* * *

The sound of yelling forced its way into Kate's head then as she opened her eyes, two almost simultaneous green flashes made her wince and close them again tight.

_I can't look. I don't want to know if it's him._

Hands gripped her shoulders and her eyes snapped open, seeing a blurry face swimming in front of hers. She could hear someone saying her name, but it sounded as if they were so far away. The world was spinning and her eyes closed again, the whirling making her already tormented stomach churn.

Hands stroked her hair and her face and she heard a softly uttered incantation. The ache in her body eased almost immediately and it was as if the volume had been turned back up, the noise of the ongoing battle loud in the air. Kate blinked, trying to focus on the face hovering over hers.

'Katie?' Remus whispered, his fearful expression changing to one of relief when her eyes met his. 'Can you hear me?'

She nodded, wincing as she did and his breath released in one long burst and his head fell to her shoulder.

'Oh, thank you,' he breathed to all the deitys he'd been praying to. 'Thank you.'

'You're ok,' she whispered, her voice so faint she didn't even know if she'd said the words aloud but he heard them.

'I'm ok,' he confirmed, lips on her neck. 'Jesus, Kate. I thought...'

He shook his head, lifting it when he felt her trying to move and helped her sit up. Her eyes darted about; searching for the Death Eater they'd been duelling with and finding him laying crumpled on the ground nearby.

'You Stunned him?' she asked.

Remus shook his head grimly, his face pale with shock. 'He's dead,' he said hoarsely, clutching her hand. 'I…used the Avada Kedavra. I killed him, Kate.'

She looked stricken but as her mouth opened there was a series of pops as the last remaining Death Eaters apparated with some of their fallen comrades. The standing members of the Order looked puzzled at the sudden departure and Albus and Moody raised their wands immediately, murmuring incantations as the others gathered their wits and bent over fallen friends.

Remus helped Kate to her still very unstable feet and she grabbed his arm anxiously as she tried to regain her equilibrium and sort her whirling thoughts into some kind of order. She had to tell him something; something was wrong…

'Don't tell anyone,' she whispered, startling both him and herself with the urgency of her words. 'Don't tell anyone you killed him. Give me your wand.'

This was important; she wasn't sure why, her brain was fuzzy still, but every instinct inside of her was screaming that she had to take his wand away from him. He opened his mouth to argue but she leaned heavily against him, blocking her actions from the view of the others as she took the wand from his hand and gave him hers.

'Trust me, Remus. Don't tell anyone.'

'Everyone out!' Moody suddenly yelled. Kate glanced over at him, seeing panic in her mentor's eyes.

'Grab anyone who's alive and get outside the wards! It's booby-trapped. OUT! OUT! OUT!'

Remus wrapped his arms around Kate and spun them around, reappearing in the spot the Portkey had delivered them to only one hour earlier. The others popped up around them, Dumbledore raising a protective bubble-like shield over them as they heard a loud rumbling noise then a 'whoomp' so powerful it shook the earth under their feet and made them stagger behind the wards.

Turning back to the house they'd been standing in just seconds earlier, they watched in shock, as it seemed to tremble then spectacularly imploded, collapsing into nothing but kindling.

* * *

**_Be kind, please. :) Remember, I made no promises about the quality of this chapter. If it didn't contain relevant information for the next two chapters, I would have chucked the lot out._**

**_Review?_**


	20. Chapter 20

_Hiya! Thanks everyone for being very kind in your reviews for the last chapter. I will try to stop moaning about writing action scenes from now on. Thanks for all the reviews and ta to my anonymous friends **Abi** and **moonyslover** for your kind words. And for those who've popped this on alerts - I'd love to hear from you._

_Thanks to **DragonDi** for letting my Moody borrow some of the words from your Moody's mouth and providing pictures of David (sex on a stick) Thewlis to go along with each chapter._

_No warnings! I don't think I've even used a swear word...let me check my pulse, I must be ill or something._

_Disclaimer: I pray and pray but still...they are not mine._

* * *

Chapter Twenty

'Mark Henry and Barry Charles are both fatals. We still can't find Dearborn. I know he wasn't there before the house went up. I think the bastards may have taken him or perhaps he had hold of one when they apparated and went along for the ride. Potter, you and Black take Charles' widow…the woman hates me…Em and I will go and see Dearborn's wife. Lupin, you and Bradley can talk to Henry's family - you know them don't you, Kate?'

All eyes turned to the blonde who was slumped in the wooden chair with a faraway yet troubled expression on her face. Most of the others had gone home, Moody, Emmeline, Kate, Remus, Sirius and James, staying behind to sort out the division of labour when it came to the death visits to the loved ones of the fallen.

'Kate?' Remus said softly to get her attention and she looked up, seeing them all watching her.

'Huh?'

'You and Lupin will go and see Mark Henry's family?' Moody asked, obviously irritated with her inattention.

She looked reluctant. 'Could someone else do that?' she said, surprising the others. 'I…I have something I have to attend to and I think I'll need Remus' help.'

Moody frowned but nodded, turning back to the others, telling James to contact Lily and Peter to go and see Henry's widow.

Kate saw Remus staring at her with wide, slightly frightened eyes and tried to smile reassuringly at him. He had been violently ill once they'd returned to Headquarters, the reality of what he'd done hitting him hard. Kate had held him as he trembled on the cold tile of the bathroom and whispered that everything was going to be all right, trying desperately to believe it herself.

Moody said something to Remus and he looked away, Kate's gaze moving back down to her lap where she was rolling the werewolf's wand absently between her fingers. She could feel Remus' eyes fall back on her as the others continued to dissect the evening's events but she was barely listening, lost in her own thoughts.

She stared down at the wand that had caused all the trouble, knowing its owner didn't fully understood what had happened tonight and wishing she didn't have to give him the answers to the questions she could see in his eyes. He was already hurting over the fact he'd taken a human life; how was he going to react to the knowledge that he had just sentenced himself to death by simply defending himself?

* * *

As soon as Kate had come out from under the haze of pain the repeated Crucios had created, she remembered exactly why she'd been so sure Remus shouldn't tell anyone he killed that Death Eater, and why she had been so determined to get his wand off him. She was cursing herself for assuming Remus had been informed of the danger of him using Unforgivables…and trying very hard to hide just how scared she now was.

Everyone knew casting an Unforgivable Curse was good for a stretch in Azkaban if you were caught; even Aurors refrained from using them because it meant a whole lot of paperwork. In fact, until recently, it had been almost as illegal for the trained Dark Wizard hunters to use the killing curse as it was for anyone else.

Normally Unforgivables were as untraceable as any other spell - there wouldn't be any indication that it had been used until a body was found and then, without a confession or a witness, it was nearly impossible to find whoever had cast it. If the caster was ever tracked down, there were several methods Aurors used to extract the information they needed before the culprit was either pardoned on the grounds of self defence, or given a trial and possibly a stint in Azkaban.

The Ministry would probably never find out about the slaughter that occurred tonight; the evidence had been destroyed in the booby-trapped house, which was now little more than kindling.

The problem was that Remus wasn't an ordinary wizard.

Werewolves were rarely given wands and when they were, precautions were taken. Few people outside the Werewolf Regulation Department would know about these 'safety measures' - Kate only knew because she had extensively researched lycanthropy legislation when she first learnt about Remus. Tracing devices were often put on the wands without the knowledge of the owner…not that it would matter if they knew; they had no avenue to lodge an objection. Kate had assumed Dumbledore would have mentioned the tracing spells when he recruited Remus.

_Teach me to do things myself in future._

One trace in particular was bothering Kate. It kept track of the spells used by the wand, by the werewolf that owned it and any misuse was immediately reported to the Ministry. An Unforgivable…a killing spell…would be ringing dozens of alarm bells at the Ministry right now and soon they would be trying to track Remus down. A werewolf wasn't entitled to a trial or any kind of defence; they wouldn't bother sending him to Azkaban…they'd kill him.

It had been instinct to take his wand and now that she was more alert, Kate was frantically trying to think of ways to get him out of this mess but she kept coming back to what was really the only option – she would tell them that she'd cast the spell.

She'd be scrutinised, perhaps suspended or, if they didn't believe her, sacked and sent to Azkaban, but if she could just get Moody to help her…she could get away with this.

They could _both_ get away with this.

Kate glanced over at Moody before looking back down at the wand. Would he help her protect Remus? He didn't dislike the young man; in fact, he had a somewhat grudging respect for him but to risk his job and reputation to protect him was a lot to ask of the Auror.

* * *

The sound of chairs scraping along the wooden floor made her look up again and she stood along with the others, still so preoccupied that she didn't hear James and Sirius call out a goodbye. Moody followed Emmeline to the door and Remus immediately turned to her, questions tumbling out of his mouth.

'Why did you take my wand? Shouldn't I tell Moody what I did? What's going on?' he asked as soon as they were alone but she ignored his questions to ask her own.

'What happened?' she queried urgently. 'Why did you curse him?'

'He tried to curse me!' he said indignantly. 'Kate, when he was holding the spell on you, I tried to Stun him. He turned around and cast the curse. I rolled out of the way but I'd wedged myself in the corner. He had his wand up again and he was calling out the spell and...The words just came out. His curse missed me but mine…mine hit.'

His voice was a little wobbly and Kate noticed now how pale he still was. 'Kate, he was going to kill me,' he said shakily, his eyes glistening. 'You believe me, don't you?'

'Of course I do,' she told him then wrapped her arms around him tight. 'I'm sorry, baby. You shouldn't have had to do that. You shouldn't have to be involved in any of this.'

His arms slid around her, holding her so close she could feel his heart beat.

'I…I think I finally understand, Kate,' he whispered, breath tickling her ear. 'Why you said we shouldn't be together…'

Alarm tightened her chest and she held him tighter. 'Remus, what…?'

But before she could ask him to elaborate, Moody walked back into the room, stopping at the head of the table.

'Right,' he snapped, glaring at them through disapproving eyes as they pulled apart. 'What's going on? You two have been acting strangely since we got back.'

Remus turned to Kate. 'I'm not sure what's going on,' he answered Moody. 'You still didn't tell me why you took my wand from me?'

Moody looked startled by his words and turned those scrutinising eyes back to Kate. He recognised the 'oh-shit-something's-gone-wrong' expression on her face and frowned deeply.

'Tell me, Kate,' he said harshly.

* * *

Kate slowly turned to her mentor, praying he'd understand what she was doing without her having to spell it out.

'Remus and I were on a date tonight and we were… intimate,' she said, reciting her hastily concocted story. 'I left afterwards and decided to walk for a few blocks before I apparated. I had only been walking for a couple of minutes when I was cornered by two Death Eaters.'

She saw the Auror frown and Remus tried to interrupt but Moody shut him down, snapping, 'Don't say a word, Lupin.'

Kate continued, not looking at Remus but able to feel his confusion.

'One of the Death Eaters cast an Avada Kedavra. I threw myself out of the way and he was raising his wand again when I cursed him. I killed him.'

Remus started to speak again but Moody held up a hand and said, 'Shut up, Lupin!'

'The other one was distracted and I managed to apparate to my house,' she said, staring unblinkingly at Moody. 'It wasn't until then that I realised I'd picked up the wrong wand earlier and that I had used Remus' wand to cast the Unforgivable. I am aware of the tracing spells on a werewolf's wand so I immediately found you to let you know what had happened and to file my report to clear up any…misunderstandings.'

There were several moments of silence as Moody and Kate stared at each other.

'Are you certain that's the way it happened?' Alastor asked softly and Kate hesitated, thinking hard to try and make sure she'd covered every angle.

* * *

Aurors had been recently given permission to kill if they were in imminent peril - she would say that she had been at risk and she hadn't had a choice. The danger came if they decided that explanation wasn't satisfactory. If they decided to investigate further they might find out that she'd been on a mission for the Order and not attacked randomly. The Ministry tolerated the existence of the Order but had made their thoughts very plain - no employee was to be involved in the subversive group. If they found out that she'd lied, not only would it cost her the job she loved and her freedom; it would mean exposure of the Order and its members.

There were several ways they could uncover her untruth but she thought she'd covered them all: she'd kept Remus' involvement as minimal as possible - they had no reason to question him so he wouldn't have to lie; they _could _use Veritaserum on her, although she'd learnt well from her paranoid mentor - never accepting food or drink when she didn't trust the source and they wouldn't force it on her unless they _really_ didn't believe her.

She had a good mind block…they wouldn't be able to use Occlumancy on her. The easiest way for them to determine if she was lying or not was to check her memory - and unfortunately, that was going to be the hardest thing to get around. But there was a way…it was dangerous and could end up damaging her mind but she was willing to try it if it meant keeping Remus safe.

* * *

'I'm sure that's how I remember it happening,' she said. 'And that's what I'll tell the Ministry. Here…' She held out the wand. 'Priori Incantatum will reveal that the wand I just handed you was the one that cast the spell…'

'And what will your memory reveal?' Moody asked, his mind following a similar path to hers.

She smiled grimly. 'I was hoping you'd be able to help me with that.'

Remus couldn't stay quiet any longer. 'Kate didn't cast that spell…' but Moody pointed his wand at him and suddenly, his mouth was moving but nothing was coming out.

'I don't want to hear a word from you, Lupin,' Moody rasped harshly, having already guessed more than he needed to know. 'I heard the story Kate has told me; I believe her and so do you. Just keep your mouth shut - now and later. I don't want to know anything else.'

He turned back to Kate. 'This place is Unplottable but once he leaves here…'

'He's a target, I know,' she said. 'We don't have a whole lot of time…I have to report this as soon as possible to make it look real. You have to make me a memory, Alastor.'

'You know the risks of the spell…'

'I do and I'm willing to take them,' she told him and she saw him frown.

'He's worth this?' Moody hissed. 'You know what could happen if this spell goes wrong; you know what could happen if the Ministry finds out you've lied…'

'I know what will happen to Remus if I don't,' she said softly.

'You care for him _that_ much,' he asked incredulously, glancing over at Remus then back to Kate. 'You _love_ him that much?'

Remus reached out and grasped Kate's arm, pulling her towards him. Unable to speak, he gripped her chin and bought her face up so their eyes met. He shook his head, imploring her with his eyes not to do this, to let him take the blame and the punishment. He mouthed, 'No,' over and over until she put her fingers against his lips.

'They'll kill you Remus. You have no rights, no fallback. They'll kill you without a trial, without a question,' she whispered, searching his face and seeing the moment he understood that this wasn't a matter of him getting a slap on the wrist and an admonishment not to do it again. She saw the moment he finally got it…because of what he was, this could cost him his life.

She shifted her hand, kissing him lightly then took her wand from his pocket and waved it, knowing it was safe to take the silencing spell off; that he wouldn't fight her anymore.

Turning back to Moody, she nodded. 'Do it.'

* * *

He seemed surprised and looked over at the werewolf. 'Seems I would have lost my money if I made that bet, Lupin,' he murmured. 'You're obviously more charming than I gave you credit for...'

His dark eyes flashed and Remus shivered at his deadly serious expression and the threat in his tone. '…But you understand me, boy; if her mind is ruined because of this, if she spends so much as one _minute_ in Azkaban because of you, I'll put that silver bullet in your head myself.'

'Alastor,' Kate said sharply, touching his arm. 'We don't have time for this.'

With a final glare at Remus, Moody turned back to Kate and raised his wand, pressing it between Kate's eyebrows.

'Ready?'

She nodded and he said firmly, 'Abeo Animus.'

Remus watched anxiously as her eyes became unfocused.

Moody lifted her eyelids, checking her pupils carefully then said, 'Creo', before beginning to whisper to her, repeating the story she'd told him in vivid detail, from the moment she supposedly left Remus to the moment she'd told him her tale.

After several minutes, he breathed in deeply, letting it out slowly before he positioned his wand carefully at her temple and said, 'Commoneo.'

As if in a trance, Kate told the story again and when she was finished, Moody nodded.

'I think that'll do,' he mumbled then pointed his wand at her. 'Ligo memoria.'

Kate blinked and her eyes refocused on Moody then slid over to Remus who was skull white.

'Kate?' he whispered.

'It worked,' she said with a reassuring smile at him. 'I remember what really happened but the other memory is there too.'

'Just remember how to keep those mind blocks up,' Moody muttered, pocketing all three wands. 'We don't have time to safely erase that real memory. Right, time to go.'

'Go where?' Remus asked and Moody looked exasperated.

'We need to Floo to the Ministry.'

Remus looked at him in confusion; surely the Ministry was the last place they wanted to be?

Moody saw him frown and said grimly, 'They already know someone cast an Unforgivable with your wand, Lupin. As of this moment, you're a fugitive. If we have any chance of saving your ass, you and Kate are going to have to turn yourselves in.'

* * *

'It could have been worse,' Kate mused to herself later. 'They could have shot Remus on sight.'

The minute they passed through security, the Werewolf Capture Unit converged upon them, wands aloft. Moody and Kate shielded Remus, to the lycanthrope's frustration, and convinced them not to stun him. After some fast talking from the Aurors, the wands lowered but they did, however, insist on taking Remus to the cells, ignoring Kate's protests.

'Kate, let them take him,' Moody hissed. 'Don't draw any more attention to him by arguing. It makes him more of a target than he already is.'

She shut her mouth, watching them guide Remus roughly to the elevator until the Head of the Auror Department, Rufus Scrimgeour stormed over to them, his face like stone.

'What the hell is going on, Moody!?'

* * *

_If anyone is interested in the latin based spells:_

**abeo: **to change / vanish, disappear.

**animus: **memory, consciousness.

**commoneo: **to remember, recollect.

**creo: **to create, make.

**ligo: **to bind, tie.

**memoria: **memory, remembrance, recall, recollection.

* * *

**_Yes, I researched! I worked harder on this chapter than I did for my final exams for school and if it makes no sense, I don't want to know :)_**

**_Show your appreciation for my efforts with reviews? Please?_**


	21. Chapter 21

_Hiya all! Ok, it's up, I don't know if I'm happy with it as it was quite hastily put together. Let me know what you think. :)_

_Thanks to all who've reviewed (ta, abigail) and to those who have alerts on this - as usual, insert plea for reviews here._

_WARNING: Lots of swearing. Heaps!_

_Disclaimer: If Remus were mine and he was locked up all alone in a cell, perhaps tied to the bed...ah...mmm. Sorry, my mind went to a more...carnal place for a moment there...what was I saying? Oh, yeah. He's not mine. Shit._

* * *

Chapter Twenty One

'A fucking werewolf, Bradley?' Scrimgeour yelled, spittle flying out of his mouth. 'A dark creature, a half-breed! What's next? A vampire? A frigging centaur?'

'Oh, don't be ridiculous, Rufus!' she said irritably. 'Remus is a good man…'

'He's an animal!' he roared, his face bright red and Kate's eyes flashed dangerously.

'He's a man for all but twelve days of the year,' she snapped back, her hand tightening around her just returned wand as she fought for control. 'And he's a better fucking man than most I know, present company included.'

Alastor finally stepped in and broke up the argument that had been raging for ten solid minutes before Kate could say something she really regretted.

'Look, Rufus,' he said in an unusually deferential tone. 'Kate's explained what happened so perhaps we could just collect Lupin from the cells and…'

'No,' the Head Auror snapped, glaring at Kate still. 'If you're fucking him, you'd cover for him, wouldn't you? If he cast the spell, you'd try and save his worthless backside.'

He looked over at Moody. 'Take her memory,' he demanded. 'I want to see it…'

He glanced back over at Kate who was staring him with an expression of intense dislike that she didn't bother to try and hide.

'…and if there is one _single _detail that differs from the story you just told me, I swear to Merlin, Bradley, I will have you and Lupin in Azkaban before sunrise.'

* * *

Remus sat in the corner of the small, cold cell, knees drawn to his chest for warmth. He rubbed at his face; hardly able to believe this was happening.

Moody's words rang in his ears.

_'You understand me, boy; if her mind is ruined because of this, if she spends one minute in Azkaban because of you, I'll put that silver bullet in your head myself.'_

Remus shivered. Hearing the anger and concern in Moody's voice had been the most terrifying part of the night, if the tough, old Auror was so worried…

_She'll be alright. She has to be._

He clenched his eyes shut tight. What if they didn't believe Kate and dug deeper? What if they found the other memory – the real one? They'd kill him…but would they send Kate to Azkaban for covering for him as well? He could accept his fate but if Kate suffered because she'd stood up for him - that was too much for him to bear.

'God,' he moaned softly, grasping his hair in his hands and tugging despairingly. 'What have I done to her?'

He'd finally realised tonight what Kate had been telling him since day one: that they shouldn't…_couldn't_…work together because they'd always be distracted trying to protect the other. That's what had happened tonight and he had planned on telling her that they shouldn't go on any more missions with each other; that it was too distracting but now…

_Now she's risked everything for me…and it's all because of what I am._

Whenever he was with Kate, he almost forgot what he was. She had never made his lycanthropy an issue: even after the full moon, he never saw any pity in her eyes, any horror or fear; just acceptance and empathy as she healed his wounds and rubbed his aching muscles. Kate made him feel human and he'd started to relax, to think that perhaps his dream of a wife and a family might not be as farfetched as he had always thought it to be.

But after tonight…

He heard a loud shout then raucous laughter coming from down the other end of the long, wide corridor that housed the Ministry's captives. The voices got louder and Remus heard his name. Standing up, he moved to the bars, using his enhanced senses to listen to the distant conversation.

'…fucking the werewolf, apparently,' the first man said, dispensing the information in an eager voice. 'Scrimgeour's screaming the Auror's office down.'

'_Kate Bradley_?' a second male voice said in disbelief. 'Hot, blonde, Kate Bradley?'

'Why the hell would she be screwing a filthy animal?' said another. 'I mean, someone like that bint Umbridge I could understand needing to resort to bestiality to get laid but Kate…? Jesus, if I'd known she was getting _that_ desperate, I'd have given her one myself.'

There was laughter and the sound of a hand hitting flesh. 'I think your wife might have had something to say about that,' the first voice said in amusement. 'But I'm single…Fuck, what a waste!'

'What's he look like?' asked the married man. 'The werewolf?'

'Go have a look,' the disbelieving voice suggested, then came the sound of clanging keys. 'Wouldn't mind checking him out again myself now. Fuck! Kate Bradley – do you reckon she'll get the sack?'

'Probably,' a now louder voice said. 'Who'd want to work with her? Shit, who'd wanna fuck her now after she's laid down with a frigging monster?'

The voices were getting closer and Remus backed away from the bars. He stood in the centre of the cell, unsure of what to do. He didn't want them to know he was listening but he refused to cower like an injured dog in a corner.

The three men dressed in Ministry robes came into sight, looking surprised to see him standing so defiantly.

'Doesn't look like much, does he?' the short blonde muttered, looking Remus up and down appraisingly. 'What the hell would she see in him?'

'Maybe she likes it rough,' a taller brunette said with a snort and the blonde chuckled. 'Does she fuck you when you're transformed, wolf?'

Remus' jaw tensed and he crossed his arms over his chest to stop himself reaching through those bars and wrapping his fingers around the man's throat.

'Oh, I don't think it liked that, Marcus,' the darker skinned man taunted, brown eyes fixed maliciously on a scowling Remus. 'So, tell us werewolf? What is it Bradley sees in you? Does she like the claws? The fangs? Or maybe it's the tail?'

'Could be the fur,' the blonde snorted. 'Does she like a bit of hair to grab hold of while you're fucking her?'

Remus felt a sharp stinging pain and realised he'd bitten his lip hard in an attempt not to defend Kate, instinctively knowing if he reacted, this could get a whole lot worse.

'Dirty fucking whore,' the dark haired man snapped, face distorted in disgust. 'Screwing an animal…it makes me want to vomit. You shouldn't be allowed to go near decent people. Corrupting our women.'

'You know, I quite fancied Bradley,' the blonde said. 'But if she's spreading her legs for frigging half breeds…'

'_Shut up_!' Remus yelled furiously, unable to stay silent any longer. 'Just shut the fuck up about her!'

'And what if we don't, werewolf?' the brown haired man said softly. 'What will you do about it from that cage?'

Remus just glared at him but his lack of response seemed to anger the man more.

'Open the cell,' he ordered the blonde, his green eyes fixed on Remus as he withdrew his wand. 'I think you need to relearn your place in society, werewolf.'

* * *

'Well?' Moody said, raising an eyebrow at his boss.

'The memory appears genuine,' Scrimgeour said offhandedly, shoving the vial containing her hastily constructed memory at Kate. 'But your use of an Unforgivable is not my biggest concern now.'

Kate's lips turned white as she pressed them together in an effort to stop herself screaming at the man. He was dismissing the use of an Unforgivable now only because the evidence backed up her story. Her relationship with the Head of the Auror department had never been a smooth one and she thought he was secretly relishing her fall from grace. He was wanting to revel in this unexpected opportunity - so he was fixing his sights on Remus.

'It's not your business who I see outside of working hours,' Kate told him, unable to keep the snappishness out of her voice.

Scrimgeour's face turned red with anger again. '_You_ are an Auror,' he ground out. 'You defend our world against Dark Creatures. You. Don't. _FUCK_. Them!'

His voice rose with every sharply spat out word and Moody quickly cast a Silencing Spell, although no doubt news of Kate and Remus' relationship had already spread through the Ministry like a bushfire through drought ravaged forest.

'My personal life is my own,' Kate argued but Scrimgeour shook his head.

'You're compromised,' he snapped, pacing the room. 'No one's going to want to work with you now…'

'I am happy to continue to have Kate on my team,' Moody interjected but Scrimgeour waved his words away.

'And who'll want to go out with her?' he spat. 'Who's going to want to spend the night on stakeouts with her? Or hide out with her knowing she's been bedding down with half breeds? She's a fucking liability.'

He suddenly stopped stalking to and fro and sank into a chair. 'Just get out of here, Bradley. I can't stand the sight of you right now...and take your werewolf with you.'

'Gladly. He should never have been put in those cells,' Kate said curtly, still glaring at Scrimgeour. 'He didn't do anything wrong…the way you've allowed him to be treated…'

'He's a werewolf!' Scrimgeour exclaimed, anger rising again. 'He can't be trusted. Most of them are on the Dark Lord's side…'

'Not Remus,' she argued. 'He's loyal…'

Moody cleared his throat warningly and Kate, realising she'd gotten a bit too close to revealing her knowledge of the Order, quickly changed the subject.

'I'm going to get Remus and go.'

'Good,' Scrimgeour muttered. 'And don't come back for a while…I'm serious, Bradley. I don't want to see you here until you sort out what side you're on. You can't be screwing a dark creature and fighting them at the same time. Consider yourself suspended until you work out if you want your job or not.'

Kate almost growled and stalked towards the door, Moody stopping her with a hand on her arm.

'I'll get Lupin,' he said and she shifted her furious eyes to him.

'I can do it,' she spat and his grip tightened as he pulled her aside.

'Do you think he'll want you to see him in a cell, Kate? In a cage?' he hissed, knowing how proud the young man could be and suspecting that the kind of treatment he may be receiving in the cells would not be something he would want Kate to witness. 'Go back to Headquarters and wait for him there…_Go_.'

She had opened her mouth to argue but shut it again with a snap when she realised he was right. Remus wouldn't want her to see him locked up.

'Fine,' she muttered, walking a few metres then stopping and turning back. 'Thanks, Alastor.'

* * *

'What the hell do you think you're doing?'

The three men paused, turning to look at the door of the cells and saw a furious Moody there.

'Come to take him for the bullet, Alastor?' the dark haired one said with obvious glee. 'Give us five more minutes with him first…we've only just started.'

'Get the fuck away from him!' Moody snapped, stepping into the cell and looking past them to a very pale Remus who'd been backed into the corner and was crouched on the floor, trying to stifle his whimpers of pain. Alastor could see his torn and bloodied shirt and caught a glimpse of several nasty looking abrasions over his arms and torso as well as hex burns streaked across his stomach, scorching the fabric.

Moody's temper rose. 'You alright, Lupin?'

The werewolf nodded, pushing himself to his feet and Moody gestured with his head.

'Come on, we're going,' he ordered, glaring at the blonde who held the keys. 'I'll make sure your supervisor hears that you let unauthorised people into the cell with a suspect.'

'You're defending him, Moody?' the brown haired man asked sceptically but the dark man snarled.

'He's defending Bradley. He's wanted to get into her pants for years…'

There was a loud pop and a flash of light and man cried out, holding his face as large, painful looking boils popped out of the skin.

'Let's go, Lupin,' Moody said with deceptive calm, taking the young man's arm and leading him out of the dark holding cell.

* * *

Instead of apparating directly to Headquarters, Moody grasped Remus' arm and spun, reappearing with the unresisting man in Hogsmeade, more specifically, the Hog's Head.

'I was just about to lock up, Moody,' Aberforth Dumbledore said as the two men appeared out of nowhere.

'I'll do that when we leave,' Moody grunted and Aberforth got the message, reaching into a cupboard and pulling out an unopened bottle of Firewhiskey, putting it and two glasses on the bar.

'I'll stick it on your tab,' he said then left the front room for his quarters out the back.

'I should go and see Kate,' Remus mumbled but Moody ignored him, moving to sit at the bar and opening the whiskey.

'Have a drink first, Lupin,' he grunted, pouring two glasses of the amber liquid. 'You're in no fit state to face her yet.'

Remus walked over to sit next to Moody, knowing the man was right. His hand was shaking as he raised the glass and he didn't want Kate to see him so rattled. He took a long pull at the fiery alcohol, gasping a little as it burned its way down his throat.

'Does anything need healing?' Moody asked and Remus shook his head. He could heal any wounds himself at home…he had more urgent concerns right now.

'How is Kate?' he asked, voice a little cracked both from the Firewhiskey and from his struggle to keep his whirling emotions under control. 'I'm guessing they believed her…'

'Yeah, they checked the memory and they believed it.'

Alastor threw the remainder of his drink down his throat and slammed the glass down, reaching for the bottle again.

'She's been suspended.'

Remus snapped his head around, staring at the man with his mouth slightly open. 'But…you said they believed her,' he stammered and Moody shook his head, finishing pouring his drink then refilling Remus' still half full glass.

'They believe the memory,' he corrected, picking up his tumbler. 'Kate, unfortunately, has lost all credibility with the Ministry.'

Remus was silent, watching the unusually quiet man as he sipped his drink more sedately this time then said softly, 'Because she's been seeing me.'

It wasn't a question and Moody didn't bother with an answer.

'Scrimgeour didn't take it well,' he told him, after swallowing a large mouthful of whiskey. 'Kate's not welcome back until she gives you the boot. Although, she's going to have a hard time going back regardless…too many people found out and the prejudice against werewolves also extends to their lovers.'

He turned to glance at Remus. 'But I can see that you got your own taste of that particular prejudice tonight.'

Remus nodded, closing his eyes as he recalled the venom spat by the Ministry workers…people who knew Kate but who had still called her a filthy whore for getting involved with him. His hand was even unsteadier this time as he raised the glass again and this time when he lowered it, it was empty.

'We should get going,' Moody said, draining his own glass for a second time.

He turned to a pensive Remus and frowned. 'I warned you it would come to this, Lupin,' he reminded him. 'And you chose to pursue her anyway; now you have to deal with the consequences. Kate was ready for this; she expected this reaction…you're damn naïve if you didn't.'

'I just…I didn't think Kate would get so…' he began then shook his head.

'Ridiculed?' Moody supplied. 'Reviled? She's sleeping with a werewolf…that was never going to be accepted by the Ministry. You should have realised that, Lupin, after your dealings with the Werewolf Regulations Department.'

He sighed. 'I bloody warned you all not to use Killing Spells…'

'How…how is she really with the suspension?' Remus asked. 'She must be angry…'

'She is,' Moody agreed. 'But not with you as she might rightly be, but with Scrimgeour for some of his comments about you. I told you, she was prepared for this.'

He cocked his head, eyes staring piercingly into Remus and not liking what he was reading in the young man's face. 'More prepared than you, I would say. Lupin, she stood up for you and your relationship tonight…in a very public way. If you know anything about the girl, you'll know how hard that decision – you or her job - should have been for her to make. But it wasn't. There was never a choice – she was always going to stand up for you. And what's her repayment going to be? Losing you as well as her job?'

Remus turned sharply towards the man, guilt written across his face. 'How…?'

'You're useless as a fucking spy unless you get your emotions under control,' Moody snapped. 'I can see what you're thinking – it's written all over your face. You're going to leave her; now that she's risked everything she's got for you, you're finally taking my advice to end it.'

Remus didn't answer but he didn't have to – Moody was right. He was only just realising how hard life was going to be for Kate if she was with him and the unhappy thought kept popping up in his mind that if he were any kind of man, he would let her go; let her find someone worthy of her instead of someone who was only going to make her miserable in the end.

'Well, you're a bit bloody late coming to this decision, Lupin,' Moody spat, pushing himself to his feet. 'If her father were here, he'd fucking string you up but as he's not…'

The man's wand was out before Remus realised he'd even reached for it, and it was pointed at Remus' chest.

'You break hers,' Moody warned, jabbing the wand into the flesh over Remus' heart for emphasis. 'And yours won't take another beat. Understand?'

'She'd be better off without me,' Remus whispered shakily, the threatened organ hurting badly as he spoke the terrible truth that had been fixed in his mind since they left Headquarters earlier that night.

'Yeah, she would have been,' Moody agreed, glaring at him. 'But you passed that exit a long time ago. She loves you. Hurt her now and I'll kill you.'

* * *

Kate apparated back to Headquarters, trudging up the stairs just in time to see the sun peek over the horizon. Pacing up and down the entry hall, it felt like hours passed before the front door opened and a weary looking Remus stepped inside.

Kate froze. She wanted to go to him, to feel his arms around her but his tension and grim face stopped her. He glanced quickly at her before he shut the door then turned and made a production out of removing his coat, thanking Merlin he'd thought to repair his shirt and heal himself before apparating back to the house.

'Moody went home,' he told her, his voice low and dull. 'I'm going to have a shower and go to bed.'

He looked at her briefly then walked past her on his way to the stairs. 'I'm tired, Kate. You should go home.'

Her mouth fell open in hurt and surprise before she clamped it shut and decided to put his distance down to exhaustion and shock.

'Alright,' she said softly, irritated by the trace of distress that she heard in her voice.

Remus must have heard it as well because he stopped and walked back to her, putting his hands on her shoulders, running his thumbs over her collarbone lightly.

'Have a shower and a sleep, Kate,' he said quietly. 'I'll owl you when I wake up.'

He shifted his hands to her jaw, cupping her face gently as he pressed his lips to her forehead. He lowered his face and gave her a brief, weary smile then let her go, moving quickly up the stairs and disappearing into his bedroom.

Kate put a hand to her chest and rubbed, trying to ease the horrible ache there. There was something about the way he was talking…he didn't sound like himself. He spoke as if she was a stranger, as if she didn't mean anything to him. His earlier words came back to her.

'_I…I think I finally understand, Kate. Why you said we shouldn't be together…'_

She bit her now trembling lip hard and blinked to try and force back the hot, stinging tears that rose suddenly in her eyes. She had told him many weeks ago that she loved him but had done precious little to _show_ him since - until tonight.

Now she finally fully understood what love _truly_ was…that instinct that made you willing to do anything, give up anything, to protect that person.

He'd risked his life to defend her tonight; risked his heart for her even though she offered him nothing in return. But tonight, she would have gladly lost her mind, happily gone to Azkaban tonight if it had meant that Remus was safe. She had finally shown him how much she loved him.

_But was it too little, too late?_

She understood now how Remus had felt all those months while she held him at arms length…it hurt to be kept at a distance by someone you wanted to love.

Kate wrapped her arms around her torso, shrinking into herself a bit. She was ashamed that she had taken his love, his trust for granted and treated his heart so carelessly for so long. And now…now that she realised how very much she loved him, that she would do anything; give up anything for him… it seemed that it might be too late to start making up for the pain she'd unwittingly caused him. He was pushing her away - exactly as she'd done to him.

_Karma is a bitch._

* * *

**_Reviews? Please? _**


	22. Chapter 22

_Hiya all! Thank you to the few wonderful people who reviewed last chapter including the marvelous but anonymous abigail (thanks, duckie). Hope you like this chapter._

_WARNING: Swearing. Kate's no lady...oh, and sex...make up or farewell...you'll have to read to find out - although you wouldn't be interested in sex, would you?_

_Disclaimer: If I was JKR, it would not have been Dumbledore I outed._

* * *

Chapter Twenty Two

Remus didn't OWL…and after taking several hours to get over the shock of the night's events, Kate's pride kicked back in, refusing to allow her to do what every molecule in her body was urging her to do - go back and beg him to tell her what was bothering him; plead with him to forgive her for not telling him about the tracing spells, for making him believe he had to defend her with such vigour.

Rationally, she knew what had happened last night had not really been her fault, or his - it was just an awful series of events that, like this whole war, could have been avoided. But there was a little part of her, a tiny little dissenting voice, that kept whispering that if he hadn't been trying to protect her, he might not have been in the position of having to take a life. And she was more scared than she wanted to admit that perhaps there was a little part of Remus that believed that too.

She spent the day skulking around her house, attempting dribs and drabs of cleaning and tidying but was too distracted to stay on task for long. Her head popped up hopefully every time she heard a footfall outside, heart speeding up until the sound faded and waves of disappointment washed over her.

It hurt - being away from him, unsure if his feelings for her remained the same, and Kate was annoyed with herself for missing Remus so much already. She wasn't a timid, need-a-man-to-feel-complete type of woman but at the moment, she was feeling very much as though a large part of her had been lost.

_This is why I don't get close. This is why only fucking fools fall in love._

When the sun began to dip in the sky, she decided to go for a walk and try to clear her troubled mind. Preoccupied, she didn't notice how far she'd gone until a cool breeze made her shiver and look up, unable to recognise her surroundings in the dark. Not sure which direction home was in, she stepped into a narrow alley and disapparated, appearing again in more familiar territory.

With a sigh, she crossed her arms over her chest, wishing she had something more than the simple skirt and blouse on under her light coat as she walked down the block to her house.

The wind picked up and her stride lengthened until, a few doors down from hers, an ominous growl made her pause. A large grey dog stepped onto the footpath, snarling at her. Kate gripped her wand in her pocket as she bared her teeth, growling back at it with all the frustration and anger inside her. The animal looked surprised then with a confused expression on its face, it backed away.

'Yeah, that's right. Don't fuck with me, mutt.'

'So it's not just humans you intimidate.'

The Stunner was streaming through the air before her mind recognised his voice. Luckily, her aim was slightly off and the red light just singed his hair.

'Shit, Kate!'

'You shouldn't sneak up on an Auror,' she snapped, stomping up her front stairs, walking straight past him. 'We're too edgy these days to ask questions first.'

She unlocked her door with her wand then turned to face the silent werewolf, her breath catching in her throat when her eyes met his and her voice wasn't as stable as she would have liked when she asked, 'What do you want, Remus?'

He pulled his jacket tighter around himself and said, 'To have this conversation somewhere warmer?'

After a moment of hesitation in which the desire to be with him battled with the temptation to slam the door in his face, she pushed the door open and grudgingly waved him inside.

* * *

Kate took an inordinate length of time removing her coat and shoes and Remus suspected that she was hoping he would have Flooed away by the time she finally came into the living room.

He moved over to the bookcase and picked up a bright blue frame containing a photograph of Kate and her father. It was a Muggle photo - the little blonde girl with shoulder length ringlets and her bear of a father frozen forever in the fading picture. The look of adoration, of complete trust on Kate's little face made him sigh with longing - he'd give anything to have her look at him like that.

Even though she had said she loved him, there was still a barrier; a resistance that he couldn't push through and, if he managed to follow through on his plan tonight, he'd never get past that; never know what it was like to have her look at him like that; never know what it was like to be loved so completely by Kate.

The thought made his heart hurt and he closed his eyes tightly, trying to gather his courage and resolve to do what he needed to protect the woman he loved more than he'd ever believed possible.

He sighed heavily again and as he inhaled, a scent made his nose twitch and his body immediately responded to the familiar perfume - citrus and cinnamon and that unique scent that he could smell on his skin for hours after they made love.

'How old were you here?' he asked, not looking up.

'Nine,' she told him, leaning against the back of the couch. 'What do you want to talk about?'

He put the frame back and turned to face her, taking a deep breath.

'Moody told me what happened with Scrimgeour. That he'd suspended you because you were dating me.'

'He can't fire me because of who I sleep with, Remus,' she said dismissively. 'Don't worry about it.'

'I _do _worry about it,' he said, a little more loudly than necessary. 'Down in the cells…they talked about you and me and…' A muscle jumped in his tense jaw. 'They weren't particularly complimentary.'

'Did you really think they would be?' she retorted with a frown.

She wasn't stupid. She and her sister had been brought up in an atmosphere of tolerance and acceptance - her father seeing enough nastiness in the world to know not to judge a person's worth on the purity of their blood and encouraging his children to adopt his beliefs. But she had worked at the Ministry long enough to have heard the prejudice he'd tried to protect them from; particularly that against half breeds - werewolves, centaurs, vampires, goblins…all were treated with derision and in some cases, out and out hatred.

Her skin crawled when she thought about the treatment Remus may have received in the cells last night but he hadn't been in any mood earlier to share confidences. Looking at him now, she wasn't entirely sure he'd ever tell her about anything that might have happened to him after he'd been taken away - and she wasn't entirely sure she really wanted to know about the real baseness that had been allowed to spread, poisoning the minds of generation after generation of wizards. Remus knew about the prejudice too, had known about it well before last night, and she found that she was angry with him for letting it come between them now when it had never previously been an issue.

'Did you think they'd give you a pat on the back and an invitation to share confidences?' she asked disbelievingly. 'You can't be that naïve, Remus, to have expected that people would just be happy for us immediately.'

'No,' he admitted, a pained expression on his face as he recalled the things he'd heard and that had been spat at him. 'I'm used to hearing all the bile people spit about werewolves, but I didn't expect that the anger and the disgust and the venom would be aimed at _you_, Kate. Not me - you, and I didn't expect you to have to risk your job, your sanity, your life because of me.'

Shaking his head, he moved back towards the front door, unable to look at her as his Gryffindor courage failed him. This was the hardest thing he'd ever had to do.

'Kate…we can't do this. We can't keep seeing each other.'

There was a long silence then, when she didn't react to his words, he sneaked a look at her face, surprised to see the pure rage clouding her blue eyes.

'I see,' she said in a tightly controlled voice. 'And may I ask why exactly?'

At the sound of her chilly voice, Remus felt a little shiver of what her prey must feel when they saw her coming and swallowed hard.

_Do it, Remus. If you love her, let her go and be with someone who won't cost her everything._

'I'm a werewolf,' he said softly. 'I should have listened to you in the beginning, before we got in so deep. You were right - this was never going to work. We shouldn't have started this.'

Kate's jaw looked tight and it sounded as though she was forcing her next words through clenched teeth.

'So, this is because you're a werewolf?' she said with forced calm. 'You're breaking up with me because you are a werewolf and you are worried about the gossip?'

He nodded, although that was a fairly simplistic summary of his concerns.

Kate bit her lip, exhaling loudly through her nose as she stared a hole in the coffee table then all of a sudden, her restraint snapped with spectacular force.

* * *

Before he'd even had time to register the movement, she had snatched up a ceramic knick-knack and thrown it at him with alarming accuracy.

Remus, even with his finely tuned reflexes, still only just managed to duck out of the way as the stoneware vase whizzed past his ear and smashed into tiny shards against the wall behind him.

'You utter prat!' she yelled at the stunned man. 'If you wanted an excuse to break up with me, surely you could find something more original than this? A bit cliché isn't it, Remus? _You're doing it for my own good? You'll only hurt me? ' _

Her voice was taunting as she flung the words at him. Remus opened his mouth to respond but she spoke loudly over him before he could make a sound.

'Smart bloke like you, Remus, could have thought of a better reason surely? We have so many things stacked against us; I gave you so many excuses. You could have chosen any of them - why use the only thing that has _never _been an issue for us if you wanted out?'

'I _don't _want to break up with you, Kate, but I'm not worth it. Being with me…it's going to cost you too much…' he tried to explain but she glared at him.

'I told you in the beginning that the lycanthropy wasn't an issue…'

'It is to _me_!' he exclaimed, talking loudly over the top of her, trying to make her understand that this was what was best. 'Kate, I can't be the reason you lose the thing that means the most to you and one day, I will be. You're suspended now because you were trying to protect me…'

'Remus, I don't give a crap about the fucking job! You mean more to me than my job…'

He looked sceptical and said a little roughly, 'Come on, Kate. Your job means so much to you that you've refused to allow anyone to get close in case it affected your ability to do it properly. You expect me to believe that even though you've barely let me into your life, that you would willingly risk losing your position to keep dating me?'

Kate stared at him for a moment, apparently speechless…but the silence didn't last long.

'Are you _insane_?' she spat, her incredulous voice rising to such a level that passer-by's would not need to strain to hear. 'What the hell do you think last night was about? I knew I'd be lucky to escape with a suspension, I knew what could happen if they didn't believe me, if they thought I was lying. I knew that if Moody angled his wand incorrectly that he could have damaged my mind… What the fuck else do I have to do to prove how much you mean to me? I would have taken the goddamn bullet for you, Lupin, and you stand here and fucking _doubt _me?'

She was really yelling at him now, her face red and furious, and he stepped forward to try and calm her down.

'Kate…' he said, holding her arms but his head suddenly snapped to the side as she pulled out of his grasp and slapped him hard.

'You bastard!' she whispered harshly, tears spilling from her eyes. 'You made me trust you, you made me believe you would stick around but you are pissing off at the first opportunity…'

'Katie…'

'_DON'T_ fucking call me that!' she screamed at him, shoving him in the chest. 'You don't _ever_ fucking call me that again! Everyone who calls me that leaves! My dad, you…It's like a curse!'

Remus reached out for her as realisation hit like a lightning bolt. It was her father…_he_ was the reason she kept herself so distant. She never talked about him, about losing him. He was the barrier, the wall he had to tear down. It was her father.

Kate pushed his hands off her and when he tried again to reach out to her, she raised her hand to hit him again. He grabbed her wrist to stop her, pulling her against his chest and she struggled vigorously against him.

'Don't, Katie,' he admonished then his temper flared when she kicked him hard.

He pushed her against the wall, pinning her hands either side of her head and leaning heavily into her, saying breathlessly, 'I want you to be happy. I want what's best for you.'

'_I_ want to be with _you_,' she snapped back at him, stilled by the weight of his body. 'I love _you_, you idiot.'

Remus froze, staring at her angry but, _Merlin_, just beautiful face as the words resonated around the now quiet room. She hadn't said she loved him since that first time and hearing her say it now made all his resolve disappear in an instant.

Cursing himself for being so weak that three simple words could completely melt his determination and cursing her just as fervently for being able to do this to him, his mouth crashed down onto hers.

* * *

She resisted for only a moment before her lips parted and her tongue met his as it probed the soft recesses of her mouth, fireworks going off all over his body as need took over. Her moan filled his mouth and he returned it, releasing her wrists and skimming his hands up her arms before they slid into her hair, clutching the blonde strands as the kiss deepened.

Mouths moved feverishly as they tried to get their fill, her now free hands cupped his face, fingers digging into his flesh and holding him tight.

'Re-mus,' she breathed against his lips, drawing out the syllables on a sigh and his heart clenched.

How could he have ever thought he could give her up? How could he live without this? Without hearing her say his name like that, kiss him like that, touch him like that?

'I love you,' he whispered desperately, not releasing her lips as he bent slightly, hooking his arms under her thighs and lifting her off her feet. '_I love you_.'

Her legs wrapped around his hips and as the kiss grew, he manoeuvred them across the room on unsteady legs, bumping into an armchair then stumbling over the coffee table and falling heavily onto the couch with a muffled curse. Undeterred, they lay where they fell, pressed together tightly for long moments, caught up in a slow, deep kiss that made Remus' insides knot up and his heart soar. He ran his hands down her arms and linked their fingers, drawing her arms up and pinning them over her head with his own hands. Kate arched up to him, her hips grinding against his and he groaned long and loud into her mouth as he mimicked her motion.

Their lungs screamed for oxygen and they reluctantly pulled apart, Remus' lips shifting to the hollow of Kate's throat, licking the indentation and tasting the salt that lingered there from her earlier tears. With a moan of apology for making her cry, he lifted his head and caught her lips again briefly as his hands shifted, running lightly down her body before he shoved her skirt up, reaching under it to slide his fingers beneath the elastic of her knickers. Breaking their lip lock, he sat up, watching her face as he yanked the underwear down her legs and off in one motion.

She was looking at him the way he'd dreamed of her looking at him, the way she'd looked in that photograph. It was adoration and trust and _love_, and his every cell ached with his craving for her; not just a physical desire but emotional need. She was part of him, infused into his very blood and he needed her like he needed air. He'd finally broken through that barrier and, god, it was worth every second of frustration to see the expression on her face.

He had paused in his zealous attempts to get her clothes off and Kate didn't like the interruption. She reached up and grabbed the front of his shirt, pulling him back down on top of her and kissing him hard, burying her tongue in his mouth and moaning when he reciprocated. It was his turn to tease, pushing her knees towards her chest and rocking against her, tearing his lips away from hers and breathing loud and harsh into her neck as he rained hot kisses over her skin. He nearly came undone when he heard her whispering his name, begging, '_please, please, Remus, please…'_

Letting go of the last of his restraint, he threw himself against the back of the couch, bringing her with him to straddle his lap. Kate let out a little moan of approval, kissing him fiercely as their fingers both fumbled with his belt and fly. He lifted his backside to pull down his pants, letting his pulsing erection spring free and he gave a whimper of relief to be released from the tight constraints. Hands slid under Kate's skirt to cup her buttocks and he guided her, gasping as her body accepted him in one long, burning stroke.

They quickly found the ancient rhythm that guided this dance, the silence of the house broken by the worshipful gasps, appreciative moans and tortured groans that punctuated the heavy, ragged breathing that filled the room.

'Mine,' he whispered into her mouth as they balanced on the precipice and she moaned, gasping, 'Yes,' before she buried her face in the crook of his neck and cried out into his skin, quivering inside and out as her climax hit hard.

Remus was close behind, the vibrations of her cry making his skin prickle and the tightly wound spring inside him released, sending him tumbling over the edge with her.

* * *

He could feel how badly she was shaking and she hadn't lifted her head, keeping it pressed into his shoulder as her breathing slowed. Remus wrapped his arms around her, surprised when she pulled back.

'If that was a goodbye fuck, I'd like you to leave now,' she mumbled in a monotone, not meeting his eyes.

'No,' he said hoarsely, hands rising to thread through her hair and hold either side of her head, making her look at him. 'No. I can't be without you, Katie. I'm so selfish - you would be better off with almost anyone else. I should do the noble thing and let you go but… I can't do it; I can't live without you.'

He pressed his mouth to the corner of hers then made a grateful noise when she quickly caught his lips and kissed him long and hard.

'Don't you _ever_ do that to me again,' she whispered a minute later, voice harsh and Remus' heart hurt when he felt dampness on her cheek again. 'Don't you ever…'

She stifled a sob and he pulled her close.

'I'm sorry,' he said, his own eyes stinging. 'I'm sorry. I love you, Kate.'

'I love you too.'

A smile stretched across his face and he buried his face in her neck then chuckled.

'What?' she asked and he mumbled against her skin, 'You have a hell of an aim.'

Kate giggled and he lifted his head, grinning. 'Remind me not to piss you off too often,' he teased, watching her face go pink.

'Sorry,' she mumbled, touching the still red cheek she'd slapped earlier. 'I have a bad temper…'

'You don't say,' he said then put a finger under her chin, lifting her face as his smile faded. 'Kate, will you get your job back?'

'Do you know what?' she replied, surprised by her lack of concern. 'I don't care. I really don't.'

He frowned but she leaned forward and kissed him to stop the argument she knew was coming.

'My leg is cramping…can we go to bed?'

Remus grinned and kissed her quick. 'Gods, I thought you'd never ask.'

**_Could I have a review, please? Pretty please with a werewolf on top?_**


	23. Chapter 23

_Hiya everyone! Thanks for all your supportive reviews for last chapter - thanks to anonymous abigail :). Remember, reviews are the only way I know if this fic is alright or complete rubbish so please take a moment to press that little button._

_WARNING: Lots of talking, sorry...oh, and smut if you're interested. :)_

_Disclaimer: If I turn into a wealthy blonde English woman with werewolves and animagus at her disposal, you'll be the first to know. 'Kay?_

* * *

Chapter Twenty Three

Remus woke slowly, shifting on the bed with a soft groan, his body aching pleasantly from the previous night's activities. He stretched, his movements dislodging Kate from his chest and she grumbled as she rolled onto her back, flinging an arm across her eyes to try and block out the light that was streaming through the curtains they'd neglected to close the night before. Remus vaguely recalled commenting at some point about the neighbours getting one hell of a show and chuckled softly, yawning as he rolled onto his side, bedclothes tangling, and slung an arm over Kate.

She felt so soft and he rubbed a toe against her ankle before dragging his foot lazily up and down her calf, enjoying the sensation of her smooth skin against his before he hooked his leg over hers and propped himself up on his elbow, looking down at her sleepy face with a smile.

'Morning,' he murmured in a sleep roughed voice, leaning over to kiss her. She smiled and took her arm away from her face.

'Morning,' she echoed, then stretched as well, automatically peering at the clock on the bedside table. 'Jeez, it's late.'

Remus glanced at the clock - ten o'clock - and grinned. 'I haven't woken up this late for a very long time,' he said, fingers tracing one of her ribs. 'Although we didn't get all that much sleep last night.'

Kate squirmed under the tickling of his fingers and giggled. 'No,' she agreed, covering a yawn. 'Nor did we do much of that talking we said we should do.'

'There are so many far more interesting things to do with mouths,' he teased, nibbling along her jaw. 'Including whatever the hell you did with your tongue at about three o'clock this morning…'

Kate laughed and he raised his head, grinning down at her for a moment before his face lost some of it's humour.

'We do need to talk about something before we can go any further though,' he said softly. 'It's been put off long enough.'

He took a fortifying breath and said gently, 'Tell me about your dad.'

Kate's head turned sharply towards him, a frown marring her pretty face. 'I…I don't want to talk about him,' she muttered, turning her face away from him but he wasn't going to give up easily this time.

'Kate,' he said, grasping her chin and turning her face back to his. 'We need to talk about him.'

'Why?'

'Because I don't think you've ever really talked about it with anyone and you need to. Because I think he is the one thing that's standing between you and me making a real commitment to each other.'

Kate's frown deepened and she sat up on the bed, tucking the sheet under her arms and dislodging his leg off hers as she drew her knees to her chest.

'A real commitment?' she repeated then glanced over at him. 'You were just about to break up with me…'

'Kate, you know why I thought that was the right thing to do,' he said defensively, sitting up and letting the sheet pool carelessly around him. 'It wasn't anything to do with not wanting to be with you or not loving you…I'm still not convinced you wouldn't be better off with someone who wasn't considered a monster by the entire wizarding…'

'Oh, will you cut it out!' she interrupted a little irritably. 'You know there is no one better for me than you; you are…perfect_ - annoyingly_ so at times. In fact, you're so damn _good_ for me, I can't think how you managed to get through my nice guy shield…all that incredible sex must have confused me.'

Her eyes flicked down to his partially exposed groin and Remus grinned.

Kate couldn't help smiling as well when he said, 'I must write to Vanessa Pullman and thank her for the tips if that's what made you fall in love with me.'

'Mmm, it didn't hurt that werewolves are apparently quite generously endowed either,' she said with a smirk as her gaze lingered on his rapidly hardening privates. 'Perhaps that contributed to the gaining of my affection?'

'So it's just lust then?' he teased. 'You want me for my beautiful body and big…endowment?'

Kate met his eye and gave him a funny little smile as she shook her head. 'No,' she murmured, flushing a little. 'No, it's not just lust; would have been a damn sight easier if it was.'

Remus smiled and ran a hand over her head gently then slipped his arm around her, drawing her into his embrace. She let him pull her into his arms but stopped, frowning when she saw a pink streak across his stomach.

'What's that?' she asked, touching it lightly.

It was newly healed skin and Remus shifted as her fingertips stroked along its length. 'I must have got it from one of the Death Eaters,' he said evasively, tugging her closer and turning her away from the injury. 'It's fine now.'

Kate saw that he was lying and realised how he'd gotten the mark. 'Remus…' she said softly but he shook his head.

'Leave it, Kate,' he murmured softly but with unmistakeable finality in his voice. 'It's over.'

Kate saw the steel in his blue eyes and knew he would never tell her how he got the marks and she accepted that he didn't want her to know about the humiliation he must have suffered at the hands of her co-workers. She moved until she was nestled between his legs then, with a sigh, leaned back against his chest. He kissed the top of her head then shoved a pillow behind his back so he could rest against the bed head more comfortably. They lounged in companionable silence for a few minutes, Remus stroking her hair as they got lost in their own thoughts.

This - just being together - felt so comfortable, so incredibly normal and secure and he was so content that he decided not to ruin the mellow mood by broaching the subject of her father again.

Surprised would be an understatement to describe how he felt when Kate herself broke the silence with a whispered, 'He just never came home.'

He held his breath as he waited to see if she would continue or if she'd make a hasty retreat. He could feel the stiffness in her body and wanted to say something to make her feel safe, to make her talk to him but suspected she'd clam up completely if he said anything to try and ease her tension. So he just slid his arms around her, encircling her chest and waited.

* * *

It was nearly two minutes before she spoke again.

'I made Alastor tell me what happened when I started Auror training. He was there…when my dad was killed.'

She paused, fingers picking at the sheet covering them. 'They had gone out to try and subdue an underground group of wizards that were planning an uprising against the Ministry…didn't like some new regulations about…'

She hesitated then let out an ironic laugh. 'Something I can't even remember and that's probably long forgotten. He…took a curse meant for Moody. The Avada - he didn't suffer at least.'

Remus closed his eyes, finally understanding Moody's protectiveness. Her hair tickled his cheek and he nuzzled his chin reassuringly against the side of her head, trying to encourage her to continue, to get it all out of her system.

'I answered the door when Alastor came to tell us what had happened. I'll never forget the look on his face when he saw me; or the look on my mother's when she realised why he was there.'

She drew in a deep, shaking breath and reached up to stroke her hand along his forearm, fingers automatically finding a long scar and tracing it lightly.

'Dad was our…voice. He was our heart and with him gone…' She shook her head. 'Jess was older than me…fifteen when it happened and she drowned her sorrows in booze and boys. She refused to even mention dad's name for ages. Mum was always more standoffish than dad, less demonstrative, and after his funeral…she just completely withdrew emotionally. I know she was devastated – she could barely look after herself let alone two children for years…but by the time she was ready to be a mother again, it was too late. I was fifteen - I'd raised myself.

Kate's voice was becoming tremulous and Remus tightened his hold on her.

'I was ten when it happened,' she whispered, shaking her head. 'I _needed_ them. I needed my parents and they weren't there. So I made do. I did what I needed to – I pretended that I didn't care that I was alone, that I _wanted _to be alone and pretty soon, I believed it. I've done psychology as part of my training; I know what I did…caring about people became synonymous with loss, with pain, so it was just easier not to allow anyone get close in the first place. But by then, it was too late to stop it happening and I had no reason to change.'

Her hand moved off his arm to swipe at her face and Remus turned his head, pressing a kiss to her hair, wanting to hold her and kiss her tears away but knowing instinctively that this time, he had to wait for her to turn to him.

'Alastor steered clear of my mother and Jess - they both refused to see him when he tried to visit - he was a reminder they didn't want - but he kept in contact with me. Dad and I were a lot alike and I think I understood better than they did that Dad had died doing something he thought was worthwhile and necessary. I had him on a pedestal, I guess - my hero. Still do. I didn't resent Alastor like mum and Jess did…and he spent time with me; he encouraged me to follow in dad's footsteps. I think he pulled a few strings to get me into Auror training, to be honest. He's been the closest thing to family I've had in years; I don't see my mother or sister very often so he's all I've got.'

She paused then added, 'He _was_ all I had.'

She put her hand back on his arm and squeezed lightly, making his heart leap with joy. 'Alastor kept trying to tell me that one day I'd meet someone that would make me love him and that if I didn't let down my guard, I'd drive him away. I think he's got some Seer in him.'

Remus smiled and Kate turned in his arms; not fully facing him but halfway there, curling up into a ball, her cheek on his chest.

'You…scared me,' she admitted. 'You made me feel things I'd never felt before and I just couldn't keep you at arms length.'

'Thank Merlin,' he whispered and felt her smile into his skin.

'I'm sorry,' she murmured. 'That it's taken me so long to trust you, so long to let myself love you. You're the one who deserves better, Remus.'

He lowered his head to rest against hers and it was quiet for several moments. Then he felt hot moisture on his skin and she whispered,' I miss my dad,' before turning to him and wrapping her arms around his neck, accepting his support as her walls came crashing down.

* * *

**A week later**

'Ow! Shit.'

'What?' Kate said, poking her head around the shower curtain, frowning at a half naked Remus who was holding onto the sink and standing on one foot as he clutched at the other.

'I knocked your…thing off and it landed on my bloody foot,' he growled, waving his hand irritably at Kate's glass jar of face cream.

'Oh, sorry,' she said, turning the taps off and stepping out of the shower. 'I'll get all my things out of here.'

Remus forgot the pain in his foot, letting it drop as he looked at the droplets of water running in rivulets over the curves of her body.

'Apology accepted,' he murmured, eyes lingering on her breasts as he felt a twitching under the towel wrapped around his waist.

He moved closer, a wicked smile spreading across his face. 'You don't have to go anywhere today…'

'I've got to meet Albus,' she reminded him, recognising the predatory look on his face and feeling her body's own very visceral reaction to it.

'Uh huh,' he agreed, taking another step towards her, his smile widening when she stepped back, trying to put some distance between them. He could see her body reacting to him; smell her reacting to him and he moved swiftly, backing her up against the wall and putting a hand either side of her to trap her there.

'Did Dumbledore give you a time to meet him?' he asked before his lips landed on her neck, greedily licking up the water droplets beading there.

'Um…no,' she said faintly, thinking, _Dumbledore who?_ as his tongue was stroking against her skin.

'Good,' he grunted. 'I've only got the bathroom floor and the big dining table we use for meetings left on my 'Places I have to have you' list and I've been desperate to cross them off.'

He bent and took a nipple in his mouth, nibbling on the stiff bud. His already aroused body hardened further when he heard Kate's soft cry and her fingers wound tightly in his hair.

She tugged off his towel and, with a little moan of approval, Remus fell to his knees, pressing hot kisses along her thigh before lifting a leg over his shoulder and kissing her intimately. Kate struggled to stay upright as his tongue stroked and it took very little time for her to let out a strangled scream as her knees buckled and she slid to the floor, shaking and panting.

* * *

Remus watched her, grinning at her reaction to him. Ignoring his own urgent need for a few seconds, he pushed her down onto the floor, kissing her stomach then making his way languidly up her body until he reached her lips. His hand slipped on the still damp tiles as he moved, knocking into the jar of face cream and sending it rolling across the room.

'I keep tripping over your stuff,' he mumbled, nipping her bottom lip before he shifted over her, parting her legs with his own.

'Sorry,' she whispered, biting her lip when she felt his cock probing at the damp entrance to her body. 'I'll take it home today. I'm spending most nights here so I guess my stuff has spread out a bit too much.'

She lifted her hips, trying to encourage him to hurry things along. Remus took the hint - flexing his hips and entering her slowly, pushing himself deep inside her and smiling when she wrapped her legs around him and groaned loudly. Those long legs tightened around his hips and she arched up, urging him to bury himself completely in her but he paused, an idea striking him suddenly.

'Reeemuusss!' she whined as she grabbed his buttocks and squeezed hard. He hissed as her fingernails dug into his flesh and buried himself to the hilt in her velvet softness.

He leaned down and bit her earlobe before murmuring in her ear, 'Move in with me,' then let out a sharp breath as her inner muscles clamped down around him, her whole body reacting in shock at his unexpected words and very nearly finishing him off prematurely.

'W…what?' she gasped and he opened his tightly closed eyes, praying for control.

'You heard me,' he said, gritting his teeth as he withdraw then pushed even more slowly into her, making sure he was angled to hit every spot that would drive her insane

When he was completely encased in her again, he repeated, 'Move in with me.'

'Is now the t…time to taaallkk…a…bout…this?' she stuttered, her words punctuated with a moan as he moved again, a little faster and less controlled this time though as his own need became more urgent.

'Perfect time,' he told her, his own voice strangled. 'Half your things are…uh, here.'

He lost his train of thought as her inner muscles squeezed him again and from the cheeky smirk on her face, he knew it was a deliberate attempt to divert his attention him this time.

'You won't distract me,' he ground out, thrusting harder, pleased when she moaned. 'Move in with me, Kate.'

'Too soon,' she muttered but he shook his head.

'Wrong answer,' he said, withdrawing almost his entire length and holding himself there while Kate and his own treacherous body demanded he slam back inside her. 'We've been together for over a year…'

'God, will you move?' she snapped, arching up but he refused, shaking his head.

'Kate?' he asked and the look of abject frustration on her face nearly made him laugh.

'FUCK!' she growled loudly. 'Fine! Fine! Anything…just move!'

He chuckled and did what she asked, plunging hard and deep, their relieved moans mingling in the air followed by a half muffled screech as Kate climaxed, Remus joining her mere seconds later.

* * *

Laying on the cold bathroom floor, Kate started to giggle.

'What?' he asked, lifting his head from her shoulder.

'They should teach that technique at Auror training,' she gasped, giggles strengthening. 'It's very effective for getting you what you want.'

Remus chuckled as well, reluctantly sliding his weight off her when he heard how breathless she was. 'So you will?' he asked, settling next to her. 'You'll move in here?'

A little frown creased her brow and she looked uncertain. 'Do you think that's a good idea?' she said softly.

'I think it's a brilliant idea,' he told her.

She stared at him for a moment then said, 'You should tell your friends about us first. James and Peter would be hurt if they found out with everyone else.'

Remus grinned. 'Is that a yes?' he asked and she nodded.

'Yeah, that's a yes,' she agreed and he let out a whoop, crushing his lips to hers.

* * *

**The next day**

'You've been sleeping with Kate?'

'Yes.'

'For over a year?'

'Yes.'

'And you've managed to keep this a secret?'

'Yes.'

'Holy shit!'

'James,' admonished Lily, covering her stomach. 'He'll hear.'

'Lily, I don't think a three month old foetus is going to hear me swear,' James retorted and Sirius looked up from his paper.

'Does he even have ears yet?' he asked interestedly but Peter was frowning at them.

'You two don't look all that surprised by Remus' news,' he said, looking from a now smirking Sirius to a guilty looking Lily. 'Did you know?'

'For ages,' Sirius answered, waving his hand. 'Caught them at it…'

'You knew, Lil?' James asked, sounding outraged. 'You knew my best friend was shagging a hot blonde and never told me?'

'He swore me to secrecy,' she defended herself. 'I've only known since that day we told everyone about the baby. And you think Kate's hot?'

James' eyes widened and he backtracked fast. 'No! No way…she's horrid. Ugliest woman I've ever seen…don't know how Remus manages to get it up…'

Then a look of comprehension came over his face and he turned back to look accusingly at the werewolf. '_That's_ why you took so long to answer me that day, isn't it? Kate and you…you were in bed with her? You were shagging?'

Remus grinned, recalling the day James and Lily told him about the pregnancy. 'I was,' he said reminiscently. 'And I've been meaning to thank you, Prongs. Knowing you were there gave it an extra edge…'

'God,' exclaimed Lily, standing up as the others hooted in laughter. 'I don't want to hear this. My stomach is queasy enough as it is.'

She left the room, headed for the bathroom and Peter pushed Remus into a chair.

'Right,' he demanded, sitting down next to Sirius, who'd put his paper down. 'Spill.'

'Yeah, we want details,' James said with a grin, checking that Lily was out of earshot. 'Kate is hot! Oh, that backside…'

'He's refused to give me any details even though I listened to him whinge about her for months,' Sirius moaned. 'Bloody spoilsport.'

'Look, I didn't tell you about us so I could brag about my incredible sex life…' He couldn't help a smile when they all chuckled.

'I'm telling you because…well, we want to make our relationship public and I didn't want you to hear it from someone else,' Remus said, flushing a little.

'You're telling everyone that you're together?' Sirius asked, a little incredulously and Remus nodded.

'I've wanted to shout it from the top of tall buildings since our first kiss,' he said with a grin, warmth flooding through him as he thought of how far they'd come since then. 'And Kate's finally ready - we're tired of sneaking around. She's…she's moved into Headquarters with me - she practically lived there anyway - and I wanted to invite you lot over to have dinner with us tonight. I'm cooking…Kate can't boil water, but she makes a great chocolate mousse cake.'

He smiled, remembering when he'd first tried that decadent cake and wondered if it would taste as good if he wasn't licking it off Kate's stomach.

The other Marauders were all grinning goofily at him and his eyes moved from one to the other uncertainly. 'What?'

'Moony's in looovvvveee,' Peter sang then ducked when Remus took a playful swing at him as the others laughed.

'Yeah, well…I am,' he mumbled, flushing. 'I love her.'

They were still grinning at him and shot quick looks at each other before they all three threw themselves at him, hugging him so enthusiastically that they knocked him to the ground. They landed in a pile on the floor, Remus half laughing/half groaning as they fell heavily on him. Laughing, they untangled themselves, Remus finally sitting up and smiling widely at his friends as they arranged themselves in a circle on the floor.

'So, you're not mad I kept it quiet?'

'A little,' James admitted, kicking Remus' leg lightly as an admonishment. 'You shouldn't have been so secretive, Moony. You know you can trust us…'

'You can make it up to us by telling us if Kate's as bossy in bed as she is out,' Sirius broke in and Remus couldn't help the smirk of confirmation that flashed across his face.

As the young men broke into howls of laughter, Remus felt as though a weight had been lifted off him and that, for a few minutes at least, the war was forgotten and they were able to be the carefree teenagers they should still have been.

* * *

**_Look into my eyes; you are getting very sleepy. _****_When I snap my fingers, you'll feel an urge to review this story...don't fight that urge...go with it. _**

**_SNAP!!_**


	24. Chapter 24

_Hi everyone. Thanks for the reviews for last chapter all (Thanks **abigail**!). Shorter chapter this time - sorry. :) We are getting close to the end, people. Your chances to review are limited..._

_Thanks to **DragonDi **- Not only does she provide me with pictures of David Thewlis to keep me going but without her, this story would have been three chapters shorter and complete shite. Now if I could just convince her to write the last couple of chapters for me..._

_WARNING: Little bit of smut. Lots of sugary sweetness that I make absolutely no apologies for. Enjoy and don't forget to brush your teeth afterwards._

_Disclaimer: Trust me - if Remus and Sirius were mine, I'd have no time to write fan fiction (winks suggestively)._

* * *

Chapter Twenty Four

**Christmas Eve**

'Kate…'

'Remus, I'm sure,' she repeated vehemently, glaring at him as she put their breakfast dishes away. 'If they can't accept that my private life is just that, then I won't work for them.'

'You love your job…'

'I love you more.'

He gnawed at his lip anxiously as he leaned against the kitchen bench and Kate moved to stand in front of him, kissing him lightly. She'd told him of her decision to resign from her job this morning over breakfast and it seemed he was having more trouble accepting it than she was.

'It's fine,' she assured him. 'I have some money put aside and if I run out, I'll sell my house. I've still got plenty of work for the Order to give me my adrenaline rush...'

He rolled his eyes, already having let her know what he thought about her love of 'the chase'.

'I just don't want you to do something you'll regret,' he told her and she moved closer, sliding her arms around his waist as she pressed against him.

'They gave me a choice, Remus,' she reminded him softly. 'I've made my decision and I've got no regrets.'

Not only did she have no regrets, but it felt as though a huge weight had been lifted off her now she'd made her decision to resign. She laughed easier, she was more relaxed and she felt younger and freer than she had in years. For the first time in a very long time, she was happy…and it was all because of Remus.

He still looked uncertain but nodded in acceptance, smiling when she pecked him on the lips. Putting his arms around her, he gave her a more thorough kiss, both becoming so completely immersed in the lip lock that the footfalls in the hall went unnoticed until a throat was cleared delicately.

Dumbledore obviously found the way they leapt apart comical, chuckling as he pulled out a chair and sat down at the kitchen table. Moody's eyes admonished them for being so careless about staying vigilant but said nothing, sitting down heavily next to Albus.

'No need to explain,' Dumbledore said airily, waving his hand at them as both Kate and Remus attempted to stutter out an explanation. 'I have been aware of your feelings for each other for quite some time now. You have a very expressive face, Mr Lupin.'

Remus flushed as Kate glanced over at him, a smile playing on her lips. 'You aren't…upset?' Remus asked tentatively and his former Headmaster shook his head.

'You haven't let your relationship interfere in how you conduct yourselves; I would have spoken up before now if it had,' he said with a smile as he saw Remus slide his hand into Kate's. 'I extend to you my best wishes. Love is something the world can never have enough of.'

'Yeah, well, there's not too much love in the Ministry right now…' Moody interrupted gruffly and talk turned to the recent rumours of an alleged Death Eater hideout in Europe.

Kate had knowledge of the area and soon, maps were unrolled and Kate was sketching a diagram of the local roads. After an hour, the older wizards stood to leave, Kate handing Moody her written resignation before he departed.

'You're sure?' he asked seriously and she nodded.

'I choose Remus, Alastor,' she said softly but firmly and he grunted.

'Well, I suppose you could do worse,' he muttered then his voice softened. 'He'd like him…your dad. He'd like Lupin.' He put his hand on her shoulder. 'And he'd be proud of you.'

Kate blinked rapidly and nodded, Moody patting her awkwardly on the shoulder in a gesture of affection before he left hastily.

* * *

**January**

'God!'

'Shh!'

There was quiet then a long groan as Remus arched his hips towards her, shoving a fist into his mouth as, with one last thrust into Kate's soft mouth, he came, waves of pleasure flooding over him as his legs threatened to collapse under him. His cries were muffled and Kate hoped the others wouldn't hear.

'I'm going to think of something really torturous for you,' she muttered, brushing off her jeans as she stood up and making a mental note to clean this cupboard out. 'You realise they're all going to know what we've been up to?'

'Hope so,' he panted, pulling his jeans up and zipping his fly with trembling hands. 'I'll be elevated to god status if they know I've been having it off with you in the cupboard with Moody ten feet away.'

'You are a prat,' she said then gasped when he pulled her against his body.

'You love me,' he retorted then kissed her. 'The second this meeting is finished, I want you back in this cupboard so I can reciprocate.'

'We have a bed, Remus,' she reminded him with a giggle.

'Yes, but this is so much more interesting,' he mumbled, lips on hers, hands sliding down over her ass and squeezing before the kiss deepened.

A good chunk of the Order were a room away, waiting for the stragglers to arrive before starting the meeting. Remus and Kate had been planning on 'outing' themselves officially tonight and this had all started when Kate had said something about figuring out an easy way to tell people about them. Remus suggested if she were caught blowing him in the cupboard in the hall that would save them having to find the right words and when she'd laughingly agreed, he dared her to do it.

Never one to back down from a dare, they jammed themselves into the closet and soon, Remus had been biting down on a smelly coat that had been in there since he'd moved in as he tried to muffle his groans. They'd knew they'd be missed - a fair few people had seen them disappear together and they knew from the sidelong looks they'd been getting that people had guessed the true nature of their relationship. There had been one or two throwaway comments about the fact that Kate seemed to be at Headquarters an awful lot these days but no one had come flat out and asked them if their suspicions were correct.

Kate reluctantly pushed him away now - they couldn't avoid this moment any longer. 'Come on,' she ordered, opening the closet door. 'The meeting should be starting now.'

She stepped out into the hall, running into Emmeline Vance who nearly jumped out of her skin.

'Kate? What are you doing in the cl…oh…'

Her eyes fell on Remus as he moved out of the closet and shut the door behind him.

'Evening, Emmeline,' he said pleasantly, trying to hide his broad grin at the look of surprise on the woman's face.

'Um, evening,' she murmured, her face flushing then she looked at Kate, unable to hide her smile. 'I guess I should have asked_ who_ you were doing in the closet, huh?'

Kate snorted in laughter, Emmeline and Remus chuckling.

'Well, I suspected…most of us suspected…and I'm very happy for you both,' she continued, then jerked her head towards the war room. 'But you'll be eviscerated if you don't join the meeting now.'

She walked into the room and as the couple followed, Remus took Kate's hand.

'Alright?' he asked and she nodded, gripping his hand tightly as they stepped into the roomful of people.

Heads swivelled over and quickly took in their clasped hands.

'I bloody knew it!' Frank Longbottom exclaimed with a loud bark of laughter and held his hand out to Dedalus Diggle. 'Pay up, Ded.'

The man looked put out as he shoved his hand into his pocket and pulled out a Galleon.

'Not so fast,' Alice said, then looked over at the couple. 'How long's this been going on?'

'Um, about a year,' Remus admitted and Alice scowled.

'Damn,' she muttered and Frank beamed.

'That was my guess!' he crowed, then put out his hand again. 'Hand it over.'

'You were taking bets on us?' Kate asked as the other members laughed.

'Just a friendly wager between a couple of suspicious souls,' Dedalus told them, grimacing at Frank as he and Alice handed over two Galleons each to Frank. He winked at Remus. 'A year, huh? Merlin, you two hid that well.'

With a laugh of relief, the couple sat down, thankful their relationship had been so easily accepted amongst the people they cared the most about.

* * *

**February**

'I'm going to ask her to marry me.'

The papers that Sirius had been looking at fell to his lap and he stared at Remus with his mouth hanging open. 'Marry you?'

'What? Too soon?' Remus asked worriedly, seeing his shocked face.

'Remus, I know you love her but you're only nineteen…'

'Nearly twenty and you didn't say a word when James and Lily got married.'

'Well, they'd known each other for seven years…'

'Lily hated him for six of them…'

Sirius frowned and sat back against the couch. 'It's not that I don't think you two are great together - you are,' he told his now downcast friend. 'I've never seen you this happy before…'

'But?'

'But you haven't known each other very long and Kate's still getting used to dating you publicly,' Sirius said gently. 'I just don't want you to rush into this and be disappointed.'

Remus bit his lip. 'You think she'll say no?' he asked quietly and Sirius grimaced.

'I don't know,' he admitted. 'She may think it's too soon - although getting her to move in with you didn't take too much effort.'

He saw Remus smirk and realised there was more to _that _story than he had yet to hear about and made a mental note to make further enquiries later but for now…

'Maybe you should sound her out about it first.'

'Mmm,' Remus said thoughtfully, thinking that might be a good idea but the next night, to his surprise, it was Kate who broached the subject of their future.

* * *

'Lily's showing now,' she said as they undressed for bed.

'Mmm,' he agreed, having teased the normally svelte Lily about her growing girth.

'I saw you fussing around her,' she murmured, pulling off her pants so she was in her underwear. She looked at his reflection in the mirror and smiled. 'Do I have anything to worry about there?'

Remus yanked his pants off and looked up at her. 'You're jealous of a married, pregnant woman?' he asked in disbelief, unable to stop his eyes wandering over her. 'Jesus, Kate.'

He moved behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. 'You are a teenager's wet dream, honey,' he said, making her both laugh and grimace. 'Why are you worried about Lily?'

'I'm not…I just wondered if there was any history there. You were _very _solicitous.'

Remus bit his lip and rested his chin on her shoulder. 'Well,' he said, pulling her tight against him as he looked at her in the mirror. 'I had my first kiss with her. Don't tell James though. He still doesn't know and I'd quite like my bollocks to stay attached thanks.'

'You dated?' she asked and he shook his head.

'Just one snog when we were twelve,' he told her, kissing her neck. 'Were you worried I had feelings for her?'

She shrugged. 'I saw you hugging her and putting your hand on her belly,' she said softly, her eyes falling to her stomach. 'I just wondered...'

'Wondered if I wanted Lily,' he asked shrewdly. 'Or wondered if I was getting clucky?'

'Well, either really,' she told him. 'You've asked me about children but I never asked you if you wanted a family one day.'

Remus brushed his lips back and forth over her shoulder, thinking. 'Honestly,' he said eventually. 'Yes. I do but I don't think it'll be possible because of the lycanthropy…'

Their eyes met in the mirror and his suddenly widened. 'Kate,' he said urgently, turning her around to face him. 'Are you…?' His eyes fell to her softly rounded stomach, trying to figure out if the curve seemed more pronounced.

'Would you be happy if I was?' she asked and he looked a little stunned as he stared speechlessly at her.

She let out a little amused breath and turned away from him, unfastening her bra. 'I guess that answers my question,' she murmured. 'I'm not pregnant, Remus. I'm just messing with your mind. Consider it payback for the dare.'

He didn't know whether to be relieved or disappointed and stared at her without really seeing her.

'Would _you_?' he asked after a few moments, eyes focusing. 'Be happy if you were pregnant?'

She looked uncertain. 'I'm not sure,' she replied with a frown. 'I never wanted kids but…'

She shrugged and pulled her underwear off. 'That was when I was an Auror. Now I'm not. I'm not really mother material though. I think I irreparably broke my maternal bone.'

'I'd want to be married before we had kids,' he told her, the words seeming to just tumble out of his mouth and she looked startled.

'I thought we just decided neither of us want kids,' she said softly and he shook his head.

'No,' he argued. 'We decided that neither of us think it's a great idea but we haven't ruled it out completely. So... what do you think about marriage?'

Kate pulled on an old shirt of his that she'd been sleeping in as she tried to figure out what exactly it was she did think about this kind of commitment. This conversation had taken a turn she hadn't expected and she was unsure of how seriously she should take it. She loved Remus, she knew that with every fibre of her being but marriage was so... permanent.

_So? Can you imagine living without him?_

'I don't know,' she answered finally, watching him pull a pair of pyjama bottoms on and slide into bed. 'I've never given marriage much of a thought.'

She was still standing next to the bed and Remus patted the mattress next to him, wriggling his eyebrows suggestively. She smiled at his silliness, quickly climbing into bed and giggling when he rolled over on top of her. He kissed her quickly then pulled back, propping himself up over her as his face lost all of its amusement.

'So, if someone were to ask you for your hand in marriage,' he said slowly, watching her face carefully. 'Would that be your answer? "_I don't know_"?'

She did a marvellous impression of a goldfish for a long moment then said softly, 'Well, no one's asked me so it's a moot point, isn't it?'

Remus swallowed hard. 'Maybe someone wants to ask but is trying to figure out whether you'd say yes or run screaming from the room?' he suggested, his eyes searching hers for any indication as to which way she might go.

'Maybe someone should just ask me and see?'

'Maybe someone is scared to ask in case he loses the best thing that's ever happened to him?' he whispered and her eyes looked suspiciously shiny.

There was silence, then…

'Ask.'

'Marry me, Kate?'

'Yes.'

* * *

**The next morning**

'Am I dreaming?'

Kate chuckled, kissing along the long scar on his flat stomach. 'Nope,' she murmured then pinched him, giggling when he yelped. 'See? Not dreaming.'

'I must be in an alternative universe then,' he said, smiling as her mouth moved lower. 'I had this weird dream or something last night where I proposed to you and…get this… you said _yes_.'

She grinned, sliding her body up the bed to lay next to his then kissed him on the lips. 'That was a nightmare,' she told him, her smile broadening when he laughed.

'That was a dream come true,' he corrected, cupping her face and catching her teasing lips and kissing her slowly, deeply.

Their bodies found their natural places, fitting perfectly into the curves and planes of each other as they joined, moving together in perfect harmony until their backs arched and muscles tensed and contracted in release. Their names were whispered into each other's mouths as they fell, breath hitching as they lay tangled together in a sweat-slicked heap.

'I love you.'

Remus pressed his lips against her temple and pulled her close, thinking that nothing in the world could feel better than this moment did and mumbled against her skin, 'I love you too.'

* * *

**_Di, I still think 'stranglers' would have been better! _**

**_Review anyone?_**


	25. Chapter 25

_Hiya! Glad everyone enjoyed last chapter and the proposal. We've begun the countdown to the end now and I'd like to encourage anyone who hasn't reviewed to do so now and make me smile through my post-fic depression. Thanks to **abigail** anonymous for your review._

_WARNING: FLUFF! Unabashed, unashamed fluff for which I refuse to apologise. Oh, and for those who asked, Remus crosses the large dining table off his list. ;)_

_Disclaimer: If I owned them, Remus would have spent a lot more time in a low slung towel._

* * *

Chapter Twenty Five

_**Three days later**_

'You're back! Good, I've got something for you,' Remus exclaimed as he walked into the bedroom with a towel slung low around his hips and saw Kate lying across their bed.

She had spent the day at Hogwarts where she'd been meeting with Dumbledore, transcribing ancient scrolls, and she was mentally drained. She opened her gritty eyes and looked over at him, a mischievous grin spreading across her face when she saw his attire - or lack thereof.

'Now _that's_ what I'm talking about,' she enthused, sitting up and eyeing his bare chest. 'This is how you should greet me every time I come home.'

Remus chuckled, crossing the room to the dresser and rummaging in a drawer before moving to the bed. Kate immediately grasped the towel, tugging at it. Remus grabbed hold of it, stopping her from pulling it off.

'Not yet, you wanton minx,' he admonished lightly, making her giggle. 'I told you I've got something for you.'

'And I'm _trying _to get at it,' she teased, yanking on the towel again then pausing when he held a small wooden box in front of her face.

She looked curiously at him then her jaw dropped when he crouched in front of her on one knee, hastily rearranging his towel.

'I did imagine having pants on when I did this,' he complained, then flipped open the lid of the box.

'Oh, Remus,' Kate whispered, staring at the solitaire diamond ring inside. 'I…you…it's…beautiful.'

'It was mum's engagement ring,' he told her, taking it out of the box. 'It's the only thing of hers I kept. I hoped that one day…' He let out a nervous breath and shrugged.

'I hoped that one day, I'd find…you.'

Kate's eyes moved from the ring to meet his gaze. 'Remus,' she whispered, tears pricking her eyes. 'I can't take your mum's ring. I know how much she meant to you…'

'And you know how much _you _mean to me,' he said simply. 'It's yours, Katie.'

He slipped it on her finger and Kate felt the spelled ring adjust itself to fit perfectly.

'My mum would have loved you, Katie,' he said softly and she smiled, a tear falling down her cheek as she grasped his face and kissed him hard.

'Thank you,' she whispered and he smiled against her lips.

'Thank _you_ for saying yes,' he murmured, pushing himself up and onto the bed, coming to rest on top of her as they fell back onto the mattress. 'You _are_ still saying yes, aren't you?'

She smiled broadly and nodded and he kissed her firmly.

'And now, you may unwrap your other present,' he joked, laughing when Kate chuckled and pulled off his towel with a flourish.

* * *

**The Next Day**

'You're getting married?'

Remus grinned and nodded, wincing as Lily's piercing squeal made his ears ring. She sent Peter sprawling and nearly knocked Remus over as she threw herself at him, hugging him tightly.

'Jeez, Lil,' chuckled the red head's husband. 'Let him breathe.'

The young woman pulled away, wiping her watering eyes and James took her place, giving Remus a more sedate but no less heartfelt hug.

'Congratulations, mate,' he said with a grin, Peter patting Remus on the shoulder and offering similar well wishes. They were both pushed aside by Sirius who had Remus in something like a headlock when another joyful scream from Lily made them jump.

Remus turned around to see a startled Kate peering at him over Lily's shoulder. 'Um, you told them?' she guessed, patting the younger woman's back awkwardly and he nodded, grinning as Lily pulled away and dragged an unresisting Kate to sit at the kitchen table.

'Tell us everything,' she demanded, plonking herself down in the seat next to her. 'How did Remus propose? When's the wedding? Oh, you'll have to have an engagement party! Is that the ring? God, it's beautiful!'

She tugged Kate's left hand closer to her face, admiring the ring Remus had given Kate the day before.

'Um…' an overwhelmed Kate mumbled, looking at Remus for help and her new fiancé obediently rose to the occasion.

'Lily, there'll be no engagement party and we haven't set a date yet…we've only been engaged a few days. Yes, that's the ring - it was my mother's, and I'm not sure you want me to go into details about my proposal.'

'Yes, I do,' Lily insisted and Remus raised his eyebrows.

'Alright, we were half naked in bed and Kate was underneath me…'

'Ok, ok!' the young woman acquiesced, putting her hands over her ears as the others laughed. 'You're right, I don't want to know.'

'_I_ do!' Sirius, James and Peter said as one, making the others laugh.

* * *

Two hours later, the Potter's had followed Peter's lead and left. Sirius had lingered for another ten minutes then announced his departure.

As he grabbed a handful of Floo powder, Remus said quietly, 'Pads, um, when the time comes, I was wondering if you would be my best man?'

Sirius looked surprised then grinned broadly. 'Course I will,' he chirped happily, stepping forward and hugging Remus again. 'I…I'd love to. Thanks, Moony.'

* * *

**March**

'Is it even legal?' Kate asked as Alastor frowned at her question.

She'd woken this morning with the sudden realisation that she didn't know how easy it would be for a werewolf to marry a non-werewolf. It wasn't something she'd ever looked into as part of her research and she knew Remus hadn't even considered the possibility that they might not be able to legally wed.

'They haven't forbidden it yet,' Moody told her, the corner of his mouth twitching in amusement when he saw the look of relief on Kate's face. 'It's not an issue that is raised too often to be honest…most half breed/human marriage situations deal with breaking the union.'

'Well, I guess the Ministry's prejudice is working for us this time,' she said darkly. 'They don't think anyone would want to marry a werewolf and haven't thought to outlaw it.'

Moody grunted in agreement. 'So, have you set the date?' he asked and she nodded, suddenly feeling a little nervous about the other question she had for him.

'End of August,' she said then gnawed at her lip. 'Um, it's only going to be small. Just family and really close friends.'

He nodded, sipping at his tea then making a face when the liquid burnt his tongue. Putting the cup down, he asked, 'Have you invited your mother and Jessica?'

She made a face but before she could answer, Moody was speaking again.

'They are your family, Kate,' he reminded her gently. 'They made mistakes when you were a child…a lot of them. They weren't there when you needed them but they never stopped loving you. You're the one who's holding yourself at arm's length this time, withholding your affection. Don't you think they've been punished long enough?'

She nodded, running her finger around the edge of her mug. Remus had told her something very similar recently and she had to admit that the men in her life were right. She wanted her family back - it was time to heal all those old wounds.

'Yeah, I do,' she admitted. 'That's why I called mum yesterday. She cried; I guess that means she was pleased. And Jess said she'll come as well…she seemed happy for me.'

She looked over at Alastor who was trying to hide his smile behind his cup. 'Did you and Remus happen to have a discussion about this?' she asked suspiciously, now sure that Moody had been behind Remus' sudden insistence that her family should be at the wedding.

'The subject may have come up,' Alastor said evasively, blowing on his hot tea before attempting another sip.

Kate stared at him for several moments then said blunt and fast, 'I know it's…traditional to have bridesmaids and all that shit but I've never been very traditional…so I was wondering…um…if you would…stand up for me?'

Moody choked a little on his drink then his face broke into a rare smile. 'You want me to be your bridesmaid?' he asked with a laugh and she let out a breath of frustration.

'No,' she said irritably. 'You don't have the legs for a dress. Look, I'm not going to be 'given away' like an unwanted puppy but…well…I would have wanted Dad to be next to me and since he can't be there…I want you.'

Moody stared at her, a strange expression on his face, letting the silence stretch until Kate thought she might scream.

'I…I would be honoured, Kate,' he finally said, very softly, and she grinned, jumping up and wrapping her arms around the gruff man's neck.

'Thank you, Alastor,' she whispered gratefully.

The older man accepted her hug and patted her back before he pushed her off him gently, clearing his throat and blinking hard.

'Yeah, well, no need to get all mushy about it…and you needn't think I'll be wearing a tie.'

* * *

**April**

'I thought we said no engagement party,' Kate murmured in his ear and Remus smiled ruefully, turning and shrugging.

'What can I say? Lily is an unstoppable force.'

He saw her flushed face and his smile slid off his face. 'Are you angry?' he asked, wondering if he should have tried harder to talk his friend out of the surprise engagement party she'd just sprung on Kate.

'No,' Kate said with a little smile. 'Just surprised…which I guess was the point. You knew?'

He smirked. 'Sirius is a lousy secret keeper,' he said, sliding an arm around her.

He kissed her jaw lightly before nuzzling her neck. 'Want to dance?' he whispered, biting gently on her earlobe.

'Mmm, it'll do for a start,' she teased, cupping his ass and squeezing the tight flesh, making him chuckle as he took her hand and pulled her into the middle of the living room which was now an impromptu dance floor for the Order members who'd managed to get away from work and tasks for the occasion.

* * *

Five hours later, soft music was playing as Lily showed the last of the partygoers out. Only the Marauders were left now, Sirius and Peter finishing off the last of the Firewhiskey, chuckling together about the current location of Remus' hand as they watched the oblivious couple swaying together in the middle of the room.

'I think he gives you a run for your money, Prongs,' Sirius said softly as James came in to say goodnight. 'He looks even more bloody whipped than you did dancing with Lily at your wedding.'

The bespectacled brunette smiled and sat down briefly, watching his friend dancing. Remus was holding Kate tightly, so close they almost looked like one person, and his head was bent, pressed against the blonde's as his lips skimmed along her cheekbone.

'I'm glad she finally gave him a chance,' James said quietly, grinning when Remus smiled at something Kate said to him. 'I don't think I've ever seen him look like this before.'

Sirius nodded, finishing the last dregs of his whiskey and smirking a little when he saw Remus' hand, already very low on Kate's back, slide down to blatantly cradle the curve of her buttock in his hand, pulling Kate even closer. 'He looks peaceful,' Sirius mumbled, making the other two men look at him. 'He looks content.'

James and Peter nodded in agreement, turning to look back at Remus and Kate. 'He really does love her, doesn't he?' Peter said, looking away as Kate brushed her lips over Remus'.

'Yeah, it sure looks like it,' Sirius murmured with a smile, tearing his eyes away also as the teasing brushes of lips developed into a slow, deep kiss.

They had obviously forgotten about the rest of the world and it was starting to feel as though they were seeing something they shouldn't, something very intimate and private.

'We should go,' Lily whispered from the doorway, speaking to the three young men but her eyes were on the couple so wrapped up in each other that they didn't hear anything else.

'There are some things that need to stay private – even between Marauders.'

* * *

'I think everyone's gone,' Kate whispered, five minutes later when the record stopped.

Remus raised his head and looked around, 'Mmm,' he said softly, not wanting to break the spell between them.

He pulled his wand from his pocket and pointed it at the turntable, the arm of the player resetting itself. Soft music flowed over them again and Kate smiled.

'Full moon's in a few days,' she reminded him. 'Aren't you tired?'

He pulled her close, gazing at her with an intensity that made flames lick at Kate's core. It was that same primal, _wolfish_ glint in his eye she'd seen before and that made her knees turn to jelly.

'No,' he said softly, lowering his face back to hers.

His kiss was gentle but insistent, tongue demanding entry with light but firm flicks at her lip. Her moan was unstoppable, slipping out before she could even think to try and stifle it but then any kind of sound was impossible as his lips stole her very breath. Kate was weak when he pulled away, standing submissively as his hands drifted to the buttons of her blouse. Remus kept his eyes on her face, holding her gaze as he released each fastening achingly slowly then finally pushed the fabric off her shoulders.

'Here?' she asked and he nodded, kissing her again before whispering, 'The dining table is the only thing I've yet to cross off on my list. And it's the one I've been looking most forward to.'

His smile was wicked before he caught her bottom lip between his, nipping gently at it as his hands slid up her back to unsnap her bra and slide it off, his slight fumble with the clasp the only indication of his own need. Kate's mind finally thought to send a message to her own hands to get his clothes off _now _and they obeyed, rising to unsteadily unbutton his shirt.

He was moving them backwards towards the long formal dining table that was usually used for Order meetings and Kate felt the hard, wooden edge against her backside before Remus was lifting her, sitting her on the edge.

His hands moved maddeningly slow as he removed the rest of her clothing, ensuring he spent long moments lingering over her skin, light strokes that made Kate squirm under the onslaught then he divested himself of his own clothes, pushing her down to lay on the cool wood before he joined her.

'Every meeting, I fantasise about having you naked and spread out on this table,' he murmured, taking her wrists and pinning them to the wood either side of her head. His knee moved between her legs, encouraging her to spread them wide.

'I imagine kissing every part of you. I imagine you calling my name as you climax.'

His low, seductive voice washed over her, making her skin tingle, her nipples peak, her core heat. Already aroused beyond reason from the feel of his body swaying with hers to the sultry music and the kisses that defined the word erotic, she believed absolutely that if he kept talking, kept murmuring what he wanted to do to her as his lips brushed against her sensitised skin, that she would come just from the _sound _of that voice.

Her thoughts must have been written all over her face because he chuckled, the noise knocking her arousal up another notch and she moaned.

Remus slithered down her body languidly, blowing hot, moist air over her skin, lingering over each nipple then his wandering ended between her legs. His breath teased her and she arched up.

'You know I can smell when you are about to come?' he murmured, each word sending a puff of air over her throbbing clit and making her body jerk in response. 'When you are so hot that you feel as though you are about to shatter? I can almost taste your orgasm just before you have it.'

His lips were now brushing feather light over her sex and Kate's fingers gripped the edge of the table hard as she whimpered with need, wordlessly begging him to touch her, to end this sweet torture.

'And you are _so _close right now, Katie,' he whispered, Kate barely able to hear over the rush of blood in her ears. 'You are so close that if I just touch you once…'

His tongue pressed against her clit firmly, and with just one stroke, Kate broke, making his fantasy become reality.

* * *

**June**

'Oh, you look gorgeous…and thin. So very thin.'

Lily ran her hand over her distended belly as she added, 'Of course, when you're standing next to a woman roughly the size of a killer whale, it's not hard to look thin.'

Kate tried to hide her smile. 'I've seen James staring at you with a puddle of drool around his feet, Lily,' she said, turning to look at herself in the mirror. 'You look beautiful.'

She frowned at herself. The ivory coloured dress she was wearing was very simple with a V neck, thin straps and it emphasised all the right bits of her body as it flowed down to her ankles.

She'd found it a few days ago and it had seemed perfect at the time but now…now she was letting nerves get to her and wondered if it was as perfect as she'd first thought. She had found herself asking Lily's advice before she realised what she was doing and the redhead had made her try it on for her.

So they stood in hers and Remus' bedroom, staring at the dress at the centre of Kate's current angst.

'I'm just not sure about it…it's a simple wedding and I don't know if this is too…just '_too'_, if you know what I mean. I'm not good at this girly stuff.'

'Kate, it's stunning,' Lily argued, coming up beside the woman. 'You look beautiful and the style is perfect for you and for the wedding. Remus is going to just die when he sees you.'

Kate glanced over at the red head who gasped and clapped her hand over her mouth. 'I'm sorry,' she said, her words muffled.

She took her hand away and Kate saw her distressed face. 'God, that was in bad taste considering where they all are right now.'

Kate didn't say anything, Lily felt bad enough as it was and, if she was honest with herself, the thought of Remus out hunting down Death Eaters while she tried on wedding dresses terrified her on more than one level. Not only was she worried about her fiancé (_god, I have a fiancé_) but she was worried that she was losing herself in the midst of this wedding fuss. She was never the type to sit around and wait for the man to defend and protect hearth and home…she disliked the feeling of being 'the little woman' stuck waiting for her hero to return. She was itching to get out on a decent mission but Moody had been having trouble with Scrimgeour and was trying to keep the Order members out of anything that might come to the Ministry's attention - and a former Auror would attract attention.

She and Lily were quiet for a minute, staring unseeingly at Kate in the mirror as they lost themselves in their own nightmares. When Kate heard the clock downstairs chime, she gave herself a mental shake and focused on her reflection.

'So, it's ok then?'

'Kate, what was your reaction when you first saw it?' Lily asked softly. 'Before you started to think about it?'

'I…I thought it was perfect,' Kate answered and Lily smiled.

'Then it's perfect,' she told her.

Kate smiled gratefully at the younger woman. 'Thanks,' she murmured and Lily half shrugged.

'You're marrying one of my best friends,' she replied. 'Couldn't let you do that wearing a rag.'

She motioned for her to turn around and as she tugged the zipper down, she said quietly, 'Are you worried about him?'

Kate stiffened a little but forced out a nod. She still wasn't used to having someone to worry about let alone discussing her fears with someone.

'I get so scared,' Lily confided, her voice shaky. 'You were right when you said this baby wasn't timed very well. I don't want to think about the kind of world we're bringing him into.'

Kate turned around and saw her teary eyes. 'You're sure it's a boy?' she asked, hoping to distract her and Lily smiled, blinking the moisture away.

'James thinks so and I've just gone along with it,' she admitted. 'I hope he's not disappointed if it's a girl.'

Kate slipped the dress off and quickly pulled her own clothes on. As she straightened up, she smiled reassuringly at the younger woman.

'He'll love it no matter what sex it is,' she assured her. 'And…don't give up hope. We're outnumbered, yes, but as long as we keep fighting, there's hope.'

Lily nodded, still looking upset and Kate allowed herself to show some weakness, finding she wanted to confide her own fears to someone who knew exactly what it felt like to be the one left behind. She twisted her engagement ring on her finger and bit her lip.

'I worry a lot,' she whispered and Lily smiled tremulously, understanding what it took for her to admit it then took her arm.

'Come on,' she said, clearing her throat. 'We have important things to discuss…like how you're going to wear your hair.'

* * *

**_Aw! Worth a review? While you still got the chance? Only 5 chappies left..._**


	26. Chapter 26

_Thank you to everyone who reviewed last chapter, especially those who returned after absences or first timers. __Thanks anonymous **abigail **for your review - much appreciated, duckie!_

_Remember everyone - flames are beneath you._

_THANK YOU: **DragonDi**- for holding my hand through these final chapters, unofficially betaing for me and stopping me from getting on a flight to Antartica and living the rest of my life under an assumed name._

_WARNING: Implied smut._

_Disclaimer: Oh, I wish I could hide behind JKR right now. Anything you recognise isn't mine; the rest - I apologise for._

* * *

Chapter Twenty Six

**July**

'I can't believe how much Harry looks like James,' Remus said for the fifth time as July prepared to turn into August. 'Lily didn't get a look in, did she?'

Kate yawned, belatedly covering her mouth, then said, 'James said he has green eyes like Lily - although sometimes babies eyes change colour after they're born so they might still turn hazel. Maybe he'll have Lily's personality; less troublemaking than his father, hopefully.'

Remus let out an amused snort then sat down on the bed, watching Kate change into nightclothes. 'I didn't know that,' he said and Kate twisted around to look at him curiously. 'That a baby's eyes can change colour as they get older. How do you know that?'

Kate pulled on an old shirt of Remus' - having completely claimed it as her own now - and made her way across the clothes strewn floor to the bed.

'I'm not sure,' she admitted. 'Probably read it somewhere.'

She stretched out across the mattress, smiling up at him. 'He was cute, wasn't he? Not as chubby as the Longbottom's baby.'

Remus grinned, running his hand under her shirt to rub across her stomach. 'No, Neville is certainly a bonny babe,' he agreed, moving his hand in a circular motion then ducking to kiss her neck.

'Neville!' she exclaimed. 'That's his name. I kept calling him Nigel and Peter was giving me strange looks.'

Remus laughed, the sound vibrating along her skin and raising goose bumps. 'You looked good holding Harry,' he whispered as his mouth trailed along her collar bone. 'Maybe that broken maternal bone got a dose of Skelegrow?'

'Are you trying in your usual round-about way to tell me something?' she asked, rolling over onto her stomach then looking pleadingly at him.

A smile twitched the corner of his mouth and he shrugged as he took the now familiar hint to rub her back.

'Just thought I'd mention how sexy you looked holding a baby,' he said blithely, sitting up and straddling her leg as he ran his hands up under her shirt. She made a little contented noise as his thumbs immediately found the usual sore spots.

'You're getting clucky,' she murmured, her voice muffled by the pillow. 'I knew you would once Alice and Lily popped those babies out.'

Remus bit his lip, knowing she was right. The moment he'd seen James with Harry tonight, he knew that his concerns about his lycanthropy were nothing compared to his desire to wear that same look of pride and adoration as he looked down at his child. His and Kate's child.

'Remus?' she queried, twisting around to look at him.

He leaned over, kissing her quickly on the side of the face. 'Well, I'm very interested in the events that lead up to a pregnancy,' he teased, a finger tracing around the elastic of her knickers. 'Perhaps we should get some practice in before we start thinking about trying for real.'

Kate giggled and went to push herself over onto her back. 'Oh, no,' Remus told her, grasping her hips to hold her still and grinding his groin into her buttocks. 'I like you right where you are, Kate Bradley.'

* * *

Half an hour later, the sound of ragged breathing was the only noise in the room then a loud groan of pain rent the air.

'Remus, get off me, you lump,' came Kate's muffled voice, a deep chuckle answering her.

'Do I have to?' Remus asked lazily, pressing his groin into her lush backside, his still slightly turgid cock pushing further inside her and making her moan.

'Yes,' she insisted, reaching behind her and smacking him on the ass. 'You're heavier than you look.'

He laughed and rolled off her, sighing in satisfaction as he turned his head to look at her amused face.

'Pleased with yourself?' she taunted gently, shifting to lay across him, head on his shoulder.

'Mmm,' he murmured, dragging his fingertips lightly up and down her bare back. 'I am rather.'

He heard her soft laugh then they lay in contented silence for several minutes.

'Kate Lupin,' Kate whispered eventually and he jerked out of his dozing state.

'Huh?' he grunted and she turned her head to look at him.

'Just trying to get used to it,' she said softly. 'The wedding's less than a month away.'

Remus grinned broadly, tightening his hold on her as she continued.

'And I'm thinking that after that we might need to revisit the children issue.'

He looked slightly abashed and said, 'Kate…'

'I saw your face tonight, Remus,' she interrupted gently. 'When you were watching James with Harry, when you held him…you want a child.'

She hesitated then added, 'So do I.'

His guilty looked faded as a bright smile lit up his face. 'Really?' he asked excitedly, trying to sit up. 'Don't do the spells then and…'

'Not _tonight_, you maniac,' she laughed, pushing him back down onto the bed. 'But…I don't want to wait too long either. I'm not getting any younger…'

'Yes, twenty five and a half is positively ancient,' Remus agreed sarcastically and she pinched him.

'I've just agreed to have your baby one day soon,' she pouted. 'And all you can do is…'

But he cut her words off, claiming her lips and kissing her breathless.

'I love you, Kate soon-to-be Lupin,' he mumbled against her lips.

She giggled then managed to gasp, 'I love you…' before his mouth came back down firmly over hers.

* * *

**August**

'Where is Lupin?'

Kate looked up from the parchment she'd been poring over and smiled, still surprised each time she saw Moody with his new fake eye. He's lost it recently and the protruding, blue replacement was magical, spinning around sickeningly in the socket.

'He's gone with Sirius to the Potters' house to visit Harry. Then they're going to see the Longbottom child…god, what is his name…Neil?'

'Neville,' Moody grunted as he sat down. 'I've got a task for him. Call him back.'

Kate frowned. Remus had been looking forward to visiting the new additions again with Sirius and Peter today and she didn't want to interrupt. 'Oh, let them finish their visit first,' she wheedled, folding the maps in front of her.

'You've gone soft in your retirement, girl,' Moody complained, pulling out a flask of what Kate knew was Firewhiskey and taking a pull.

Kate glared at him then said, 'Well, what's the task? I'm not doing anything right now. Can't I go instead?'

Moody sighed. He'd been avoiding sending Kate out - the Ministry was already suspicious of her because of her relationship with Lupin but today was only a bit of reconnaissance work...

'I suppose,' he shrugged finally. 'Lupin's sensory awareness would come in handy though…'

'Well, it's up to you,' she said, throwing the parchment onto the sideboard.

He was quiet for a moment then nodded, pushing himself to his feet. 'Vance will be here in a few minutes and she can tell you what's going on. It's just a bit of information gathering in Wales. I'd go myself but I'm supposed to be in a meeting with Scrimgeour and if I miss another one…'

Kate nodded and took the stairs two at a time as she went to change. She'd been itching to do something constructive and even a quick bit of observation was better than nothing. She took a moment to write a quick note to Remus, explaining her absence. She'd just folded the parchment when she heard Emmeline calling her name. Quickly she propped the note up on his pillow, smiling when his scent reached her nostrils, before she thundered down the stairs.

* * *

'He's a chubby little thing,' Peter said, looking down at Neville Longbottom as the baby kicked his fat little legs at the young man's arm.

'Pot. Kettle. Black,' Sirius muttered and Remus nudged him sharply.

Peter had been away a lot over the last couple of months and Remus hated hearing Sirius have a go at the other man the first time he was home.

They'd been to the Potters and fawned over newborn Harry then Flooed to Frank and Alice's flat to see Neville.

'Two more brave Gryffindor's in the making,' Remus said with a smile at Frank as he took his son off Peter. 'How could they not be with their parents?'

Frank grinned and bounced his infant son in his arms to soothe his fussing. Peter checked his watch.

'Somewhere to be Peter?' Sirius asked and the other man flushed.

'No,' he said with a little smile. 'Nowhere at all.'

* * *

'Emmeline.'

Her hissed call received no response and Kate frowned. She had lost sight of the woman as they crept through the heavily wooded area and was concerned. The spell to reveal human presence was being blocked, probably by the trees, but Emmeline wouldn't just disapparate without her. She had to still be here - so why wasn't she responding?

'Kate?'

The weak voice reached her ears and she turned around, weaving her way through the trees as she headed in the direction the voice had come from. They were meant to be checking out a suspected Death Eater hideout and reporting back but so far, the mission had proved troublesome – they were unable to find the supposed safe house, instead the coordinates they'd been given had landed them in the middle of a forest. They'd done a quick scout around and found nowhere that could house humans then they'd gotten separated.

'Kate!'

The voice was closer this time then she heard the sound of a scuffle and a scream.

'Emmeline!' she cried, running through the scrub now then came to a screeching halt when she heard the other woman yell, 'It's a trap, Kate! Run!'

There was a flash of white light and a pop as Emmeline apparated and Kate started to turn to do the same when she felt her body go stiff and she fell heavily to her stomach on the leaf littered ground.

Terror streaked through her as she heard a familiar deep throated chuckle and a foot turned her rigid body over. A dark shadow fell across her and Kate's blood chilled as she recognised the voice that greeted her.

'Hello, darlin'. I've been waiting for this day for a long time.'

Antonin Dolohov plucked her wand from her unmoving fingers and grinned menacingly down at her. 'I'm looking forward to you fighting back this time, darlin'. I've been _dreaming_ about it.'

Kate felt panic bubble up inside her as she realised that there was no way out of this.

_Don't you give up. You fight, Kate Bradley soon-to-be-Lupin. They can't win._

Dolohov pointed his wand at her.

_Remus. Think about Remus._

She kept repeating those words to herself, seeing Remus' reassuring blue eyes and his glorious smile in her head as Dolohov released the Body Bind spell and she prepared to fight for her life.

* * *

It was dark when they finally got back to Headquarters after wetting the babies heads with a few drinks at the Leaky Cauldron. Peter had gone back to his own place but Sirius and Remus decided to carry on at Headquarters, Remus not wanting to admit that he was missing Kate after just a day away from her.

Sirius laughed at him as they landed inelegantly on the kitchen floor of Headquarters, brushing themselves off as they stood. 'You are pathetic,' he teased, watching Remus look around. 'You can't be away from her for more than an hour at a time.'

Remus laughed and brushed his backside off. 'An hour is like torture,' he admitted and Sirius laughed his bark like laugh.

They heard a clumping sound and Moody appeared in the doorway.

'Hey, Alastor,' Sirius called, waving at the man. 'Come and have a drink with us.'

Moody stepped into the room and as he came closer, Remus and Sirius saw his pale skin, the tremor in his hand and the unfamiliar but unmistakeable sight of grief on the man's face.

'Alastor?' Sirius said, his smile fading.

The Auror glanced at the brunette then shifted his gaze to Remus, his face grim.

'Remus…' he ground out, his voice cracking and a shot of almost paralysing fear hit Remus' heart. Moody _never_ called him by his given name to deliver good news.

'What?' he whispered, his skin turning as cold as ice while his insides burned. 'What is it?'

'Kate…she's…' Moody said, his lips shaking as words failed him but the single tear that fell from his good eye was all Remus needed, not hearing his next words.

'I'm sorry. She fell, Remus.'

* * *

There was a roaring sound in his ears and his heart was pumping madly as he shook his head and backed away from the man who was telling him this...crap.

'No,' he whimpered, breathing ragged. 'No, no, no, no, no.'

He kept repeating the word, as if it would keep the truth at bay, until his back hit the stone wall of the kitchen.

'Moony…'

'No,' he repeated hoarsely, shaking his head. 'She...she's here. She wasn't supposed to go anywhere…'

'She offered to go with Emmeline to Wales…' Moody began softly but Remus kept shaking his head, unable to allow himself to believe, to even consider for one moment, that Kate was…

'Moony,' Sirius rasped again but Remus pushed off the wall and ran upstairs, yanking open doors as he careened down the hall - the bathroom, the library, the spare rooms and finally, the bedroom he and Kate shared; all the while calling her name.

She wasn't here.

Sirius appeared in the doorway of their bedroom and Remus looked over at him, his blue eyes wide and frightened.

'She's here, Pads,' he whispered, not daring to believe what Kate's absence meant. 'She's got to be here. I can...I can smell her.'

'She's not here, Remus,' Sirius said gently, his own eyes full of grief. 'She's gone.'

Remus shook his head violently. 'No!' he yelled, suddenly angry that Sirius was trying to make him believe this lie, this complete bullshit. 'Kate wouldn't just leave without telling me. She knows I'd be worried…'

Moody had appeared behind Sirius and nodded towards the bed. 'She left you a note,' he told him, his voice breaking and Remus suddenly couldn't breathe.

His lungs hurt, his whole body hurt, as he turned slowly around, seeing the folded paper on his pillow. Reluctantly, he reached for it, letting out a little moan of anguish when he saw Kate's handwriting.

_Remus,  
__Moody's finally giving me something useful to do. It's only information gathering but it gets me out of the house. Em's going with me…I should be back tonight or tomorrow. Sorry I didn't get a chance to say goodbye but I promise, I'll make it up to you!  
__I love you, babe.  
__Kate._

'No,' he whispered, the awful truth starting to seep its way into his brain, into his heart. He could feel the wolf fighting it, the wolf telling him it was a lie, that she wasn't gone, that he could still smell her everywhere.

'Sh...she's not gone.' His voice shook so badly it was unrecognisable and hot tears coursed down his cheeks. 'She's not. She's not. I…I can still s...smell her…'

He was finding it hard to draw breath and the room was spinning. Sirius moved quickly over to him, managing to catch him as his knees buckled, lowering him to the ground and murmuring, 'I'm sorry, Remus. I'm so sorry,' over and over as he clutched him to his chest.

Remus felt the wolf tearing at him, telling him not to believe it even as Remus' human mind started to realise the truth. A grief-stricken howl like that of an injured animal filled the room and as the chilling sound dissolved into heart wrenching sobs, Remus realised that the anguished keening had come from him.

* * *

**_Oh my god, I am so sorry. I'm going to throw up now. _**


	27. Chapter 27

_Hi! (waves tentatively). Presumably you all want me to join Kate (who by the way, really_ is _dead - sorry to those who may have been hoping for a reprieve for her) but thank you for your reviews and mostly kind words. (Thanks **abigail** anonymous for your review for this and for 'Body and Heart' - sorry. It had to be done.)_

_THANK YOU: To **DragonDi** ('Carnival of Dark and Dangerous Creatures' - amazing) who bravely offered to take any flaming reviews as she was the one who made me stay true to my story and listened to me moan for months about last chapter._

_WARNING: Hope you didn't put the tissues away. _

_Disclaimer: It's all Jo's now!_

* * *

Chapter Twenty Seven

'Kate's mum is really nice,' Lily said tentatively, looking down at Remus who was curled up in his bed, staring blankly at a distant point only he could see. It had been four days since Kate's death and Remus hadn't moved from the bed except to use the bathroom.

'She…she wants to meet you, Remus,' Lily told him, trying again to reach him. 'She wants you to have some input into the funeral…'

He didn't answer; couldn't answer – his grief stricken mind was incapable of putting a coherent sentence together. Lily talked for a little longer, explaining the rest of the arrangements Mona Bradley was making for her daughter to an unresponsive Remus. She left with a worried sigh when she realized that he hadn't heard a word she'd said.

James tried next, bringing Harry to try and jolt Remus into speech but he soon left when he also was unsuccessful. Sirius then Peter came and went. Emmeline poked her head in as well then left full of apologies when she burst into tears. Dumbledore had no luck, his kind and wise words falling on deaf ears. It wasn't until the fifth day, the day before Kate's funeral, that Moody appeared, looking as though he'd aged ten years in a very short time.

He didn't speak, just moving directly to the window and yanking open the curtain, sending bright morning sunshine streaming across Remus' face. The young man squinted as the beams sliced into his retina then rolled over, burying his face in his pillow. Moody, still silent, moved to the bed, pulling the blankets off roughly then picking up the side of the mattress and tipping Remus off, the werewolf landing unceremoniously on the floor with a thud.

'Shit!' he cried, his voice gravely from disuse.

Moody walked over to the cupboard and pulled out some clean clothes, hesitating before closing it when he caught a glimpse of Kate's belongings. He threw the clothes at Remus who caught them then pushed himself to his feet, the complete numbness he'd been feeling for four days rapidly being replaced by anger at the Auror.

'What the hell do you think you're doing?' he spat, standing on unsteady legs.

'Get dressed,' Moody said bluntly. 'Your friends are here to see you to talk about the funeral tomorrow.'

'They can fuck off,' Remus snapped, throwing the clothes back at him. 'And you can fuck off as well.'

He turned to get back into bed but was stopped by Moody grasping his arm. Anger exploded inside him and he spun around, swinging his clenched fist at the man who ducked it deftly and had the younger man face down on the mattress with his arm twisted behind his back before Remus knew what was happening.

'She'd be ashamed of the way you're behaving,' Moody hissed into his ear.

'Yeah, well she's not here,' Remus snapped back, drawing on the strength lycanthropy had bestowed upon him but that he rarely utilised, to throw the Auror off him.

Moody's back slammed hard into the far wall but he kept his balance, glaring at Remus. 'No, she's not here,' he said in a low voice. 'And I know you blame me for that.'

Fury began to boil inside Remus like hot lava ready to burst from a volcano. '_You_ sent her,' he snarled at the man, stabbing his finger at him viciously. 'You sent her unprepared with just Emmeline as back up…'

'It was reconnaissance, Lupin. No one could have predicted the Death Eaters would be there…'

'Isn't it your job to know?' Remus shouted, not hearing the stampede of footsteps on the stairs outside. 'You were her fucking hero and you got her killed! It should have been _you_!'

'Do you think there's one hour, one _minute,_ that's passed in the last four days that I haven't told myself that exact same thing?' Moody said quietly as James, Peter and Sirius appeared in the doorway. 'You're not the only one who holds me responsible for her death.'

His calmness, his acceptance of responsibility only fuelled Remus' anger; furious that the man was so calm when Kate was gone, when _his Kate_ was dead.

And it was Moody's fault.

He let out a guttural growl that he was sure he had never before uttered in his human form and flung himself at the man who this time, made no attempt to fight him off. The two men fell to the ground, Remus feeling Moody's nose break as his fist slammed into it. Then Peter and Sirius were pulling him off, James standing between him and Moody, one hand on his friend's chest, the other holding his wand aloft.

'No!' he shouted, for the first time ever finding that he was scared of Remus, whose expression was feral. 'It's not his fault, Remus. It's Voldemort. It's Dolohov. Alastor didn't kill Kate.'

'_He sent her_!' Remus screamed, spit flying out of his mouth and he glared daggers at Moody as he struggled against Sirius and Peter's hold on him. 'He sent her and now she's dead! She's dead, James. God…'

He stopped struggling abruptly and sank to the ground, all the strength suddenly gone from his body.

'She's dead.'

And it hit him. Until now, he'd been too numb to fully comprehend what had happened but now…now the full weight of grief and despair hit him as he passed from denial and anger into soul shattering sorrow.

'She's not coming back,' he whispered as Sirius and James sank down next to him and Peter hovered anxiously, helping Moody to his feet.

His face screwed up as he tried to stop the misery in his chest from surfacing but his lip shook and tears streaked fast and thick down his cheeks as he realized he was never going to see Kate again, never touch her, kiss her; he was never going to hear her tell him she loved him again and it hurt – it ached and it burned so fiercely that he didn't know how he was still alive. It hurt more than any transformation because there was no reprieve, there was no end in sight; this was what it was always going to be like – this massive, gaping, throbbing wound in his heart, in his _soul,_ where Kate had been ripped out.

'No, mate,' Sirius said softly, sliding an arm around his shoulders. 'No, she's not coming back,' then he drew his friend into his embrace as he began to weep.

* * *

**Two weeks later**

Remus tugged at the stubborn weed, grunting when it finally came out with a clump of soil attached and he threw it off to the side, seeing it land on a grave three plots over.

'I'll move it on my way out,' he mumbled. 'Don't worry, Katie. I'm not desecrating any graves.'

His finger traced the engraved letters in the head stone, biting his lip when he reached the word '_Lupin_'. Kate's mother had insisted on the addition despite the fact he and Kate hadn't managed to get to the alter.

_Kate Bradley Lupin  
__Born 1954  
__Died 1980  
__Beloved daughter, sister, fiancée and friend.  
__Gone too soon._

It had been 18 days since he'd last seen Kate, but he still woke up reaching for her every morning, still thought of things he wanted to tell her, still cried himself to sleep every night. He hadn't been able to go to the funeral, refusing his friends' pleas that he needed to say goodbye, instead making his own way there once it was over. He only stayed a minute; unable to reconcile the passionate, vibrant woman he loved with the cold marble and wet soil of the grave she now rested in. This was the first time he'd felt strong enough to visit the cemetery since. He'd been drawn back to her today – the day that was to be their wedding day.

'The others send their love,' he said, feeling the dampness of the earth seeping through his pants as he sat beside the headstone. 'The lilies are from them.'

He looked at the two bouquets of flowers he'd placed at the base of the marker. 'The roses are from me. Remember what we did with a rose on our bedroom floor that time?'

His fingers brushed over the soft, blood red blooms and the same thought he'd had that night crossed his mind again. 'I thought you were softer than the petals,' he murmured, pulling one off and holding it to his nose, inhaling deeply.

Closing his eyes, he remembered this scent on her skin and his heart hurt.

'We should be getting married today, Katie. You should be my wife now and god, you would have looked _so_ beautiful in your dress. I'm sorry, honey, I looked at it. I found it on top of the cupboard and it was perfect. This should be the happiest day of our lives but instead…'

He bit his wobbling lip. Damn it! Shouldn't he be out of tears by now?

'I _miss_ you,' he whispered, resting his forehead up against to cool stone as his tears fell unheeded to the grass below. 'I miss you so very much, Katie. It hurts so bad.'

'She never let anyone but her father call her Katie,' a woman's voice said softly and Remus looked up, swiping a hand across his eyes hastily.

It was like seeing a ghost and, for a moment, Remus' mind froze before it began to pick up on the subtle differences; the little wrinkles around the cerulean blue eyes and around the lips, the slightly broader nose and the grey streaked through her curly blonde hair.

'Hello, Remus,' Mona Bradley said with a little smile that stabbed at Remus' heart.

_God, that's Kate's smile_.

'It's nice to finally meet you…' She looked at the grave and her face became strained. 'Although this is not how I'd hoped to meet you.'

She put down the bouquet of mixed flowers next to the others then straightened and looked at him. 'After her father died, she was so adamant that no one else ever call her Katie. She must have loved you very much to allow you to use that name.'

Remus felt fresh tears stinging his eyes and blinked rapidly, lowering his head. He and Kate's mother had never met and looking at her now, an older version of her daughter, was too hard.

'I should go,' he mumbled but her next words stopped him.

'It never really stops hurting,' she said quietly, putting a hand on her daughter's headstone. 'Losing the one you love. But one day you'll wake up and it'll hurt a little less, or you'll find yourself laughing, or you won't think about them for a little while, and at first the guilt is unbearable. You think, 'How could I have forgotten? How could I be laughing?' but then it happens more and more often until that tearing pain is a dull ache.'

She looked up at him, seeing the tears streaming down his face. 'But it never goes away. You have to learn to live around it.'

Remus couldn't stop the sob escaping his throat and put a shaking hand over his eyes.

'Kate wouldn't want you to be so miserable, Remus,' she told him, putting a hand on his arm. 'She'd want you to be happy…'

'She'd want us to be together,' he mumbled. 'She'd want to be here today – it's our wedding day…'

'I know,' she said, squeezing his arm. 'And it's not fair. Nothing about this is fair, Remus. The old linger while the young are sent to fight and die. But Kate loved what she did; it was in her blood, like it was in her father's. She was fighting for something she believed wholeheartedly in; something she thought was worth dying for.'

'It _wasn't_ worth it,' Remus snapped suddenly, looking up at her with anger in his eyes. 'We're going to lose and her death will be for nothing. We're outnumbered…we can't win. We may as well give up now and join the Dark Lord…'

'Do you think Kate would want…?'

'_She's gone_!' he yelled, gesturing to the grave. 'She's not here anymore to be disappointed in me or to tell me what she wants. She doesn't exist anymore. She's gone.'

'If she doesn't exist anymore then who were you talking to just now?' Mona asked softly, watching his face as his anger faded. 'She'll _always_ be part of you, Remus…and you'll find her again once you stop feeling so angry.'

She sighed and looked back down at the engraved words on the headstone.

_Kate Bradley Lupin._

'I wanted your name on there even though you two didn't quite make it to today because my daughter doesn't love lightly, Remus. She spent the last fifteen years pushing everyone away, making sure no one ever hurt her like her father did when he died; like I did in my grief, but she let you in and that's a hell of a commitment for Kate. I was thrilled when she told me about you, how you refused to let her push you away, that you were getting married…'

'I tried to break up with her,' Remus mumbled miserably. 'I tried to let her go and have a better life…if I hadn't been so weak; if I hadn't needed her so much, she'd be alive. She wouldn't have been at Headquarters that day; she would have been at the Ministry…'

'And if I'd never met her father, she never would have been born… Remus, you can't dwell on what ifs - you'll go crazy. You two didn't have anywhere near enough time together but don't spend your life regretting that which you did have. Don't turn away from everything she fought for.'

_Everything that eventually killed her._

He couldn't be here any longer. He was too angry; too resentful of everyone and everything. He couldn't go back to Headquarters – he couldn't stand seeing the sympathetic looks and whispered discussions that stopped when he entered the room.

'It…it was good to meet you,' he said, his voice rough from weeks of crying and from holding back the tears he had yet to shed. 'I have to go. I…I'm sorry…for your loss.'

Mona nodded and smiled Kate's smile again.

She watched him step back and as he prepared to apparate said softly, 'I'm sorry for your loss as well, Remus.'

He frowned then took a deep breath and apparated away.

* * *

**Six months later **

'I don't believe it,' Sirius said shortly, glaring at Dumbledore. 'Remus would never betray us.'

'He's become so secretive,' Albus murmured, staring at the three men in front of him. 'Since Kate's death he has isolated himself from everyone and he has become so…embittered, so negative.'

'He and Kate were about to be married, Albus,' broke in James. 'He's not going to get over her in a few days.'

'No,' agreed the older wizard. 'But he has withdrawn to the point that I am concerned about his allegiance. He is still so angry, still blaming Alastor and the Order for Kate's death. How has he been around all of you?'

Sirius looked defiant but James bit his lip nervously and Peter seemed thoughtful.

Remus had completely withdrawn from them all after Kate died, moving out of Headquarters, sending back the monthly allowance from James, and refusing to allow them to visit him at the shack he'd purchased with the money from the sale of his parents' estate, the rundown hovel taking almost every Knut he had. He had agreed to go on some missions for the Order, but kept the details to himself, refusing to explain his clandestine meetings with strange men at all hours of the day and night.

A couple of weeks ago, six months to the day since Kate's death, he'd turned up on Sirius' doorstep, drunk and crying but Sirius had been able to get little sense out of him. This had been the first contact any of them had with their friend in weeks and Sirius had hoped it would signal an end to the distance between them but by the next morning, he had retreated into himself again, a shell of the man they had known and loved. He visited baby Harry occasionally, staying for a very short time and answering in short, monotones when asked about how he was coping. They were all at a loss as to how to help him…and now other people were starting to wonder…

They all knew now that someone in the Order was feeding information to the Dark Lord. Could grief and resentment have twisted their friend's mind so badly that he would turn traitor?

'He's been distant,' James admitted, but Sirius shook his head adamantly.

'He misses Kate,' he snapped. 'That's all. He isn't coping well…'

'It's more than that,' Peter said, stepping forward and speaking up for the first time. 'He's changed. He's harder, secretive. He's meeting with people that we know have links to the Dark Lord…'

'We don't know that for sure…' James said but Sirius interrupted him.

'Do you seriously think Remus is capable of this?' he asked Peter incredulously.

Peter grimaced and shrugged. 'The old Remus…no,' he said bluntly. 'But I don't know the man in Remus' skin anymore. So I have to assume he's capable of anything.'

Sirius balled his fists and James quickly moved between him and Peter.

'What do you think, Albus?' James asked the grey haired wizard whose blue eyes looked troubled. 'Do you really think Remus could turn on us like this?'

Dumbledore looked up, a frown marring his face. 'I think Peter has a valid point,' he said with a sigh. 'I think that Remus is not the same person he was when he joined the Order. He was too eager to take on the task I set for him. At the time, I believed it was because it would provide a distraction for him but…he's not keeping me informed of every meeting or visit…'

He looked down at his desk for a long moment before glancing up at the three men with regret and sorrow in his eyes.

'I think that we must consider the possibility that Remus has betrayed us.'

* * *

**_How could they have been so dense as to not realise Peter was the spy? Jeez! Reviews?_**


	28. Chapter 28

_Hello everyone. Thank you for all your lovely reviews for the last chapter. I'm glad you all found it as emotional to read as I did to write - literally buckets of tears have been shed by me over this fic. _

_UNOFFICIAL BETA AND OFFICIAL FRIEND: the wonderfully talented **DragonDi** - who tells me when my sentences run for seven lines without a full stop, when my semi-colon use gets wildly out of control and suggests that while 'good bumps' and 'stranglers' are funny, perhaps I actually meant something else. Hugs for you, Di!_

_WARNING: More complete misery for Remus, one sexual situation and copious amounts of completely unnecessary cursing._

_Disclaimer: This wouldn't actually be fan fiction if they were mine, would it?_

* * *

Chapter Twenty Eight

**Five months later**

'Remus, are you there?'

'Fuck off!'

Sirius' voice was concerned, but Remus didn't care. All the werewolf in the rumpled bed wanted to do was drown it out, pulling a pillow over his throbbing head and trying to pretend he was somewhere else. The movement dislodged an empty bottle of cheap mead – nasty, medicinal tasting stuff but it did the job very effectively – and sent it over the edge of the mattress to land with a thump on the floor. Remus listened with a grimace as it rolled noisily across hardwood floor and hit the wall, the gentle sound enough to send slicing pain through his brain.

'Who is that?' a feminine voice mumbled and Remus pulled the pillow off his face, hope flaring in his chest when he saw the blonde curls next to him. Maybe the last eleven months had been a bad dream.

That brief spark of hope was quickly extinguished when the woman turned over and he saw the brown eyes, the irritated scowl, and no freckles on the slightly crooked nose.

'Friend,' he muttered, starting to recall the night before and wishing he had another bottle of mead so he could make the memories go away again.

* * *

_He'd been slouched in a dark corner of the Leaky Cauldron, already on his fifth drink, when the blonde witch (what was her name again?) approached him, flirting outrageously._

_Her attentions had annoyed him at first but after a few more drinks, her face blurred and all he could see were the blonde curls. He'd started to respond to her overtures and, when her hand moved up his thigh, they'd bought the cheapest bottle of mead there was and apparated to his house. He quickly slugged down half the liquid in the bottle then pulled her to him in a hard kiss that she returned enthusiastically. _

_They fell into his bed and for the first time since he lost his virginity, he didn't wait, he didn't try and make this good for her, he just ripped her pants off and thrust almost angrily inside her, wanting to transfer some of his pain, some of his fury to the innocent stranger._

_Remus buried his face in her hair then withdrew, flipping her over so all he could see was the slim back and blonde curls and it wasn't a nameless woman anymore; it was Kate, and he trembled as he pounded inside the body underneath him, trying desperately not to allow himself to remember that Kate was gone. _

_Tonight, just for tonight, he wanted to believe this was her, wanted this closeness, this moment with her just one more time - before the morning came and his sober mind took it away._

* * *

'Moony! For Merlin's sake, what the hell have you done to yourself?'

The voice sounded closer now and Remus turned to stare blearily at his friend who now stood in his bedroom doorway staring at him in disgust.

'I said fuck off, Padfoot,' he mumbled, sitting up and wishing he hadn't when his head spun and his stomach churned in objection.

'I will not,' Sirius snapped, throwing some clothes at the bed. 'It's one thing for you to cut us out of your life, but it's something else entirely for you to disappoint Harry. It's his birthday today and you will be there if I have to fucking drag you there by your tail. Now get the tart out of here and get dressed.'

'Hey!' the woman said as she slid out of bed but Sirius spun on his heel and stomped out to the kitchen, slamming the bedroom door very deliberately behind him.

* * *

Searching amongst the rubbish and dirty plates on the counter, he found some stale instant coffee and made a hot drink, hoping the caffeine would help sober up the hung over man. He could hear raised voices from behind the closed door and smirked when the blonde yanked the door open viciously and yelled a few choice phrases at Remus as she stalked out of the house.

Remus appeared a minute later, swaying a little and rubbing at his eyes and Sirius felt like punching him.

_He is a fucking tragedy._

The werewolf was thin – skeletal actually – and his skin was wan and grey, like he hadn't seen the sun for a very long time (which he probably hadn't). His hair was long and knotted together in thick clumps, and shaving had obviously become a chore. There was a lingering odour of unwashed skin and Sirius felt a ripple of anger towards his friend.

Didn't he realize what everyone was saying about him? What James, Lily, Peter and even Sirius were now having to consider? He must have heard the whispers, seen the suspicious looks when he appeared at meetings. Why was he continuing to perpetuate the gossip by behaving so unlike himself? He knew the man was still grieving but it had been nearly a year since Kate's death…shouldn't he be starting to get on with his life now?

He held out the coffee and Remus grunted a thank you as he took it, grimacing after the first taste of the thick, strong brew.

'Are you trying to fucking kill me?' he complained then winced when his words seemed to amplify and echo endlessly around his aching head.

'I don't doubt you'd probably deserve it if I was,' he retorted, standing up and trying to force back his irritation with the man.

He raised his wand, casting a spell that left Remus clean shaven and another that rid the werewolf of some of the aroma surrounding him.

'Come on. Lily's doing breakfast…she reckons you're too thin. She doesn't realize you're living on liquid…'

'Can't you just make an excuse for me?' Remus whined, sinking into a chair. 'It's not like you want me there…'

Sirius' restraint loosened and he lunged at the other man, twisting his shirtfront in his fists and hauling him to his feet. 'What _I_ want is not important,' he hissed into Remus' surprised face. 'It's what Lily wants…and Harry loves you, though I can't possibly think of why that would be right now.'

He let Remus go and watched as he stumbled. 'I won't do this with you right now, Remus, but if you want to continue it after Harry's party, I'll be more than willing. Now move your fucking decaying ass.'

* * *

The morning went by calmly for the most part, although Remus felt the undertone of mistrust that lay heavily in the room; that laced every interaction with his friends. Peter came and went quickly, shooting nervous glances at Remus as if the wolf was about to emerge and snap at him; James was friendly but there was a wariness there that put another crack in Remus' now stony heart and Sirius…

He knew Sirius had been his greatest defender against the spy allegations but it seemed his friend had joined the anti-werewolf brigade, casting filthy looks his way throughout the day. Lily kept up her cheerful banter, the redhead insisting on plying him with food and encouraging Remus to spend some time with Harry. He tried to oblige the woman but seeing her and James together was like the worst kind of death – slow and agonising; holding Harry in his arms was torturous.

His mind was no longer befuddled and numbed with alcohol, and he could recall the conversations about marriage and children that he'd had with Kate and why couldn't his friends understand that he couldn't be here; that this _HURT_?

His exit was abrupt; he was no longer able to fight back the stinging tears. He shoved Harry at Lily and muttered a goodbye before quickly disapparating back to his house. Before he'd even gotten to the door, he heard a pop behind him and didn't bother turning around.

'I told you I wasn't up for it,' he snapped then opened the front door as Sirius spoke.

'You know what, Remus? I'm kind of glad Kate didn't have the chance to make the mistake of marrying you. She would have been ashamed to be saddled to someone so _pathetic_…'

'You are a fucking bastard, you know that?' Remus spat, spinning around and walking rapidly towards his friend who pulled out his wand.

Remus whipped his up as well and each called out a different hex, the beams of light colliding mid air and shooting off into the distance.

They both drew back their wands and cast another, falling into the duelling stances they used for 'play' at school but this was no game.

* * *

It was a short, but fierce battle – Remus' rusty werewolf reflexes eventually proving no match for Sirius' oft practiced movements and soon the brown haired man had lost his wand and was struggling against a Leg Bind hex that sent him crashing to the ground.

'Tell me, Moony,' Sirius pleaded, his voice a combination of desperation and anger, crouching beside him. 'Tell me it's not you.'

Remus was still defiant and cursed loudly, 'I shouldn't have to defend myself to you,' he scowled. 'You should know me well enough…'

'I used to!' the brunette cried, his expression pained. 'I knew you almost as well as I know myself but now…'

He sighed, anger seeming to disappear as he sank to the ground, flicking his wand and releasing Remus from the spell. 'Since Kate died, you've become a different person, Remus. I…we…don't know you anymore.'

Remus sat up, breathing heavily as he glared at the other man. 'You _really_ think I'm capable of betraying all of you?' he asked and the constant ache behind his ribs intensified when Sirius hesitated.

'Don't bother responding,' Remus snapped, pushing himself to his feet. 'The silence gave me my answer.'

'Moony…'

'Don't call me that!' he spat. 'Moony's dead. I'm just Lupin – spy, double agent, not to be trusted…'

'Remus, what do you expect us to think?' Sirius said loudly, standing up as well.

'I expect you to trust me!' Remus yelled at him. 'I expect you to know that I'm not capable of ever betraying all of you. Fuck! You're all I've got left…'

'You're so distant…'

'Yeah, well, you lot haven't exactly been knocking down my door either.'

'You hardly ever go to see Harry…'

'Jesus, you _really _don't get it, do you?' Remus exclaimed, tears pricking his eyes. 'It _HURTS_! It fucking hurts like nothing I've ever known before. Just seeing Lily and James together with Harry…all it does is remind me of what I lost. It should be _me_! That should be me and Kate and the baby we talked about but it's not. You expect me to just get over it but I can't. I can't.'

'Remus…'

'Just…go, Sirius,' Remus said, suddenly tired, more tired than he could ever remember being. 'Please? We can talk another time but right now…I just need to…'

'Wallow?' Sirius suggested and Remus glared at him.

'You've never loved anyone but yourself, Sirius. Why the hell would I have thought you'd understand?'

He turned and threw open the front door, hearing Sirius say softly, 'I love you, Remus.'

He hesitated, for a moment the weight of his estrangment from his friends too heavy a burden, then walked inside and shut the door quietly behind him.

* * *

**Two months later**

'Sweet Merlin, Remus! What happened to you?' Lily exclaimed in horror as the werewolf slid out of the Floo and rose unsteadily to his feet.

'Full moon last night,' he muttered, hoping she'd drop it but she continued to stare open mouthed at him and when James came into the room, he gaped at him.

'Jesus, Moony,' he gasped, putting Harry down on the floor and reaching out for his swaying friend. 'Come on. Sit down.'

He helped Remus to a chair Lily hastily pulled out and he fell heavily into it. 'Thanks,' he mumbled as James lowered himself to the chair next to him.

'These aren't your usual full moon injuries, Remus,' he said softly, eyes moving over his friend's many wounds as Lily fussed around making the werewolf something to eat. 'What happened?'

Remus stifled a sigh, wishing he could tell his friends the truth. He had spent the last couple of months living with a werewolf pack in Wales as he tried to convince them to join the Order, transforming with them last night. The wolves hadn't accepted him as easily as the humans had, the alpha taking the presence of the unfamiliar male wolf as a challenge and they had battled. This moon had been better than the last although James was right – he was considerably more battered than he usually was.

'I'm alright,' he said to James, not having told anyone about the assignment Dumbledore had given him just after Kate's death. 'Just not used to doing it alone yet.'

He saw the flash of guilt on James' face and shook his head, wincing a little when a shot of pain made him dizzy with its force.

'S'alright, Prongs,' he ground out. 'I know you can't come.' He looked up in gratitude as Lily put a plate of toast and a cup of tea down in front of him.

'I'd make you a better meal but…' She gestured to the kitchen and shrugged and for the first time, Remus noticed the emptiness of the room.

'Where is everything?' he asked, curiosity overcoming his need for food. 'You moving?'

He saw them glance at each other and his face hardened as he tried not to let the mistrust he saw there break his heart.

'Forget it,' he muttered, pushing himself to his feet and moving back towards the fireplace. 'I only came because I got your note asking me to call in although if you wanted to tell me not to visit anymore, you could have left that on your note and saved me the pain of Flooing…'

'We've been targeted, Remus,' Lily blurted out and he stopped in his tracks, slowly turning back to the couple. Lily was now holding Harry, jiggling him up and down and James suddenly looked very old.

'Targeted?' he said with a frown. 'What do you mean?'

'You Know Who has decided we're a threat,' James told him, standing beside Lily. 'Dumbledore received information that he's coming after us.'

Remus knew he must look like an idiot standing there with his mouth hanging open but he just couldn't wrap his mind around this.

'W…why?' he asked in confusion. 'Why you two?'

'I don't know,' James said, putting his arm around Lily and stroking Harry's cheek lightly. 'But we're leaving today. That's why we asked you to come over.'

He looked over at Remus. 'We wanted to say goodbye.'

Remus felt his stomach clench and his frown deepened. 'Can't you tell me where you're going?' he asked. Then he thought he understood and his eyes filled with tears. 'You don't trust me? You…you can't think I did this? That I'm sending him after you?'

'No!' Lily said, too quickly, but it was James that Remus was looking at; James he was waiting for to reply. He saw a muscle jump in the other man's jaw.

'I don't think you did this, Remus,' he said somewhat evasively but Remus saw past the carefully chosen words.

'But you don't trust me?' he asked and James looked away, not fast enough to hide the tears glistening in his hazel eyes.

'I don't know anymore.'

Remus nodded, trying to disguise his hurt at the whispered words behind bravado. 'Well, I'll let you get on with it,' he said in a louder than necessary voice.

He stepped towards Lily and tentatively hugged her, biting his lip hard when she embraced him back firmly.

'We love you, Remus,' she whispered and he nodded.

'Yeah, I love you too,' he mumbled back, wishing they trusted him as well.

He ran his trembling hand over Harry's head gently, smiling at the little boy who put his arms out for him to pick him up. 'Not today, little man,' he whispered, pressing a kiss to the toddler's forehead.

As he turned to face James, he saw Lily leave the room then he met his friend's eye. 'You're going into hiding then?' he asked and James nodded. 'Right. And Sirius…?'

'…will also go into hiding,' James confirmed and Remus understood.

'He's your Secret Keeper?' he asked, not surprised when James didn't confirm or deny it - he was a spy apparently; not to be trusted.

'Well, I…' he began then sucked his lip into his mouth.

What was he supposed to say? "_Good luck, hope Voldemort doesn't get you? I'd come visit except you think I'm going to murder you in your beds?"_

'I'll see you soon, Remus,' James said quietly, solving Remus' dilemma. 'I'm sorry about…' He stopped blinking rapidly then clearing his throat, continued. 'I am sorry about everything.'

Remus frowned and looked down at his feet as James elaborated. 'I wish I'd been there more for you after Kate died,' he confessed shakily. 'If I had…'

'Prongs, it's alright,' Remus mumbled, blinking fast. 'You had Lily and Harry…'

'I felt guilty,' James interrupted and Remus looked up at him, startled. 'Because I had everything you'd just lost. I didn't think you'd want to see me; to be reminded of what had been taken away from you.'

'You were right,' Remus admitted. 'It hurt seeing you and Lily…I'm sorry it's all come to this; that you can't trust me…'

'So am I,' James said then reached out, pulling Remus into a fierce hug. 'Moony, when all this is over…'

'We'll talk then,' he agreed, putting his arms around James, overwhelmed suddenly by the feeling that this would be the last time they would be together.

'Tell Sirius…tell him I'm sorry and that…that I love him too,' Remus murmured, pulling away and James nodded, swiping at his watering eyes.

'Good bye, Prongs,' Remus said softly as he stepped into the fireplace.

'Bye, Moony.'

* * *

Less than a month later, Dumbledore appeared on his doorstep and he knew before the man said a single word that they were gone.

* * *

**_Only two chapters left. Please take the time to review and let me know what you've thought of this fic. :)_**


	29. Chapter 29

_Hiya everyone! Thank you for your reviews for last chapter (thanks anonymous **abigail** - you're marvellous!) Second last chapter and I'm sad. I need lots of reviews to perk me up as I prepare for the end._

_THANK YOU: Again, **DragonDi**, thanks for making me write the conversation (it did need it) and for helping me not make Tonks a werewolf stealing tramp (although I think I captured her personality perfectly in my first draft - hehe!)_

_WARNING: For those who aren't fans of the Pink Haired Menace, prepare yourself with a bucket or tissues. There is a sex scene in this chapter (not graphic, I don't have the stomach for that)_

_Disclaimer: '_Rowling'_ and '_canon'_ are dirty words in my house right now. I'm SOOOO not JKR._

* * *

Chapter Twenty Nine

**One year later**

'What do you mean I've had enough?' Remus slurred angrily, glaring at Tom the barman.

'You'd had enough three drinks ago, Remus,' the man muttered, crossing his arms over his chest. 'I should never have let you talk me into giving you those. I can give you a bed on my couch for the night…'

'I don't want a bed!' Remus said loudly, slamming his empty tumbler down on the bar of the Leaky Cauldron. 'I want a fucking drink!'

'I'm not serving you one more drink, Lupin,' Tom reiterated firmly and Remus lost his grip on his already frayed temper, throwing the glass at the opposite wall and watching with some satisfaction as it shattered.

'Bloody hell!' Tom cursed, pulling out his wand. 'Don't make me Stun you, Remus.'

The werewolf fumbled for his own wand but suddenly, his body stiffened and the floor was rushing up at him before everything went black.

* * *

'Lupin!'

Remus felt a sharp, stinging pain on the side of his face and winced, mumbling a curse.

'Here,' the voice said as something was forced between his lips. 'Drink this.' Nasty, thick liquid flowed down his throat and Remus tried not to choke on it, a little dribbling out the side of his mouth.

'Fuck,' he spluttered, coughing as he sat up, taking a few moments to realise that he was now sober.

His blurry eyes focused and recognised the man sitting on the bed before him. He frowned, wiping his mouth. 'Did Tom call you?' he asked, annoyed at the barkeeper.

'Just as well, I think,' Alastor Moody replied, glaring at him. 'If I hadn't answered him, his next message was going to the Ministry.'

He stood up, throwing a backpack at Remus, who just managed to catch it before it slammed into his head. 'Go and shower, Lupin,' he growled, gesturing to an open door on the other side of the room. 'You are rank.'

'Get fucked,' Remus spat, throwing the bag to the floor and standing up unsteadily.

He made his way to the door and tried to yank it open, only to find it was locked. He tugged uselessly on it for several seconds then turned to glare daggers at Moody.

'Is this some kind of intervention?'

'Shower, shave and brush your damn teeth,' Moody said calmly, turning away from him. 'Then we can talk.'

He sat down at a small table in the corner, Remus noticing for the first time it was laden with food. His stomach growled - he couldn't remember the last time he'd had more than stale bread to eat - and he grudgingly picked up the bag, spinning curtly and slamming the bathroom door behind him.

* * *

He turned the taps on then stepped into the cubicle, standing still under the almost scalding water. His hands pressed flat against the tiled wall, bracing himself as he tried to stay upright on shaking legs, the water sluicing over his body. The greasy muck that coated his skin was not moving with just water alone so soon he reached for the soap and started to scrub at his skin.

After Lily and James' death, he had sunk into an even deeper depression than he'd already been suffering. He sold his house, becoming a nomad. He wandered from county to county, sleeping wherever he could find shelter and eating whatever scraps he found or food passed its used by date that he could scrounge out of shop keepers. The money from the sale of his shack went towards bottles of Muggle wine - cheap and nasty but enough to help him maintain his preferred state of physical and emotional numbness. He became one of the faceless; the smelly lumps of flesh and filth that decent folk turned their faces from and pretended they didn't see - and that suited Remus just fine.

He'd lost everything. Kate, James, Lily and Peter were all dead, Harry had been sent away to live with Muggles - Remus banned from going anywhere near him - and Sirius…

Remus felt an all too familiar rush of anger and clenched his fists, closing his eyes as he fought down the snapping, snarling wolf that awoke with the very thought of his former best friend. All those times the Order were caught out, all those times they were led into a trap…Sirius had been behind all of it.

_Including the set up that had cost Kate her life._

Remus took a long, shaking breath, his body hurting from the effort it took to control the wolf, not to let it howl its fury or take out some of its rage on its surroundings. More and more often now, sobriety bought the wolf to the surface and Remus was struggling with his inner demon more than he ever had before. His emotional state of mind was too fragile to fight the beast off without help. Remus couldn't cope with its grief, with its anger at having lost its mate and the agony at not being able to take revenge on the one responsible. The alcohol and, when he could find it, Muggle weed kept the wolf medicated, numbed so it couldn't take out its anger on others or its human keeper.

Regaining some control, Remus' eyes focused again and he noticed the pink water trickling down the wall. He opened his fisted hands and saw that his fingernails had dug crescent shaped wounds into his palms.

'Fuck,' he muttered, then picked up the soap he'd dropped in his anger and finished what he'd started.

* * *

He emerged fifteen minutes later: dirt free, clean shaven and dressed in the fresh clothing he'd found in Moody's bag. The Auror was standing in front of grimy window overlooking Diagon Alley. His stance was tense, arms crossed over his chest as he stared unblinkingly down at the dark, deserted passage.

'You must be hungry,' he murmured without turning around. 'Eat slowly or you'll be sick.'

'Have you laced it with poison?' Remus asked acerbically even as he sat and reached for some chicken.

'Are you asking because you're worried or because you're hoping?' Moody snapped back grimly, twisting his head to look at Remus who shrugged, thinking he wouldn't care either way.

Moody snorted and returned to his musing, saying quietly, 'I think you're doing a marvellous job of killing yourself, Lupin. You don't need my help.'

There was nothing but the sound of noisy chewing for ten minutes as Remus ate until he dared not eat anymore for fear he would bring it all back up. He sat back in the chair and for the first time since he'd started eating, he looked over at Moody. The older man hadn't moved and Remus decided he wasn't interested in the Auror's agenda.

'Thanks for the food and clothes,' he muttered as he stood up, stifling a burp. 'I won't take up any more of your time.'

'Sit down, Lupin.'

'No, I don't think I will…'

'Sit down.'

'No.'

Remus moved to the door and found it was still locked. He made a frustrated noise in his throat then reached for his wand. Before he could even raise it, the cool wood was slipping from his grasp, flying across the room and into Moody's raised hand.

The werewolf spun around, eyes blazing and mouth ready to spray all kinds of vitriol at the man…but then he saw the expression in his one dark eye and every word he had wanted to spit at him died on his lips.

Alastor held out Remus' wand to him, putting his own down on the window sill then stepping away from it.

'I think we need to talk, Remus. I have allowed this to continue for far too long and I can't stand the thought of having another Bradley disappointed in me.'

It was the laying down of the paranoid man's wand that made Remus take that first hesitant step across the room. He sat on the edge of the bed with his hands shoved into his pockets, feeling far too exposed for his liking and the now sober wolf inside him was uneasy, unsure if it should snap at the man that roused such painful emotion in the human it lived inside of.

For the first time, he saw the vulnerability he never believed Alastor Moody to be capable of and he wasn't sure he was ready to see it; to have to confront another person's grief because that would mean having to face his own.

'I know you blame me, blame the Order for Kate's death…'

Remus shifted uncomfortably and Moody waited until he stopped before continuing. 'And I've never challenged that because I also blamed myself. I felt like I'd broken a promise to someone I respected, someone I cared for and I let my guilt and my grief overwhelm me.'

He sighed heavily and sat down next to Remus, careful to leave some space between them.

'I don't know if Kate ever told you but her father died taking a curse that was meant for me,' Moody said, glancing over at him.

'She told me,' Remus mumbled and Moody nodded.

'Ben, Kate's father, and I been in a sticky situation a few months earlier as well and afterwards we went out and got pretty shitfaced. Ben made me promise that if anything ever happened to him, I'd look after Mona and the kids - make sure they were alright.' He picked distractedly at the sheet. 'Mona and Jessica never wanted me close - can't really say I blamed them - but Kate…'

He sighed, preparing himself to share his past, to share the burden of guilt he carried at his part in the circumstances surrounding Kate's death.

'I never had kids - never wanted them…noisy little buggers for the most part - but Kate was different. She was so controlled, so calm - just like her dad. We got along well and she asked me to train her when she was thirteen, to get her ready to be an Auror. She was so determined to get into the program…she nearly missed out with her rotten Potions mark but her father's reputation was what won it for her.' He picked at his cuticles now, not meeting Remus' eye.

'I trained her myself and made sure she got on my team so I could keep an eye on her. I saw the way she held herself apart from the others, how she never really got close to any of the men she dated and I tried to talk to her and tell her that Ben wouldn't want her to live like that but…you know Kate. She never listened to anyone.'

He looked at Remus now. 'Until you.'

Remus took a deep breath and stood up, moving about the room as the wolf started to become restless. He had never confronted this loss, never talked about Kate with anyone since her death and this was hurting even more than he thought it would.

'She never fought for anyone the way she did for you,' Moody continued. 'You…changed her. You made her the person she would have been if I had taken that Killing Spell instead of her father. The person she should have been and I thank you for that on behalf of her father.'

Remus glanced over at the man when he heard the waver in his voice and was shocked to see tears gathering in his eye.

'You were right. I should have gone myself that day. I should have sent her more prepared, with more back up. It should have been me.'

He struggled to hold back a sob and at the man's loss of control, Remus felt all the pain he'd been holding back starting to build and the walls he'd put up were cracking under the pressure.

'I was wrong,' Remus said softly, realising that he no longer blamed Moody and seeing the man's grief made him aware that he wasn't the only one who lost everything that day. He wasn't the only one who'd tried to get through this alone but it had to stop. They couldn't do it by themselves anymore.

'I shouldn't have blamed you. No one could stop Kate once she decided to do something. It wasn't your fault she…died, Alastor, and no matter how much I blame others for her decision to leave that day, it doesn't make it hurt any less. It's not going to bring her back. I…I've been a bastard to you for a long time and…'

He let out a pained breath. 'And I think Kate would have kicked my backside for treating you the way I have.'

He took a long, shaking but somehow cleansing breath and repeated, 'It wasn't your fault.'

At Remus' words, Moody's shoulders shook and he let out a tremulous breath, tears coursing down his scarred cheek as, with Remus' forgiveness, his own burden was at last released.

Remus was surprised to find himself sitting next to the man and embracing him firmly, both of them letting the flood finally come…shedding long suppressed tears for the woman they both loved.

The release was the beginning they needed to heal some of their shared wounds.

* * *

It was dawn before Alastor collected his wand from the window sill and removed the spell from the door.

'I have one more thing I would like to talk to you about,' he said in a tear roughened voice. 'I know of someone in Wales who is doing some research into a potion for werewolves; to make the changes easier. He needs someone who knows of the transformations to help out for a few months.'

'To be a guinea pig?' Remus frowned but Moody quickly shook his head.

'No, just some practical information gathering,' he explained quickly. 'Damocles is…very sympathetic to your affliction, Lupin. His partner was a werewolf - killed by werewolf hunters a few years back and he's always fighting the Ministry over their new regulations. He cut off contact with his brother because of the relationship…'

He cleared his throat. 'His partner was a man. You…don't have a problem with that, do you?'

'No,' Remus said with a thoughtful expression. 'Damocles, you say? Damocles Belby?'

Moody seemed surprised Remus knew of whom he spoke.

'In my first year, I was tutored by Belby,' Remus told him. 'He was very…_flamboyant_, even then.'

Moody chuckled and Remus smiled his first real smile for two years.

'Well, I've told him about you and he'd like to meet you. He's not offering a lot in the way of pay but you'll have a roof over your head and three meals a day…and the chance to start using that brain of yours before it rots completely.'

Remus' face was more serious now as he nodded. 'Alright, I'll talk to him,' he agreed reluctantly, hating to accept what he considered charity but realising he wasn't in a position to bite the hand that had just fed him.

Moody smiled that crooked smile and made a movement towards the door, Remus following.

'Thank you, Alastor,' Remus said quietly as they reached the door way but Moody just waved off his gratitude.

'Kate would murder me for allowing you to wallow as long as I have,' he said softly. 'We have to live for her now too.'

Remus gave him a shaky smile and Moody gestured to the room. 'It's paid for until the day after tomorrow,' he said in a normal tone. 'Get yourself together and I'll owl you with details of how to get to Belby's. Oh…' He turned as he stepped out into the hall. 'Tom won't serve you any more booze so don't bother asking him.'

His dark eye narrowed and even the magical eye was still and focused on Remus. 'Don't let Kate down, Lupin. Be the man she believed you to be.'

Remus watched the old Auror trudge down the stairs and took a deep breath, resolving to prove himself worthy of Kate's love.

* * *

**Eleven years later**

'I saw that, Moony.'

Remus looked up from the parchment he'd just been reviewing with Nymphadora Tonks to see Sirius standing cross armed in the doorway.

'Saw what?'

'You eyeing off my cousin's shapely behind as she left the room,' he teased, grinning at the werewolf.

Remus frowned, a flush colouring his cheeks despite the inaccuracy of the light accusation. 'I was not,' he muttered, looking back down at the maps in front of him. 'She is young enough to be my daughter, for Merlin's sake.'

'You're not _that_ old, Moony,' Sirius reminded him and heard the cynical response, 'I certainly feel it.'

The brunette sat down next to his old friend, his face changing as he broached the subject he'd been putting off since he returned to his childhood home six months ago.

'Remus, do you really think Kate would have wanted this?' he said gently, eyes fixed on Remus' face. 'For you to live life like a monk?'

'I hardly live life like a monk,' Remus objected, realising Sirius wasn't going away until he got this off his chest. Sometimes it was bloody annoying having the dark haired man back. 'Well, actually for the last six months or so I have, but I can't really help that, what with this pesky war that keeps preventing me from getting my leg over…'

'Alright, so your sex life hasn't _completely_ dried up but you know that's not what I meant,' Sirius said irritably. 'You haven't had a relationship…a proper relationship - one involving your heart - since Kate died.'

Remus' jaw clenched for a moment then he rolled up the parchment carefully. 'I haven't found anyone I want to share my heart with, Padfoot,' he said softly.

'You won't even open yourself up to the possibility though,' Sirius countered and Remus sighed.

Sirius thought he'd been subtle with his pointed remarks about how good looking his cousin Tonks was, how funny she was, how well she and Remus seemed to get along. Remus knew Sirius as well as he knew himself, and he had worked out long ago what he was trying to do and decided to nip it in the bud before Tonks overheard and got the wrong idea.

'Pads, I know where you are going with this so I'm going to say this once and then I expect the topic to be dropped forever. Tonks is a lovely woman. She is attractive and energetic and a lot of fun to be around but I am not interested in pursuing any kind of relationship with her.'

'Remus…'

'No, Sirius,' Remus said sharply, standing up. 'She deserves better and I…I'm not prepared to take that chance again. It very nearly killed me when Kate died.'

'So, you _do _like Tonks; you're just not prepared to do anything about it?' Sirius asked.

'I _like _Tonks,' Remus agreed readily. 'But I don't have those kinds of feelings for her.' He finished rolling up the maps, needing to keep his attention focused away from his friend's intent gaze.

'And even if I did, I'm not sure I'd be ready to act on them. I _know_ it's been a long time, Pads,' he said when Sirius opened his mouth. 'But it's not just _my _heart that has yet to heal, it's the wolf's heart and I don't know if either of us will ever be ready to move on.'

Remus picked up the scrolls and had reached the door before he heard Sirius say quietly, 'How are you going to know if you don't at least try?'

* * *

**Six months Later**

Remus wasn't sure how he'd ended up on the floor but he didn't really mind staying there. It was comfortable. He chuckled to himself and lifted the half empty bottle of Firewhiskey to his mouth again. Sirius used to sit on the floor when he drank - said that he was going to end up there anyway so why not save the bruises falling off the bed or couch would cause.

_Sirius._

His eyes stung as the events of last night came flooding back. Sirius getting hit by Bellatrix's hex, falling back through that veil, Harry's anguish and anger as Remus held him back, stopping him from following his godfather into the afterlife. Blue eyes clenched shut tightly as the bottle again found Remus' lips and he took a hefty swig. He had very rarely imbibed since Moody straightened him out many years ago but tonight…

_Tonight I need to be numb._

He didn't know how much later it was but he heard a soft voice encouraging him to his feet. Remus groaned but complied, allowing whoever it was to drag him up and onto the bed. His eyes, stinging and blurry from all the crying he'd done earlier, cracked open and his breath hitched in his chest when he smelt the sweet scent of a woman.

Raising his arm, he reached out, touching soft threads of hair and he smiled.

'Hi,' he breathed, not sure exactly who this woman was but the drunken wolf wasn't clawing at him to stop touching her and even though she didn't smell like his mate, she was soft and she was _here _and she wasn't pushing him away_._

'Remus?' a gentle voice said, and although it wasn't quite the same as how Kate used to say his name, it was full of warmth and he felt comforted by the affection it held.

Her eyes were different as were the slightly calloused fingers that wiped the tears from his cheeks, and the lips that pressed lightly against his didn't taste the same as Kate's but he didn't care because the tightness in his chest was easing and he just wanted to forget. He reached out eagerly, wanting to lose himself in her; to allow his grief stricken mind to be soothed by mousy brown hair and brown eyes that stared at him with the same longing that he still felt in every cell, every neuron of his body for his lost love. Maybe she'd lost someone too; maybe they could help each other.

He touched every part of her, kissed every part of her, and when he slid his body home, he tried not to notice that he didn't fit as well, instead revelling in the fact that for just this brief period, it didn't hurt so much. When the shuddering of his climax faded and he pressed his lips to hers, he heard the woman with the mousy brown hair and dark brown eyes murmur, 'I love you,' before he fell asleep in her arms.

* * *

The filtered light of dawn dappled across his bed bought reality crashing down on him as he stared in horror at the woman laying next to him.

'Shit.'

Nymphodora Tonks lay naked and peaceful beside him and Remus felt his stomach turn unpleasantly. At his curse, she turned her head, still asleep, and Remus saw the red rash his stubble had raised on her pale skin, the red marks where his teeth had nibbled down the metamorphmagus' throat.

With another curse, he stumbled out of bed and ran like a coward – back to his place where he apologized over and over to an invisible and unhearing Kate, just like he did every time he woke up with an anonymous woman in his bed.

But it was so much worse this time.

Tonks wasn't a faceless woman he could kick out and forget…she was his friend; she was Sirius' cousin and she deserved much better.

_She told me she loved me._

'Oh, damn you, Lupin,' he muttered, furious with himself. 'What have you done?'

He had noticed over the past six months that Tonks had been showing an interest in him that was obviously more than platonic but had been avoiding a conversation with her about it. He wasn't completely sure why he just didn't tell her he wasn't interested…perhaps because he enjoyed being with her, because when he was with her, he forgot for a while - forgot about the ache in his heart, the hole in his soul and he could just…be happy again.

But he didn't love her.

She loved him though.

Remus shook his head, tugging at his hair in frustration. He'd given her false hope - he was drunk, he didn't know what he was doing.

Did he?

His hands were trembling as he clenched them together tight. He wasn't ready for this - to have to face a woman that he couldn't just walk away from; a woman that had said she loved him.

_How are you going to know if you don't even try?_

Sirius' words came back to him and he moaned a little in desperation. 'I can't,' he whispered out loud. 'I just can't.'

He wasn't ready to contemplate a life with someone else; to entertain the possibility that he could love someone else the way he had loved Kate.

Was he?

Sirius had been right - with all those other women, he'd never been at risk of getting hurt. They never had a face. They were just hands, lips, voice, eyes, hair - anything that could let him pretend that Kate had returned to him but Tonks…she was his _friend_.

And the reason he had run instead of trying to pass this off as a drunken mistake came crashing down on him.

In sixteen years, Tonks was the only woman he'd seen for herself and not as a replica of Kate.

She was the only woman who had a face.

* * *

**_If you have ever had a conversation with me about my feelings regarding Tonks and Remus as a ship, you will sympathise with my pain and give me a review for writing this without vomiting once. If you haven't, trust me - this was harder to write than the death scenes._**


	30. Chapter 30

_Well, this is the end! Thanks to everyone who has reviewed for your support and the boosts to my flagging ego. Your feedback is so very much appreciated! _

_Thanks to the couple of hundred people who are reading and not reviewing - saving your review for this last chapter, I'm guessing!_

_Extra special thank you to: **DragonDi, purplepanties, PopstarJ01, alleycat, abigail, clio, Av3322, arantxabarrera, els and Sophia Lobato** (nee Weasley) for reviewing EVERY SINGLE CHAPTER. If I forgot anyone, I'm so sorry! _

_DEDICATION: For **DragonDi** - for too many reasons to name here but mainly for talking me off the ledge, telling me what I already knew but couldn't pull out of my head, and sending me pics of David-the-GOD to inspire me. Love ya lots!_

_Disclaimer: If it were all mine, this chapter would have gone a whole lot differently. Although, I suppose I should thank her as I've lifted some of this chapter from 'Half Blood Prince' (the hospital scene)._

* * *

Chapter Thirty

_**Ten months later**_

'I'm sorry, Tonks,' he repeated then left the quietly crying woman, exiting The Burrow under the weight of Molly Weasley's glare.

_God, why does she keep doing this to herself? To me? Why can't she just accept my decision?_

Guilt lay heavily on his chest, knowing his drunken actions of several months ago were partly responsible for her persistence.

The day after he'd run from his bed at Grimmauld Place, he finally mustered his legendary Gryffindor courage and gone back to the house to face Tonks. It had been a tense and brief conversation - Remus apologising for his behaviour and trying to explain that he had been very, _very_ drunk when he'd slept with her but he was interrupted by her declaration that she was in love with him, had been for several months now, and was convinced after their night together that he also harboured feelings for her.

Remus had been dreading this, hoping against hope that those three little words had slipped meaninglessly from her lips but …

_'I love you, Remus.'_

He did care for her, he told her as much but insisted his feelings were platonic, his words sounding a lot more confident than he felt inside. The fact he _wasn't_ oblivious to her frightened him a little. Watching her stalk the room as she argued with him, he realised that she reminded him of Kate, of what he'd seen in her and fallen in love with – her life, her energy, and her ability to look at him and make him feel as though he was the only person on earth that mattered.

But he and Tonks weren't right for each other, they didn't _fit_ and he wanted to let her down gently, to be able to preserve their friendship as much as they could. He had tried to be kind, to make her see the sense in his reasoning but she just kept persisting. For months and months she kept telling him that she loved him, that she wanted him until he and the wolf had lashed out - not physically, but with words that struck an even crueller blow.

Remus sighed. He had just hurt her badly by telling her that he hadn't realized it was her in bed with him that night; that she had been just a faceless woman that he used to forget. Pain had shot through him when he saw the devastation on her face and he immediately regretted his words, particularly as they hadn't been entirely true.

She wasn't faceless.

As he walked down the path from the house, he tried to convince himself that he didn't have a choice, that he wasn't really as hurt by her pain as he inexplicably seemed to be.

_She's a lovely woman and she'll find someone more deserving of her in time. She would be wasting her life loving a man like me…someone who is too old for her, too poor, too dangerous and too broken. _

A man who wasn't even sure he was capable of love anymore.

* * *

Remus apparated to Hogwarts from The Burrow, trudging up the path to the castle. The war was close – he could feel it in his weary bones and he now often found himself wishing for the end. He was so tired, drained right down to his core, and didn't think he could make it through another battle - not when this time, he didn't have all that much to fight for.

He walked through the halls of his old school, whispering the password to Dumbledore's office before dragging himself up the stairs. The older wizard answered his knock with a cheery 'Come in' that grated on Remus' last nerve.

'Good evening, Remus,' the bearded man said pleasantly as the werewolf closed the office door behind him.

He mumbled a greeting and sat down in the indicated chair, Dumbledore moving around his desk to sit in the opposite armchair.

'When did you get back?' Albus asked, offering Remus a lemon drop from a small, round bowl.

Remus shook his head in refusal and said, 'Last night. I stayed at the Burrow with Molly and Arthur…and Tonks.'

He saw Albus pick up on his hesitancy but he didn't comment on it, just popping a lolly into his mouth then placing the glass bowl carefully down on his desk.

'Tell me about the werewolf pack.'

They talked for nearly an hour about Remus' latest visit to one of the werewolf packs that were scattered around the country then as Remus was preparing to leave, Dumbledore surprised him with his next comment.

'It will be seventeen years soon, will it not? Since Kate's death?'

Remus had been rising from his chair but with the Headmaster's words, he sank back down, a little shocked the man had remembered. Dumbledore seemed to understand his surprise.

'Kate was so vibrant, so full of life. She was not someone who could be forgotten easily.'

Remus frowned, not comfortable talking about Kate when his emotions were already so close to the surface but he shook his head.

'No, she's not,' he murmured in agreement, wondering where the man was going with this trip down memory lane.

'But no matter how unforgettable she might have been, you can't spend your life grieving for her, Remus,' Albus said gently, his bright blue eyes sympathetic. 'Kate would not have wanted you to stop living.'

Remus' frown deepened. He thought this might have been it. 'Albus…' he began but the man cut in.

'I have watched you slowly self destructing for the last seventeen years, rejecting all extended hands of the people who want to help you. I cannot be silent any longer, Remus. As one who is facing the end of his life much sooner than he would have liked, believe me when I say that a life lived without love is a life with little purpose.'

Remus lowered his face to his hands, scrubbing at his eyes. 'I _had_ a life, Albus,' he said, voice muffled. 'I _had_ love and it all got taken away from me. I…can't do that again. It hurts too much.'

'It hurts because it's all you allow yourself to feel,' Albus told him. 'You won't forget Kate or what you had together if you allow yourself to be close to someone else.'

Remus looked up at the man quizzically then understood. 'Nymphadora,' he muttered, for a moment resenting the woman for telling all and sundry about what should have been kept private.

'She loves you, Remus,' Albus said softly. 'She would be good medicine for you. I know that you are concerned about the age difference, the lycanthropy but Kate didn't care about those things. Why is it so difficult for you to accept that Nymphadora doesn't care about them either?'

'I don't feel the same towards her as she does for me,' he said, biting his lip. 'I've loved before, Albus, and this isn't it…I don't love her…'

He stopped, realizing that his chest didn't hurt as much as it usually did when he talked about Kate. The idea of someone loving him again had taken away some of the ache.

'But…you are not indifferent to her either?' Albus asked and Remus knew that was true.

He laughed with Tonks, he had talked to her about his lycanthropy as he'd done many years ago with Kate. But…

'She's so young and…well, I guess she makes me feel young again when I'm with her but that's not a good enough starting point for a relationship.'

'You care for her?'

Remus hesitated then nodded. 'I do,' he admitted. 'I care for her but…'

'You are not honouring Kate's memory by hiding behind your grief. She cared about you too much to want you to live your life shying away from an opportunity to be loved or to love again.'

'I _know_. I know she'd want me to move on but…it's not the same…'

'First love, Remus, _deep_ love like that you had with Kate is something unique, something special that can never be replicated but the love that can come after the first bloom can be equally as satisfying, as fulfilling. Could you learn to love Nymphadora?'

Remus frowned then shrugged despairingly. 'I…I don't know. I don't know if I'm capable of it after all this time,' he said haltingly then ran his hands through his hair. 'God, I can't do this. I can't risk this doing this again, loving someone and losing them. Kate had the right idea, Albus. Keep yourself at a distance so no one gets hurt…I'm too old for Tonks, too dangerous…'

But even as he said the words, he could hear Kate's voice echoing them and his voice trailed off. He'd told Kate it hadn't mattered to him, that the age difference, the danger, meant nothing to him; that he only wanted her. His assurances were almost word for word what Tonks had had been telling him for almost a year.

Startled to realize the similarities in the situations, he didn't notice that Albus was staring at him appraisingly. When he looked up at the silent man, Albus leaned forwards and looked at him with a somber face.

'If you had listened to Kate's objections, all the reasons she gave you that you should not be together, you wouldn't have had that time with each other,' he said, leaving Remus to wonder if the man had read his mind. 'Remus, if I told you I could take all the pain of Kate's loss away from you but in exchange, you had to give up the memory of all the time you had together, would you do it? Would you choose to forget every moment you spent with her if it meant no more pain?'

Remus stared at him, his blue eyes filling with tears. 'No,' he said softly, not needing any time to consider it. 'No, I wouldn't give up a single second of the time I had with Kate. Not for anything.'

'So it was worth taking the chance? Being loved, having Kate love you was worth taking the risk that it could all go wrong?'

Remus nodded and felt a tear escape as he said, 'I still love her. I feel like I'm betraying her every time I'm with another woman…'

'You will always love Kate. She was part of you, she was your mate,' Albus interrupted. 'But the human heart has no limitations on who or how it loves. It is your head that is placing restrictions on you. Loving Nymphadora would not mean you no longer love Kate.'

Remus worried his lip with his teeth and Albus smiled. 'I think you know what my advice would be, Remus. We are on this earth for too short a time to live without love. Make the most of having someone who loves you. Let yourself learn to love her too.'

* * *

Remus walked away from the castle a few minutes later and apparated to the first place he thought of - the graveyard where he'd buried the love of his life. He wove through the headstones, able to follow the too familiar path even in the near darkness.

Stopping beside her grave, he gave her his usual greeting, 'Hi sweetheart,' as he ran his hand over the curve of the marker that was engraved with her name.

Sinking down, he felt his old bones creak in protest as he took up the position he usually did when he came to visit Kate.

'Baby, I don't know what to do,' he said softly then closed his eyes as he told her about Tonks.

'God,' he groaned, resting his head against the cool marble of Kate's tombstone. 'Tell me what to do, sweetheart. Tell me if I should take the chance. I…I don't trust myself. I don't know if I can let you go yet.'

In many ways, he wanted this to end…he didn't want to have to face this pain every day. It was just…if he let go of the pain, it would mean letting go of Kate, and he still wasn't sure he was ever going to be able to do that.

* * *

**A month later**

_Dumbledore dead? What hope is there for us now?_

Despair rose in Remus' chest again and he rubbed a still shaking hand across his eyes. The fight tonight at Hogwarts had claimed the most significant life of all – Albus Dumbledore. Their leader, their mentor, their strength…he was gone and he had taken with him the last of Remus' connection to Hogwarts, to his childhood and he suddenly felt inexplicably old. Not in age, not in physical endurance but in spirit, in his heart. He felt…finished.

'Remus?' came a soft voice and he squeezed his eyes shut tighter.

'I…I can't do this now, Tonks,' he murmured as he felt her sit beside him on the bench outside the Hospital Wing.

The others were still inside with Bill Weasley but Remus had needed space to dissemble the happenings of the night.

All of them.

* * *

_Fleur and Molly Weasley were embracing next to the bed of Bill Weasley - their fiance and son respectively. Fleur's declaration that she loved Bill despite him suffering what would be horrendous physical scarring had been touching but had poked at nerves too close to the surface for Remus' liking. _

'_You see!' cried a strained voice. _

_Remus turned and saw Tonks glaring at him. His heart sank – he knew what was coming and that he was powerless to stop it exploding from her._

'_She still wants to marry him, even though he's been bitten! She doesn't care!'_

'_It's different,' he said, feeling a little resentful that she'd raised this very personal issue here in front of everyone. Surely this wasn't the time…_

'_Bill will not be a full werewolf. The cases are completely –'_

'_But I don't care either, I don't care!' she said, seizing the front of his robes and shaking them, pulling him closer to her. 'I've told you a million times…'_

'_And I've told you a million times,' he said, unable to meet her eye, fearing he'd give in to her if he saw the same desperation there as he could hear in her voice, and he wasn't ready to do that. 'That I am too old for you, too poor…too dangerous…'_

_Molly broke in, telling him how ridiculous he was being and he tried to stay in control as he replied._

'_I am not being ridiculous,' he said, happy to hear his voice was steady, betraying no signs of his confusion or frustration. 'Tonks deserves someone young and whole.'_

'_But she wants you,' said Arthur Weasley with a small smile. His mouth kept moving but the rest of his words went unheard as Remus' eyes accidentally met Tonks'. _

_His breath was snatched from his lungs when he saw the look on her face. It was the look he had so wanted to see on Kate's face all those years ago – that look of longing, of trust, of love, and his resolve wavered - just as it had that night so long ago when Kate finally gave in to him._

_It felt good to see that look on a woman's face again. _

_He _wanted _to see that look on a woman's face again. _

_A little startled by the realization, he looked away from her, Arthur's voice becoming clear again._

'…_do not necessarily remain so.' He gestured to his son, lying ravaged on the hospital bed by the same man who'd infected Remus when he was but a child._

_He could feel the others' eyes on him, uncomfortable that everyone now knew about the situation between he and Tonks._

'_This is…not the moment to discuss it,' he said, avoiding meeting anyone's eyes. 'Dumbledore is dead…'_

'_Dumbledore would have been happier than anybody to think that there was a little more love in the world,' said Minerva McGonagall curtly. _

_Remus had a moment to acknowledge the woman was right; that Dumbledore had told him this himself - once many years earlier and again much more recently - before attention was taken away from him as a distraught Hagrid entered the Hospital Wing. No one noticed Remus slip out of the room…no one except the last person he wanted to see right now._

* * *

They sat quietly side by side for several moments before Remus said haltingly, 'You…don't care? About…the age difference or the…lycanthropy…'

'No, I don't,' she told him, brown eyes watching him closely. 'I care that you are gentle and kind, and that you make me laugh when I've had such a bad day that I'm sure I'll never smile again, and I even love the fact that you loved someone so deeply, so completely that you can't bring yourself to contemplate a life with anyone but her - even after all these years.'

Remus was startled and looked curiously at her.

'Sirius once told me that there was someone a long time ago that you just…can't let go.'

Remus looked away, surprised that Tonks had known all along why he was turning her away yet she still persisted. Wouldn't most women just give up if they knew a man was pining after someone else?

'Why do you keep…? I mean, if you know…?'

'Because that's exactly how _I _love _you_. Wholy and completely and I would never forgive myself if I gave up without one hell of a fight. Didn't you have to fight for her?'

He gnawed at his lip and nodded. 'She kept refusing me - even after we came together, she held herself back…'

'Yet you still loved her? Even though she hurt you? Kept refusing you?'

Remus closed his eyes and nodded. He saw the irony. Kate eventually gave in to him, to his insistence that nothing else mattered except how much they loved each other. And she had made him so happy…could he really have another chance to feel that again?

'I…I've got to go,' he said, standing abruptly. 'I've got to think…'

'Remus, I know that there's someone else in your heart, someone you love very much but…please, can't you try to make room for me too?' Tonks said, brown eyes shining with unshed tears.

Remus took a long, shaky breath. Did he want to try? And it was with a bit of a jolt that he realised he did. He wanted to be loved again. He wanted to see if he was capable of love again. It was that simple.

And this is what Kate would want.

'Would you come with me?' he asked, suddenly knowing what he needed to do. 'Now? There's someone I want you to meet.'

* * *

He apparated them to the now dark cemetery and led her through the stone markers until he reached Kate's.

Lighting his wand, he pointed it at the words he'd so often traced his fingers over and he heard Tonks' gasp before he said quietly, 'This is Kate.'

'You…you were married?' she asked softly and he shook his head.

'Not technically,' he told her. 'We were living together. We were engaged. She was killed just a couple of weeks before our wedding day.'

Tonks stared at the words then turned back to him. 'I'm sorry,' she said. 'Sirius just said there was a woman. I didn't know…'

'Not many people do…' he said, realising it was true. 'Most of the people who knew Kate and I back then are gone.'

He took a deep breath. 'I want to be honest with you, Tonks. I…I don't love you; I'm not _in _love with you.'

He saw hurt shoot across her face and he continued quickly, wanting her to stop looking like a wounded animal.

'But…I care about you. Very much. I don't know if I can ever love anyone the way I did Kate but…you're the first woman since her that's made me want to try.'

Her face lit up with her smile and he couldn't help his own. Even the wolf made no objections as if to say, '_Well, it's up to you this time_.'

She wasn't his soul mate but she loved him unconditionally and he wanted to try to do the same for her.

'You really want to try?' she asked and, after a slight hesitation, he nodded.

'I do,' he told her then looked down at the marble headstone. 'I want to try.'

Now that he'd made this decision, some of the heaviness had left him, he felt a little lighter and he knew that he had finally begun to let the pain go…and that allowing himself to care again; maybe to love again, would not mean he lost Kate. He would never be without Kate, no matter who else claimed a piece of his heart.

He reached over and took Tonks' warm hand and felt her squeeze it.

'Could…could you tell me about Kate?' she asked tentatively and Remus glanced over at her in surprise.

'You want to hear about my former fiancee?' he asked and she smiled.

'Strange as that may seem, I do,' Tonks said. 'You loving Kate helped make you the man you are. She was a big part of your life; she still holds a big part of your heart, and I'd like to get to know her through your eyes. Will you tell me about her?'

Remus smiled broadly and nodded. 'Yeah,' he said softly. 'I'd love to.'

**_Fin._**

* * *

**_Thank you to all who've reached this point with me. I don't think I've ever been so attached to a fic as I have to this one and I'm sad to see it end. If you've read along, I'd love to hear from you now it's over. _**

**_I'll be posting a Remus and Sirius slash fic soon for those who are slash fans. I'd love to hear from you all when I do. Put me on alert if you're interested in reading it._**

**_Thanks again! This is the last time I'll ask you to review this fic, I swear. :)_**

**_Cheers,  
_****_Julie x_**


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